They walked a few steps without a word until her friend squeezed her arm. “And what?”
“I can’t tell you here.” Ella glanced around nervously. “But what you said . . .” She glanced around again. “What I told you Charlee said . . . I guess you were both right. He wants to . . .” She gulped. Having to actually say it out loud felt even more absurd. It was still so surreal.
“Wants to what, Ella?” Carmen asked, looking as if she were ready to burst. “You’re killing me!”
“He wants me to give him a chance,” Ella whispered as they reached the door of the self-defense classroom.
“A chance for what?”
“Oh, don’t make me spell it out,” Ella finally stopped whispering and laughed nervously. “And guess what else,” she added quickly before her friend could start rambling again. “He doesn’t wear cologne.”
As if she hadn’t already dropped a bomb on Carmen, her friend stared at her, her mouth forming a perfectly shaped O. Ella was sure she’d worn the same expression when she’d asked Felix what brand of cologne he wore before they left the stairwell. He’d laughed at her reaction, explaining he only wore antiperspirant when he worked out. Maybe a little lotion but otherwise that amazing scent was all him.
Ella tried to calm herself, but the emotion running through her was unreal. She only wished it was all good. As thrilled as she felt one moment losing her train of thought constantly because she’d remember Felix’s amazing kisses, in the very next moment she was so consumed with the paralyzing fear that this euphoria could all come crashing down on her. And if it did, it would be bad. After only a few kisses from him, she already knew. Just like he said he’d be dying until the next time he had her alone, just thinking about it made her tingle all over. Even in places that had her feeling flushed.
She could not, would not, let it go there any time soon. If his kissing alone had her feeling this way already, she could only imagine if . . .
That’s why she wouldn’t even imagine it.
~~~
The being discreet thing wasn’t going to last. Ella had lost count of how many times Felix had pulled her into the stairwell since that first time almost a week ago. Each time things got a little more frenzied.
“There are security cameras in here, you know,” she’d pointed out one of the times in between kisses.
“Doesn’t matter. Only people who’ll ever see this would never leak it.”
If it weren’t for the hours they’d begun to spend on the phone a few nights ago, she might still be holding on to the theory that this was all just a challenge to him. That and the fact that she’d made it clear she didn’t date guys who smoked. The very next day he’d proudly showed off his nicotine patch.
“I told you whatever it takes.” His smile had been so breathtaking it’d taken everything in her not to kiss him right there in the middle of the gym for everyone to see. “Not that I really need it,” he’d added. “I haven’t been smoking that long, but I figured I can hold on to the patches afterward and we can put them in the scrapbook we’ll start about the story of us, just as soon as you say you’re in this all the way. That’d be something cool to show our kids, no?”
That time it’d been her who’d pulled him out into the stairwell where she’d jumped in his arms and he’d immediately pinned her against the wall. It’d been one of the hottest and longest sessions they’d had to date. Yep. Their discreet days were numbered, and she knew that her time to make up her mind was too. If he kept doing and saying things like that, she already knew which way her heart would be siding. Again, this, too, thrilled her as much as it terrified her.
“So let me get this straight,” Felix said as Ella glanced at the clock radio on her nightstand and realized they were past the two-hour mark tonight. “You can watch classic baseball match ups, entire series even, but you won’t watch a classic boxing match?”
She smiled. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t. I said I never have,” she explained. “Baseball to me is like boxing is to you.” As soon as she said it, she laughed out loud. “Okay, maybe not exactly. I’ve never even really been good at it. And I guess we can say you’re good at boxing.” She giggled, feeling silly. “But like you, the classic games bring back good memories, especially the ones I actually lived through and remember watching with my parents. Vin Scully is like an old friend of the family around here.” Her other line beeped, and she frowned when she saw it was Grayson—again. “Let me get my other line this time, okay?”
“Go ahead. You want me to call you back?”
“No. It’s just the third time he’s called since I’ve been talking to you. I just wanna make sure really quick that it’s not an emergency or anything unless, of course, you wanna hang up now.”
He was quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat. “I’ll wait.”
She clicked over, trying to put on her most unfriendly voice then nearly laughed at the idea. How was she supposed to say hello in a mean way? “Hello?”
Her calculating backfired on her because her pathetic attempt to sound annoyed when she answered came out more like chuckling, and that seemed to amuse Grayson. “You’re in a good mood.”
“I’m on the other line, Grayson. Is this important?”
“Well, that’s a matter of opinion. I think it is. I wanna talk to you.”
“I meant is it an emergency? The only reason I answered is because this is the third time you called. I’m busy right now. I can’t talk.”
“To me,” he said, stating the obvious. “Because I’m guessing you’ve been on the phone all this time talking with someone else.”
“Yes, I have someone on the other line, and unless this is an emergency, which clearly it’s not, then I gotta get back to him.”
“Who you talking to? Gabe?”
“No,” she said, refusing anything more.
“Then who?”
“That’s none of your—”
“Ella,” he cut in raising his voice. “Please tell me that isn’t Felix on the other line.”
She didn’t say anything, and she was ready to click back over to Felix because she could already tell this was about to get ugly—he’d never change.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Ella!”
She clicked back to Felix before Grayson could go on but was annoyed that he’d had managed to rattle her. “Hey,” she said softly. Her heart rate had picked up a little, and she hoped Felix wouldn’t notice her sudden unease.
“That was fast,” he said, a little too seriously, and she wondered if maybe he was getting tired. “I take it that wasn’t an emergency.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“But he called three times? You mind me asking who he is?”
Okay, maybe he wasn’t tired, but his tone sounded more annoyed now.
“That was Grayson,” she said simply.
He was quiet again as he had been when she mentioned this was the third time he’d called, and she wondered now why the hell had she mentioned that. She was certain he hadn’t even noticed she’d had a call coming in the first two times.
“You still talk to him a lot?”
“Not as much as we used to. It’s why I wanted to take the call just now. He never calls that many times in one night, so I just wanted to check to see if everything was okay.”
“Hmm” was all he said.
There was another long pause from Felix, and Ella had just removed all doubt. She was an idiot. Not only had she mentioned Grayson calling three times tonight, but now she’d just confirmed it wasn’t for any other reason than how much he wanted to talk to her.
“I guess this makes for a perfect intro to bring up something I’ve been meaning to ask you about,” Felix began. Ignoring her other line that was beeping again, Ella lay back on her bed, bringing her hand over her eyes, and braced herself. “I know you’re not sure about this yet, and I’ll give you as much time as you need, but being that every time I talk to you, every moment I’m around you now, and every time I kiss you
r lips, Ella, I fall harder, is there something I should know about your relationship with Grayson before I’m in too deep?”
Hating how the angst over this unexpected new topic took from the swelling of her heart, Ella glanced at the clock again. She’d already told him earlier that tomorrow was her only morning all week to sleep in. She had no excuse for having to get off the phone anytime soon. This two-hour call was about to get a lot longer.
Chapter 11
Felix
From the moment she’d clicked over to take the other call, Felix had been on his feet. Her mentioning it was the third time he’d called had Felix sitting up from his comfortable resting position on his bed. And even though he’d mentioned her being on the other line had been quick, it’d actually felt like a fucking eternity.
Asking her who it was who had felt it necessary to call three times had been pointless. His gut had told him who it was the moment she’d mentioned it was the third call from the same guy. Felix had refrained from asking her anything further about Grayson since that first meeting in the stairwell because he hadn’t wanted to ruin the good times they’d been having. But one thing he’d picked up on from this guy since day one was that, even though she was through with him, Grayson was hardly over her. The day he’d showed up the way he had, forcing her to jump into the squad car with him to avoid a confrontation, was further confirmation. Now this.
He paced as he waited for Ella’s response and hoped she’d be as detailed as she’d begun to be when she told him a little bit about Grayson at the blood drive. Felix ground his teeth now, remembering the frustrating interruption.
“I have no relationship with Grayson aside from trying to keep things amicable.”
“Amicable,” he said, trying not to sound as irritated as that made him. “Like jumping in his car if he ever sees you so much as hanging with another guy?”
“No.” She sighed. “That won’t be happening again. I already told him I won’t put up with that, and he promised he wouldn’t do anything like that anymore. I probably didn’t even have to get in with him that day. I just panicked.”
Felix stopped pacing, feeling a different kind of unease, one that had him fisting his hand. “Are you afraid of him, Ella?”
“No!” she said too quickly.
“The day of the blood drive you said he’d changed. What did you mean? No, you know what?” He reached for his phone charger and plugged it into his phone then lay back down on his bed though he had a feeling the way he was feeling he’d be up on his feet again. “Why don’t we back up a little? Was Grayson your first serious boyfriend?”
“No,” she said softly.
For some reason, that surprised him. But then just because he’d only managed to stay in what he’d consider a serious relationship for a few months—one that ended disastrously—didn’t mean she was the same. In fact, he knew she was very different. Everything about their lives was.
“Can I ask you how many serious relationships you’ve been in?”
He waited, hoping this wasn’t too soon, but given the circumstances and how he’d been completely honest with her about his feelings, he didn’t think it an unreasonable request.
“You can ask me anything, Felix.” As usual, her response only further confirmed what he’d pretty much already known. He was falling for this girl hard. “I’ve had two of what I would consider serious relationships. The first was during my senior year in high school and lasted just under five months. The second was a couple of years later with Grayson.”
It almost hurt to ask, but he had to know everything. “So you’ve been in love?”
“I was with Grayson. And I thought I might be with Gabe, my first boyfriend, but in hindsight, I know now I wasn’t.”
Felix closed his eyes, still feeling the blow to his gut. She’d been in love with that asshole. Was she still?
“What happened with Grayson? What made you fall out of love with him?” He wanted to make sure he never made the same mistake if he was lucky enough to get that far with her, but mostly he needed to know. “Because you did, right? You’re not in love with him anymore, are you?”
“Um . . . no, I haven’t been for a while.”
Felix let out a long relieved breath, but it wasn’t quite as satisfying as he would’ve thought. The slight hesitation before she confirmed she wasn’t was enough cause for concern. Also, she hadn’t broken up with Grayson that long ago. The guy was still visiting her at the gym, and he clearly felt some kind of claim over her still. Why would she continue to have him in her life if things were really over and she no longer had feelings for him?
“My only relationship before Grayson was eye-opening. I’d known Gabe my whole life because we grew up in the same neighborhood. He still lives there. But by high school, he’d started hanging around the wrong crowd. Because of what happened with my sister and all the effort my mother put into keeping us out of trouble, my brother and I vowed never to get involved or hang around with people who were trouble, and Gabe was trouble. By the time I was a senior, Gabe seemed to have gone straight. He was staying out of trouble—or so I thought.” She paused and Felix was on his feet again.
The thought of Ella with other guys was one he didn’t even want to think about, but he hadn’t lied when he first asked her about her past relationships. This was something he needed to know the details of before he was in too deep. It’d been a long time since he’d dealt with feelings of insecurity, and it was probably why he’d been so against getting involved with anyone he felt any kind of connection with. Since his breakup with Bianca, there’d only been one other time he’d even come close to feeling what he thought he’d started feeling for Bianca way back.
“Gabe had always been such a hothead in the past,” Ella continued, “but he claimed he’d changed. He said he’d been in so many fights and stuff only because of the crowd he’d hung out with. Once we became a couple, the drama was never ending. Looking back, I realize now it was our age. All of it was so high school. He was good-looking, and his bad-boy image made him the object of many of the girls’ desires.”
“Yours too?” Felix asked. “Is that what attracted you to him?”
“No.” He heard her laugh softly. “I’d always had a crush on him even before he’d gone bad. His going bad was what actually made me not like him. It was something so deep-seated with me that the thought of hanging around with the likes of him and his friends was something I never considered.”
“So why did you?” Felix asked, sitting down again pinching the bridge of his nose.
This was fucking great. Not only did he have to deal with the fact that she was still very much in touch with her ex—an ex who she’d only broken up with a few months ago and admitted to having been in love with, a guy who no doubt was still completely into her—but now she’d just admitted her other ex, her very first serious boyfriend, was one she’d always had a crush on. Someone who still lived in her neighborhood and with Felix’s luck she was probably still on speaking terms with the guy.
“Because I could see the change,” she said. “He promised me that he had. He knew how I felt about his past. And because we held off letting anyone know we were seeing each other until I felt comfortable about it.”
“Sounds familiar,” he said, hoping she’d think he was feeling playful again, though that couldn’t be further from the truth.
She laughed softly again and he was glad. He didn’t want her to catch onto how fast this conversation had gone south for him.
“But as soon as people found out, the drama started,” she said without commenting on just how similar the way her relationship with her first bad-boy boyfriend was to their situation now. “It wasn’t too bad at first. He got into a few scuffles with some guys he’d heard through the grapevine were saying things about us—about me. Then the rumors of him with other girls started. Everyone knew my stand on not hanging around with anyone who was trouble. So then the rumors of him dealing weed started. I was convinced this group of gir
ls, his ex and her friends, were behind it all. They were bound and determined one way or another to break us up. Am I boring you?” she asked suddenly.
“No, not at all, I want you to tell me everything.”
He wouldn’t tell her that he was glued to her every word now and felt willing to pull an all-nighter with her if that’s what it took to get every detail of her past relationships. He was dying to know how those guys blew it. It was scaring him now that it sounded as if one thing she’d learned from her past experiences was to not put up with shit from any guy. Felix was bound to blow it with her.
“Well, long story short, I found out he was back in contact with the guys he used to run with. He tried denying it at first but then finally admitted he had a few times, so I broke up with him.”
“Just for hanging with them a few times?” Felix asked, even more alarmed now about her no-nonsense attitude.
There was so much that could go wrong with all the shit he dealt with on a daily basis. The paparazzi were just waiting for him to screw up in any way. As soon as it was announced that he and Grecco would be having a rematch, they’d dig up everything and anything that would make headlines about him regardless of how long ago the stories were. He’d never given a flying fuck what they said, but this actually had his blood thrumming good and hard. His ass would get dumped in a heartbeat.
“I didn’t need that in my life, Felix. I made the right decision too. Less than two weeks later he and his brother were arrested for grand theft auto. The only reason he didn’t go to jail was because he was still a minor at the time. I knew immediately that what I’d begun to think, that I might be in love with him, was wrong. It was the weirdest thing.” She stopped as if to ponder. “It was as if the betrayal of it just sucked whatever feelings I had for him right out of me. It didn’t even hurt, and I was so relieved I hadn’t given up my V card to him.”
Felix stopped his pacing. V card? Was she saying she was still a . . .?
“After I graduated . . .” she went on.