like ghosts and I fought them,sweating, but they came. Once upon a time, there was a starry-eyed youngengineer who started out to set the galaxy on fire. But he gotsqueamish, somewhere along the way. So Carmody operated on him. Carmodydid things to his brain, made a good production man out of him.
I remembered now.
That time I had argued with Starza about standards, nine years ago. AndI had resigned. And Starza sent me to Psych.
Good old Carmody.
There never would be a white marble villa on Venus. It was a harmlessdream, a substitute for what I had lost. But it didn't matter! Thosesuperimposed patterns had been removed, that thoughtcaster had crippledmy thinking, but, by Heaven, I was still an Amalgamated man! Theycouldn't take that away.
But Starza had been wrong about Carmody.
Nothing definite. But when you dedicate your life into extrapolatingcurves, frozen chunks of time and motion, into the thunder of jetslifting Amalgamated ships from Terminorb, your mind becomes a veryefficient analogue computor, if you know how to use. I used it now. Ifed little things, facts, variables, into that computor, and it told methree times. Probability: sixty percent at least.
I got up, dressed stiffly. I was trembling. I could still serve, afterall.
I took the lift up to Administration, and walked down that long graycorridor on leaden feet towards the illuminated rectangle of Starza'soffice.
I opened the door.
"Hello, darling," Fern said.
* * * * *
She was unhurriedly burning Starza's report. Starza sat mutely in hischair, head tilted back at an impossible angle, staring at nothing.
"It had to be you." I had never felt so tired. "You would have destroyedthe plant, wouldn't you? Only I showed you another way. Make the Termsrevert. And you had that hypo all ready when I reeled into Psych." Imoved towards her carefully. "You're so damned altruistic. A Guildmindless-controlled," I said.
Fern's smile was compassionate. She methodically ground the ashes topowder, lifted that calm green gaze.
"Stupid words to frighten children, Jake. Yes, they kidnapped me. Inever reached Earth, three months ago. I was indoctrinated--oh, theydidn't have far to go. _Each race to its own fulfillment._" Her eyeswere shining. "Look out the window."
Numbly, I moved past her. I stared. In the distant blackness, a columnof living flame flickered up the slope of Cobalt Mountain. Ice-green,ruby, silver and blue. The Terms were leaving.
"They're not ready for individuality yet," Fern breathed. "In a millionyears perhaps. Not now. They're going home."
"To die."
"The race will live. Individuality isn't the penultimate, darling.You'll find out." I moved towards her. "You've got a very tough mind,Jake. You'll make a wonderful Guild agent--"
I got both hands on her throat.
Fern moved. Her right arm was a snake striking, and a steel strengthlifted me, turning, against one and a half gravities, and the floorwavered up to hit me in the face. Something broke. I tasted blood.
Through the agony, I moved. I crawled towards her.
"They gave me six weeks of hand combat under two gravs," she said. "Soonyou'll be one of us, Jake. One of the Guild!"
I stared up at her in a dull horror. I kept crawling.
"We'll heal you," Fern said. "We'll give you back the dream. We may evenwork together! Maybe I'll fall in love with you again, who knows?" Hereyes were brimming. She took out a sonic pistol. "It's all right,darling. I'll adjust it for knockout. In three hours we'll be on a Guildflier. Please, darling," she said, and I kept crawling. And Fern's smilewas a benediction as she pulled the trigger.
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