"But that's basically what happened. You seduced me and kept it a secret," I managed to whisper, even though he did have a valid point. I had been incapacitated from the drugs they gave me.
"No." He shook his head sharply. "I did not. That's the God's honest truth. You asked me to touch you after—you kissed me. So, I asked you where you wanted to be touched. You answered 'anywhere…everywhere' and went wild when I followed your instructions. I would do anything for you, Win. There was no denying you. And there's no fucking way when I was given the opportunity to touch you, serve you, that I would turn it down. Do you think I'm made of stone or something?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, a wave of red-hot shame cloaked me like a blanket.
He wasn't lying.
Every word of what he said was true.
As he explained how the events of that night unfolded, I pieced it back together with him. It had happened just like he said. I came on to him. I begged him to touch me.
Oh. Please. Let me die now.
"M-m-my in-structions?" I stuttered weakly.
"It was the sexiest fuckin' thing I've ever seen, and I want to do it again," he replied just before his lips crashed into mine.
My resistance ended the moment I felt him on me.
I melted beneath the demanding kiss, as he set me straight about what he wanted.
Me.
He thought what I'd done was…sexy? There was no denying you. And there's no fucking way when I was given the opportunity to touch you, serve you, that I would turn it down. And here I thought I knew so much about this man.
Years of living with my feelings only cemented what I knew. I was so lost in him. I always had been, and I knew that I'd accept whatever he offered and deal with the consequences later.
My face was held in the grip of both hands as he plundered my mouth, taking me further under his spell with each slide of his tongue. I savored the taste and the feel of him against me, the rough abrasion of beard stubble covering my lips, the scent of his spicy-sweet cologne tantalizing my nose, and the press of his thumbs caressing my neck. He held me completely under his spell, as he pulled me deeper into a place I'd wanted to go for so long, that I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't desired him. I'd never felt more cherished, or more wanted than right now. The way he held on to me made me believe he really did feel more for me than I'd ever dared to imagine. No other man had ever compared to James.
I knew no man ever would.
Every person had self-truths—and this understanding of my feelings for James was one of mine.
When he stopped the kiss, I wanted to protest the loss of his lips against mine, but I summoned my self-control and stared into his beautifully mysterious eyes and waited for him to speak. I had a pretty good idea where this might go if he allowed it.
"Tell me right now what you want, Winter." The question wasn't asked softly. The words were delivered with a harsh edge. I sensed he was on the verge of losing his tightly held control, and for some reason it only made me hotter.
"I want you."
"Tell me exactly what that means," he commanded without pause, his eyes boring into mine.
"It means I-I-want…I want to be with you, James." The truth. It was simple, not much more than what I'd just said. I wanted to be with the man I'd been in love with for years. I wouldn't make the mistake of saying those words out loud a second time, but I was totally fine with the fact that the cat was finally out of the bag. Weirdly, I simply didn't care if James now knew how I felt about him. It took the pressure off me somehow. I didn't have to pretend anymore—and I wouldn't. He could do what he wanted with it. I was well past caring.
His eyes flared when I answered him. I could feel the heat behind the gaze, and realized I was taking us into uncharted territory by giving him the green light. "You're sure you want to do this?" His jaw flexed slightly along with the press of his hips against me, where I felt the whole hard length of one impressive erection hitting me right where it counted.
I let his hardness sink into me and rolled with the sensation of pure pleasure that came with it. I nodded slowly. "Yes, I'm very sure. Even if it's just for tonight, I want this with you."
James released me abruptly before leaning over to speak into the intercom with the driver. "Enzo, change of plans. Take us to the Sherborn address, please."
"Of course, sir."
James then turned his attention toward me and helped me back into a sitting position. He took my left hand and intertwined our fingers, mine encased in silk gloves that contrasted sharply with his long, tanned ones. The sight was sexy to me. His grip on me secure and firm, as if he had no intention of letting me go now I'd made my decision to be with him. Read "be" to mean sex.
I had no idea where he was taking me, either. Somewhere in Sherborn. Did he have a home there I knew nothing about?
"Give me your phone." Again, his request was more than a little abrupt, but it didn't bother me. Experiencing this very dominant side of James was a major turn-on to me.
I reached into my silk clutch with my other hand and drew out my phone. He took it and turned it off before handing it back to me. Then he did the same to his own phone. I tilted my head at him, asking my question silently instead of out loud.
"No interruptions of any kind are happening tonight, Winter. Just you and me." I saw the hard edge of his jaw flex. "We are off the grid…and we fucking deserve that."
I swallowed air and nodded at him, my heart pounding furiously.
"Phones don't get turned back on again until tomorrow morning, when we're ready," he added.
"Tomorrow morning?" I whispered weakly.
"Tomorrow. You didn't think I'd let you get away with less than an entire night, did you?" He gave me a dark smile that could only be described as wicked. "You're all mine for the next twelve hours, beautiful."
A shiver rolled through my whole body as the words left his lips.
Chapter Fifteen
JAMES
I want to be with you, James.
Those words were all I'd needed to hear from her—all that really mattered. She wanted me. I wanted her. The truth was out. No more pretending nothing had changed between the two of us. For better or for worse the path had been set. That was the good part in all of this. But there was no disputing the fact I was still fucked.
So very fucked.
Winter presenting herself like a perfect sub with downcast eyes as Enzo drove us to the house was the problem. Scratch that. It was my problem, not hers. My inner craving to dominate was on high alert, screaming at me to go for broke with her. To act on every filthy thing I'd fantasized doing to her, for her…with her. What if I overstepped when we were deep into it and said or did something that scared her, or worse, repulsed her? A flash of the demise of my relationship with Leah shuttered in the back of my mind for an instant like a reminder of exactly where this could lead with Winter if I wasn't careful, or if I revealed too much. I wasn't one hundred percent sure I could rein it in, but my training should make it possible. You didn't become a Dom without learning boundaries, limits, and control. I'd wanted Winter for a long time, and I knew I had to take things very slowly tonight, as if I was training a new sub. But I've never trained someone I love. Winter was my ultimate endgame, but if I wasn't hers? She was young and focused on her career. And I was considering actually following my father's insane orders…but only if I could do it with her.
She'll tell me what she wants. Because that was the kind of person Winter Blackstone was. She was honest to a fault. All I could do was show her who I was and go from there. It was a risk. It could end badly. She could be hurt. I would be ruined—worse than I already was—if I lost her in the process.
I couldn't go through that again. I wouldn't.
Why did something so simple have to be so fucking complicated? Two people who felt something good for each other being together because they wanted to.
She also told you she loves you.
I had to keep reminding myself of that, because I'd never known she felt that way about me. In fact, I'd been shocked hearing those three small words leave her sweet lips. Winter and I had been easy friends for as long as I could remember. We'd always clicked. As she grew up and transformed into the gorgeous woman she was today, I'd noticed…of course. I would've had to be dead not to notice her over the years. But I'd only admired Winter from afar, accepting she my best friend's little sister and wouldn't ever be on the menu for me. But thank fuck…she was.
Because we're barreling down the Freeway of Fucking at high speed with no brakes.
I was a careful person by nature. It was necessary to survive growing up with the manipulative and conceited father I had. Life experiences had made me into the man I was, and Winter would get a partial view into that tonight. It's impossible to hide your true self when you had your cock buried in someone who wanted it there, and the only thing on your mind was when and how hard you'd come. And how many times you made her scream your name through the multiple orgasms you made sure she had. And after that, how many times you could do it all again before you're satisfied, because you knew instinctively you'd never get enough of her.
More. I'd want more than this one night. I wanted all of her all the time. I wanted to be out in public with her on my arm. I wanted to come home to her after a long day. I wanted her as the mother of my future children. I wanted so fucking much…and all of it is with her.
The time for pondering this pointless shit was over, though.
She was right beside me—and she was waiting.
An ambulance screamed past us in the opposite direction, the shrill siren cutting through the tension with a jolt. Someone somewhere was probably dying on this cold wet night, while I was about to cross boundaries a lifetime in the making with my best friend's little sister.
I turned toward her and put my index finger to her chin. She didn't say a word, just looked at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers that spoke volumes in the silence. She was fucking beautiful with her lips still wet from my kiss. Her lips were going to stay wet from my kisses all night long.
"If at any point you change your mind about this, you need to tell me. Talk to me, and I'll hear you." I'd probably combust if she shut me down now.
It would hurt, but I'd live.
"I…I'm not going to change my mind, but maybe you will." She looked at where our other hands were still entwined. I never wanted to let go of her. Not ever.
"Why would you even say that?"
"I'm just not that—"
She shook her head in frustration as she continued to look at our hands.
"You're just not that…what?" I tipped her chin back up. "I need to see your eyes when you tell me why you think I'd change my mind about being with you." She didn't flinch, but I could tell her confidence was being tested. "I've wanted you for a long time. This is my fantasy moment," I added, trying to lighten the mood. It was the truth. The shocked surprise on her face? So worth it. Yes, beautiful. You are my fantasy.
"James, I'm…I'm not very…sexually experienced," she finally blurted.
She tugged her hand against my hold, which only made me grip tighter. I wouldn't let her pull away from me after that bombshell she'd just dropped. "Okay," I said calmly. "What does 'not sexually experienced' mean for you?" I couldn't quite wrap my head around the idea, and wasn't sure I should even ask, but of course I did, because it was sort of fucking vital that I knew the answer. "Are you trying to say you're a virgin?"
Holy fuck.
"Holy fuck" indeed, even though I couldn't imagine how it was possible. Shelton had hatched a plan to marry her. Surely the two of them had been intimate…
"Not a virgin." She shook her head again, but this time she kept her eyes on me. She was watching for my reaction, wanting to know if her news made a difference to me. It didn't, and I was careful not to show any surprise.
"Elaborate, darling. I need more information," I said as my heart started beating again.
In total relief.
She wasn't a virgin, and that helped. I was already doubting how far I could take her—take whatever the hell this was between us. But I also realized that if she "wasn't very experienced" as she put it, then her expectations would be right in line with that inexperience. Better for me. Better for us. I didn't want to fuck up and ruin what could be my only chance to show her what we could have together. Before she could answer, I rearranged our positions, effectively sitting her across my lap with her back supported by the corner area of the seat where I could see her eyes as we talked.
"Comfortable?"
She nodded slowly, her expression subtly mysterious. It felt like a reward to be able to look at her with no imposed time limit. For once. I don't have to hide anything from her. She can see the full force of how much I adore her. Love…her…
"Good, because I like having you in this position." And wasn't that the motherfucking truth? Having her over my lap felt like heaven.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Why do I like you in this position?"
She nodded once.
I hesitated, needing to find the right words to answer without outright lying. She definitely wasn't ready to hear about my need for control during sex. Baby steps. Maybe we'd get there, maybe not. Worrying about it was pointless right now though.
"Because I like holding you and knowing you aren't going anywhere, that I've got you," I offered, the truth told the best I could. Telling her about the vision I really wanted to see—her tied to my bed where I could keep her pleasured for as long as I deemed it—wasn't exactly possible, so I focused on other points instead. "In this position, I can see your face right before I kiss you."
Her eyes flared just enough to show me what I wanted to see. Desire. Winter was turned on by my words. So responsive. So sensual. Completely mine.
"And be able to read your emotions if I'm lucky. You are so beautiful across my lap right now. I need to enjoy my view for a moment."
"Me too," she said, settling her head and neck to a comfortable position, probably because being situated directly above my hardening cock was requiring an adjustment on her part. "I love my view." She stared at me, her pretty green eyes studying me as intently as I was studying her.
Every time the word "love" came out of her mouth, my heart zinged me with a jolt that bordered on pain. Jesus, I was so lost already, and all we'd done was some eye-fucking in the back seat of a limo. Time to up the ante, though, because I'd go crazy if I didn't know more. "So, you want to tell me about not being a virgin?" I asked carefully, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
She blushed, but didn't hedge my question. "Only a few times, and only ever with Chris. He wasn't all about the sex in the beginning and said we should wait until it felt right. Later on, after Dad got sick and our relationship started to suffer, he changed."
HOW the fuck she'd never been with anyone but that moron was a true mystery. "Changed how?"
"He began pressing me for sex all of a sudden, but only at certain times. It took me a minute to figure it out, but I caught on to what he was trying to do."
"Which was?" I asked. Oh, I had a very good idea exactly what that piece of shit was trying to do.
"Hoping to get me pregnant so I would agree to marry him."
Not a surprise, but it made me furious to imagine him attempting to impregnate a grieving girl at a horribly vulnerable time. The cocksucker figured out early on about her trust fund and its requirements for an early release. "Shelton was lucky he didn't get jail time with what he pulled taking you away after your father's funeral. Did he hurt you when he took you to that cabin in Vermont?" If the answer is yes, then his miserable excuse for a life is over.
"Hurt me? No." She shook her head quickly. "We were together at the cabin, which I am sure he thought might get him to his goal, but I'd ditched birth control pills in favor of a Depo shot after my pills were lost a second time." She frowned in annoyance and closed her eyes. "I don't want to talk abou
t him anymore. Chris was just another guy in a long line of guys whose interest in me was financial over personal. The sex was barely memorable and the reason for my inexperience. I've never been with anyone who just wants me for who I am." I should have stepped up a long time ago.
"And who are you?" I asked, curious for her answer.
"Just a girl whose last name is Blackstone…who doesn't want her name to be what matters most to someone." I heard sadness in her answer, and it made me even more determined to get this right with her.
"Open your eyes, beautiful."
They fluttered open, finding mine.
"That's all about to change tonight," I said, bringing a hand between us to settle behind her neck. "I want you, and I'd never try to trap you into marriage with a pregnancy or anything you didn't want. Was done to me and it's fucked up."
"Leah did that to you?"
"Yeah, she pulled the whole 'I'm pregnant' bullshit, but neglected to tell me the father was someone else. I mean, I wanted to legitimize my child of course, but her betrayal left me blindsided so badly I…I needed a reset. I couldn't go back to my life how it had been when I was with her." It still burned now to even talk about it, but with Winter I didn't feel the need for keeping secrets. Anyone else I'd happily lie to, saying whatever to make him or her think I came out of my relationship with Leah unscathed, which I definitely hadn't. But I had absolutely no desire to lie to Winter. We weren't about lies and never had been.
"What she did to you was horrible, James. It bothered me so fucking much. I hated how she treated you, but I didn't know what to say or do at the time that could've possibly helped." She brought a gloved finger to my lips and traced them top to bottom slowly, the silk threads catching on my beard stubble as her finger moved. "I wished so badly I could help you then."