ngel
By Arrvada
Copyright 2012 Leah Isom
Fallen Angel
By
Arrvada
Angels like humans sin and fall from grace. But Gideon had not sinned. Ageless, timeless, sinless, he obeyed without question and took the lives of two humans and carefully transported their souls like precious gems to lay before Him and His throne. The souls were weighed and judged according to the law, found wanting and punished because there was no repentance in their hearts. With screams and curses flung at Him they were taken into darkness. When they were gone He wept and all of Heaven joined him. Two souls lost to the dark, two more of His children cast down.
All of Heaven mourned. And Gideon mourned with them.
“Does that ever raise the question of your own soul and if He would weep for you if you were fallen and lost from His sight?” Lilith, beautiful new angel of light, asked.
“No.” Gideon turned his pure blue eyes to hers. “I never question His love.”
“Never, in all your long years?”
“No, why should I? If my love for Him is as deep as the length of creation, than surely His is infinitely deeper and purer.”
“Has He ever wept when one of His angels was cast into darkness like those human souls were?”
Gideon hesitated, looking from her to the throne where He sat in all His glory. “Why these questions, Lilith?”
“I am young, teach me. Tell me how He is. Does He weep for His fallen angels?”
“No. I have never seen Him weep for an angel that has chosen the Dark over His Light.”
“Does that not trouble you? That He would weep for an earthly creature made of dust and clay and not for cherubim made of stars and sunlight?”
“Perhaps that is why He does not weep. Where they are tangible we are not. We are as elusive as stardust and they are solid.”
“Are you saying they are more real than we are?”
“No, they just have….”
“Souls, Gideon?”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Then what? Have you never wondered that? Perhaps He does not weep because we have no soul to mourn. Perhaps we are as unreal as starlight.”
“No, I will not believe that.”
“Why, Gideon, because without a soul we are not real, and He will not love that which does not exist?
“Quiet, Lilith, your questions tire me. I do not know all the answers.” He pressed a hand to his chest, a hand created to heal and to kill at His command. “All I know is what I know in here. In my heart.”
“Maybe your faith comes from so many years of service to Him, but I have not had millennium to get to know His mind.”
“I do not know His entire mind now, but I seek to know more each day.”
“My, you are so selfless.”
His eyes like blue flames moved over her face. “Do you mock what I am? I am an angel; that is what I have been created for.”
“To serve? To only serve without hope of reward, ever?”
“Your youth speaks, Lilith. I need no reward; His love is all the reward I will ever desire.”
“But does He love you?”
“I am done with this talk, I return home now. I am tired from my journey to Earth.”
He was tired but that was not why the dark whispers of doubt flickered in his heart. He had seen a million souls lost and won and he had never questioned. But she had. With her innocence she made him doubt if even for a moment.
Lilith watched him leave, dark eyes narrowing as in her heart she questioned why her master wanted him more than any of the others. She watched until he had gone then returned to her own quarters to pray and ask what she should do. She had already planted seeds of doubt and fear into Gideon but perhaps his faith was too strong for her words. Perhaps he knew all the answers too well to feel doubt. But if her lord was correct he served blindly never questioning His will, created to serve and please, Gideon would never question what she would tell him.
What a bleak and useless existence an angel was to lead. An existence that she would not. Living to please Him with no promise of a reward was not how she was going to endure eternity.
Darkness moved through heaven that day and it followed the light that was Gideon at a distance.
“Gideon, Gideon are you here?” She found him sleeping in his home, innocent in slumber as any child, as any creature of light, and more deadly for it during battle, for he fought only to please Him.
He stirred at her voice and his eyes opened. She could not meet his gaze, but he seemed not to notice, for he was not looking for betrayal there in Heaven.
“Wake up, Gideon, I bring ill news.”
“Ill news? Speak, child, what worries you?”
“I have been sent by Him to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
“You have been banished.”
Disbelief and shock creased his face, darkened his eyes. “What? Banished?”
“Yes, you are Fallen.” She whispered the words, as if tears threatened her speech. “He has cast you down.”
“Why?” He searched her eyes for hope, yet found none.
“You failed the test. Your journey to earth, it was a test.”
“A…. A test?”
“You didn’t know?” She reached out a hand to comfort him.
“How could I? I have never questioned His word in my life.”
“And how long is that, your life?”
“Since time, I can’t remember when my creation. I just was. I was not born like humans. I have been; I have just always been.”
“And never once has He tested your faith?”
“Never.” He choked on the word and they fell silent. He turned his eyes from her and she tasted triumph.
“Now what?” He looked back at her. Never had she seen such pain in another’s eyes.
“They will come for you.” She whispered.
“Who?” He felt fear for the first time since his creation.
“Lucifer’s angels, they always claim those exiled from His grace.”
“How can this be?” I’ve never disobeyed Him; I’ve always done as He asked.”
“You killed two humans, Gideon.”
“But He told me to!”
“And that was His test. If you really knew Him you would never have taken their lives and made Him cry for their lost souls. Do you honestly think He would have wanted you to kill His precious humans?”
He looked away and she saw the tears fall from his eyes.
“Can I not speak to Him?” His voice was low with torment and fear.
“No. His will be done, it cannot be changed. He is the same yesterday today and forever. He is the law.”
“All is lost?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, but you are Fallen.” There were real tears now and she saw an angel’s heartbroken.
“They come now. I must leave. Farewell.”
“Lilith….”
“I cannot, sorry.”
They came then, dark angels, angels that had always feared him until that day. No longer fierce or undaunted, he allowed them to lead him from the light.
Alone, sad, heartbroken, fallen from love and grace, an angel’s heart breaks and the sun died for a day.
They escorted him with some fear from the high places. But Gideon was too stunned and disbelieving to notice their fear. He left the light with them tempted much too often to look back, but he did not and followed them until darkness shrouded his wings.
They lead him into death, chained him with hot irons that burned his skin and made him wince. They laughed and taunted him now that he stood helpless, a once mighty angel beaten down by their lies. He watched them in silence, never responding to their taunts. Still feeling each
thrust of pain and guilt they heaped on him.
“Gideon, angel of light. How does it feel to find yourself surrounded by us? Knowing you are Fallen, unloved and forsaken? Do you now see why we abandoned Him so long ago?”
He remained silent, blue eyes dimmed in the absence of his God.
“You think our lord was so different then you? Lucifer was the mightiest of angels, powerful and ageless like you. He began to fear him. Why else would He have banished him? Why else would He have banished you? You were becoming too powerful. He felt threatened by you.”
He turned his eyes away from them and they moved around him like predators eyes dark and shining, white fangs bared at him. They still did not venture close, because he still retained the light of heaven in his being. They could not stand the light and so crept along the shadows, fangs and talons bared.
“Come, the first angel wishes to see you. You are a worthy gift to him. The mighty Gideon fallen from grace.”
Their laughter crashed upon his ears as they hurried him deeper into the darkness until the only light that remained came from him.
Darker, their eyes and fangs ceased to glow. Darker. He could see no farther than his hand and only that because his skin still glowed with the radiance of heaven. He could not see them anymore, just hear their clattering feet, their hissing breath. Smell the putrescence of their skin and feel their cold