Their next kiss was longer, and the intensity of their emotions was there for both of them, drawing them in, capturing them, and threatening to take over the moment. Dayne’s heart felt ready to burst, not because of lust and physical desire—though he felt that too—but because he loved Katy and he wasn’t sure how to tell her, wasn’t sure what promises he could make that would survive outside the pretend place they’d found tonight on the beach.
She took a step back and then walked a few paces toward the water. She looked up, shook her head, and stared at the sand by her feet. In the moonlight Dayne could see that she was trembling.
He went to her and touched her shoulder. “Don’t walk away. Not now.”
There were tears in her eyes when she turned to him. “You scare me. I can’t . . .” She looked back at the shoreline. “Where can it ever go?”
Katy’s words hurt, cut him deep. “I thought the other night on the roof . . . we’re so much closer than we were before, Katy.” He moved around her, blocking her view so she had to look at him. “Our worlds aren’t that different now, are they?”
But the answer was in his heart as quickly as it was in her eyes. “You can’t just leave your life here. Even if we share the same faith.” She hugged herself. Her teeth started to chatter, and she clenched her jaw. When she had more control, she looked at him again. “You have Hollywood and your movies, and I have Bloomington.” She lifted one shoulder. “How’s that ever supposed to work?”
“People have long-distance relationships all the time.” His heart was racing, a quiet desperation replacing the desire from just moments ago. “I can’t let you walk away, Katy. I won’t.”
“I don’t know.” She raised her hands as if she were out of answers. “I can sit by you on the beach and pretend you’re my friend. But when—” her voice was louder than before, and two tears spilled onto her cheeks—“when you kiss me, it makes me know somehow that we’re just playing games. We could never have something real, Dayne. Not unless you change your identity.”
He felt a calm come over him. She was panicking. He had to hold things together, help her see there was a way out. There had to be. The paparazzi had frightened her this week, and he had to make her believe again. He took gentle hold of her shoulders and lost himself in her anxious eyes. “Then I’ll change it.”
“Dayne . . .”
“I will, Katy. Whatever it takes to convince you.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her again, a sweet kiss that didn’t ask more from her than she could give. “You’re forgetting one thing.”
“What?” She was still shaking.
He ran his hands along her arms until he felt her breathe out, felt the calm return. “I asked God to show us a way.” He kissed her forehead this time. “He brought us here, didn’t He?”
Her heart was beating so hard he could feel it. “Yes.” She leaned into him. “I want to think so, yes.”
“Well, then . . . even though it looks impossible, He’ll make a way for us to be together. You have to believe that.”
She looked at him, to the places inside him that belonged only to her. “I’m so afraid.”
“I know.” He touched his finger to her lips. “Let’s get you back. We don’t have to figure everything out tonight.”
They went up the beach and into the house, and she gathered her things. For a single instant he considered asking her to stay. She could have one of the back bedrooms, and he would promise her that nothing would happen between them.
But Bob Asher had told him something that came to him now: “Moral failure begins with the smallest compromise.”
So instead of even making the suggestion, Dayne drove Katy back to the hotel. Along the way they made a plan that she would take a cab to the beach house in the morning. They could spend the day lying in the sun and sorting through whatever possibilities might exist for them.
He parked by the front lobby door, and again they were able to escape the paparazzi. He loved her; he had no doubt. And before she stepped out of the car, he wanted to tell her so. But the timing was off, and she was in a hurry, the magic from earlier tonight gone.
They couldn’t afford to be photographed together, not late at night like this. They were still not sure what direction the tabloids would take when the articles first hit early next week. Speculation about a full-blown affair would only make Katy run farther from him. The more careful they were now, the better.
He let the moment pass and said only, “Believe, Katy. God will make the answers clear.” He smiled. “Isn’t that what you always told me?”
She nodded and held his gaze a few seconds longer. Then she was gone.
As he drove back to the beach house, he rolled down the windows and let the ocean air fill the rented silver Acura. He knew this for sure. If he lived to be a hundred years old, he would never find another woman who so perfectly fit his heart and body the way Katy Hart did. And something else. No matter how tempted he was, come tomorrow he would be more careful with his feelings, his actions. Yes, he would take Bob Asher’s advice.
Because he loved Katy too much to allow anything to ruin their chances. Even the smallest compromise.
Katy had no idea how she’d made it into her hotel room. Her body must’ve found an autopilot mode, because here she was, staring out her window, trying to sort through everything she’d learned tonight. Dayne and Luke were brothers? Dayne and her friend Ashley were brother and sister? Dayne was the oldest son in the Baxter family?
At first the shock had been merely that. But long before Dayne kissed her, another thought had begun to dawn on her. Maybe the only reason Dayne was drawn to her was because of the Baxters, because he longed for a connection to Bloomington and the life he might’ve had. Why else would he have been attracted to her?
Down below on the streets of LA, a steady river of traffic made its way through the busy intersection. The lights blended into a stream that took her back to Indiana. The real story—the one Dayne only hinted at—was coming to life in her heart.
She could picture him on a movie set in Los Angeles and getting the news about Elizabeth. His birth mother—a woman he’d never met—was dying. He must’ve been crushed, desperate to get to Bloomington and meet her before it was too late.
And that’s exactly what he’d done, come to her and found a way to her side. But in the process, Katy knew that he’d had to acknowledge something else—that the family he would’ve been a part of was something he would never know, people he could never connect with. Otherwise he would place them in a peril he couldn’t consider, wouldn’t consider.
Katy could almost feel the anguish in his heart as he bid Elizabeth good-bye that summer day and set out through the quiet streets of Bloomington. Every street corner, every landmark, every school, every park would’ve made him think about what he’d never known. The life he’d been denied.
And then he’d stumbled onto the theater. Of course he’d come inside. He was a theater guy, someone who had been drawn to the stage all his life, a graduate of UCLA’s drama department. If he’d been raised in Bloomington, he would’ve certainly been involved in CKT one way or another. So he’d read the marquee outside and realized a play was actually in progress. The last showing of CKT’s production of Charlie Brown.
Anxious to keep his anonymity, he’d headed into the theater with his baseball cap low on his brow. He must’ve been looking for a window, a glimpse at what his life might’ve been like. And there on the stage he’d gotten his first look at her. Katy Hart. Someone without the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, the sort of woman he would’ve fallen for if he’d lived his life as a Baxter.
Katy blinked and the traffic came into focus again. All of which meant that his feelings for her were little more than a figment of his imagination, a desire intended to bridge the miles between his real life and the one he’d been cheated out of.
A shiver ran down her spine, and she rubbed her arms. She didn’t want to be part of his fantasy world, a bridge to a lif
e he could never have. She stepped away from the window and closed her eyes. When Dayne kissed her, the feelings were so real, so strong. Lost in his arms she couldn’t imagine life without him, and that’s when fear had rushed in and suffocated her.
She’d had no choice but to walk away, separate her heart from his. Otherwise she’d lose herself, and there’d be no way back. She could never fall for another guy when her feelings for Dayne were so strong, when he was filling her mind and soul with whispered prayers and promises about tomorrow.
But what if every word of it was only his personal journey to find himself, to figure out his past? A reason to go to Bloomington where lived the family he was so curious about, the people he longed to be a part of?
Her head hurt from the thoughts warring within her. She needed a sounding board, someone to pray for her that common sense would have its say by the time she met Dayne in the morning. She took her cell phone from her purse, flipped it open, and called the Flanigans.
Jenny answered on the third ring. It was after midnight there, but Jenny and Jim never went to bed before eleven o’clock. “Hello?” Her voice sounded groggy.
“Hi.” Katy’s voice was strangled with fresh tears. “Did I wake you?”
“Katy? Is it you?” Jenny yawned.
Katy chided herself. It was way too late to be calling the Flanigans. “Sorry . . . go back to bed.”
“No, it’s okay.” Jenny sounded tired but more awake now. “Is everything all right?” Her concern took precedent over her sleepiness. “I saw you on the news. Your testimony sounded perfect.”
“It isn’t the trial.” She pressed her fingertips to her upper lip and ordered herself to find control. “It’s Dayne.”
A long sigh sounded over the phone line. “What happened? Tell me.”
“Nothing.” Katy knew she wasn’t making sense. Her heart was in her throat, and her words wouldn’t come. She stretched out on the bedspread. “We had the most wonderful night.”
Jenny waited.
“But I found out some things tonight.” She sniffed. “Dayne’s adopted; have I told you that?”
“Umm . . . I think so. You mentioned it after one of your talks when he came here to Bloomington.”
“Okay, well . . .” Katy warned herself to be careful. She could only say so much without betraying Dayne’s trust. “I found out tonight that his birth family lives in Bloomington.” Tears sounded in her voice again. “They’ve lived there all along.”
Jenny hesitated. “Maybe that’s a good thing. One more reason why he belongs here instead of there, right?”
“Or maybe that’s why he has feelings for me. Maybe I’m just part of some fantasy he has about living in Bloomington and being part of a normal family.”
“Oh.” Jenny seemed to sort through the idea, as if she were making sense of it. “You mean maybe the only reason he’s interested is because you’re from what would’ve been his hometown if he hadn’t been given up for adoption?”
“Exactly.” Katy drew her knees up and stared at the empty wall. “No matter what he says, he can’t find his way back to a family he’s never known. And when he realizes that, maybe he’ll feel the same way about me. Like I was just part of some dream he could never have anyway.”
“Mmm . . .” Jenny’s voice had a fresh knowing in it, as if some truth was just hitting her.
“What?” Katy could still feel Dayne’s arms around her; her cheeks were still hot from the way he’d kissed her. The way she’d kissed him in return.
“Katy, don’t you see? This isn’t about whether he fell for you because you were from Bloomington or not.” Jenny’s tone was softer than before.
“It isn’t?” She sat up and propped herself against the headboard.
“No.” Jenny’s smile came through in her words. “You’re not afraid of that.”
She leaned over her knees. “I’m not?”
“No, Katy. You’re afraid because this time it’s actually happened.” Jenny paused. “You’ve fallen for him. And now that you have, there’s no turning back.”
Katy sat up straighter and shook her head. She opened her mouth to disagree, but then she pictured herself sitting next to Dayne on the beach earlier. Every moment had felt like something from a dream, hadn’t it? The feel of him beside her, his easy conversation, the way he had trusted her with the truth about his past. Jenny was right. She had felt herself falling a little harder with each passing minute. “So . . . you think his feelings for me aren’t just a part of the fact that his birth family lives in Bloomington?”
“Does it matter?” Jenny laughed, the lighthearted laugh of someone who believes everything’s going to work out. “You’re from Bloomington. So what, Katy? All the better that his birth family’s here too.”
Katy kicked off her shoes. There was still sand between her toes. “But neither I nor his birth family can ever have a future with him.” She dusted the sand off the bedspread. “Don’t you see? His life won’t allow it.”
“I used to think that.” Jenny’s words were slow, deliberate. “But I’ve watched the transformation in Dayne through the things you’ve told me. He’s not the same guy he was.”
That was the hardest part. “I know.” Katy allowed a smile, and the feel of it brought back every good memory from tonight. “He’s given his life to God. His faith is as real as yours or mine.”
“See?” Again she sounded confident. “God’s doing something here.”
“So what should I do?” Katy stood and paced across the room toward the window. “I’m supposed to spend the day with him tomorrow. His lawyer found us this beach house no one’s using.”
“Hmm.” Worry crept into Jenny’s tone. “Be careful. He’s not used to taking things slowly.”
“He’s slow with me. I’m not worried about that.” Katy hugged herself with her free hand. “I guess you were right before. I’m worried about my heart.”
They talked about Bloomington and life at the Flanigan house for a few minutes, and then Katy said good night. She hadn’t really solved anything, but listening to Jenny had been good for her. Of course Dayne’s feelings for her were real, and Jenny was right. There was no separating her from the fact that she was from Bloomington. If it was part of her appeal, she couldn’t hold that against Dayne.
There was another fear Katy hadn’t wanted to admit either. The dread of what the tabloids would spill across the covers next week and how that would change her life once she returned home.
She dressed for bed and crawled beneath the covers. For the next hour she replayed everything about tonight. Dayne taking her to the beach house, the excitement of being alone without fear of being caught on camera, the sensation of the sand beneath their feet as they walked hand in hand along the shore. His body—taller, stronger—next to hers as they watched the sunset fade to dark. The wonderful way her heart felt as she and Dayne found their way back to the emotional depth that came so easily for them in Bloomington.
And the way she’d so easily allowed herself to be lost in his arms, taken by his kiss. No wonder she was worried. Being with Dayne was magical and amazing. He made her feel the way no other guy had ever made her feel. But his life came with conditions, a visibility she had never wanted, still didn’t want.
This week would end and she would go home, back to directing CKT. Meanwhile Dayne would begin preproduction on a film starring opposite a beautiful, spunky blonde, an Academy Award winner who had been romantically connected with Dayne a long time ago.
How was Katy supposed to compete with that? And how, in the midst of it, would they find even a few hours to talk, let alone see each other? Yes, Katy had every reason to be afraid and not nearly so much because of what the tabloids were about to do to her. She was worried about losing her privacy, yes. But far more than that, when it came to Dayne Matthews she was worried about losing something else.
Her heart.
Katy made her morning getaway in a taxi without the paparazzi spotting her. She wore a
hat and sunglasses and carried her things in a beach bag. Again no one would’ve taken her for anything more than a tourist heading out for a day at the beach. She spotted a few photographers chatting and sipping coffee from paper cups, but she ducked into the cab before they could see her.
Half an hour later she paid the driver and stepped out in front of the beach house. She was nervous about today, not because she was worried about her self-control but because she didn’t see the point of letting herself fall for Dayne a little more. She’d be going home after the verdict, and he’d begin filming another movie. And then what?
Her heart felt heavy as she climbed the steps. The sun was breaking through the fog, but the air was cool and a chill ran down her arms and legs. God . . . what am I doing? Where can a day like this possibly lead?
But then the door opened and there he stood, not the Hollywood star but the Dayne she knew, the one the world had never seen.
When his eyes found hers, she stopped, her heart in her throat. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He smiled, but there was concern in his eyes. “You look like you’re ready to run.” He came out onto the porch and touched her arm. “Come here.”
If she would’ve looked down, there would’ve been a hole where her heart belonged. Because it was too late to stop herself. Dayne owned it completely. And that did indeed make her want to run. But not the other direction, like he figured. She closed the distance between them and set her bag down. “I’m not running.”
“I know.” He wrapped her in his arms and rocked her a little. “Nothing feels right when you’re away.” He brushed his cheek against hers. “Mmm. I couldn’t wait for you to get back.”
“Me either.” She picked up her bag, her eyes never leaving his. “I’m still afraid.”
“Yeah.” The emotions in his eyes were deeper than she’d ever seen them. “Me too.” He took her free hand and led her toward the door. “Let’s have today, and maybe before the clock strikes midnight God will show us how we can make it last. So neither of us has to be afraid anymore.”