His words were a punch in my gut. It was my fault. I couldn’t sing the song. Our world would die because of me. I didn’t trust myself to speak so I just shook my head.
He sighed and said sadly, “Ah, well, Mac. Good luck to you and yours.” He gave me a little salute and sauntered briskly into the night. Halfway down the block he called over his shoulder, “You may want to see to Sean O’Bannion. He’s turned Unseelie. He and that young woman of his won’t leave. They’ve taken a townhouse on Mockingbird Lane.” He told me the address then vanished into the gloaming.
“Ah, Kat,” I said, and sighed. Then I trudged into BB&B, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Literally.
As I was settling in on the sofa, the doorbell tinkled and I glanced at the entrance.
The Dreamy-Eyed Guy walked in.
I had no idea why he used my door. I was pretty sure he could still sift, unlike the rest of us. Or just ooze in, a great dark stain sliding down my chimney or rising up from the floorboards.
A year ago I’d have gotten excited, believing he was here to help. And if not, that I could surely talk him into it. I knew better now. “Come to sing the song for us?” I mocked anyway.
“Don’t have it. Evaporates when passed. You, Cruce, must put it back together.”
Well, that seriously sucked. So, I couldn’t even talk him into it. I studied him intently as a thought occurred to me. “There’s something about this that’s necessary. What is it? Do good and evil have to work together in some cosmic-balance way?”
“Subjective. Still not seeing. Same source.”
“Are we being tested?”
He flashed me a smile and for a moment I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. “Always. You owe me three boons, Beautiful Girl.”
“I don’t know if I can grant them. My power is fading.”
“Can and will.”
“Who are you?” I demanded. And why did he talk about the king in third person?
“Told you. At Chester’s. Said you’re no more the king than I.”
“Because we both are. In some way.” Me with the Book, but him how?
He stopped at the sofa and fixed his starry gaze on me with a faint smile. “A skin that refused to return when summoned. I demanded my own fate. He is a storm. I am but a drop of his rain.”
“I saw you in the abbey. You became him.”
“Illusion. It amuses him. As does my defiance. He could reclaim me. When you see her, you will say nothing of my origins. She believes me human.”
“Her, who?”
“The concubine.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I thought she was in the White Mansion.”
“You will restore her mortality. I will sift us to a world but you will pretend you’re doing it.”
“And your third boon?”
“One day, either the king or I will come to claim it.”
I nodded, knowing I had so little time left it was doubtful anyone would claim anything further from me.
When he brought Aoibheal inside, her eyes narrowed. “I can’t help you,” she said instantly.
“I’m not asking you to,” I told the woman whose mere existence had caused every single problem I’d had, through no fault of her own but as a pawn on a vast chessboard, in a game played by vast beings. It wasn’t as if there was anything she could do to save us anyway. I would be dead soon, with no True Magic to require advice about. “I’m going to take you somewhere.”
“Where?” she demanded.
I glanced at the DEG and the transition was seamless. Suddenly the three of us stood beneath the triple canopy of a tropical rain forest, and I was hearing the DEG’s voice in my head, telling me what to say.
“The king protected your world,” I told her. “Though your clan is long dead, you will find your planet the same.”
She stared blankly at me, then past my shoulder, then at me again. “My world still exists? I’m home? But how do you know any of this? How did you even know where to find it?”
That was a tricky one. I waited for the DEG to say something and he didn’t so I said, “The Sinsar Dubh knew about it. It was in the king’s memories.”
She spun in a slow circle, absorbing her surroundings with faint wonder.
I relayed the DEG’s next words: “I’m going to make you mortal so you may live and die as you’ve always wished. You will not perish with the Earth.”
She whirled back to me. “Why would you do that? I left you and your world to die.”
I stared into her vaguely puzzled, sad eyes and these words were my own: “There was nothing you could have done to save us. No more than I.”
The DEG whispered in my brain the keywords to sort through my mental files so I could find the spell to transform her. Along with his words came a rush of dark power, and I whizzed through the tabs so quickly it pissed me off that he hadn’t been around a few weeks ago when I really could have used this kind of boost.
Then another flood of raw, unfocused energy exploded inside me as he boosted me further since I could no longer tap into the earth.
I murmured the words of an ancient curse used to turn a Fae human as punishment by the queen. Aoibheal stiffened and hissed, doubling over as she transformed. Then I felt another jolt of magic flow through me from the DEG, and her hair and skin began to darken to a lovely shade of brown. Glossy dark curls tumbled to her waist. Her clothing shimmered, shifted, and flowed into a brilliantly colored tunic.
When finally she straightened, she inclined her head in an imperious nod, then with her bird on her shoulder turned and walked slowly, stiffly, into the forest.
“Awk! Fly now!” the bird squawked.
She paused and glanced up at it. With a ghost of a smile, the concubine removed her shoes and curled her bare toes into the leaves and soil. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.
Then she shook herself, gathered her skirts and dashed off into the lush, dense wood.
The brilliant squawking bird soared into the air, taking flight above her.
We stood, watching, until they’d both vanished.
Abruptly, I was back at BB&B, alone.
I sank down onto the sofa and sighed.
The iconic love affair was truly, irrevocably, over.
The concubine was finally all she’d ever wanted to be: mortal. She would die.
The king would go on.
With a heart that was heavy for too many reasons to count, I stretched out on the Chesterfield and waited for Barrons to come home.
I woke to his hands on me, sliding up beneath my shirt, closing on my breasts, and lust and need and grief exploded inside me. We shed our clothing urgently, kissing so deeply we couldn’t breathe, and I knew a thing about breath—you didn’t need it when you had this kind of love.
And you didn’t want it if you lost this kind of love.
Once, what seemed another lifetime ago, I’d decided to destroy the world because I’d lost this man. I hadn’t made that decision when I’d lost my sister.
And now I was going to lose him again.
I didn’t want to keep breathing without him. I couldn’t see myself transferring what True Magic remained to another Fae, going off world with my sister and parents and leaving him to die without me. Assuming I tried, I knew I’d never fall in love again. Where was I going to find another man like Jericho Barrons? He was a singularity. And every man I met would only end up getting compared to what I’d loved and lost and, no, I didn’t believe one day I’d “get over him.” There are some people you never get over.
I was unable to make myself want to live without Barrons. I wasn’t embracing death. I didn’t want to die. But if my choices were living without him for a long time or living with him for every minute I could, however brief, there was no contest.
If there was an afterlife, I was taking my chance to go on with him. Heaven or Hell. I would live with this man and, by God, I would die with him, too.
“It’s possible,” he said, moving inside me,
“that I won’t die right away. It’s possible I could go off world with you and live until I died that first and last time. Then simply not be able to be reborn. We might have a natural life span together.”
“Do you know that for certain?” I gasped as he thrust deep.
He didn’t answer but I didn’t need him to. I’d overheard a conversation he’d had with Ryodan the other day. Due to their origins, somehow, none of them was sure they wouldn’t simply cease to exist the moment the Earth did, no matter where they were in all the galaxies, just like the Fae.
“I’ve had a long life. You haven’t. You love your family. Go to another world. Find a…a husband—” He broke off and that rattle began deep in his chest. His next words came out thickly, around fangs. “Have children. Rebuild the human race. Live all those dreams you used to have.”
“Used to,” I agreed, nipping his full lower lip. “Don’t anymore. Can’t even conceive of them. You’re my dream.”
“You can’t just throw your life away.”
“What I can live with. What I can’t live without. You taught me that.”
“Well, fucking unlearn it!” he exploded with such violence I startled and drew back. “Do you think I want to watch you die?”
“Ditto,” I said coolly. “You don’t get to make my decisions for me. It’s my life and only I know what I need and what I’m willing to go through. I don’t want to live without you. I felt that once. I never want to feel it again.” I’d been lost, purposeless, denied Heaven. It was as if his frequency and my frequency made such an exquisite song together that without it I wasn’t alive.
“You’re being a bloody fool.”
“As if you haven’t been a time or two. Jericho, I’m holding your hand right up till the last. We’ll sit up high on Dani’s water tower, watch the world blink out and blink out with it. I’ll be staring into your eyes at the end. And we’ll smile. And I’m okay with that.” I was more than okay with that. It felt right somehow. I’d found my soul mate. And whatever adventure was coming next, I was meeting it with him. Or drinking deeply of oblivion without him. I couldn’t leave him. It was no longer possible. I wasn’t sure it had ever been.
Neither of us spoke again with words, just our bodies, as we dumped our love and sorrow and need and commitment on each other. We made love and we fucked, we slid together gently and crashed together like two great stones trying to chisel each other into another shape, aware that even if we managed to shave off a few slivers, our fundamental natures would never change. We were what we were.
With him, I was everything I’d ever wanted to be.
He’d brought out the best and worst in me, the most of everything. And when you got to have someone like that, anything less was empty, pointless.
“Jericho,” I whispered against his ear, “thank you. For everything.” I drew back and laughed, feeling inexpressibly light. “It’s been one hell of a ride.”
He smiled at me, dark eyes gleaming. “Rainbow Girl.” He laced his fingers with mine and said nothing for a long time. Then, “We’ll find each other again. Somehow.”
Of that I had no doubt.
SINSAR DUBH
Floors of gleaming bronze turn to sunny yellow.
Yellow will take me swiftly to white marble, to the blank white room, and the mirror to my freedom.
“Mac-KAY-la,” I say in a singsong voice and laugh. “Ready or not. Here I come!”
MAC
I stood by the front door of BB&B and surveyed my store, smiling faintly.
It was perfect.
I’d decided to throw an End of the World party tonight and everyone I cared about was coming.
After the party I would walk my parents and Alina, along with Dani and Dancer—unless they’d decided to go through to a different world—to the portal to New Earth and say my goodbyes. Pretending, of course, I’d be joining them soon.
I’d lied to my daddy. I’d told him I was going to transfer the True Magic. I don’t know that he would have left otherwise.
Then Barrons and I would be virtually the only people left in the entire city, except for Ryodan. The rest of the Nine had gone to other worlds, on the gamble they might survive the end of the Earth to enjoy one last lifetime. Even Kasteo had left, dragging Kat and Sean O’Bannion along with him. I wondered how she was faring. How she would fare when Sean died once the Earth no longer existed. I tried to project her future. If Kasteo survived, would they build a life together on a new world?
The bell tinkled behind me. “Hey, Mac. Where’d you find balloons?”
I turned, smiling, opening my arms to hug Dani, and much to my surprise, she moved into them and actually gave me a hug. A good, warm one. Like she really liked me. I kissed her on the cheek then rested my head against hers a moment. Then I drew back and searched her face intently.
My Dani was fully there, blazing in her emerald eyes. Her hair was a tangle of long red curls and she looked gorgeous in faded jeans, boots, and a leather jacket, sword strapped across her back. I narrowed my eyes. Something had changed. She was different than I’d ever seen her as a teenager or a woman.
“Out with it. What happened?” I demanded as I steered her to the sofa.
She told me.
Everything. Too much, honestly, but she was young and bubbling over with the newness of being in love for the first time. I got details I’d never be able to burn out of my mind. I laughed out loud when she told me how she’d solved her letting-him-get-to-third-base problem. I softened when she’d told me how awed he’d been that she wanted him. I tuned her out when she told me a few things, doing a sort of la-la-la in my brain.
She’d been a virgin. Words couldn’t express the relief I felt on that score. She’d given her innocence to Dancer last night. And, again, words couldn’t express the relief I felt on that score. At first when she’d returned as Jada, I’d thought it would and probably should be Ryodan. Hardened, cold, Jada had seemed a decade older than the woman that sat with me now. But for Dani, Dancer was the perfect choice. He’d given her a normal, teenage rite of passage—the only one she’d ever known.
And my girl was on fire with the wonder of it, her fresh young skin glowing, her eyes sparkling! Her curls practically crackled with energy, she even moved differently. She had a subtle new self-awareness and excitement for what the future might hold. She was at the very beginning of her life.
I was at the end of mine.
And that was more than okay, it was good, because not so long ago I’d been willing to die right then just to see her get a chance. Now she had more than a chance. She was Dani again. Actively engaging, caring.
“So, I’m thinking about taking Ryodan up on what he said,” she said finally.
“What’s that?”
“He said he’d take me and Dancer through to save Shazam, make sure we got off that world to somewhere new.” Her sparkling eyes dimmed and she shifted uncomfortably.
“How is Dancer?” I asked softly.
Green eyes locked with mine. “He’ll die. I just don’t know when. Is there anything you can do? I mean as the queen?”
I shook my head sadly. “The only possibility is the Elixir of Life. I already offered it to him and he refused.”
“You did? Wait—he refused it?”
“It has a nasty side effect. It destroys the immortal soul.”
She closed her eyes and sighed. “He would never do that because he died once and he knows there’s something more.”
“He did? He knows that?” I pounced on it. “For certain?” So, Barrons and I did have a chance to find each other again, like the two children in their boats at the end of What Dreams May Come.
“He’s certain. Which means it’s probably true. He’s neither easily fooled nor prone to illogical sentimentality.” She was quiet a moment then said, “I could slip it in one of his protein shakes.”
My eyebrows climbed my forehead. “You would do that to him?” Not that I could or would give it to her. The elixir was hidd
en in Faery and I had no way of getting there.
She blew out a gusty breath. “No,” she said nearly inaudibly. “I’d like to but I couldn’t.”
“None of us know how much time we get, Dani. Maybe that’s what makes it so intense. Save Shazam. At least try. The three of you may end up getting a long life. Perhaps Shazam knows some way to help him.”
She looked at me, startled. “I didn’t even think of that but you’re right, he might.”
The doorbell tinkled and Alina stepped in.
Dani glanced over her shoulder and froze, face blanching.
“It’s just my sister,” I said lightly.
“Hey Dani,” Alina said with a warm smile. “I’ve heard so much about you from Mac but we’ve never actually had a proper introduction.”
“Because I was, like, killing you shortly after we met,” Dani said tightly.
Alina walked slowly to join us, pausing a few feet away. “How much do you remember of that day?”
“More than enough.”
“What I remember is that you were screaming at the end, tearing at your hair, vomiting all over yourself. Dani, honey, it wasn’t your fault. And if you don’t quit blaming yourself I’m going to kick your ass all over this city and back. You’re not stupid. Get a grip on it. Rowena was a sadistic old bitch and you were a child. A good child. End of subject. Let it go.”
I mouthed a silent Love you, sis at Alina. She’d said exactly the right words. Not too much, not too little. Not too nice, not too harsh.
Dani said nothing for a long moment, just sat there in silence. Then she said, “You really mean that. You don’t hate me.”
“No. And I didn’t then. I felt sad. For both of us. For being trapped in circumstances beyond our control. It was obvious you were being controlled and you were fighting it with everything you had. Come off world with us tonight, Dani. Start a new life. Mac’s coming in a few days. We’ll be sisters.” She beamed. “The three of us.”
Oh, fuck, that drove a knife through my heart. Dani would go to Shazam. Alina would go with Mom and Dad. I would die. The three of us would never be peas in a Mega Pod. That time had passed.