On the other side of the table, Seth snorted. “You know, just ’cause you put the word fucking in front of it doesn’t make you less of a pansy for saying the word adorable.”
Garrett rolled his eyes. “A man thinking his kid is adorable doesn’t make him a pansy, Masterson. You’ll find that out one of these days.”
“Never,” Seth vowed. “No kids for me, thank you very much. I’m getting my tubes tied.”
The other men laughed, Cash included. Seth’s pessimistic position about children was nothing new; the man was adamant about never siring a child. Which was probably a good thing, because the thought of a little mini-Seth with big-Seth’s smart mouth was kinda terrifying.
“Where the fuck is Carson?” Garrett suddenly asked. “He’s late.”
Cash averted his eyes, but nobody glanced his way, which told him that Carson hadn’t blabbed about what went down in Becker’s hallway over the weekend. Thank God, because the last thing he felt like doing was justifying his feelings for Jen to anyone else.
“Well, we’re not waiting for him anymore,” Ryan announced, reaching for the deck of cards. “I, for one, am ready to milk Texas for all he’s worth.”
“Why do you assholes always target me?” Jackson demanded.
“Because your poker face sucks,” Matt drawled as he took a sip of his beer. “So does McCoy’s. You two are easy money.”
The banter continued as Ryan dealt the first hand. Jackson, of course, tried bluffing his way into the pot, only to lose five bucks when Ryan and Aidan suckered him into going all in. Laughter ensued, followed by Jackson’s grumbling that his poker face had yet again failed him.
As money changed hands and chips clinked in the center of the table, Cash sipped his beer, his thoughts drifting to Jen. As much as he liked hanging out with the boys, he kinda wished she were here too. He’d grown accustomed to her company over the past two weeks. Not just having sex with her, but simply having her around. Watching TV while she messed around with her camera, cooking dinner while she worked on her laptop. He liked how they could be in the same room and not have to be wrapped all over each other.
Other girls he’d dated expected him to sit there holding their hands and constantly make conversation, but Jen was perfectly content doing her own thing while he did his. She didn’t push for them to be joined at the hip, or make demands of him. She was happy no matter what they were doing, and he appreciated that.
“I swear, if Shelby comes home as drunk as she did last time, I’m divorcing her,” Garrett was saying. “I’m beginning to dread the words girls’ night.”
Cash lifted his head. “They don’t get that drunk, do they?” he said with a frown.
Ryan joined the conversation with a groan. “Last time, I spent the entire night holding Annabelle’s hair while she puked out ten gallons of tequila.”
“Hey, I love girls’ night,” Matt argued. “Savannah did the dirtiest striptease for me last time, but then again, my girl’s better at handling her liquor than your pansy ladies.”
Becker suddenly growled, jabbing a finger at O’Connor. “Don’t get me started on Savannah. She and Jane went shopping last week and I got a credit card bill for six hundred dollars. Six hundred dollars worth of lingerie, for chrissake.”
“Oh come on. Like you didn’t benefit from that shopping trip.”
“I certainly did not,” Becker said stiffly.
“I call bullshit. After Savannah modeled what she’d bought, I didn’t let her leave the bed for a week. And Savannah told me she and Jane made identical purchases.” Matt cocked a brow. “Did Jane get that lacy black mesh thing with the garter belt?”
“No,” Becker muttered.
“No?”
The lieutenant commander sighed. “She got it in red.”
As everyone laughed, Cash experienced the most bizarre pang of envy. He found himself wishing that he could contribute to the conversation. Not that he wanted to talk about what kind of lingerie Jen wore, but the idea of calling her his “girl” and sharing stories appealed to him.
Man, he really had it bad.
“All right, enough with the chick talk,” Seth announced. “I feel like I’m at a teenage girl’s slumber party.”
Ryan shuffled the deck, but before he could deal a fresh hand, they were interrupted by the arrival of Carson.
The room fell silent.
“Wow,” Dylan remarked. “You look like shit, LT.”
Cash wholly concurred. In fact, he’d never seen Carson look so…wrecked. Clad in faded jeans and a T-shirt boasting several holes, jaw covered in stubble, blond hair tousled as if he’d repeatedly run his fingers through it. And his expression reflected nothing but sheer misery.
“Sit down,” Garrett said quietly. “I’ll grab you a beer.”
“In a minute,” Carson said in a tired voice. His blue eyes shifted to Cash. “McCoy, a word?”
With a nod, Cash stood up, ignoring the bewildered looks he received from the others. He followed Carson out of the den, and they headed toward Garrett and Shelby’s kitchen, where Carson made a beeline for the sliding door leading to the backyard. The night air was balmy when they stepped outside.
Carson dropped into a wicker chair and pointed to the chair across from him. “Sit.”
Cash sat, then waited.
After several long moments, Carson cleared his throat. “How’s the lip?”
“It’s fine.”
A pained look flashed across the other man’s face. “I shouldn’t have slugged you like that.”
Cash sighed. “Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t do worse.”
Carson rubbed the stubble coating his chin in a gesture of pure frustration. “Holly’s staying with her sister again.”
“Aw, fuck. I’m sorry, man.” Cash had never seen Carson look so dejected, so beaten, and his heart went out to the guy.
“Look, about that woman you and Jenny saw me with,” Carson started.
“You don’t have to explain. It’s none of our business.”
“Her name’s Angel Whittaker. She’s…ah, the therapist I’ve been seeing.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I started seeing her a month or two before we got deployed.” Carson hung his head. “Holly and I were having problems then too. And once we got back, things just got worse, so I called Angel. She was on vacation, but I convinced her to meet me for coffee so we could talk about…you know, about everything.”
“Is she helping?”
“Not really, but I’ve realized that’s because I was talking to the wrong person. I should have been talking to my wife instead of babbling on to some stranger about how much things suck. Angel told me I wouldn’t fix anything unless I start openly communicating with Holly. Jenny said the same thing, but idiot that I am, I’m going around thinking everything will fix itself, or that having a baby might make things better. I’m an asshole, huh?”
“You’re not an asshole. Well, not all of the time.”
Carson flashed a dry grin. “Thanks.”
“So what now?” Cash asked.
“Now I try to convince my wife how much I fucking love her. I know it’s tough for her, with me gone for long periods of time, but it’s tough for me too. I love that woman to death and I don’t care if we have ten kids or no kids. I just want Holly.”
“You should be saying this to her, not me,” Cash pointed out.
“Trust me, I’ll tell her.” Carson got that look in his eyes, the determined one he donned during particularly hazardous missions. “I’ll keep telling her until she gets sick of hearing it.”
“Sounds like a good plan.”
“And listen, about you and my sister…”
He winced. “I’m sorry about that, LT. It was a total violation of guy code, I know that, but it just happened. I didn’t plan on getting involved with her, and if you want to punch me in the face a few more times, I promise I won’t even put up a fight. But…” A heavy breath slipped out. “But if you ask m
e to end it, I’ll respectfully refuse.”
Carson tipped his head to the side. “You really do care about her, don’t you?”
He nodded. Then he shook his head. “No. I more than care about her. I’m in love with her.”
Carson’s eyebrows shot up. “For real?”
“Yes.”
To his surprise, Carson didn’t seem angry. Only impressed, and oddly sad. “Shit, I’m not just an asshole husband, am I? I suck in the brother department too, apparently. I really do treat her like a child, don’t I?”
“Yep.”
“It’s because I’m used to thinking of her as the baby of the family, you know? And fine, maybe I still see her as a bit of a screw-up. She’s smart as hell, but she didn’t make any effort in school. She could’ve gotten As in every fucking class, gone to some Ivy League college and become a big-shot career woman, but she was always more concerned with taking pictures.”
“It’s what she loves to do. And she’s damn good at it.” He told Carson about Jen’s job interview in L.A. next week, which brought a crease of shame to the guy’s forehead.
“She didn’t even call to tell me about it.”
“Well, she’s not very happy with you at the moment.”
“What about you?” A serious note entered Carson’s voice. “Is she happy with you?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad then.”
“You are?”
“Don’t get me wrong—I’m still annoyed as fuck that you put the moves on my sister after I told you not to, but in all honesty? If there’s anyone I could tolerate my little sister with, it’s you, McCoy.”
Cash swallowed a lump of pain. “As much as I appreciate your blessing, I’m not sure it matters. Jen’s not interested in anything long-term. She doesn’t want everything that comes along with dating a military guy, and I don’t know how to change her mind.”
“Does she know how you feel about her?”
Cash slowly shook his head.
“Then tell her. Trust me, I’m learning that communication is a big fucking deal. Maybe if she knows how you feel, she’ll change her mind about this military rule of hers.”
“Maybe.” He suddenly remembered something. “Hey, by the way, Brendan left town.”
“Yeah, I know. The admiral told me.”
“Jen’s going to stay at my place for a few more days, but then she’s moving back to her apartment.”
Carson got to his feet. “You’re a good man, McCoy. You know that, right?”
“Thanks, LT.”
“And if you do end up with my sister, I won’t have any complaints.” Carson began to laugh. “It’s funny, I was so worried about you taking advantage of her, but now I’m starting to think you might be the best thing that’s ever happened to her.”
Chapter Thirteen
It was ten thirty when Jen stepped onto the sidewalk in front of Savannah’s flower shop. She froze when she spotted the vehicle parked on the curb—not Cash’s Escape, but her brother’s Range Rover.
The sight of Carson through the windshield had her back stiffening. Why the hell was he here? Holly had left with Shelby ten minutes ago, so he couldn’t be here to pick up his wife.
Squaring her jaw, Jen strode over to the car and rapped on the passenger window. When it rolled down, she poked her head in. “Holly went home with Shelby.”
Her tone was slightly cool, but it was the most cordial she could muster. She hadn’t spoken to Carson since their heated argument on Sunday, and she had no desire to argue with him again.
But his unkempt appearance and the ravaged look on his face told her he wasn’t looking for a fight, either. “I’m here for you,” her brother answered.
“Why? Where’s Cash?”
“He’s still at Garrett’s. I skipped out early, though. Cash said he was supposed to pick you up, so I offered to do it.” He leaned over and pulled on the passenger door handle.
Jen stared at the open door, debating whether to haughtily announce she’d take a cab, or suck it up and get in the car. After a beat, she slid into the passenger seat and buckled up. Might as well get this over with.
“Should I be worried about the condition Cash will be in when he gets home?” she inquired sweetly.
Carson had the decency to look ashamed. “I deserve that.” He moved the gearshift and drove away from the curb. “Look, I already apologized to McCoy. I know I was out of line on Sunday.”
“Damn right you were.”
“I’m sorry, Jenny. I’ve been acting like a total asshole the past few weeks.”
“No kidding.”
“The only excuse I can give you is that I’ve been upset about Holly.”
He sounded so incredibly sad that some of Jen’s anger thawed, replaced by a twinge of sympathy. “She’s not doing too well herself.”
The devastation on Carson’s face nearly tore her to pieces. “Did she say anything tonight? About, uh, me?”
“A bit, but I won’t break her confidence.” Jen sighed. “Holly said she’s been staying at her sister’s for the past couple of days. Have you two even spoken?”
“A couple of times over the phone. I’ve begged her to come home, but she says she needs time to think. Jesus, Jenny, it scares the hell outta me that my wife has to think about whether or not to come home.” His voice cracked. “What if she doesn’t?”
Jen couldn’t control the icy note that entered her voice. “Does she have a reason not to?”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you still haven’t explained why you were holding hands with another woman.” Her gaze bore into him. “Straight up, Carson—are you having an affair?”
His jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? I’m not having a fucking affair. Like I told Cash earlier tonight, I’m seeing a fucking therapist.”
Now Jen was the one picking her jaw off the floor. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious.” When they neared a red light, Carson hit the brakes and turned to scowl at her. “That woman you saw me with was my therapist. And I wasn’t calling her angel on the phone, her name is Angel.”
Guilt and relief slammed into Jen’s chest like a gust of wind. “Shit. I’m sorry I thought the worst of you, but you’ve got to know that sneaking around is never a good idea. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth when I brought it up?”
“Because I was embarrassed,” her brother muttered. He stepped on the gas and steered through the intersection. “Because I didn’t want you to know how bad things with Holly and me had gotten.”
Jen’s heart clenched. “She’ll come home, Carson. She’s just feeling overwhelmed right now and I’m not sure I blame her. You can’t come back after six months and start making demands on her. You need to take time and try to reconnect with your wife.”
“I know that. Now, anyway,” he amended. “Before, I…well, I guess I thought that Hol and me were so rock solid that we didn’t need to work on our relationship. I figured everything would fix itself.”
“Kind of hard to fix anything when you don’t bother listening to what your wife is trying to tell you,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, I figured that out too.” Smiling, he tilted his head. “When did you get so wise about love and relationships?”
“It just comes naturally, I guess.” A spark of determination lit her belly. “And you know what? I’m going to do more than dispense wisdom. I’m going to help you get your wife back.”
“And how will you do that? I’ve been trying for months. Holly doesn’t believe me when I tell her how much I love her.”
“That’s your problem, you’re telling, not showing.” Jen rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, big brother, I know exactly what to do. First thing, you need to—”
“I’ve been a really crappy brother, haven’t I?”
She blinked at the interjection. “Where did that come from?”
“It’s true, isn’t it?”
“Not entirely true. You have yo
ur asshole moments, but you’ve always been my biggest protector.”
“Yes, but I also don’t take you seriously.” Shamefaced, he shifted his gaze to her before moving it back to the road. “It’s because you’re the baby of the family, you know? You’re my little sister, and when I look at you, I see the pesky brat who used to eavesdrop on my phone calls and hide under my bed when I had girls over.”
“That was a long time ago,” she said with a laugh.
“Exactly. But I didn’t get the memo. You grew up and became a strong, intelligent woman capable of making her own decisions, but I haven’t even noticed because I’m too busy viewing you as a kid. And now you’re sitting here and giving me advice after I interfered in your life and annoyed the shit outta you for the last month. You’re too damn nice, you know that?”
She sighed. “Yeah, I know.”
They neared Cash’s building, and Carson turned into the small parking lot. Pulling up right next to the stairwell door, he put the car in park and turned to her with a grave look. “So…uh…about Cash.”
Annoyance rippled through her. “You’re not going to lecture me for getting involved with him, are you? Because we just established that I’m a strong, intelligent woman capable of making my own decisions.”
“No lecture. And like I said, Cash and I straightened it out. What I wanted to ask was…uh…okay, fuck, I’m just gonna come out with it—are you planning on dumping him?”
Jen’s mouth fell open. “Why would you think that?”
“Because of the whole military thing.” Carson absently ran his hands over the steering wheel, his expression growing soft. “I think you were about twelve the first time you told me you hated Dad.”
“I never hated Dad,” she protested. “You know I wasn’t serious.”
“No, but you were serious when you said he felt like a stranger to you.” He shrugged. “No judgment. The admiral felt like a stranger to me too when I was growing up. Anyway, that time when you were twelve, I came home from college for the holidays, and Dad had shipped out that year, remember?”
“I remember,” she said flatly.
“Mom was depressed. I remember she spent Christmas Eve crying in her bedroom. And you and me were downstairs, pigging out on those cookies Grandma brought over, and you turned to me and said that you never, ever wanted to have the kind of marriage Mom and Dad had. I’m pretty sure you gave an hour-long speech about how your husband would be home every day, and especially on Christmas Eve.”