time, but the slide I could not stop started then. It began when I started eating with the squad, then progressed to me playing cards with some of them late into the night. I flew for them, of course--that was my job, after all. We ran several missions, mostly short ones with morning drops and late-night extractions. Winchester and I would spend hours in his office sometimes, planning out their drop-zones and waypoints, the extraction details and the emergency evacuation options. I didn’t realize it then, but I’d begun to care about these people, despite my deep desire to maintain my distance, to keep them at arms’ length. It just wasn’t working.
It was a few weeks after I’d come to the Vipers when Connor slipped quietly into my cabin as I was curled in bed, reading. By now he’d gotten a feel for the layout of my room and managed to cross it without much incident. He sat down on my bed and just waited for me to say something before he spoke.
I set aside my book after a long moment. “Something wrong?”
He shook his head. “Not really. Maryanne’s in the hall. She won’t come in unless you say it’s okay.”
I frowned. “You’re planning something.”
Connor grimaced. “I guess I am, but it’s kind of important. I...I have a really hard time keeping secrets from Maryanne, y’see. I know it’s a huge favor to ask, but she’ll eventually figure it all out, Cat, you’ve gotta realize that...”
It took me a moment to figure out exactly what he was saying. “You want to tell her! You want to tell her who we are!”
“Who Luc is, too. She’ll figure it out sooner rather than later, Cat. It’s easier for us to tell her now so we can keep it quiet rather than have her sort it out on her own. I’m kind of surprised she hasn’t figured it out already, after so long with the unit.” He frowned. “I don’t want to blow your secret, Cat, really I don’t, but Maryanne needs to know. She’s the unit medic, for Chrissake.”
She’s more than that. “You love her, don’t you, Con?”
He hung his head and nodded. “Very much, Cat. Very much. I don’t want to have to keep this secret from her.”
“We don’t want most of what we get, Con,” I sighed. God, why am I doing this? This could mean my career—hell, my life—ending up in the toilet. But I’m doing it anyway. “Bring her in.”
His head lifted. “You mean it?”
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. Bring her in before I change my mind.”
He grinned and hugged me--I hadn’t quite expected that and was caught off-guard. After a heartbeat’s hesitation, I haltingly hugged him back. What am I doing? Damn it all...
“Thanks, Cat,” he said quietly, then released me and got up, turning and moving slowly toward the door. “By the way,” he said, “do you mind if I dim the lights? Medtechs said it’d be okay to lose the blindfold as long as the lights are low, and I’d like to be able to see you and her. It’s been a while, y’know?”
“That’s fine,” I said quietly. I got up and turned down the lights while he opened the door and pulled Maryanne inside. I locked the door as he sat down on my bed and she sat down in my desk chair. I leaned against the door. “I turned the lights down Connor.”
He nodded slowly and untied the blindfold from around his eyes. Connor blinked and squinted, letting his eyes adjust, then smiled. “Thanks, Cat. Now please, come over here where I can see you.”
I blushed a little despite myself and came over to sit next to him on my bed. His gaze followed me and he smiled while tears gathered in his eyes. “Like I remembered,” he said quietly, looking me up and down. “Like I remember from the last time I saw you.” He hugged me again, tightly, then released me slowly. I stiffened as his arms went around me, then sagged. I didn’t want to admit how good it’d felt, and how much I regretted not hugging him back a second time.
Maryanne frowned heavily as she got up and moved toward us. “Connor, what’s going on? You and Cat know each other?”
He looked toward her and smiled a little. I knew that he was still tearing up, presumably just from the emotion. “And you,” he whispered. “God, Maryanne, you’re so beautiful.” He hugged her, too, then let her go and sat back. He swiped at the tears in his eyes and on his face as he nodded. Maryanne sank down on the bed, on the opposite side of him from me. “Yes, Cat and I know each other. Better than most people, I suppose you could say.”
It took hours to explain everything--about me, about him, about my defection in the wake of learning that E-Fed had been responsible for the bombings of the province, not the Pharridan or the Ealves as the home government originally tried to claim. I felt myself going cold inside, and Connor called me on it. We got into a shouting match about the way I’d been living, how he didn’t like it and that I was all right with it. I told him if he didn’t like it, he could leave. Maryanne just sat there, looking helpless.
After that, they left me there in my solitude, with my thoughts. If I hadn’t been on call, I think I would’ve started drinking. Instead, I just sat there on my bed and cried until I didn’t have any tears left at all.
5
Connor and I barely spoke throughout the next week and a half. Once, Maryanne came by to talk to me, but there wasn’t much conversation. She talked, I mostly cried. I just didn’t want to admit the truth. I didn’t want to face the pain or the hard road that would lay ahead of me if I did face the truth. I think, somehow, she knew what I was feeling and she understood what I was going through. I don’t know how or why. At least she understood enough to just sit there with me and just let me cry.
Connor, meanwhile, when he and Maryanne weren’t attached at the hip, spent almost all the rest of his time with Lucian--the pair were almost inseparable. Connor’s eyes recovered to the point where he was placed back on the active duty roster, and the pair wasted no time getting out to the range to make sure Connor’s skills with a sniper rifle hadn’t atrophied. I tried not to pay attention. It just hurt too much.
The Iron Vipers, despite my best efforts, had begun to change me. Connor had been right about that. More and more often, I found myself eating with them, talking with them, playing cards, hanging out. It was a camaraderie that I hadn’t known since shortly after Gattica died, not since the squadron I’d brought with me was broken up, scattered among a half-dozen units. I didn’t even know how many lived to this day.
The self-imposed distance I’d kept between myself and everyone else for the past five years was definitely waning--the gap was closing, faster and faster. Maybe it was the Vipers. I didn’t know what it was. I still tried, though, to remain fearless while flying, to stay focused on the mission and nothing else, so I maintained the edge that had gotten me the job. I’d done it, or at least I thought I had.
I hoped I had.
Major Winchester called me into his office one afternoon for a briefing. I knew that he’d noticed changes in me, but had never said anything about them. When I arrived in his office that day, he was as grim as I’d ever seen him. I sat down in the offered chair, frowning at him. “What’s up, Major? Why the grim face?”
He dropped a folder onto the desk in front of me. “Simple question with a simple answer, Captain. Take a look.”
I flipped open the file and my guts turned to ice. Demar. They’re sending the Iron Vipers to Demar. Demar was the nightmare for any unit. What seemed like forever ago, a war ended on Demar, only to have another start a handful of years later. It was some sort of cursed world. The last time I’d heard, no one had dared touch the place, simply because of everything that had happened there. Flipping through that file, though, it rapidly became apparent that fear of the place had worn away. Earth forces had landed on Demar, which was dangerously close to one of the colony worlds that was a member of the Alliance. From what the file was telling me, I was supposed to drop the Iron Vipers on Demar and then hide out behind Demar’s moon, Astros, and await the signal to pick them up again. I shivered. Demar. Dammit, why Demar? Why a
re they going to send the squad to Demar, of all places? If anything would break me, even before the Vipers happened to me, this is it. Demar. Why us? Why the Vipers? Damn!
“I see that you like this about as much as I do.” Winchester sank down behind his desk and shook his head. “We leave as soon as I brief the squad, so I’d suggest you get ready and start stocking the transport.”
I nodded woodenly. “Do you want me to requisition the medical gear, or will Maryanne do that?”
Winchester thought for a long moment. “Do it. Maryanne will requisition more, but considering where we’re going...”
“We can’t have too much. I hear that, sir. I’ll requisition whatever I can.”
He patted my shoulder. “I really appreciate it, Captain. Maybe between you, Con, and Maryanne, we’ll have enough to get us out of there alive.”
I shrugged. “It’s my job to make sure you guys come home alive, Major. I don’t intend to ruin my reputation or my track record anytime soon.” I tucked the folder under my arm, intending to go over my flight path and other mission specifics after I requisitioned what we’d need.
Winchester nodded, still looking grim. “We won’t be changing waypoints or anything for this one. Mission’s going to run the way it’s planned. We don’t have choices on this