Chapter Thirteen
Pieces
I pushed away my plate, the breakfast untouched, and stared outside the restaurant window. Nightmares and dreams left me numb and exhausted, questions still unanswered. I slowly blinked. Images had been seared into my brain with the continued viewing, not even vanishing now that I sat awake. Voices. Memories. Words. Truths. I didn't know what to believe, and I could feel the numbness gaining strength, pushing everything else further back, protecting me from a past that confused me.
A warm touch enfolding my hand drew me back from the numbness, reminding of a safer touch. A brighter memory. I grabbed onto the feeling and fought the numbness back. I couldn't give up. I had to find the answers. I had to--My eyes focused on the roof of the tree-fort, and my mind snapped to attention. I stood and turned, my hand holding firmly onto the touch and pulling the owner along behind me. Answers would be found there. Questions could be asked there.
I exited the restaurant within the inn and strode toward the path that led around behind City Hall to the tree-fort. I climbed the ladder one-handed, still firmly holding onto the touch that kept the numbness at bay. I pulled myself up into the tree-fort, remaining on my knees as I heaved the toucher along behind. Then I felt the warmth of a body near mine and faced it.
Silver eyes examined my expressions to piece a puzzle I had hidden from people for so long. I needed those pieces. "Mar--"
"Wait." He retrieved his handheld from his back pocket to enter the command functions one-handed, his other still holding mine.
I watched his face, desperation rising within at the press of the questions and the need to know. I gripped the hand tighter, and it returned the pressure.
"I know," he whispered. Marshal punched a few more codes before setting it away and facing me. "An--"
I grabbed his denim jacket. "Tell me," I ordered.
Marshal slightly nodded. "I will, Ana, but I need to know what you need me to tell you. What are you trying to remember?"
"You," I hissed, barely able to control the panicked need for sanity. "Marshal, why do I remember a fact not real? Why do I hear words not said? Why do I see a face not there?"
Marshal held my wide-eyed gaze. "What fact, Ahndra?"
"You," I pressed.
Marshal's brow furrowed slightly. "Okay. What words? Tell me the words said."
They were burned into my brain. Every inflection. Every expression. "'Ahndra, why don't you finish your studies at Dollet. It'll be safer than staying here. Ana, please. I don't want him to hurt you anymore. Come with me to Dollet. Mom and Dad won't mind. I swear. And you'll love my sis.'" I shook him. "How can I hear these words not said? You weren't there!"
"Oh my god, Ahndra, is that--Yes, I was. I did say that to you."
I shook my head. "No. Impossible! I don't remember! I didn't remember!"
Marshal pulled my hands from his jacket, still holding my gaze. "Seifer and I took you to the Tomb. He came over for a Garden Training and dragged us along. I hadn't seen him for a year because of moving to Dollet, and it was the first time you and I really got to meet and talk about stuff."
I shook my head as he spoke. I didn't remember. I didn't remember any of it. "No--No!" I pulled free, still shaking my head. "I don't remember!"
"It's true, Ahndra. I swear. Just ask Seifer."
My eye and brain began to throb. I closed my eyes and held my head in my hands. "No."
Marshal enfolded my upper arms in his hands. "Seifer and I were trying to get you to run away, me to Dollet because I knew it would be illegal for you to enroll at Garden, and Seifer to Garden because he figured you could file for Independence. We didn't care what you did, we just wanted you out of there!"
Then why had I stayed? Why had I been raped again.
"When you didn't come down, Seifer and I called the police. We hoped your father would finally get thrown in jail and you could transfer guardianship to Garden. He did go to jail, but by the time your two weeks were up in the hospital, he'd posted bail and entered rehab. You were sure he'd changed and so you wouldn't leave. Seifer was mad as hell, but he couldn't leave Garden to drag your ass over there because of his Field Exam. I couldn't leave Dollet because of school. Closed campus. I tried. Damn it I tried.
“Then I got the call from Seifer that you were finally transferring. I'd graduated regular school and attended a private university by then, so I cut class and booked ass over to Deling to help Seifer make sure your dad wouldn't make trouble. My train ran late, and so when we finally got to your place. . . ." Marshal swore. "Seifer went ape-shit--"
"NO." My head snapped up, and I only vaguely recognized the wetness streaming down my cheeks. "You weren't there!" I insisted. "I would remember! I would. . . remember." I blinked into Marshal's helpless and pained expression as an odd wetness dripped from my jaw. I didn't understand why I wouldn't remember Marshal. Why had my mind cut him out of my life? Why had he vanished? Disappeared. "Why don't I remember you?" I whispered.
Marshal very slightly shook his head. "I don't know."
I covered my face with my hands. "Damn you, Seifer." He knew. He knew. I choked. Marshal surrounded me with his arms, but I pushed him away. "You lie!" I hissed. "How do you forget this?" I gestured harshly to my eye.
"Ana, I swear--"
"You did not know me!" Marshal's expression began to change to harden, but I pushed it. "Why were you not at the hospital? Why did you not visit, like Seifer? No! You were not there!"
Marshal's eyes flashed. "Like hell I wasn’t! That first day I stayed right there. You never once woke up, and it scared the shit out of me! I thought you were going to die, and I couldn't face that. So, yeah, I left and I didn't come back. I figured Seifer would tell me if you made it. He knew how I felt. Only he didn't, the bastard. All these years I thought you were dead. Hell! Maybe that's why I wanted to get to know you better? Because you looked like the kid I knew back then!" Marshal leaned close as he pointed roughly into my chest. "But I'll be damned if I let you say I wasn't there. I saw your hell, god damn it, and it twisted me up inside!"
I held his gaze, meeting his glare for glare as the numbness was burned and vanished. Relief flooded, but still I glared. Tension eased and desperation melted away, but still I glared.
Marshal lowered his finger from my chest, but his glare didn't lessen. "I'm sorry for not telling you before. This damned situation has made it near impossible to talk about anything. I guess I should have tried a little harder, but I'll be damned if I knew how to say it. I was still in shock. Mad as hell that Seifer didn't tell me, too. The damned punk. Should've beat the shit out of him years ago."
...holding hands. The expression of concern. The kiss on the cheek... But still I glared.
Marshal threw his hands up into the air. "Fine." He moved to the trap door and made as if to start down. He stopped and met my glare with his. "I was there, Ahndra. Maybe not as much as I wanted to be, but enough to know who you were. Enough to think maybe you and I could work. Believe me or not. I guess it doesn't matter--Hell. Yes it does. But you're going to do what you're going to do. You always did."
He lowered his head and started down again.
I reached out and held his face in my hands, lifting it so that I could look into those eyes. I had to believe him. I didn't have anything else, and I needed this history. A better one than what my mind had left me. Two friends. Two rescuers. Two sources of strength when I hadn't had any.
"I was there, Ana," he said again. "I swear."
I only vaguely noticed my thumbs caressing his face as I held it. I slightly nodded. Marshal. I knew him; I just had to remember. I had to reason why I had forgotten.