“Goddamn it, Jules, what was I supposed to say?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe something along the lines of, “It takes two to tango?” or “If you fire her, I’m out too?” I throw underwear and shoes into my bag, not even caring to see which ones they are exactly, and I zip the bags shut.
“If you’ll calm down, I’ll tell you what happened before you came into the damn room, Julianne.”
I take a deep breath and hang my head and rub my forehead with my hand. I love him so much, and feel so betrayed by him. I know that I can’t be around him right now.
“I have somewhere I need to be.” I pull the suitcases off the bed and pull up the handles to drag them behind me.
“Where are you going?” he asks again, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Don’t worry about it, Nate. Just forget about me.” I start to move past him but he steps in front of me, blocking the way to the door.
“I will not forget about you.” His eyes are feral, his face taut in pain, and it hurts to look at him. Everything just hurts. I close my eyes and feel a tear escape down my cheek. “Baby, don’t cry.”
Nate leans down and kisses me softly, and I let him, knowing that this is our last. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me, putting everything into this kiss. I run my hands through his hair, and finally pull away, brushing my fingertips down his face, memorizing everything about him.
“You and I were probably never meant to be,” I whisper, staring into his beautiful gray eyes, “but I loved every single second that I spent with you.”
I pull out of his arms as he swallows hard and I cup his palm in mine, laying the silver heart he gave me at the beach in his hand. I grab my bags and walk out the door, down the stairs and out to my car.
“Julianne, wait.”
“Just lock up when you leave, Nate.”
“Goddamn it, wait!”
I push my bags into the backseat of my car and open the driver’s side, and suddenly Nate is next to me. “Look at me.”
I raise my tear-filled eyes to his and swallow. His gaze lingers over my face, his eyes are sad, and he starts to say something, but stops himself. Finally, he kisses my forehead and whispers, “I love you.”
I don’t respond as I get behind the wheel and pull away.
***
Will opens his front door and pulls me into his arms, hugging me close. All of my brothers are tall and muscular; we come from the same extraordinary gene pool, after all. Will has dark blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes, and is only two years older than me. He and I have always been very close.
I take a deep breath and let him hold me in his doorway, my cheek nestled in his soft Seahawks t-shirt, and the enormity of this afternoon’s events wash over me. I feel the tears, and honest-to-God temper tantrum start to surface, so I step back and murmur, “bedroom.”
“This way,” he leads me through his beautiful Seattle home, but I don’t really pay attention to the rooms he guides me through. I follow him upstairs and he opens a door. “This is your room, kiddo, for as long as you need it. I’m just across the hall in case you need me.”
I nod and step into the beautiful room. The bed has been freshly made. “I forgot to get my bags.”
“I’ll get them.”
“I think I’m going to cry, Will.”
“Do you want me to stay or go?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head and sit on the edge of the bed. God, I wish I could get that numb feeling back. It was so much better than this piercing pain that’s running through me.
“I’ll go get your bags and give you a minute, and then I’ll be back, okay?”
I nod and look blindly at my brother. He looks concerned and a little mad. “Are you mad at me?”
“No, kid, I’m worried. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been through this.” I touch my fingers to my lips and remember kissing Nate goodbye fifteen minutes ago, and the tears start to fall. I hang my head in my hands and give into crushing grief. I start to rock back and forth, sobs wracking my body. I’ve never cried this hard. I’ve never been this devastated.
I hear my own voice, keening and mumbling. I’m a fucking mess, and I can’t stop it. My body has taken over, exorcising the hurt through tears and snot and spit.
Will comes back into the room wheeling my bags behind him. He pulls some tissues out of the box by the bed and hands me a wad to clean up the snotty mess on my face, and stands before me with his hands on his hips. “Are you able to talk?”
I shake my head no.
“Do you want me to kill him?” he asks, his voice low.
I shake my head no again, then think twice about it and shrug. A smile tugs at the corner of Will’s lips.
“What do you need me to do, Jules?” God, I love this man. I’m so glad I came here.
“Just don’t tell anyone but the family that I’m here. If Nate calls, you haven’t seen me.”
He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over this chest. “He really fucked up.”
“Yeah he did.”
“Another woman?”
“No.” That brings more tears, and I break down again.
“Okay, we won’t talk about it tonight.”
“Am I ruining any plans for you?” I ask through my tears.
“No, but you know I’d change any plans I have for you, kid.”
I just nod, and he shuffles from bare foot to foot and finally walks around to the other side of the bed, climbs on, sits against the headboard, and says, “Come here.”
He pulls me into his lap and I curl into a ball and cry. Long, loud and messy sobs. Will keeps handing me tissues, rubs my back soothingly and holds me, letting me cry.
“Isn’t it yucky holding your sister like this?” I ask.
“Not when you’re this sick.” He responds and he’s right.
I’m sick.
Sick with fear, anger, sadness, betrayal and longing.
***
“Wake up, Jules.”
Someone is jostling my shoulder and squeezing my head with a vice. I try to open my eyes, but the light is too bright.
“Go away,” I croak.
“It’s almost noon.”
I moan and turn onto my back. My body is sore from stress and grief. My eyes are swollen from crying and my head is killing me.
“Here,” Will holds out a glass of water and some pills. “Take these and get in the shower.”
“I think I’ll just stay in bed.” I frown and look around. I’m still in my work clothes from yesterday, and I don’t remember climbing into bed. I just remember crying, long into the night, and Will holding me.
“No, you won’t.”
“I’ll do whatever I want,” I respond defiantly.
“You’re not going to bury yourself in this bed for days, Jules. You’re stronger than that.”
“No I’m not,” I whisper as yesterday’s events run through my head. I don’t need to cry anymore, but I’m drained.
“Yeah, you are. Come on, get up. Shower, get some food in you, and then you can go to the gym with me and beat the shit out of something.”
Beating the shit out of something sounds really good. I take the pills he’s holding out to me and climb gingerly out of the bed. “I’ll be down in fifteen.”
Chapter Thirty One
“So let me get this straight,” Will says as he jogs next to me on a treadmill. “They pulled you into the room, the CEO confronted you with the whole fucking around with your boss thing, you got the axe, and Nate didn’t say one word in your defense the entire time?”
We are at his gym, an exclusive training center near Seattle for the Seahawks to come and train. It’s the off season, so many of his teammates have left Seattle for their hometowns, but there are a few guys working out in the state-of-the-art facility.
“That’s pretty much the way it went.” I confirm and boost up the speed on my treadmill. “Then he came to my place wh
ile I was packing.”
“What did he say then?”
“He told me to calm down and he’d tell me what happened before they pulled me into the room.”
“And?” Will asks and takes a swig of his water.
“And nothing, I didn’t let him talk.” I feel Will’s eyes on me, and when I meet his gaze his eyebrows are raised. “What?”
“Why didn’t you let him talk?”
“Because I didn’t want to hear it, Will. It doesn’t change that he sat in that chair and let them fire me without saying one word to me. He had no emotion in his face at all. It was like I was a stranger who was being fired for sexual harassment.”
“Has he tried to call?” Will asks.
“I don’t know, I haven’t turned my phone on since I left the house yesterday.”
“Maybe you should hear him out.”
“Maybe not.” I shake my head and increase my speed again. “I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t have my back.”
“Maybe…”
“Maybe not, Will. Shut it!” I glare at him, done with the conversation and he rolls his eyes at me.
“Fine, brat. You’re a complete pain in the ass. But if you want me to have him killed, I’m sure I know someone who knows someone.” He grins at me and I find myself grinning back.
“I’ll keep it in mind. For the rest of today, I just want to put it out of my head.”
“Okay. How about if I kick your ass in the pool, and then I’ll take you to dinner and a movie.”
“That’s the best offer I’ve had all day.”
We slow the treadmills down to a walk and finally climb off them. After changing into swim wear, we walk out to the pool area to swim laps.
“Hey, Williams, who’s the honey?” A very tall, very muscular man with mocha skin and long black dreadlocks approaches us, looking me up and down in my bikini.
“This is my sister, dude.” Will frowns at him and stands in front of me and I snicker.
“I’m Jules.”
“Terrence Miller.” I shake his hand and smile kindly. Any other day I would have been flattered by the attention and definitely would have flirted with the handsome football star, but I can’t help but think about how pissed Nate would be if he saw me standing here, in my bikini, being ogled by these men, and it makes me somber.
Damn Nate.
“Nice to meet you. Shall we?” I ask Will and we dive in, swimming back and forth down the long pool. I tire out long before Will, so I boost myself up on the side of the pool and dangle my feet in the warm water, spreading my toes, enjoying how it feels.
I wonder if Nate has tried to call or text. I miss him. It hasn’t even been a full day and I miss him.
It’s disgusting.
Will finally boosts himself out of the water next to me and we sit there for a while, dangling our feet, while Will catches his breath.
“When did you get the tattoo?” Will asks.
I gasp and look down, noticing that my bikini bottom has slipped down, exposing my tattoo.
“On Saturday.”
“You’re not supposed to be swimming until it’s healed, you know.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t thought of that. “Well, I won’t swim again then.”
“What does it mean?” Will asks and looks down at me. I avert my eyes and shake my head, not wanting to answer him. I still don’t regret the tattoo, but it’s a sore spot for me right now, both literally and figuratively.
“Are you ever going to talk to him again?” Will asks.
Oh God. The thought of never talking to Nate ever again makes my blood run cold. Is that the decision I’ve made? I said goodbye yesterday. I gave him back his mother’s necklace.
It’s over.
“Fuck,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry, kiddo. Take a few days and calm down. Maybe you’ll be able to give him a chance to explain things. If you don’t like what he has to say, fuck him. Maybe he’ll be able to give you some insight.” Will shrugs and looks down at his feet. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this…”
“What?” My gaze whips up to his and he scowls and shakes his head.
“He called me last night.”
“What? How do you know? You were with me all night.”
“No I wasn’t. When you fell asleep I tucked you in like a good big brother and let you sleep. He’d left a message earlier in the evening.”
I don’t respond. I don’t know if I want to know what Nate said. I don’t know if I can take it. I’m missing him so much, and I’m starting to feel weak in my resolve, and I don’t like this new quality in my personality.
“Don’t you want to know what he said?”
“No.”
“Jules.” Will laughs and looks down at me with humor. “You’re so fucking stubborn.”
“Learned it from you, big brother.”
“You really don’t want to know?”
“No.”
“Let me just say this, kid. And this is coming from me, your big brother, who would fucking kill for you. Take your few days to lick your wounds and be pissed. You have a right to them. But then give him a chance to explain.”
“Let’s go to dinner.” I start to pull myself up but Will stops me with his hand on my arm.
“Jules…”
“I heard you. I’ll think about it.” I kiss his cheek and pull away. “I’m hungry.”
“Let’s go then.”
***
Will takes me to one of our favorite burger joints in North Seattle called Red Mill Burgers. It’s nothing fancy, but the food is to-die for. We place our order and find a seat, waiting for my name to be called so we can go collect our food.
“I haven’t been here in ages.” I look around the restaurant and back at Will and giggle when I see him pull his baseball cap down lower on his face. “Do you really think that’s much of a disguise? Dude, you’re like six foot four, all built, and your ugly face is on a billboard in downtown Seattle. People are going to recognize you.”
“Shut up,” he murmurs, making me laugh again.
“Jules?” I look to my left and see a gorgeous, petite woman smiling down at me with beautiful hazel eyes and long auburn hair with chunky blonde highlights.
“Meg!” I quickly jump up and pull her in for a big hug. “Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you in years! How are you?”
Meg steps back and smiles at me, then glances nervously over at Will. “I’m doing very well, thanks. It’s great to see you.”
“Will, this is Megan McBride, a friend of mine from college. Meg, this is my brother, Will.”
Will stands, towering over her, and offers his hand. Meg’s face sobers, but she shakes his hand politely. “I know who you are.”
He just nods and takes his seat again.
“What have you been up to?” I ask her.
“I’m a charge nurse at Seattle Children’s Hospital in the cancer unit.” Meg smiles shyly, her dimple in her left cheek winking at me, and I grin back at her.
“That’s awesome! Good for you, girl. Are you still singing?”
“Uh, no.” She shakes her head and blushes, looking down at the table. “Not since college.”
“You sing?” Will asks.
“She has a fantastic voice,” I reply and smile encouragingly at Meg.
“Thanks, but you know how it is, life takes over and things get busy.” She shrugs and smiles at me again.
Will catches my eye and he raises an eyebrow. Yes, she’s hot, moron.
“Are you married?” I ask her.
She giggles almost cynically. “Hell, no.”
“Can I get your number?” Will asks, straight out, and I frown at him.
Meg gapes at him for a moment, but then glares at him. “Hell, no,” she responds coldly.
Wow, what got her panties in a twist?
Will’s jaw drops and he smirks, then shakes his head. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t think I stuttered,” Meg responds, then puts her hand on my
shoulder and grins at me. “It was great to see you. Take care, girl.”
“You too, Meg.”
“What the hell was that all about?” Will asks, bewildered.
“I don’t know.” I shrug and then smirk at him. “You just have such a debonair way with women.”
“Shut up, brat.”
***
It’s Wednesday, but the whole family is at my mom and dad’s for dinner, despite it being the middle of the week. I know it’s because everyone wanted to make sure that I’m okay, and it makes me feel loved and secure knowing that they care enough to want to check on me in person.
But my heart just isn’t in it. It’s been two days now since I last saw Nate, and it’s killing me.
“Jules, honey, would you like some dessert?” my mom asks, smiling at me. I’m completely stuffed from her delicious fried chicken and mashed potatoes, which will earn me another killer session at the gym, but I always have room for dessert.
“What do you have?” I ask.
“I made your favorite,” she says with a wink. “Chocolate cheesecake.”
And just like that my world falls apart all over again. At first, all I can do is stare at her as I feel the tears fill my eyes, and the next thing I know, I tip the chair over in my haste to get out of it and run out into the back yard. The tears are falling in earnest and I just can’t control the shudders working through my body.
Suddenly, strong arms wrap around me and I’m cradled in my dad’s arms. He rocks me back and forth, his big hand running up and down my back.
“Shh, baby girl, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay,” I sob and cry harder, gripping onto his shirt with my fists.
“I take it Nate gave you chocolate cheesecake?” he murmurs with humor in his voice.
I nod.
“Sounds like he likes to spoil you.”
“I can’t talk about him.” I mumble through my tears. “I don’t even know why I’m so upset.”
“Because you love him and he disappointed you, darlin’.”
I lean back and look up at my dad. “I thought I knew him.”