Slipping the folded paper out, she could see it wasn’t even a page long—definitely goodbye. With another deep breath she unfolded the paper; seeing his handwriting alone was enough to choke her. Stop. She read her name at the beginning, her eyes refusing to look down, but then she forced herself and began to read.
Dear Rose,
I wasn’t going to write this. After what Lorenzo let me know, I was never going to say or write another word to you again, but that lasted for about a week. I just want you to know that I understand now why you won’t forgive me. And as much as it KILLS me to know that you’ve obviously found someone else, I wanted you to know I’m happy for you. I know I’ll never be happy without you in my life. But I did this to myself. I guess in a way I’ve always known deep inside that we could never be. Somehow I’d find a way to ruin that just like I’ve always ruined anything good in my life, and you are by far the very best thing to ever happen to me. You didn’t ask for this, and you deserve to be happy. So yeah it hurts, but I’m glad you’ve moved on.
I’ll always love you.
Vince
There was no way the tears weren’t coming now. She read it a couple of more times, wiping away the tears as she cried openly. As painful as this was, this was the closure she’d needed. He was saying the very thing that she’d wondered about all this time. He would never change. And what hurt most is he’d always known it. No matter how much he’d assured her he loved her and wanted to change, deep inside he’d always known he couldn’t. Not even for her like he’d said so many times. This was who he was.
Reaching for her pink Baloo who sat on her bed staring at her as if he knew it was finally over, too, she wrapped one arm around him and held on tightly to Vincent’s farewell letter, laying her head down onto her pillow. She didn’t think it possible that she had any tears left for Vincent, but she did—lots and lots more.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Vince
Pitch black—Vince lay there blinking his eyes, hoping some light, any light would begin to trickle in as soon as his eyes could focus, but there was nothing. He could hear gunfire and helicopters but couldn’t see a damn thing. It was as if he was squeezing his eyes shut; it was so dark, but he could feel himself blinking. The explosions were an instant reminder of where he was. He could hear them in the distance, but no light, not even from the explosions, penetrated this darkness. His heart began to pound as the possibility that maybe he was blind set in.
Licking his excruciatingly dry lips, he tasted the dirt and sweat and who knew what other filth was on them, so he tried to move to the side to spit. A pain like none he’d ever felt pierced through his elbow and shot up to his shoulder as he tried to move it. He stifled in a growl, gritting his teeth together.
He had no idea where he was or how he’d gotten there. The last thing he wanted to do was alert someone that might be the enemy of his whereabouts. The only thing he remembered was jumping out of the helicopter and bouncing so many times when he landed, and then everything going black before waking here.
The pain in his arm began to subside but very slowly. As far as he could tell no part of his body was pinned down by anything, but he couldn’t know for sure without trying to move. Only he was afraid to move any other part of his body now for fear it would hurt just as bad as his arm. After what seemed like maybe hours of lying there waiting and trying to regain some strength before getting up, the bombing outside became less intense.
Vince tried again to at least feel his way around. Was there even sitting room? He lifted his other hand, and that wiped away the theory he’d begun to think as he lay there that he might be in a coffin. There was room all around him. He wasn’t in a box. Something next to him moved, causing him to flinch suddenly, and the pain that scorched through his arm again was so intense he fell back crying out this time unable to hold it.
“Fucking shit! Shit! Shit!” He held his arm as he felt his body drain of any strength he’d manage to regain. As the throbbing seemed to intensify, he lay there breathing hard and groaning with every bolt of pain that seemed to scorch straight from his elbow to his shoulder.
Just like all the other times when Vince thought things couldn’t get any worse, he’d think back to that night: the night it all went down. He asked himself once again if he’d do it all the same again. The night Alfonso had unwittingly let him in on what ultimately landed Vince’s ass here. He’d played it out so many times in his head over and over. Would he have done anything differently? But then, looking back, it had all happened so fast he’d hardly had time to think it through. Vince squeezed his eyes shut, wincing in pain as once again that night he walked out of El Taco Loco with Alfonso played out in his head as vividly as if it had just happened yesterday.
Then…
Alfonso and Vince walked out of the taco joint. Vince didn’t want to waste too much time. As much as he dreaded having that inevitable Ben conversation with Rose, he needed to get a few things straight. Vince would never have the patience for this kind of shit. Rose needed to understand that, especially when it came to Ben.
But he was still curious about Alfonso’s deal, so he’d hear him out first. Nothing sounded better than getting his own wheels sooner than he anticipated.
Alfonso slipped a cigarette into the corner of his lips and spoke even while lighting up. “So I was talking to Chuy the other day. He’s got a couple of cars he’s looking to unload. They’re both clean—tags, pinks, everything. I told him about you needing a car soon, and then I mentioned that maybe you and Enzo can cut him in on a deal with some of that weed. You know work something out. He’d let the car go for real cheap.”
Vince stared at Alfonso already feeling tense. “What weed? I haven’t dealt in years.”
Taking a drag of his cigarette, Alfonso eyed him with a smirk. “So are you two just doing it on the down low? Because from what I hear, Enzo’s pretty obvious about it.”
Vince’s body went even tenser. “Enzo?”
Suddenly there was understanding in Alfonso’s face. “You didn’t know? Junior, from up my block is the one that told me. He’s not sure if he’s actually selling or just delivering like you used to, but he saw him exchanging shit with some dudes in the Rancho Market parking lot. I thought for sure it was something you two were in on together.”
Already feeling like kicking his brother’s ass, Vince tried to remain calm. “How long ago was this?”
“He told me last week, and I was gonna talk to you about this sooner, but I hardly ever see you these days.”
Vince glanced up the dark street. Lorenzo was long gone. “Is that the only time he saw him?”
Alfonso shrugged. “That’s the only time Junior ever told me about it.”
“Is Cruz still the main guy pushing that shit around here?”
Alfonso nodded. “Since Ray-Ray got locked up, he’s the only one I know of and well now…Enzo.”
Already starting to walk off, Vince tapped Alfonso’s arm. “Let me know if you hear anything else from here on. Text me if you have to.”
Wishing now more than ever that he had his damn car already, he rushed up the street and tried calling Lorenzo. The call went to voicemail. “Enzo, get your ass home now. I need to talk to you.”
He hung up, knowing that his brother would know something was up because Vince rarely got pissed at him. He’d practically spoken through his teeth when he left that message.
As soon as he got home Vince flung his phone on the dresser and started rummaging through Lorenzo’s drawers. If he were dealing or even delivering, he had to have a stash in there somewhere. He stopped a few times to make sure his parents didn’t suddenly get home. They had enough to worry about. He’d take care of this himself.
Just as he pulled the small cigar box from in between Lorenzo’s mattresses, Lorenzo walked in and froze. Vince stared at him and then opened the box. Sure enough, it was full of dime bags of weed. “You dealing, Enzo?”
Standing right up to Vince, his little brother lo
oked him right in the face. “No, I just deliver.”
Vince smacked him upside the head. “Are you fucking stupid? Didn’t you learn anything from when I did this shit? From when we got jumped?”
Lorenzo smoothed his hair, pressing his lips together. “I’m only doing it until I can save up to buy Dino’s bike. He said he’d sell it to me for a couple of grand.”
“First of all,” Vince said shoving Lorenzo aside so that he could close their bedroom door. “You’re not getting a motorcycle. There’s a reason why Dino’s getting rid it. He nearly killed himself on that thing more than once now. Second, I’m taking this shit back to Cruz and letting him know that if I ever find out he gives you anymore of this after I kick your ass, I’m coming after him. You got that?” Vince got right in his face. “I will fuck you up if I ever find out you’re doing something this stupid again.” Vince punched his finger into Lorenzo’s chest. “If you wanna save up for something, you get a fucking job; you don’t do this! And didn’t I tell you to stay away from that asshole? That he’s nothing but trouble?”
Still standing right up to Vince, nostrils flared and all without taking even one step back, Lorenzo stared at him unwavering. Vince expected no less from his stubborn-ass brother, but he knew best not to argue. “I didn’t get it from Cruz.”
Vince peered at him. “Who’d you get it from?”
“Anita.”
Vince stepped back feeling a mixture of anger and betrayal. He’d warned Anita about Cruz and his dealing. Why the hell would she get his brother involved in this shit? He started toward the window with one purpose only: to shove the damn box in her face and tell her never to speak to him or Enzo again.
“Vince, wait! Cruz sent me to her. She didn’t come to me. She didn’t even want me to have it.”
Feeling incensed now, Vince climbed out the window barely taking in what Lorenzo had just said. “You stay here.” Lorenzo started to climb out the window behind Vince, but stopped when Vince got in his face again and spoke through his teeth. “Don’t fuck with me right now, Enzo. Get your ass back in that room and wait for me.”
Lorenzo stared at him hard but wisely backed up and stayed inside. With a few quick jumps Vince was on Anita’s fire escape. He knocked on her window probably louder than he should have, but at the moment he didn’t care if her dad heard. The way he felt right then, he was ready to shred anyone who tried anything on him.
Anita opened the window with a panicked expression. “My dad’s still awake.”
“You gave my brother drugs to deliver?” He shoved the box at her. “After everything I’ve done for you, you’re gonna get my brother involved in your boyfriend’s crap?”
She took the box. “Vince I didn’t want to. I swear,” she spoke in a loud whisper. “Cruz slipped it in my bag, then later called to tell me about it and asked me to hold on to it for him for a day. I told him if he didn’t come get it that day, I was throwing it out. Then Enzo showed up and said they sent him to pick it up.”
“That’s bullshit! You know I wouldn’t want him mixed up with this stuff. Why didn’t you tell me?”
She turned to look at her bedroom door then back at him. “You’re never around anymore, and I couldn’t call you because I haven’t had money to add minutes to my phone. I’m sorry. He made it sound like you knew and were okay with it. But I was still going to run it past you the very next time I saw you.”
Her bedroom door flung open, and Vince jumped out of view pushing his back against the wall.
“Who are you talking to?” her father asked.
Vince’s heart had already been pounding, but now it did for an entirely different reason.
“No one.” He heard Anita say in an all too frightened voice.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing?”
Vince heard movement then her father spoke again. “What do you mean nothing? What’s in the damn box?” Vince thought he picked up a slight slur in the man’s speech. “Are those cigars? You smoking cigars in here?”
“No, it’s just…personal stuff.”
“Give me that.”
They both went silent, and Vince held his breath glancing up at his brother who was now standing on their fire escape. Vince lifted his finger to his lips then pointed to the window, willing him with a death stare to get his ass back in their room.
“I knew you were up to something.” To Vincent’s surprise her father didn’t sound too angry. “Where there’s drugs there’s money. Where’s the money?”
“I don’t have any.”
“Don’t lie to me, you greedy little bitch!” Anita cried out, and Vince’s jaw locked knowing he’d struck her. “If you’re gonna sell drugs out of my place, I’m at least gonna get a cut of it. Where’s the money?”
After hearing her cry out again, Vince couldn’t stand it anymore. He jumped in the window. Her father, who held Anita’s wrist sideways in one hand and the cigar box in the other, flinched at the sight of him. The man was big next to Anita, but next to Vince he wasn’t the least bit threatening especially the way Vince was feeling right now.
“Those are mine, so get your hands off her.”
With a smirk the bastard turned and squeezed Anita’s wrist even harder, making her scream. Her brothers were at the door now, their frightened eyes going from their father to Anita and then to Vince.
All those years of hearing this asshole mercilessly beat the crap out of Anita—all the times he’d tended to her wounds afterwards and watched her suck it up to protect her those little guys—the anger that had built up all day from the moment Rose told him about Ben to the moment he found the box of weed in his room, all roared out at once and he unleashed it on the animal.
His first blow landed solidly on her father’s nose, knocking him off balance for a second, giving Vince a chance to land several more to his mouth and nose. With a knee to the groin, the man fell down dropping the box, its contents spilling out onto the floor. Feeling completely out of control, Vince continued to punch him even while he was on the floor. “How does it feel? You like getting wailed on, you fucking coward?” Her dad tried blocking Vince’s blows as Anita pulled at his arm begging him to stop, but Vincent didn’t even slow down; instead he pummeled away even harder. “Fight back you bastard!” Vince yelled, as her father continued to try and block his punches but didn’t deliver any of his own. “It’s not that easy, is it? Not as easy as hitting a little girl is it, you piece of shit!”
Visions of the asshole beating Anita incensed Vince even further, and he landed his blows with even more force, ignoring his own aching knuckles now.
Someone stronger than Anita pulled Vince back. Then there were suddenly more arms pulling him back. “Vincent! Stop this right now!”
Feeling dazed with the adrenaline still propelling through him, Vince stopped long enough to realize both Lorenzo and his father were in the room now.
“What is going on here?” His dad demanded, glancing at Anita’s father then back at Vince.
“I’ll tell you what’s going on,” Anita’s dazed dad said as he struggled to get up.
Vince’s father tried helping him, but he pushed his hands away. “Your son came into my daughter’s room and brought her drugs. Then he beat me like a crazy drugged-out freak, and I want his ass arrested!”
“You’re the one that should be arrested!” Vincent yelled.
“No. No, please!” Anita begged reaching out to touch her father’s arm. “Nobody’s getting arrested.”
“Shut up and bring me my phone.” He pointed at Vince then wiped the blood from his mouth and nose. “Your ass is getting locked up for a long time.” Her dad turned to Vincent’s dad. “My daughter is a minor. Your son’s gonna fry for coming in her bedroom and bringing her drugs. I’ll make sure of that.”
“No, Dad. Please!” Anita continued to beg, crying now. Both her brothers clung to her side.
“Go ahead, Anita.” Vince urged, the adrenaline and anger still scorching through him too h
ard for reality to sink in. “Call them. His ass will get locked up, too.”
Anita turned her pleading face to Vince now and shook her head. Vince knew she was only months away from her eighteenth birthday when she’d finally be free of this monster. She had all her ducks in a row already. She’d told Vince the last time he’d come after one of her beatings that the most important thing she had to do was stay on her dad’s good side. The one time she’d mentioned leaving and taking the boys with her, the asshole’s only response had been “good riddance.”
The only thing that would ruin it for her now was if he changed his mind or denied her guardianship out of spite.
“Please no cops, Dad,” her expression softened. “Daddy, the drugs—”
“Are mine,” Vince said before Lorenzo would implicate himself or even let Anita take the blame. He knew even this could ruin her chances of getting guardianship of those boys and out of this hell once in for all.
Lorenzo started to speak, but Vince placed his hand on his arm and turned to his father. “I wasn’t dealing, Dad, just delivering. I was hoping I could get the car sooner.”
The disappointment on his dad’s face was like none Vince ever seen before. His dad had been so relieved lately. Everything was working out, and Vince had finally proven himself to not only his dad but to his mother who was much more skeptical than his father that Vince was actually going to straighten his shit out for good. He’d seen the change in his father’s demeanor in the last few months. The burden of having two sons heading in the wrong direction had finally lifted.
But even if he let Lorenzo take the fall for this, he knew his mother would blame him for it. He couldn’t chance Lorenzo being thrown in jail. Lorenzo may not have ever considered the whole drugs thing if Vince hadn’t tried it first. That kid did everything Vince did. Vince should’ve anticipated this and warned him more severely—watched him even closer.