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"Are you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on her back.
"Im fine," Luce said. Shed barely stumbled. It was Cams books that had taken the spill.
"Well, now that weve knocked over one anothers books, isnt the next step for our hands to accidentally touch while were picking them up?"
Luce laughed. When she handed him one of the books, he held on to her hand and squeezed it. The rain had soaked his dark hair, and big drops gathered in his long, thick eyelashes. He looked really good.
"How do you say embarrassed in French?" he asked.
"Um . . . g?n?," Luce started to say, feeling suddenly a little g?nee herself. Cam was still holding on to her hand. "Wait, arent you the one who got an A on the French quiz yesterday?"
"You noticed?" he asked. His voice sounded strange.
"Cam," she said, "is everything okay?"
He leaned toward her and brushed a drop of water shed felt running down the bridge of her nose. The single touch of his forefinger made her shiver, and suddenly she couldnt help thinking about how wonderful and warm it might feel if he folded her into his arms the way hed done at Todds memorial.
"Ive been thinking about you," he said. "Wanting to see you. I waited for you at the memorial, but someone told me you left. "
Luce got the feeling he knew whom shed left with. And that he wanted her to know he knew.
"Im sorry," she said, having to shout to be heard over a clap of thunder. By now they were both soaked from the streaming downpour.
"Come on, lets get out of this rain. " Cam tugged her back toward the covered entrance to Augustine.
Luce looked over his shoulder toward the gym and wanted to be there, not here or anywhere else with Cam. At least, not right now. Her head was brimming with too many confusing impulses, and she needed time and space away - from everyone - to sort them out.
"I cant," she said.
"How about later? How about tonight?"
"Sure, later, okay. "
He beamed. "Ill come by your room. "
He surprised her by pulling her in to him, just for the briefest moment, and kissing her gently on the forehead. Luce felt instantly soothed, almost like shed been given a shot of something. And before she had a chance to feel anything more, hed released her and was walking quickly back toward the dorm.
Luce shook her head and splashed slowly toward the gym. Clearly she had more to sort out than just Daniel.
There was a chance it might be good, fun even, to spend some time with Cam later tonight. If the rain let up, hed probably take her to some secret part of the campus and be all charismatic and gorgeous in that unnervingly still manner of his. Hed make her feel special. Luce smiled.
Since shed last set foot in Our Lady of Fitness (as Arriane had christened the gym), the schools maintenance staff had begun to fight the kudzu. They had stripped the green blanket away from much of the buildings fa?ade, but they were only half finished, and green vines dangled like tentacles across the doors. Luce had to duck under a few long tendrils just so she could get inside.
The gym was empty, and pin-drop quiet compared to the thunderstorm outside. Most of the lights were off. She hadnt asked if she was allowed to use the gym after hours, but the door was unlocked, and, well, no one was there to stop her.
In the dim hallway, she passed the old Latin scrolls in the glass cases, and the miniature marble reproduction of the piet?. She paused in front of the door to the weight room, where shed happened upon Daniel jumping rope. Sigh. Thatd be a great addition to her catalog: September 18: D accuses me of stalking him.
Followed two days later by:
September 20: Penn convinces me to really begin stalking him. I consent.
Ugh. She was in a black hole of self-loathing. And yet she couldnt stop herself. In the middle of the hallway, she froze. All at once she understood why this whole day shed felt even more consumed by Daniel than usual, and also even more conflicted about Cam. Shed dreamed about them both last night.
Shed been wandering through a dusty fog, someone holding her hand. Shed turned, thinking it would be Daniel. But while the lips she pressed against were comforting and tender, they werent his. They were Cams. He gave her innumerable soft kisses, and every time Luce peeked at him, his stormy green eyes were open, too, boring into her, questioning her about something she couldnt answer.
Then Cam was gone, and the fog was gone, and Luce was wrapped tightly in Daniels arms, right where she wanted to be. He dipped her low and kissed her fiercely, as if he were angry, and each time his lips left hers, even just for half a second, the most parching thirst ran through her, making her cry out. This time, she knew they were wings, and she let them wrap around her body like a blanket. She wanted to touch them, to fold them around her and Daniel completely, but soon the brush of velvet was receding, folding back on itself. He stopped kissing her, watched her face, waited for a reaction. She didnt understand the strange hot fear growing in the pit of her stomach. But there it was, making her uncomfortably warm, then blisteringly hot - until she could stand it no longer. That was when she jolted awake: In the dreams last moment, Luce herself had seared and splintered - then had been obliterated into ash.
Shed woken up soaked with sweat - her hair, her pillow, her pajamas all wet and suddenly making her so, so cold. Shed lain there shivering and alone until the mornings first light.
Luce rubbed her rain-soaked sleeves to warm up. Of course. The dream had left her with a fire in her heart and a chill in her bones shed been unable to reconcile all day. Which was why shed come here for a swim, to try to work it out of her system.
This time, her black Speedo actually fit, and shed remembered to bring a pair of goggles. She pushed open the door to the pool and stood under the high-pe platform alone, breathing in the humid air with its dull tang of chlorine. Without the distraction of the other students, or the trill of Coach Diantes whistle, Luce could feel the presence of something else in the church. Something almost holy. Maybe it was only that the natatorium was such a gorgeous room, even with the rain pelting in through the cracked stained-glass windows. Even with none of the candles lit in the red side altars. Luce tried to imagine what the place had looked like before the pool had replaced the pews, and she smiled. She liked the idea of swimming under all those praying heads.
She lowered her goggles and leaped in. The water was warm, much warmer than the rain outside, and the crash of thunder outside sounded harmless and far away when she ducked her head underwater.
She pushed off and began a slow warm-up crawl stroke.
Her body quickly loosened up, and a few laps later, Luce increased her speed and began the butterfly. She could feel the burn in her limbs, and she pushed through it. This was exactly the feeling she was after.
Totally in the zone.
If she could just talk to Daniel. Really talk, without him interrupting or telling her to transfer schools or ducking out before she could get to her point. That might help. It also might require tying him up and taping his mouth shut just so hed listen to her.
But what would she even say? All she had to go on was this feeling she got around him, which, if she thought about it, had nothing to do with any of their inter actions. What if she could get him back to the lake? He was the one whod implied it had become their place. This time, she could lead him there, and shed be super-careful not to
bring up anything that seemed to freak him out -
It wasnt working.
Crap. She was doing it again. She was supposed to be swimming. Just swimming. Shed swim until she was too tired to think about anything else, especially Daniel. Shed swim until -
"Luce!"
Until she was interrupted. By Penn, who was standing at the side of the pool.
"What are you doing here?" Luce asked, spitting water.
"What are you doing here?" Penn returned. "Since when do you exercise willingly? I dont like this new side of you. "
"How d
id you find me?" Luce didnt realize until shed said it that her words might have sounded rude, like she was trying to avoid Penn.
"Cam told me," Penn said. "We had a whole conversation. It was weird. He wanted to know if you were all right. "
"That is weird," Luce agreed.
"No," Penn said, "what was weird was that he approached me and we had a whole conversation. Mr.
Popularity . . . and me. Need I spell out my surprise any further? Thing is, he was actually really nice. "
"Well, he is nice. " Luce pulled her goggles off her head.
"To you," Penn said. "Hes so nice to you that he snuck out of school to buy you that necklace - which you never wear. "
"I wore it once," Luce said. Which was true. Five nights before, after the second time Daniel left her stranded at the lake, alone with his path lit up in the forest. She hadnt been able to shake the image of it and hadnt been able to sleep. So shed tried on the necklace. Shed fallen asleep clutching it near her collarbone, and woken up with it hot in her hand.
Penn was waving three fingers at Luce, as if to say, Hello? And your point is . 7
"My point is," Luce said finally, "Im not so superficial that all Im looking for is a guy who buys me things. "
"Not so superficial, eh?" Penn asked. "Then I dare you to make a non-superficial list of why youre so into Daniel. Which means no Hes got the loveliest little gray eyes or Ooh, the way his muscles ripple in the sunlight. "
Luce had to crack up at Penns high falsetto and the way she held her hands clasped to her heart. "He just gets me," she said, avoiding Penns eyes. "I cant explain it. "
"He gets that you deserve to be ignored?" Penn shook her head.
Luce had never told Penn about the times shed spent alone with Daniel, the times when shed seen a flash that he cared about her, too. So Penn couldnt really understand her feelings. And they were far too private and too complicated to explain.
Penn crouched down in front of Luce. "Look, the reason I came to find you in the first place was to drag you to the library for a Daniel-related mission. "
"You found the book?"
"Not exactly," Penn said, extending a hand to help Luce out of the pool. "Mr. Grigoris masterpiece is still mysteriously missing, but I kind of sort of maybe hacked Miss Sophias subscribers-only literary search engine, and a couple of things turned up. I thought you might find them interesting. "
"Thanks," Luce said, hoisting herself out with Penns help. "Ill try not to be too annoyingly gushy over Daniel. "
"Whatever," Penn said. "Just hurry up and dry off. Were in a brief no-rain window outside and I dont have an umbrella. "
Mostly dry and back in her school uniform, Luce followed Penn to the library. Part of the front portion had been blocked off by yellow police tape, so the girls had to slip through the narrow space between the card catalog and the reference section. It still smelled like a bonfire, and now, thanks to the sprinklers and the rain, possessed an added mildewy quality.
Luce took her first look at where Miss Sophias desk had sat, now a charred, nearly perfect circle on the old tile floor in the librarys center. Everything in a fifteen-foot radius had been removed.