Lenna’s mouth parted. She’d never even thought about that.
***
That night, Lenna was lying in bed, feeling strange on the soft mattress and uncomfortable in the lightweight covers.
She needed something heavier, courser over her body. She was clean and full and rested, and she felt absolutely miserable.
Even the smell of the room bothered her—the fresh sheets, the flowers near the windows. It all felt sterile, artificial.
She missed the smell of Rone beside her.
She tried to convince herself that something was wrong with her that she missed a big smelly man who was incapable of forming complete sentences—at least the kind of sentences she used to know.
But her attempt failed completely. She just didn’t care.
She wanted to go to sleep in peace, and she couldn’t do it here.
She tossed and turned most of the night until she finally fell asleep shortly before dawn.
She woke up after sunrise still feeling sick to her stomach, dreading getting up in this world.
She sat up in bed, suddenly knowing for sure what she wanted to do.
Hall was right. She could choose to live a life where she went to sleep in peace and woke up excited about the day. And that life just wasn’t here.
She wanted Rone, and the only way she could have him was giving up the life she’d known before.
So she was going to choose him.
***
Three days later, she landed a small spacecraft in the mountains, after scouting out a place to hide it where it wouldn’t be likely to be found. It was near the site of that archaic crashed ship, and none of the tribes on his planet dared to come near to that mountain.
She was pretty sure it would be safe.
The ship had taken most of her savings since it had all the newest features—primarily fuel cells that would last longer than her life span. She would have been happy to spend everything she possessed on it, though.
She doubted she was ever going to make the trip off the planet and return to Coalition space. Not while Rone was alive, anyway.
She took the time to pile some big rocks up in front of the one direction the ship could be seen from below, until she was satisfied that it was well hidden.
Then she hurried down the mountain and acclimated herself to directions before she turned back toward the Kroo cave and started to walk.
The air here felt fresher, crisper, realer than it did off-world. The sky was bluer and the grass was greener, and she couldn’t help but smile as she saw a small herd of the deer, grazing contentedly nearby.
They felt like old friends—not because she’d personalized any of them but the one baby she’d helped to survive but because they were part of this world. They helped keep the Kroo alive and for that they deserved respect.
Her heart raced excitedly as she picked up her speed.
It was late in the day. Almost dinnertime. Rone was probably with the rest of the tribe, making the fire and cooking their food.
She really hoped he was all right.
She couldn’t wait to see him.
He might be angry and upset with her, but she was prepared to deal with that. He was a good man. He would understand.
She was almost to the spot where she and Desh had killed that deer—before Hall had appeared and everything had changed.
She was so focused on getting to the cave that it took her a minute to realize someone had called out to her.
When she recognized the sound, she pulled to a stop, searching the grasslands to her right, from where the voice had come.
Her heart jumped into her throat when she saw Rone running toward her.
He wore his normal animal skins, and he held his spear in his hand. He was racing toward her now, still calling out her name.
She was frozen for a moment, joy and pleasure bursting out so vividly in her heart that she couldn’t even breathe. Then she was running toward him too, closing the distance between them.
He scooped her up into his arms when she reached him, making helpless, guttural sounds of feelings so deep no words could embody them. She was almost sobbing as she buried her face in his chest.
And she knew she’d made the right decision.
Even if the rest of the universe might think she was crazy, this was exactly where she wanted to be.
It was several minutes before either of them were composed enough to have a conversation. When they finally pulled apart, Lenna was so breathless she had to sit down on the grass to recover herself.
Rone sat down beside her, reaching over to stroke her hair and peering at her with concern and confusion. “Lenna hurt?”
She hadn’t used the primitive language for almost a week, but the sound of it was familiar, comforting, like home. She shook her head. “Lenna no hurt. Lenna good.”
“Rone search Lenna. Day and day and day and day. Thought Lenna stolen.” His face twisted in obvious emotion. “Thought Lenna dead.”
Her throat ached at the knowledge that he’d been out looking for her every day since she’d left, that he hadn’t given up, even with no sign or clue about what had happened to her. “Lenna sorry. Lenna no stolen. Lenna no dead.”
He was scanning her clothes, which were basic trousers and a top but far different from the animal skin clothes he was used to. His expression changed, sobered slightly, as if he’d had a new thought. “Where Lenna?”
She swallowed hard. “Lenna leave. Lenna come back.”
He glanced up at the sky, which was a deeper shade of blue as the sun was getting lower. “Stars?”
“Yes. Stars.”
He met her eyes soberly. “Lenna leave Rone?”
She shook her head, making a sobbing sound and reaching out for him. “Lenna no leave Rone. Never. Rone Lenna mate.”
This was evidently the right thing to say because Rone made another guttural sound and wrapped his arms around her. He rubbed at her face with his in a familiar way, making her smell like him again, making her his. He murmured as he did so, “Rone Lenna mate. Lenna no leave Rone. No leave Rone.”
She wasn’t going to leave him. Ever again. She was so happy she was almost crying with it—a fact that was slightly disturbing, since she’d never been that kind of a woman.
Eventually, he pushed her back onto the grass and they lay together in an embrace, nuzzling and murmuring out hoarse reassurances.
She wasn’t sure how long they lay there, but the sky was even darker when Rone started to nuzzle lower on her body.
She let him. She wanted him to. She wanted him to touch her everywhere. She wanted to smell like him. She wanted to be his completely.
It wasn’t a cold evening, but it was too cool to get naked, but Rone managed to work around that, sliding his hands up beneath her top to stroke her breasts and play with her nipple. Soon, she was really turned on, and they managed to get enough of their clothes off so he could slide his hard cock inside her.
He lay over her in missionary position, and she wrapped her legs around him, and they rocked together, gasping and shaking until both of them came to quick, urgent climaxes.
“Lenna Rone mate,” he gasped against her skin, his body softening with his release.
She held on to him tightly. “Rone Lenna mate.”
“Lenna home. Lenna home.” He raised his head to stare down at her face, as if waiting for her to respond.
She nodded, stroking his head. “Lenna home.”
His eyebrows pulled together, and he shook his head. “Lenna home.”
She thought she understood his words, but she couldn’t figure out what he meant. She nodded and repeated again, “Lenna home.”
He made a frustrated sound and propped himself up on his forearms. “Rone home Lenna,” he said slowly, carefully pronouncing each word. “Rone home Lenna.”
She stared up at him in confusion. Direct and indirect objects were always slippery in the language, determined by usage she wasn’t always familiar with. So it was
often difficult for her to understand some sentences, even if the words themselves she knew.
He grunted again impatiently and lifted a hand to his chest. “Rone… home…. Lenna.” On the last word, he moved his hand from his own chest to hers.
She gasped audibly, suddenly realizing something she’d never known before.
Shuddering with emotion, she grabbed his hand and held it to her heart. “Lenna home Rone.”
His face broke out into a smile that was breathtaking in its absolute purity. “Lenna home.”
“Rone home,” she said, her face twisting as she fought another wave of emotion. “Rone home.”
With a groan, he pulled her into a tight, desperate hug.
She’d been wrong before. There was a word in their language for love after all.
It was the same word they used for home.
He’d been telling her he loved her all this time.
***
The rest of the tribe was nearly finished with their meal when Rone and Lenna finally returned.
She was surprised about how happy everyone seemed to be to see her. Even Tamen, who told her he was glad she was safe and back in the cave with them.
They stayed up late around the fire, listening to stories and making music. Then finally everyone went into the cave for bed, and Lenna couldn’t remember ever being happier.
Rone rubbed her all over and made love to her again in the dark, and she felt perfectly content, perfectly at peace, as she cuddled up against him under the covers afterwards.
“Lenna home,” he murmured, brushing his lips against her hair.
“Rone home.” She stroked his jaw. He was starting to get a beard. He was going to need to be groomed tomorrow. “Lenna glad cave,” she whispered.
He made an affirmative grunt, still nuzzling her idly. Not foreplay this time, just sweet, drowsy affection.
After a minute, he started to sniff her, but he did this a lot, so she didn’t think much of it.
He murmured out, “Baby.”
She blinked. She hadn’t thought the Kroo used endearments that way her society did. “Lenna no baby.”
He lifted his head and took her hand to place it on her belly. “Baby.”
She gasped as she realized what he was telling her. “Baby?”
“Baby.” It was too dark to see his face but she could tell by the sound of his voice, by the feel of him beside her, that he was smiling. “Baby.”
If he was right, she couldn’t be very far along, no more than a few weeks. How he could tell, she had no idea, but she somehow knew he wouldn’t be mistaken about this.
She’d never wanted a child. Not once in all her life.
And yet her heart skipped several beats in excitement, in joy, as she processed the possibility.
She wanted to have children with Rone, and she didn’t want to wait any longer.
“Glad,” she breathed, relaxing on the bed again.
“Glad,” Rone agreed, stroking her cheek, her belly, her hair.
Eventually, she closed her eyes, realizing there was nothing in her old life that she missed enough to be a problem, nothing that came close to what she had won.
She’d thought the Kroo were like animals when she’d first met them, but she’d been wrong. They weren’t any more primitive at heart than Coalition society. They weren’t even all that different.
She didn’t regret anything.
Everything human that really mattered she had in abundance right here.
Epilogue
A wave of deep, radiating pain hit Lenna, momentarily stealing her breath.
She tried to breathe deeply and focus on the broken branch of a low shrub that Rone was showing her.
A couple of times over the last month, she’d felt false labor pains, so when she’d started feeling contractions this afternoon, she hadn’t wanted to assume it was the real thing.
But they weren’t going away, and she was starting to wonder if their baby was finally coming after all.
“Lenna,” Rone said gruffly, still leaning over toward the broken branch. “See? Deer walk here.”
She nodded and swallowed hard, experiencing a ridiculous and completely irrational sense of self-consciousness—as if she was reluctant to tell her mate that they were about to have a baby.
“Yes. Deer walk,” she said breathlessly, when the contraction passed.
She was far too pregnant to practice hunting in her condition, but Rone had taken her out a few times to teach her how to track. They were some of her favorite afternoons, and she hadn’t wanted to miss out on one today, even though she felt bloated and heavy and sore all over.
Rone straightened up, frowning at her. “Lenna… bored?” He spoke the last word carefully, since it was unfamiliar to him.
As he’d been teaching her how to hunt and track, she’d been teaching him words from her own language—words that embodied complex or abstract thoughts that didn’t have words in the Kroo’s language.
It was far more challenging than she would have expected to teach him what freedom and peace and condescension and boredom meant. It felt important to her, though—like she could influence him as much as he’d influenced her, like they could genuinely share a life and relationship.
She smiled. “Lenna no bored.”
His brows lowered even more. “Lenna… exhausted?”
Chuckling, she shook her head. “Lenna no exhausted.” Then she winced when she thought another contraction was starting, relieved when it wasn’t quite yet.
He’d evidently seen her slight wince. “Baby here?”
“Yes.” She reached out to touch his arm. “Baby here. Cave.”
He nodded soberly and took her arm, turning them in the direction of the cave and starting to walk. They weren’t more than a couple of miles away, but she started to feel shaky when another contraction tightened painfully.
She should have said something before. She shouldn’t have delayed. She was going to have this baby one way or the other, and better it happen at the cave than right here on the grass.
The truth was she was terrified.
So many babies didn’t make it past the first week here on this planet.
She already felt deeply connected to hers and Rone’s. She would be devastated if she lost their child.
They had to walk slowly because she had to stop every time a contraction hit. The pain was eventually too much to walk through. At first, the walking had seemed to help distract from the pain, but now it was too intense for that to work.
She clung to Rone’s arm and gasped and shook, wishing for the first time since she’d returned to this planet that she was in a hospital, that she had medication, that she had at least a few of the comforts of the civilized world.
Most of the time, she didn’t even miss them anymore, but this was terrible.
Rone made helpless sounds in his throat every time she suffered through a contraction. He stroked her hair and her back, and she could tell he felt horrible because there wasn’t anything he could do to help.
They were about a mile away from the cave still, and the contractions were coming more frequently, when he made a sudden grunt and released his hold on her to lean over and pick something out of some undergrowth.
He looked encouraged when he brought her over a couple of leaves.
She was damp and trembling, having just gone through a contraction, and she just stared at the leaves in confusion.
“Chew,” he said, thrusting them out to her. “Help hurt. Chew.”
She took the leaves immediately, realizing he knew far more about medicinal herbs on this planet than she did. She took one leaf and chewed on it, making a face at the bitter taste.
“No eat,” Rone said softly. “Chew.”
Understanding that she wasn’t to swallow, she chewed a little more vigorously, amazed when after a minute she felt a mild wave of relief. It didn’t take the pain away but it did soften the edges, making her feel a bit fuzzy but not quite so overwhelm
ed.
With the help of the leaves, she and Rone made it back to the cave. Mara had been outside, peeling vegetables for the stew tonight, but she stood up immediately when she saw Lenna and Rone approaching.
She ran over, her eyes taking in Lenna’s pale, perspiring face and Rone’s supportive arm around her. “Baby here?”
“Baby here,” Lenna gasped.
Mara made a few tsking sounds and took Lenna’s arm, leading her into the cave. Rone followed without a word.
Two contractions hit Lenna on the short walk into the cave, a sign which evidently gave Mara all she needed to know about when the baby was coming.
She shooed away a couple of younger women who’d been working in the cave, and then Mara turned to Rone. “Rone leave.”
Rone frowned, looking in concern between Lenna and Mara. “Rone stay.”
Mara shook her head. “Rone man. Baby woman job. Rone leave.”
Lenna was dealing with another contraction so she couldn’t, at the moment, contribute to the conversation. Instead, she reached out to take Rone’s hand.
Rone made a grunt as he squeezed hers tightly. “No. Rone stay. Support Lenna.”
He gave her a quick look, as if affirming that he’d used the word correctly.
He’d used it exactly right. When her breath returned, Lenna gave him a wobbly smile. “Rone stay,” she said. “Lenna need Mara and Rone.”
This evidently was enough of an explanation to cause Mara to give up the argument. She looked a little rattled at Rone’s presence in a situation that men in this tribe weren’t supposed to be involved in, but she led Lenna over to an area in the back of the cave where there weren’t any beds.
Since Lenna had been part of the tribe, two women had given birth. The first had been the stillborn baby, and the second had been healthy. She basically knew the procedure here, so she didn’t question or complain as Mara helped her into the birthing position—which was a very undignified squat.