And yet, I thought, surely she must have felt very sick and knew because of all the things she couldn’t do any longer that she was in danger of dying. Even a doctor like Dr. Milan couldn’t keep the truth from peeking out of his eyes.
I realized, however, that death is not something someone so young thinks about very often and probably not until he or she hears about a relative or a friend dying. I didn’t, not even when life was so difficult for Mama and me. Somehow I always thought we’d get through it. Something would happen to change things and make us healthy and whole again. Even when I saw her get hit just before me on the highway, I still believed it would be all right. The ambulances were there. Someone was helping Mama.
And when that woman told me she was dead, that she had been killed instantly, it didn’t set right in. I kept hoping and thinking that there was a mistake. Alena must have been the same way when she was getting sicker and sicker. She must have thought the doctor would make her better. One morning, she’d wake up and it would be all over, just the way a cold ends. The younger you were, the more of a surprise death had to be, I thought.
After sifting through some of the clothes, I chose a light-blue skirt and the blouse that went with it. Everything fit well, but the more comfortable I was in Alena’s things, the more frightened it made me feel. I almost took the blouse and skirt off and put on what I had worn the day before, but before I could do that, Mrs. Duval brought me my breakfast.
“What time does everyone else eat breakfast?” I asked her.
“Mr. March is the first down always. He eats very early and leaves for work before Kiera even gets up and dressed most of the time, especially during the summer months. Sometimes, like today, he takes a little longer, and Mrs. March joins him. On weekends, it’s usually different. Everyone sleeps in. You look very nice this morning,” she added. She smiled and left.
About an hour after I finished breakfast, Mrs. March returned with Dr. Milan. He examined me and said that one of the nurses at his office would stop by with a crutch for me to use.
“She’ll show you how to use it so you can keep the pressure off that leg for a while.”
“How long will I have to be in the cast?” I asked.
“We’ll see. I’ll get you over to my office for X-rays in three or four weeks. In the meantime,” he said, looking around the suite, “you’ll be fine. It doesn’t look like you’ll be lacking anything.”
Nothing except love and a family, I thought. He and Mrs. March left together. I could hear them whispering in the hallway until they went down the stairs. Immediately afterward, Rosie came up to get my tray and dishes. She asked me how I was feeling and told me she thought Kiera was jealous.
“Jealous of what? Me?”
She laughed. “Well, she claims she’s not feeling well and locked herself in her room. Mrs. Duval had to bring her breakfast, too, but it ain’t the first time, and I’m sure it ain’t the last.”
After she left, I wheeled myself to the door and looked down the hallway. No one was there, so I continued a little until I heard music and laughter behind the door of the room next to mine. I imagined it was Kiera’s and paused to see if I could hear anyone else. Perhaps one of her friends was already there. Whether she heard me or could see through some keyhole, I don’t know, but suddenly, the door was thrust open and she was standing there in her bathrobe. She was holding a portable phone in her right hand. It happened so quickly that I flinched and wheeled myself back a few feet.
“What are you doing, spying on me?” she asked.
“No. I didn’t even know this was your room.”
“Right. You don’t know anything. Just keep out of my face,” she said, and slammed the door. I heard her tell whoever was on the phone that one of the annoying maids had come to check on something.
Still trembling, I wheeled myself back to my room and closed the door. Just knowing that Kiera was so close made me nervous. She had already shown that she could burst in on me anytime, even when I was sleeping. I doubted that Mrs. March could stop her.
Moments later, I heard someone else coming, and I was happy to see that it was Mrs. Kepler. She could see I was upset.
“Are you feeling all right? I know the doctor was just here.”
“I’m fine,” I said, but I didn’t say anything more. What good would it do to tell her about Kiera March?
“Would you rather we work outside?”
“No.”
“You’re probably right. There are too many distractions out there. Let’s get to it,” she said.
She went through the history and science workbooks with me and set out the books she wanted me to read. Finally, she paused and said, “You do look worried, Sasha. I hope I didn’t lead you to believe that you must finish all of this in a week.”
“I’m okay,” I said.
She still looked suspicious but continued with her explanations and instructions. I tried to pay attention as well as I had done the day before, but I couldn’t help anticipating Kiera March again. Perhaps she would come in to interrupt us and mock me. I could see that Mrs. Kepler wasn’t pleased with my responses.
Mrs. March stopped by to see if Mrs. Kepler was going to stay for lunch. She told her she thought we had done enough for the day. From the looks they were giving each other, I knew Mrs. Kepler wanted to speak with her privately. She said she would return about the same time tomorrow and then left with Mrs. March. I hoped she wasn’t going to tell her that it was too soon to have me do the schoolwork. I was happy to have it, to have something that would take my mind off everything. In fact, by the time Mrs. Duval stopped in with my lunch, I had already done everything Mrs. Kepler had assigned for the day. I knew that would both surprise and please Mrs. March.
When she returned, because of what Mrs. Kepler had obviously told her, she wanted to know if she was rushing me too fast. “With your recuperation and all that’s happened, maybe we should wait on your schooling and …”
“Oh, no. I like it,” I said. “I’ve done everything she left for me to do.”
“Really? Well, that’s wonderful, Sasha. She’ll be pleased. If you’re not too tired, I thought I’d replace Mrs. Caro today and take you out. I’ll wheel you along and show you more of the property. Would you like that?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I’ll be back in about a half hour.”
Almost as soon as her footsteps died away down the hall, Kiera came into my bedroom. I had my back to the door and was looking through the science workbook. I caught her reflection in the window and held my breath. She was still in her robe, but her image appeared so silently that she looked more like a ghost. I turned around slowly.
“So, Mother is going to show you the grounds. How sweet,” she said, coming into the sitting room.
How did she know that? Did Mrs. March tell her, or could she hear what went on in my bedroom? Was she always going to be spying on me? She looked at my workbooks and the books on the table, tossing them aside as if they were someone’s garbage.
“And you’re getting private tutoring, too. I’m sure you need it.” She stopped and put her hands on her hips. “So, what, do you expect to live here forever?”
“I don’t expect anything.”
“Yeah, right.” She continued to inspect everything in the suite and saw my new iPod. She picked it up. “What’s this? My mother bought you this? This is better than mine,” she said, and dropped it. “Oh, sorry. I hope it didn’t break.” She didn’t make an effort to see or to pick it up.
She continued to stroll through the suite.
“It’s been some time since I’ve been in here for any length of time, actually. Mother kept it locked up, you know. She had it cleaned regularly but wasn’t keen on anyone else but the maid being in here. I see nothing has been changed for you.”
She wandered past the bed to open the closet.
“I heard she’s been buying you some new clothes, too.” She turned to look at me more carefully. “But that’s not new. Th
at’s one of Alena’s outfits you’re wearing. Aren’t you ashamed to wear a dead girl’s clothes? No,” she said before I could respond, “you were probably finding clothes in garbage heaps to wear.”
“I’m not doing anything your mother told me not to do.”
“I’ll bet. You know, my father’s not happy that you’re here. They had a big fight about it. She tell you that?”
“No.”
“I wouldn’t count on being here much longer.”
“I told you. I didn’t ask to come here.”
“You won’t ask to leave, either, but you will.”
I turned away from her. She returned to the sitting room and looked out the window.
“You know, I saw you watching us the other day. I didn’t tell the others, because I didn’t want anyone to know you were here. They’d have all sorts of stupid questions. It’s embarrassing.”
“Embarrassing? I think what you did was more than embarrassing.”
“Aren’t you smart. Anyway, did you get a good look at everything going on at the pool, a good look at all of my friends?”
I didn’t answer.
“You’d better not be telling my mother about anything you saw out there. It’s none of your business.”
“I don’t tell on people,” I said. “I don’t care what you do, anyway.”
“You don’t tell on people? You told her I came into the bedroom last night, didn’t you?”
“She knew you had come in, but don’t worry. I won’t tell her about what you and your friends did at the pool.”
“Probably jealous. You liked what you saw, though, didn’t you? Ricky and Boyd and Tony? But I guess you’ve seen naked boys plenty of times in the streets, huh?”
“No.”
“You still a little virgin?”
“Now, that’s none of your business,” I fired back.
She laughed. “I forgot you’re a street kid,” she said. She said it as if she admired it.
“I’m not a street kid. We didn’t want to be living on the street.”
“We all have to do things we don’t want to do,” she replied. I waited to see what she meant, but she stopped talking, looked out the window, then turned and walked out of the bedroom quickly.
I felt like shouting something nasty after her but wheeled myself back to the table, picked up the iPod she had deliberately dropped, and looked at my workbook again. But it was harder than ever to concentrate on anything. What am I doing here? I wondered. Maybe I’d be better off in some orphanage after all. Maybe I’d be happy to have her father kick me out.
“Ready?” I heard Mrs. March ask. She returned wearing a different outfit and a wide-brim hat. “Don’t laugh at my hat,” she said, seeing where my gaze went. “It’s beautiful out there, but I’ve got to be careful in the sun. When you’re my age, it only makes you look older, makes wrinkles come faster.”
She stepped behind my wheelchair and started to turn me toward the door.
“When I was a young girl like you and like Kiera, I never thought about it. Now, when I think about all those days I spent on the beach without any protection, I shudder. How stupid we were. I tell Kiera that all the time, but does she listen? No.”
In the elevator, I wondered if she was going to ask me if Kiera had come into my bedroom again. She didn’t, and I didn’t tell her.
She smiled at me and nodded. “You’re doing a lot better, I can tell, and Dr. Milan thinks so, too. Where you are when you recuperate can make a great deal of difference.”
Mrs. Caro had said something similar. Was everything anyone said to me planned?
The elevator opened, and she pushed me out and toward the French doors that opened to the patio Mrs. Caro had taken me to the day before.
“I used to wheel Alena out here when she was bedridden. Even though the poor thing had a hard time sitting up, she looked forward to it. Those were my last beautiful days with her, and I know she lived longer because of it. Look at what a beautiful afternoon we have for you, Sasha. There’s even a breeze coming in off the ocean today. Feel it? I’ll take you for a ride to the ocean soon, too. We’ll go to lunch. I used to take Alena to lunch before she became too ill to travel.”
“Did you take Kiera, too?”
“Kiera never liked to go with us. Kiera may act tough, but she wasn’t able to deal with her sister’s illness and death. None of us really was, but we did what we had to do and for Alena’s sake tried not to show our sorrow. It was better not to include Kiera.”
“Didn’t Alena want her to come along with you?”
“Oh, yes, but I found an excuse for Kiera not to be coming with us most of the time. Neither Alena nor I would have enjoyed ourselves. Now,” she said, firmly changing the subject, “if we follow this path here, we can go around to the lake. I want you to see it close up. As I told you, Donald’s very proud of our lake. He’s always bringing someone in the construction industry here to see it, and it was featured in a prominent architecture magazine. When you are up and around, you can take one of the rowboats out. Did you ever row a boat?”
“No.”
“Well, maybe I’ll go with you the first time to be sure you’re safe,” she said. “After you start school, you’ll probably make lots of friends and ask to bring them here. We’ll ask that everyone wear a life vest, of course. The lake is seven feet deep and maybe deeper in some places.”
Friends? I thought back to when I did have friends at school and when I would go to their homes or they would come to mine. It seemed so long ago that it was more like something I had dreamed. Would I have school friends again? All of them would surely be impressed if I brought them to the March house. The very idea of doing that set off all sorts of fantasies, but then I thought about Kiera and her threats and predictions. Maybe my days there were numbered. Maybe as soon as I was up on my feet again, I’d be sent away. Why even think about it?
We stopped at the dock, and I looked out at the lake. It was so still. Down on the left, the trees were reflected in the water, giving it a greenish tint. Toward the other side, I saw terns. They were visitors from the ocean. The two rowboats tied to the dock looked brand-new. Mrs. March stepped up beside me, folded her arms, and looked out as if she had never seen it until now.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Yes,” I said. I hesitated but then asked, “Does Mr. March really want me here?”
She spun around and seemed about to say, Of course. Something she saw in my face made her pause. “Did Kiera say something terrible last night about her father?”
When you first meet someone, you can’t help but wonder how much of the truth you should tell and how much you should hold back. It was something I had learned from the way Mama spoke to people, especially after Daddy had left us. Lying seemed to be an important way to protect yourself, and most people didn’t seem to know or care that she was lying.
What should I do now? I wondered. Get Kiera in more trouble?
“I just wondered,” I said.
“It’s not for you to worry about,” she replied quickly. “The reason I brought you here is to have your recuperation managed well so that you’ll be up on your feet and get the opportunity to have a new, wonderful life. You let me worry about the rest of it, Sasha.” She looked out at the water again for a moment before turning back to me. “I made a promise to your mother,” she said.
“My mother? When?” Had my mother been alive for a while and no one had told me?
“At her burial, at the cemetery,” she replied.
“Oh.”
“I promised her that I would look after you, and I won’t let anyone stop me from fulfilling the promise.”
My daddy had made a lot of promises, I thought, and after we were thrown out on the street, Mama had made lots of promises, too. What was the real difference between a promise and a dream? Just like dreams, the day after, no one remembers them.
“Put your promises in writing,” Mama would tell Daddy. “Not that it would mean much
more,” she would mumble to me.
A promise was a wish made of smoke, I thought. You could see it, but you couldn’t grasp it, and you couldn’t take it anywhere. You had to wait for the wind to see where it would go or if it would just disappear.
I had no doubt that Mrs. March wanted to fulfill her promise to Mama, but even she, sitting on top of that beautiful, rich world, was helpless when it came to putting her fingers around the promise of happiness when it was for herself and her family.
What could she really do for me?
12
Mr. March
Two nights later, I finally met Donald March. Mrs. Duval came up to my room to tell me that dinner would be served earlier than usual, and that Mrs. March had requested that I be brought down to the dining room.
“She said you should choose anything you would like to wear except a tank top. Do you need help with anything?”
“No,” I told her.
“Then I’ll be back for you in twenty minutes,” Mrs. Duval said.
I couldn’t help being very nervous, so nervous I could feel myself trembling. Kiera told me that her father would send me away, and although Mrs. March told me not to be concerned about it, that it was her problem, I still felt I’d be more uncomfortable in Donald March’s presence than I would be sleeping in a cardboard carton. Maybe because we had had so little that anyone would want, neither Mama nor I had been terribly afraid out there. Everyone living in the street appeared just as unconcerned. Perhaps we all thought nothing more could happen to us. Now I was in what had to be one of the most expensive homes in the whole country, if not the whole world, and I knew deep in my heart of hearts that much more could happen to me there.
I had a difficult time deciding what to wear. When I started to choose something, I stopped to wonder if it was too fancy or not fancy enough. I had no doubt that Kiera would laugh at me, even ridicule me, in front of her father if I made the wrong choice. He might look at Mrs. March and smirk as if to say, How could you bring someone so common and stupid to our home? I don’t care what your reasons were.