After Sofia explained where they’d find the koi food, they were finally able to move the hell on. Vince snuck in a peek at those long legs before looking up, and to his surprise Rose was smiling. Then she wrinkled her nose that cute way she’d done earlier when he first mentioned the koi. “Are you really such a bad boy?”
“No.” The word flew out defensively surprising even himself. Typically he couldn’t care less what anyone thought of him.
“You don’t look bad.” Her smile teased as they reached the pond. “Oh how pretty,” she said pulling a strand of hair behind her ear and looking down into the pond.
Vince looked down at the koi, but his eyes quickly made their way back to her face. She was a little on the plain side. That could just be because she was so young and wore no makeup; yet there was something about her. Sure, she was cute in a very innocent way, but it was more than that. He wondered if maybe it was psychological. Maybe the rebel in him was already twisting up reasons to piss his perfect cousins off for having such little faith in him. She looked up and caught him staring, so he smirked. “So I don’t look bad to you, huh?”
Her eyes widened, and she smiled. Again he noticed what the sunlight did to her light eyes. Okay maybe she wasn’t that plain looking.
“Well except for that tattoo on your forearm.” She pointed at it. “What’s that about?”
Fighting the urge to shove his hand in his pocket to hide the tattoo, he shrugged. “Probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
“What is it?” She stared at it; her curiosity was even more heightened than it had been before his last statement. Great.
“It’s my incredibly stupid, temporary-insanity moment is what it is. It’s what happens,” he said as he took a seat on the rock bench next to the pond, “when you do weed with your dumb-ass friends.”
“You do weed?” she whispered, eyes wide open glancing around.
He chuckled at the innocence in her startled eyes. “Not anymore. As a matter of fact, this stupid tat is the reason I stopped. Of course I knew enough about the evils of drugs. I’d seen plenty of people in my neighborhood including some of my friends do some dumb shit because of it, and still like a dumb-ass I did it with them for a while. Then one time when we were all high, we decided getting these matching tats would be the coolest thing.” He shook his head remembering how the next morning he tried in vain to rub the damn thing off. “The next day I made up my mind—never again. I’ve never seen my mom so pissed. Well, up until then. I’m just glad my brother hadn’t been with me. That would’ve been bad.”
“What does it say?” She sat down across from him on the other bench.
He stared at it, feeling the same stupidity he always did whenever he looked at it. He explained the skull and bones was something they’d always tagged on walls—a symbol of their pact—brothers until death then the letters L.P. Locos just under it that was now permanently tattooed on his forearm. “The letters stand for La Puente.” Shaking his head again he looked up at her. She was still staring at his hand. “I only hope this is as stupid as I ever get.”
“I don’t think it’s so stupid. Lots of kids at my school have tattoos. Some are pretty cool. But if it’s something you would’ve never done sober, then I can see why it bothers you.” She looked up at him with a faint smile. “A lot of people do things they regret when they’re under the influence.”
He smiled back looking into those eyes. They kept changing shades between light brown and gold. “Something tells me you’ve never even tried alcohol.”
She shook her head, frowning. “No offense, but I wouldn’t do that to my body. I’m on the volleyball and soccer teams at school. I know what drugs and alcohol do, not just to your mind but to your body. No thanks. I’d like to keep my body just like it is; thank you very much.” Her hand traced the outer part of her thigh: the part Vince had first noticed when he saw her. Forcing his eyes away from the finger that traced that tone muscle up her thigh, he straightened up and looked in her eyes again.
“But it’s crazy how many people I know that do all the time.” She lowered her voice again like she had earlier, and he was glad because it made him smile, softening the intensity of what just watching her touch her leg was doing to him. “Not just alcohol, but weed. There’s a guy in my building that sells the stuff. The cops have raided his apartment a few times.”
That’s when he realized that as different as they were, just how the same he and Rose really were. For her to live in a building where there was drug dealing going on, her neighborhood was probably just as run down as his. The only difference was unlike him, Rose obviously wasn’t using the whole “victim of environment” bullshit he so often blamed for his issues.
“So you’re a good girl in a bad neighborhood?”
She smiled, nodding, and every time she did that smile got even sweeter. As usual, Vince tried his best to hide his feelings. It was just admirable that’s all. Yeah, that’s what he was feeling for her—admiration. And why not? He kept saying most of the girls in his neighborhood had gone bad so early because their surroundings made them that way. Here he had Rose: the startling, but faultless contradiction to that argument.
Faultless was now his first impression of her, and something in his gut and in those sweet eyes of hers told him that wouldn’t be changing.
CHAPTER THREE
Rose
Now…
Rose’s sister Grace knocked before cracking the bedroom door open and sticking her face in. “Is Ben gonna make it Saturday?”
Rose winced before she turned to face the door. She’d been dreading this question. Instead of answering she countered with her own question. “Can you tell me again why you guys are doing this after I specifically asked you not to? It’s my AA for crying out loud. A party for that is almost embarrassing.”
“There is nothing embarrassing about you earning a degree.”
“Yes, I know. But you guys could’ve waited at least until I got my bachelors.”
“The amount of time that it took you to get this deserves a celebration, Rosie. Sal said it’s almost unheard of, and he’s absolutely proud of you. Besides, it’s a not a party; it’s just a small gathering.”
Rose’s jaw dropped and Grace laughed. Even Grace couldn’t say that with a straight face. Her brother-in-law’s family didn’t do small gatherings.
The door pushed open, and in stumbled her little nephew giggling loudly. “Chava, no honey. Not in here. Tia Rose is studying.”
Rose grabbed him and he squealed. Her nephew's name was Salvador, but for some reason, as odd as it sounded, the Spanish nickname for Salvador was Chava. To avoid confusion since he’d been named after his dad, he was now Chava or Chavita depending on who was talking to him. Rose squeezed him, kissing him all over his face as he squirmed trying to get away, all the while laughing loudly.
“Shh!” Grace said closing the door behind her. “Grandma’s taking a nap. You’re gonna wake her.”
“Nana!” he yelled out laughing.
Grace gave him that look that quickly shut him up, but he couldn’t help but continue to laugh especially since Rose squeezed him even harder when he yelled out. Rose let go and let him down. “Be good,” she whispered in his ear before kissing him again on the temple.
He nodded but was immediately distracted by the teddy bears on her bed. Among them was the pink one she usually hid under the others but had forgotten to earlier when she’d held it again. Grace watched him climb on Rose’s bed and warned him again to play quietly then turned back to Rose. “I didn’t know you still had that teddy bear.”
Rose shrugged. “I hold on to all my teddy bears. You know that.”
Grace crossed her arms and then came that look Rose knew was coming. “Maybe you think this whole Ben story is fooling everyone, but it’s not fooling me. Are you two even seeing each other?”
“Yes.” Rose looked away.
She hated being such a horrible liar. This was why every event they
’d had for the past few months when she’d supposedly started seeing Ben, he hadn’t been able to make it to the parties. She was afraid she’d never pull it off if she ever did bring him. She’d only told Grace she was seeing him because Grace was worried, and she was tired of being so damn pathetic that even after all this time she still couldn’t get over Vincent. That was the reason why she’d gotten her AA so quickly. She’d plunged so deeply into her schoolwork and soccer—deep enough to consume her every moment. This included weekends and online classes to keep her mind busy continually and not thinking about him. She’d managed to earn the degree in just a little over a year.
She knew the family was beginning to wonder about her mysterious never-able-to-make-it boyfriend. At least Grace and Sal had met him. They knew he existed. So she’d stretched the truth a little about their actual relationship, but that was only after Grace had started talking to Rose about considering therapy for her depression.
Rose insisted she wasn’t depressed. Sure she had been when it first happened—more than depressed—she’d been a wreck. Admittedly there’d been a very long period when the heartache was unbearable. Grace had been able to relate because of what she’d gone through with her now husband just before they married when they’d had an abrupt break up as well, so she was more than sympathetic about Rose needing time to heal. The pain had faded over time, turning into that numbness she’d felt for so long now. But after nearly a year of feeling utterly numb and refusing to date anyone else, Grace had started the therapy talk. She knew Grace meant it, so she forced herself to appear more chipper around the family, and she’d told one very small lie about her friend Ben.
That white lie now threatened to unravel all because this family couldn’t stop having gatherings and parties! Each time she’d had to make up excuse after excuse why Ben couldn’t make it again. “He’ll be there this time,” Rose said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. “The party is for me after all,” she added. “Of course he’ll be there.”
Grace looked at her still a little suspicious then her attention was averted by Chava who began jumping on Rose’s bed.
“Oh, no you don’t, Mister.” She rushed over and plucked him up.
Knowing exactly how to make nice with mommy, Chava planted a big wet one on Grace’s cheek and wrapped his arms around her neck. Rose laughed when Grace started snuggling him. “God, he has you wrapped.”
Grace started toward the door. “Let’s get out of Tia’s hair. She has a lot of studying to do.” She turned back to Rose as she opened the door. “I’m glad he’s gonna be there, Rose. And you know, as proud as I am about you taking your studying so seriously, I really wish you’d give yourself a little break and go out and have some fun. I don’t see how you even have time for poor Ben with all the time you spend studying.” She sighed. “I know I should be saying the opposite: concentrate on school and soccer and not so much socializing, but you really work too hard, hon. You need to cut yourself some slack.” She raised an eyebrow. “And don’t think I don’t get why you’re doing this.”
“I have been doing stuff that doesn’t involve school.” Rose crossed her fingers under her thigh.
She’d actually taken to studying at the library more now just so Grace and Sal would think she was out socializing. Grace didn’t seem completely convinced, but with Chava squirming in her arms now, she cut it short and left Rose’s room.
Picking up her phone from her desk, Rose thought of what she’d say to Ben as she hit speed dial.
Always in a good mood, he answered, cheery as usual, “Howdy!”
“Will you be my boyfriend?” She squeezed her eyes shut waiting for his response.
“I knew you’d come around eventually!” She could almost picture the smile on Ben’s face. “So when do we consummate this? I can pick you up in five.”
“Ha, ha,” she said plopping down on her bed. “I just need you for one night—this Saturday.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Okay. I never made you out to be the one-night type of girl, but I guess dreams really do come true. Saturday night it’s on.”
Rose rolled her eyes and picked up the teddy bear that still held so many painful memories. Even back in high school, Ben had been a total player, but now as an adult he was the biggest player she knew: lovable, sweet, and always there for her, but a player nonetheless.
“Stop. You know that’s not what I mean. My family is throwing this ridiculous party to celebrate my getting an AA, and they’re sort of under the impression that you’re my boyfriend.” She bit the corner of her lip crinkling her nose, embarrassed that she had to admit this.
“First of all, you deserve it. Shit, it took me two years to get mine; I’m almost embarrassed now.”
“Embarrassed? Please! You’re gonna be a doctor, Ben–a surgeon no less. I’m sure the classes needed for your AA were hardly comparable to ones needed for my liberal arts degree.”
“Doesn’t matter, you’re the only person I know who’s ever earned it this quickly. I don’t know how you did it, but I’m sure it wasn’t easy. So tell me, why is your family under the impression that I’m the lucky one tapping that hot little thing?”
Grace frowned, keeping to herself the reasons why she got her AA so fast. Ben knew she already had plenty of college credits when she graduated high school. She’d leave it at that.
As uncomfortable as it made her, she got to the part of her family thinking he was tapping her thing. Smoothing the teddy bear’s fur, she crinkled her nose again. “Because I sort of told them that we’re seeing each other.”
Now he laughed. “Why?”
She stood up walking toward her walk-in closet, the furthest point from the bedroom door, and lowered her voice. “Okay look, long story short. My sister has been on me for months about me still being down about Vincent, which isn’t true by the way.” She knew even Ben wouldn’t buy that, but she felt so pathetic she had to throw that in. “Anyway, since they know me and you go to the movies and stuff and you’ve actually come around a few times, I just thought she’d get off my back if I said that we started seeing each other. No big deal, right? But she started telling people about it. The last few parties this family’s had, I’ve had to make up excuses why you couldn’t be there.”
“So why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve gone.”
“I know you would’ve, but I felt dumb. I thought it’d be better if I just made up an excuse for you, but now they’re getting suspicious. Well Grace is anyway. You don’t have to stay the whole night either. Just as long as I get to introduce you to the family, and then you can say you gotta go.”
She heard him laugh. “Are you kidding me? And miss a chance to have my hands and lips all over you all night. I’m staying until they throw me out.”
“No, no, no,” she shook her head adamantly. “Not around this family you won’t. Trust me, unless you really want to get thrown out and I mean on your ass, total respect is of the utmost importance. You can hold my hand or maybe place your arm around my waist. I do want it to look genuine but nothing more. And I can’t stress that enough. Okay?”
“I at least get a kiss goodnight, right? I gotta get something out of this.”
Rose touched her lips, Vincent’s words coming to her as they always did anytime the very idea of her so much as kissing anyone else was brought up. His fingers had traced her lips so many times, I own these forever, and then her unequivocal response. You own me body and soul, Vincent. There’ll never be anyone else for me ever.
The words might as well be tattooed on her brain…and her heart. She’d said them so many times and meant them profoundly. If Ben knew the only lips that had ever touched hers were Vincent’s, she’d be mortified. This was exactly the reason why she wanted to avoid therapy at all cost. It would take any therapist all but a few minutes to evaluate her and announce what she’d been denying to herself and everyone else for so long: she was still hopelessly in love with Vincent. So in love she was beginning to think she’d never
get over him—Vincent—the very guy who had ripped her heart to shreds.
“We’ll see,” she whispered.
“Rosie, I’m kidding. But ouch! I didn’t think the thought of me kissing you would make you so sad.”
Feeling horrible for an entirely different reason now, she shook her head again. “No I didn’t mean it like that. I just…,” she sighed. “It’s the same reason I’ve never wanted to do anything with you, Ben. You’re my friend, and I don’t want to ruin things.”
Besides that, after having her heart broken so badly once already, the last thing she needed was to get into a relationship where she knew that was inevitable. As much as Ben insisted he could be faithful, and bless his heart she’d seen him try, she knew he was basically incapable.
The conversation moved onto the technicalities of how, where, and what to say and not to say. With that taken care of she hung up and lay down on her bed feeling tired and drained like she had so often lately. She embraced the teddy bear, kissing the top of its head.
Staring up at her bedroom ceiling, she wondered how other girls did it. Obviously she couldn’t be the only girl in the world that didn’t end up with her first love. Many, for sure, had fond memories of their first profound relationships, but everyone else moved on. Why couldn’t she?
Refusing to allow herself to get choked up for the millionth time, Rose thought back, once again, to a time in her life that now seemed too good to have ever actually happened. It was a time when the smallest of things made her so incredibly happy and everything was so ridiculously exciting—an age in her life she wanted nothing more than to relive, even if it always ended the way it had.
As stupid as some would think her, she’d be willing to endure reliving the heartache if it meant getting back the best time of her life: the almost two years she spent with the one person who’d completely stolen her heart and now seemed impossible to ever forget. What made it especially hard was the knowledge that, as long as Grace was married to Sal, the possibility of seeing him again someday was all too real. Her head knew she should be worried about that, and in many ways she was, but her heart still skipped a little faster just thinking about the possibility—no matter how painful she knew that would be.