Janice rolled her eyes. “Yes, there’s a bulge. But I won’t die before morning, so just leave me alone.”
Lee had no choice. When she returned with the aspirin and a glass of water, she said, “There is such a thing as emergency treatment for teeth, you know, so if it gets to that point I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
Janice popped the aspirins and chased them with water, handed the glass back to her mother and flung herself down facing the wall again. The message was clear: I’m not thanking you. I’m not forgiving you. I don’t want to be mothered by you!
Lee stared at her daughter’s back and left the room with a sigh.
ONMonday afternoon at one o’clock an oral surgeon extracted both wisdom teeth from the right side of Janice’s mouth. One was impacted and infected. The other, he said, would follow suit shortly, judging from its crowded condition and the angle at which it was pushing her other teeth. She awakened from her sodium-pentathol slumber crying inexplicably—a natural reaction from the drug. One of the nurses on the office staff gave Lee instructions on how to care for her, how woozy Janice would be for a while and what to feed her to avoid a painful dry socket. Lee left the dentist’s office carrying a prescription for pain pills and supporting a blubbering daughter, who continued to cry and babble, “I don’t know why I’m crying so hard. I just don’t know.”
“It’s from the drug,” Lee explained. “It’ll go away in an hour or so.”
At home, Lee settled Janice into bed with a towel beneath her cheek and a mixing bowl to spit into. She gave her a pain pill and offered to heat up some chicken broth for her, then watched Janice’s eyes fall shut as she was drawn down into the residual effects of the anesthetic.
Lee leaned over the bed and rubbed Janice’s hair back from her forehead and kissed her.
In that moment, mothering became uncomplicated again as it had been when her children were babies. Smoothing a brow, administering a pill, cooking special foods when they were sick: these were the needs easy to fill. She found herself soothed—even healed—to be touching her daughter and seeing after her physical needs, especially after the rift created the previous day.
Janice, she thought, please don’t withdraw your love from me. Please don’t make me choose between you and Christopher. There’s no reason, darling and it will break my heart if you keep turning away from me this way.
CHRISTOPHERcalled shortly before suppertime. “How’s Janice?” “She’s asleep now, but she’ll be hurting tonight. The dentist prescribed some pain pills though.”
“Does she need anything? Can I do anything for you?”
“Just continue to be patient with my children,” she replied. “It may take some time to win them over.”
“That I can do, as long as I know there’s a reason to. Have you thought any more about marrying me?”
“Yes, I’ve thought about it. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.”
“And?”
“And it sounds very appealing, but I still don’t know.”
“You know what?” he said.
“What?”
“I’m doing it again.”
“Doing what again?”
“Playing the role of a husband and stepfather right this very minute. Think about it, Lee.”
WHENhis shift ended he stopped by on his way home. “Hi,” he said when Lee answered the door. “I can’t stay. I’ve got a date with Judd, but I wanted to bring this for Janice. Tell her I hope she likes it.”
He handed her a set of audio tapes of a current bestseller. “I thought it might be more relaxing for her to listen than to read it today.”
She kissed his jaw and realized he was making it harder and harder for her to say no to his marriage proposal.
And too . . . he was doing it again.
What any good husband and dad would have done.
* * *
“CHRISTOPHERbrought you these.” Janice glanced back over her shoulder, studied the tapes her mother had dropped on the bed and said with asperity, “I already read it.” She left them right where they’d fallen, turning her face to the wall.
Being shunned by her daughter hurt worse than Lee had ever imagined it could.
Being hurt by one child quite naturally drew her toward the other. In need of understanding, of an ally perhaps, maybe only a friendly smile, she went to Joey’s room later that night. She found him sitting on the floor of his bedroom wrapping silver duct tape around his favorite pair of dilapidated Nikes.
“Hi,” she said, leaning against his door frame.
“Oh, hi!” He looked back over his shoulder.
“May I come in?”
“Sure. How’s Janice?”
“Sleeping. Grouchy.”
“Man, I hope that never happens to me. Denny’s dad says he’s still got his wisdom teeth and they never gave him any trouble.”
“It’s more than Janice’s wisdom teeth that’s bothering her.”
“What else?” He stopped taping and watched Lee cross to the bed and settle herself dead center on it, sitting Indian fashion. She was dressed in an oversized purple sweat suit with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows.
“She’s upset with me.”
“About what?”
“I’m going to be very honest with you, Joey, because this is really important to me.”
“She must’ve figured it out about you and Chris, huh?”
Lee couldn’t have hidden her surprise had she put a bag over her head. “Well, you don’t seem too shocked. How long have you known?”
He shrugged and ran his hand repeatedly over the edge of the silver tape, smoothing it around the sole of the shoe. “I don’t know. I saw you guys kissing one night, but I sort of figured, even before that.”
“So what do you think about it?”
“Heck, I think it’s cool.”
Lee grinned. Who said girls were fun to raise? Give her a son anytime. Their temperaments were a lot less volatile.
“It’s really serious, isn’t it, Mom?”
“Yes, it is.”
“That’s what I figured. So, do ladies your age marry guys his age, or what?”
“I don’t know of any who did, do you?”
He just shrugged and cut off another strip of tape.
“Would it bother you if I did?” she asked.
“Heck no. Why should it bother me?”
“People might tease you, say your mother’s a baby snatcher, things like that.”
“Jeez, people can be such dorks. If they said something like that, they don’t know you. Or Chris either.”
“He asked me last night,” she admitted.
“To marry him?”
“Yes.”
“Does Janice know that?”
“Not yet.”
“Does Grandma know?”
“Grandma doesn’t know any of this.”
“Jeez, she’ll shit a ring around herself when she finds out.”
Lee laughed before she could stop herself. “You’re not supposed to use language like that, young man.”
“Yeah, well, I did, so ground me, Ma.”
Lord, he was really growing up fast. She was going to enjoy the next three years with him. He was so refreshingly straightforward.
“So what’d you tell Chris?” Joey asked.
“I told him it was tempting.”
“You wanna marry him?”
“Yes, I do.”
“But you’re scared of what Grandma will say, right?”
“Grandma, Janice, Sylvia, you. Well, not you anymore. You seem to be all right with the idea.”
“Heck yes. You’ve been alone since Dad died. Sometimes I don’t know how you stand it. I mean, me and Denny, we talk sometimes, you know? Like the night I saw you and Chris kissing the first time. I called him and I said to him that you were awful happy since you’ve been hangin’ out with Chris, and it seems like you would have done stuff like that a long time ago.”
“Kissing guys, you mean? I ne
ver wanted to until Chris came along.”
“Really, Mom?” He studied her with a crooked grin on his mouth. “Then I think you should go for it.”
No doubt about it, this son of hers was a gift. Lee sat on his bed with her elbows on her knees, smiling down at him while he slapped one more circuit of tape around his tennis shoe.
“I guess you know by now how much I love you. Are you going to wear those things that way?” she asked.
He held up his handiwork. “Heck yes. They’re hot!”
“I seem to remember buying you some new ones for Christmas.”
“Well, sure, and I love you, too, but not enough to throw these away just because they need a little tape job. These are my best ones.”
She shook her head in wonderment, got off the bed, kissed the crown of his head and went into her bedroom to call Christopher and give him the latest Children’s Attitude Report.
JANICEstayed home one more day, then returned to school, still acting aloof toward her mother. Lee worked that day, as usual, and returned home in the late afternoon to begin fixing supper. First she went down to the basement to throw the morning’s load of laundry from the washer into the dryer. She was just coming up the basement stairs when the doorbell rang.
“Why, Mother!” she said, answering it. “What brings you over? And, Sylvia . . .” She had just left Sylvia at the store a half hour before.
Peg Hillier pushed past Lee with an officious air, removing her gloves.
“We’ve come to talk to you, Lee.”
Lee watched her mother’s back—stiff as a pikestaff—the swirl of her coat, the erectness of her neck, and knew she was in trouble.
“Oh. I bet I know what about.”
“I’ll just bet you do.” Peg swung on her. “Janice called me.”
Lee said, “Would you care to come in, Mother? Take off your coat? Sit down, maybe, and have a cup of coffee? You, too, Sylvia.” She glanced outside. “Is this the whole army, or have you brought more? Where’s Dad . . . and Lloyd? They should be here for this, too, shouldn’t they?”
“Your attempt to be cute isn’t fazing me in the least, Lee. Shut that door and tell me what in the ever-loving world has gotten into you! A woman of your age latching onto a boy your son’s age!”
Lee shut the door resignedly and said, “Put your coats on the sofa. I’ll make some coffee.”
“I don’t want any coffee! I want an explanation!”
“First of all, he’s not my son’s age. He’s thirty years old and—”
“And you’re forty-five. Good God, Lee, have you gone crazy?”
“Hardly, Mother. I fell in love.”
“In love!” Peg’s eyes seemed to protrude from her skull. “Is that what you call it? You’ve been sleeping with that boy! Janice said you admitted it!”
Sylvia added, “Lee, this is so shabby.”
“So what did Mother do? Call you immediately and spread the news so you could come over here and bombard me together?”
“I agree with Mother. Your having an affair with Christopher is disgraceful, but we understand all the stresses you’ve been under since Greg died. It’s natural that you’d want to turn to someone, but, Lee, a boy that age.”
“He’s not a boy! Will you quit saying that!”
“He might as well be, given your age difference.”
Peg said, “I must admit, I never would have guessed he’d behave like this either. I thought he was such a fine young man. What in the world is he after?”
“After?”
“Yes, after! A man that age with a woman so old.”
“So old. Gee, thanks, Mother.”
“You may be willing to delude yourself, but I’m not. He was after exactly what he got! But to think he did it after you were so good to him, after you opened your doors to him, and took him into this family, and acted like a mother to him. To think that you’d let him seduce you!”
“Mother, I am telling you, we fell in love! It wasn’t as if Greg died and I rolled into bed with Chris the next day! We began seeing each other and had so much fun together, and only then, after months, did our relationship become intimate.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Peg’s face grew pinched and she looked aside.
Sylvia picked up the gauntlet. “You admitted to your own daughter that you’ve been sleeping with him. . . . Lee, what were you thinking of?”
“Am I not supposed to have any sex ever again? Is that it?” Lee’s two attackers stared in stupefaction while she went on.
“Am I supposed to be some dedicated little mama, waiting to darn my children’s socks and cook their favorite foods when they come to visit me? Am I never supposed to want a life of my own?”
Sylvia replied, “Of course you can have a life of your own, but for heaven’s sake, choose someone your own age to have it with.”
“Why? Why is it so wrong that I chose Christopher?”
“Lee, be honest with yourself,” Sylvia admonished. “This thing looks mighty quirky. You treated him like a son for how many years? Then when Greg dies the two of you grow thick as thieves, and pretty soon you’re in bed together. How do you think it looks? And how long do you expect him to stick with you?”
“You might be interested to know, Sylvia, that Christopher has asked me to marry him.”
“Oh, dear God,” Peg breathed, putting a hand to her lips and dropping down hard on a kitchen chair.
“Marry him?” Sylvia, too, sat as if poleaxed.
“Yes. And I’m considering it.”
“Oh, Lee, you don’t know what you’re doing. Greg hasn’t been dead a year and, granted, you needed someone to get you through this terrible time, but to tie up with someone that young for life. How can it possibly last?”
“How can any marriage possibly last, given the divorce rates in this country today? If you love somebody, you have faith in them, you marry them assuming it will last because you’ve both said it will.”
Peg took over. “You never joined any of those grief groups, but if you had you’d realize that you’re doing exactly what they warn you not to do—jump into a relationship out of desperation. You’re lonely, you’ve gone through a terrible ordeal losing Greg and you’re facing the time when all your children will be gone. I understand that, dear, but look ahead. When you’re sixty, he’ll be forty-five. Do you really think he won’t want a younger woman then?”
Lee refused to reply.
“And what about children?” Sylvia put in. “Doesn’t he want any?”
“No.”
“That’s not natural.”
“It’s really none of your business though, is it, Sylvia? He and I have talked about all these things you two have thrown at me today, and if we’ve worked them out and I want to marry him, I expect you to honor my choice.”
Peg and Sylvia exchanged glances that said Lee had truly lost good sense and just how were they going to convince her she was making the mistake of her life. Peg sighed dramatically and fixed an absent stare on the fruit basket in the middle of the table. She tried a new tactic.
“I just wonder what Bill would say.”
“Oh, good God.” Lee rolled her eyes. “Bill is dead, Mother. I’m alive. I have a lot of good healthy years ahead of me. It’s unfair of you to suggest that I should remain faithful to a dead man.”
“Oh, don’t be so silly. I’m not suggesting that. But Bill was the children’s father. What can this man ever be to them? Which brings up another nasty point. Janice told me that she confessed to you some time ago that she had feelings for Christopher herself.”
“Yes, she did. But did she tell you if he ever returned the interest in any way whatsoever?” When Peg didn’t answer, Lee hurried on. “No, he did not. Her attraction to Christopher complicated things for us, but we talked about it, too, and decided our own happiness counts for something. And we’re the happiest when we’re together.”
“So you’re not going to end it?”
“No, I’m not. He m
akes me happy. I make him happy. Why should I throw that away?”
“The day will come when you’ll regret it.”
“Maybe. But you could say that about half the choices you make in this life. On the other hand, the day may never come when I’ll regret it, and how sad it would be if I’d thrown him away for nothing.”
“So, are you really going to marry him?” Sylvia asked.
“I think so . . . yes, Sylvia.”
Sylvia said, “Honestly, Lee, if it’s just because of the . . . well, you know . . .” Sylvia stirred the air with her hand.
“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘sex,’ Sylvia, and if it were just that, don’t you think I’d have taken up with some man long before this? Sex is just one part of our relationship, and I’ll freely admit that after so many years without it, it’s sensational to have it available whenever I want it. But friendship and respect play equally important parts.”
Sylvia had turned pink as a rare steak and didn’t know where to rest her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Syl. I know it’s a subject you never talk about, but you brought it up.”
Sylvia’s mouth was pinched as she went on superciliously. “I understand you stayed all night at his apartment Saturday night. What will your children think?”
“My son thinks I should marry him.”
“He’s fourteen years old. What does he know?”
“He knows Christopher. He loves him. He said, ‘Hey, Ma, I think you should go for it.’ ”
Peg angled a disparaging look at her younger daughter. “And if you take Joey’s advice, I’m still convinced you’ll live to regret it.”
“I think you’d better get used to the idea, Mother, because I’m going to say yes to Christopher.”
Peg buried her face in both hands and propped her elbows on the table. “God in heaven, what will my friends say?”
“Ahh . . . There, you’ve hit upon your real problem, haven’t you, Mother?”
“Well, it is a problem!” Peg spit, lifting her head suddenly. “ People talk, you know!”
“Yes. Starting with my daughter—thank you, Janice.”
“Don’t you go blaming Janice!” Peg was getting angrier. “She did the right thing by calling me.”