Rachael stood in front of Fin, blocking her view of the flimsy outfit as she took hold of her hands. “Jake would be furious with you right now,” she said with tears filling her eyes. Blinking them away, she straightened her shoulders. “I’m furious with you right now. This is not living, Fin. You’re just existing inside a vacuum and you can’t go on like this forever.”
“Yes I can.”
Rachael let go of her hands and fussed with the gold skirt. “No. You can’t.”
Frowning, Fin batted her hands away and tugged the skirt down. She sighed when her hipbones came into view. “Send out a search party, Rach. The rest of the skirt is missing.”
Rachael folded her arms in reply.
“Fine.” She threw up her hands. “Whatever.” Shifting backwards, she sat down on the little button leather couch in the dressing room area. “I have all this anger inside me and it keeps spewing out everywhere. I keep hurting people with it.”
Rachael paused and looked at her. “You mean you hurt Ryan with it.”
“Ryan’s hurting enough as it is. He was the one that was there. He was the one that saw… th-that saw…” Her fists clenched. “Fuck.”
Standing up, Fin strode back to the dressing room, shut the door, and took the clothes off. In just her underwear, she eyed her body critically. She’d always been slender like her mother, but her bones were sharp now, and prominent. Ryan was right. She needed to eat. Jake would hate seeing her this way.
“Fin?” A light tap came at the door as Fin held her jeans out, ready to slip them back on. “Are you okay? You know it’s okay to be angry. You have to let it all out.”
Her hands went slack as she slumped against the dressing room wall. “I know.”
“You’re angry because you know he’s going back, and that scares you. You and Ryan—you’re both like one half of each other. Neither of you will ever really be complete without the other.”
Pushing away from the wall, she dressed quickly and opened the door. Rachael met her eyes. “I was a bitch.”
“You’ve just lost your brother, Fin. You’re allowed to be an emotional whackjob right now.”
“Ryan isn’t.”
“Men like him are trained to lock that shit down.”
Fin frowned. “But then … where does it all go?”
“My guess would be wherever he goes,” she said softly. She snatched the clothes out of Fin’s hand and smiled. “Now let’s go spend some money.”
Fin shook her head. “Rachael.”
“Fin,” she sing-songed, turning around and heading for the front counter.
The salesgirl gave them both a bright smile as she rang up the purchase. “Do you have Hollywood Tape?”
Fin looked at her. “Do I have what?”
“Boob tape,” Rachael said loudly. “And yes, we’ve got some, thanks.”
The salesgirl gave another bright smile as she handed over the bags. Rachael took them, thanking her, and they headed out of the store. Fin looked at Rachael over her shoulder as she walked down the small set of stairs and onto the street. “I can’t believe you have me wearing boob tape of all things.”
Not watching where she was going, her heel caught on the bottom step and she pitched forward. The hard chest she smacked into stopped her from falling into a heap on the sidewalk.
“Oh shit,” she mumbled.
Strong, tanned hands came out to steady her. “Did someone say boobs?”
Her arms caught in a firm grip, Fin looked upwards into rich, hazel eyes that went wide with recognition as they focused on her face.
“Kyle?”
“Fin!” Grief swept briefly across his face before it was wiped away by a broad grin. His arms came around her and he lifted her up, her feet dangling off the ground until she was looking directly in his eyes. “How are you doing?”
Fin held onto his shoulders as she was suspended in his arms. “You know.”
His eyes softened. “I do.”
“Should you be lifting me?” she asked.
“I’m fine, honey. It was just a scratch.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay.” She blinked them away as Kyle looked at Rachael standing to her left. “You remember Rachael, don’t you?”
He gave Rachael a wink. “How could I forget?”
High colour hit Rachael’s cheekbones, and Fin smothered a laugh. Clearing her throat, she looked pointedly down at the ground.
Kyle ignored the silent demand to put her down. Instead, a cheeky glint lit his eyes as he arched a brow at her. “Where’s my penguin?”
Laughter bubbled out of her. “Are you serious?”
“You’re holding out on me, honey. I’ve never seen a penguin before. I was looking forward to having one of my own.”
“I don’t believe you. You haven’t been to Penguin Island?”
“That depends.”
She raised a brow. “On what?”
“Are you going to take me?”
Fin chuckled and pushed at his chest. “You can put me down now.”
She slid slowly down his body as he let her go. Reaching for her hand, he grabbed hold. “What are we doing today, ladies?” He looked at the bags Rachael clutched in her hands. “Shopping?”
“Brooks!”
Kyle turned and Fin peered around him, seeing a car parked farther down the road. One guy was leaning his back against the passenger window, another was resting his forearms over the open car door on the driver’s side. Both were looking at them.
He waved them off and turned back to look at Fin and Rachael.
“We’re taking Fin out tonight, so we needed to get her something to wear,” Rachael said in answer to his question.
He looked at Fin, the bright midday sun shining through his golden brown hair. “Out, huh?”
“Maybe,” she mumbled.
“We’re going,” Rachael said firmly. “Fin needs to get out.”
“Where are you off to?”
Fin sighed as Rachael told him.
“Hurry up, mate!” came another shout from the car.
Letting go of Fin’s hand, Kyle turned around and waved off their impatience. “Gotta get going,” he told them and took Fin’s chin softly in his hand until she was looking at him. “Take care of yourself, honey.”
“Of course,” she murmured.
He nodded at Rachael and walked off.
“Oh, Fin?” he called out. Rachael and Fin, already walking off in the other direction, stopped and turned. “I’ll call you, okay?” he shouted, walking backwards. “You can take me out to Penguin Island like you promised.”
She shook her head, fighting a smile. “I didn’t promise you anything,” she shouted back.
Kyle grinned. “Are you sure about that?”
Reaching the car, he swung open the door as his friends hopped inside the car. He gave a brief wave before disappearing.
“Kyle’s huge,” Rachael announced. “And hot,” she added.
Fin looked at her. “Don’t go lusting after a soldier, Rachael. They’re not good for your health, particularly that one. I hear his package is footloose and fancy free.”
Rachael grinned and linked her arm with Fin’s. “Of course it is. Now. But that’s only because he’s waiting for the love of his life to just happen along.”
They started walking down the street. “And that’s you?”
“Well … yes,” she conceded. “Though by the way he was looking you over, it could possibly be you. Don’t be greedy. You have Ryan and he’s the hottest of the hot.”
“I don’t have Ryan,” she pointed out.
Rachael stopped them both and looked at her. “What are you talking about? You’ve always had Ryan.”
“I haven’t. The Army has.”
“Fin.” Exhaling irritably, Rachael looked away for a moment before meeting her eyes. “You’re his heart. You. That’s his sacrifice for whatever demons he’s carrying around inside him. But he needs to wake up and realise that it does
n’t matter where he is, or what he does, you’ll still make being together work, because both of you share something that is so far beyond love it won’t ever die.”
“What about in here?” Kyle said.
Ryan stopped in front of the open deck nightclub he was walking past with Kyle, Tex, and Galloway. He was already unsteady on his feet. Alcohol had done its promised job tonight, and he was almost numb. He just needed one night without having to feel anything.
Putting his hands in his pockets to keep himself balanced, he looked at Kyle. “This place?” he shouted over the loud music. From the street outside, the beat was already thumping through his system. “Are you high?”
Kyle gave the club a once over. “If I was, I wouldn’t be here with you girls.”
“Yeah? Where would you be?” Galloway asked.
Kyle paused and looked at him. “Fucking of course. That’s my high.”
“Fucking anything that moves,” Tex muttered.
Kyle raised a brow, insulted. “Just women, asshole. Tall ones, short ones, slim ones, curvy ones.” He licked his lips and grinned.
A group of girls sat on the deck talking and laughing. One of them broke the huddle and glanced their way. She winked as she brought a glass to her mouth.
“Jesus,” Kyle muttered. “Yep. This is the place.” He nodded towards the entrance. “Time’s wasting.”
Galloway followed Kyle’s line of sight and frowned. “Hey, isn’t that Laura?”
“Laura?”
“Yeah, you know … Jake’s cousin.”
Goddammit. The numb haze floated away at the mention of Jake’s name, ruining all the effort he’d put into drinking so he could forget. Laura’s eyes widened when he looked her way. She glanced quickly towards the bar and following her movement, he froze.
Fin stood there looking like nothing he’d ever seen before. His breath lodged in his throat as his eyes wandered over her. She was wearing a skirt that shimmered under the bright lights of the bar. Her beautiful long legs—the ones that felt like heaven when they wrapped around him and squeezed—were on display to the world, and her top? Fuck. Was it a top? Whatever the fuck it was, it exposed a long V of her chest that made him hard instantly. He wanted to drag her away, lick his way down that tantalising display, and then rip that thing in two.
Tex said something that had Kyle and Galloway laughing, but he couldn’t drag his eyes away.
“… right, Kendall?”
Kyle elbowed him.
“Huh?” he muttered.
“Nothing,” Kyle said with a roll of his eyes.
When the guy standing next to Fin at the bar leaned in and trailed his finger seductively over the line of her collarbone, blood roared in his ears. He was saying something to Fin that had her leaning close to hear.
“Fuck,” he growled.
His face grim, Ryan ignored his friends and started for the door.
“Looks like we’re going in!” Kyle shouted.
“Good one, dick. Look at the bar. Fin’s here,” Tex told him.
“I know,” Kyle replied, smug. “I had it on good authority she would be.”
“So look at the guy she’s standing next to. Don’t you recognise him?”
His brows flew up. “Should I?”
“He’s in all the photos we saw of Fin.”
“Christ, Galloway. I’m busy looking at her in the photos, not raking my eyes over whatever asshole is standing next to her.”
“That’s Ian,” Galloway growled.
Kyle’s eyes flew to the bar. “Oh fuck,” he breathed.
Ryan winced as the lights strobed painfully, but he kept his eyes on Fin as he pushed through the crowd of people.
Ian noticed him first. Glancing over Fin’s shoulder, he gave Ryan the once over and his jaw ticked. Ignoring him, Ian smiled down at Fin and Ryan wanted to punch it off his face.
“Fin.”
She turned slightly and her eyes, having done something that made them smoky and sexy, widened when she saw him standing there.
“Can we talk?”
Fin blinked. “Now? Now you want to talk?”
He nodded at the clarification. Yes, he wanted to talk.
Ian took hold of her bicep, the gesture a possessive one, and smirked at Ryan. “Not really the best time for talking, is it, Kendall?”
Ryan gave him a murderous glare. Did the man have a fucking death wish?
“Ryan.” Hearing Fin’s sweet voice, he wiped the anger from his face before he looked at her. She shook her head at him. “There’s nothing to talk about. I get it. Really, I do. But I apologised. I asked you to come back and after two weeks, you see me standing with Ian and you decide we can talk now?”
“Yes, dammit. You needed time to cool off.”
“Fin.” Ian’s eyes narrowed as he stepped closer, crowding her. “What are you talking about?”
Fin shrugged off his hold. “Nothing, Ian.”
Ryan looked between the both of them. Ian’s body was tense, jealousy obvious in his flushed cheeks. Hell, Ryan was just as bad. His hands had curled into fists. He all but cracked his knuckles and growled at the guy.
“Are you two back together now?” Ryan asked Fin.
“No,” she said firmly.
“Maybe,” Ian said over the top of her.
With the noise at the bar getting louder, Ryan only caught Ian’s response. He flinched, hurt welling inside him. “Really? After what happened between us, you’re just running back to him?”
Ian’s nostrils flared. “Wait. You fucked him?”
Fin pressed her lips together.
“Don’t you speak to her like that!” Ryan snarled, jabbing his finger angrily.
Fin focused her gaze over his shoulder. “Hi, Kyle.” Her attempts at forcing a smile fell flat because it didn’t reach her eyes.
“How long have you been fucking him for?” Ian ground out. “All those times he was staying over at your house when we were still at school—were you fucking him the same time as me?”
With vision blurred by rage, Ryan heard Kyle mutter, “Oh shit,” as he cocked back his fist and slammed it in Ian’s face. It hit with a hard, satisfying crack, and Ryan growled with pleasure as Ian staggered backwards.
“Kyle, do something,” he heard Fin plead.
“Fuck no. Didn’t you just hear what that asshole said to you? I’m taking a turn next.”
Ian rushed forward, fisting Ryan’s black shirt in his hands. “You bastard!” he yelled in his face. “Stop doing this to her. Can’t you see? When she sees you, all she sees is Jake and it’s fucking killing her! You hanging around is just a lousy reminder of what happened to him. Leave her the fuck alone or she’ll never get over it. Let her move on, for fuck’s sake!”
Ian shoved him away and Ryan staggered backwards, shock stealing his breath. Fuck. Ian was right. The asshole was fucking right. He had to let her go. Let her heal. Live without her. Alone. He was always so goddamn alone.
His heart squeezed painfully, like it would rupture in his chest at any moment. Shoving away from the security that arrived after the commotion, he turned and blindly stumbled his way out of the bar.
Tex caught up with him and shoved a bottle of beer in his face. “Here. Think you need this.”
In full agreement, he grabbed it from Tex and swallowed half of it down in one go. Seeing a second sitting in Tex’s hand, he grabbed it too.
“Hey! Kendall—”
“Fuck off,” he growled. Putting a hand on his chest, Ryan slammed Tex into the wall and stalked away. Rounding the corner, he found himself in an alley as he downed the last of the first bottle. Christ. Fucking beer. He needed something harder. Something to annihilate the Hell he couldn’t claw his way out of. Hooking his arm, he smashed the empty bottle against the red brick wall. It shattered with a loud echo through the empty alley, glass shards scattering carelessly along the concrete pavement.
“Jake!” he shouted, his chest aching and raw. “Where are your fucking words
of wisdom now?’
Stumbling, Ryan leaned against the wall and finished the next beer.
“Asshole,” he mumbled when the voices inside his head remained quiet.
Sliding his back down the wall, Ryan drew his knees to his chest, laughter bubbling out of him at his stupidity. Fin had it right. Ryan had been trying to take care of her. It was the only thing that kept him going—that she needed him. But she didn’t need him at all. Where did he go from here? He was so fucking lost. He buried his head against his knees, gasping with laughter. Hadn’t he always been lost? Jake should’ve told him to buy a damn compass and get the fuck over himself.
“Ryan?” came Fin’s sweet voice.
Oh no. Was he hearing Fin’s voice now too? He was tired of hearing voices. It was too much.
“Go away,” he moaned at the voice, his laughter vanishing as loud, keening sobs broke from his chest. He couldn’t breathe when wave after wave of them crashed over him, dragging him beneath the surface.
“I want to sleep,” he cried hoarsely. “And I don’t ever want to wake up.”
“Please, Ryan. Don’t do this.”
Fin placed a hand on his shoulder, and Ryan screwed his eyes shut, realising that she was really there and he wasn’t hearing things.
“I’m so tired,” he whispered to her, his voice muffled against his knees. Hot tears fell thick and fast down his face and nothing could hold them back. He didn’t even have the energy right then to hide them from her. “So tired of living with so much pain.”
“Please get up,” she choked out. Her voice held a world of hurt as she tugged at his arm, but he couldn’t move.
“It’s my fault,” he sobbed, holding his head in his hands. “It should’ve been me.”
“You can’t take the blame, Ryan. God. It will kill you.”
“You weren’t there!” he shouted, looking up and finding her kneeling before him. “You have no idea what happened!”
“So tell me!” Fin yelled back, her chest heaving as she knelt before him, her green eyes glaring. She looked away for a moment, and when she looked back, her beautiful eyes were wide with grief. “Tell me,” she whispered. “I need to know.”
Ryan took a deep shaky breath. “Was he right? Am I just a lousy reminder that’s holding you back?”