Winter held on to my hand in a death grip. We hadn't spoken much about it yet, but we would as soon as we had a minute. We'd spent the remaining time in the car on our phones getting updates. Winter talked to Willow, and I got through to Vic to let everyone know we were on our way. The cat was now out of the bag about Winter and me. Everyone knew we'd spent the night together, so we were no longer a secret. It was one less thing to have to deal with in my view. And fuck if I care. I love the woman by my side and will do anything for her. So, they can all finally fucking know how much I feel for her.
I thought back on our own crazy encounter with Janice at the ball, wondering if I could have done something different to prevent her from staging a Hitchcock film noir scene at a formal fucking charity event. Probably not, but I still felt horrible for Caleb and Brooke being on the receiving end of such trauma. Brooke had been through too much already, and Caleb would be wrecked by guilt at this happening to her because of his crazy ex-girlfriend. I felt really fucking bad for them both. Seven weeks pregnant too. Damn. I hoped for the best and prepared for the worst. That was what we could do right now. And all of this madness had happened within the span of the few hours, while Winter and I were at my house in Sherborn fucking for the first time. With our phones off the grid. Unreachable.
The guilt just kept piling up like shit.
Lucas Blackstone added his share to the guilt-shit pile as soon as we came into the private waiting area attached to the surgical suite.
"Nice of you to stop by and check in," he sneered. "We were just hours away from filing a missing person's report with the cops, Winter." He was pissed, and probably all at me. "Willow and Roger left about fifteen minutes ago. They are exhausted from a long night of waiting for news on Brooke and trying to find you."
"I'm so sorry, Lucas, but we had our phones turned off until just a little while ago. We didn't know…any of this happened. "Where is Caleb? How is Brooke? Can I see—"
"Why was your phone off? Nobody knew where you were! You could've been dying in a ditch somewhere from a road accident—God—who the fuck knows. So fucking irresponsible of you both—"
"I am sorry, okay?! It's not our fault Janice attacked and hurt Brooke last night. I was with James and we left the party. We turned off our phones, so we could have time away for one single fucking night." Winter could hold her own, but I also saw that she felt badly for causing extra worry for her family.
Lucas scoffed at her and nodded his head dramatically. "Fucking is the operative word all right." He pointed at her shoulder where the hickey showed through her hair. "Classy, sister dear, real fucking classy. Not so cool to be out getting your freak on with him while the rest of us are wondering if you're still breathing."
"You are being such an asshole right now. Didn't you ever take a night off from the rest of the world, Lucas?" Winter gave her brother as good as she got.
"Yes, he has," I answered for him. "Many nights I'd bet. He's not any different than the rest of us." I chose my words carefully for him, trying to keep my temper in check. "You are upsetting your sister for no good reason. Enough with the guilt trip you're putting on her."
"I cannot deal with you up in my face right now, Lucas. I'm going to find Caleb, and I'm seeing Brooke if they'll let me." She dismissed her brother with a middle-finger salute and left the room. She is magnificent. I had observed this trait in her before. Winter didn't waste her time on pointless shit. She'd come here to the hospital for a purpose, and she would see it done.
"So you—" Lucas turned his hostility on me. I knew what he was imagining. He was picturing his little sister tied to a rack in a room somewhere to be flogged, and gagged, and fucked by me. I wouldn't bother explaining to him that it was nothing like that with her, but strangely, I wanted to.
"I'm pretty fuckin' sure she doesn't need your permission for who she's with, and you need to chill. Winter's done nothing wrong. She's here for Caleb and Brooke right now, not you."
"So, please, the next time you go off for a night of fucking my little sister, could you leave us a number where you can be reached? You know, in case of a serious emergency or something fucking important like—"
"Get off my dick, you pretentious fucker—"
"Shut the fuck up, both of you." Thankfully, Caleb found us at the moment shit was starting to get real and put a stop to the nonsense. "You're in a hospital for fuck's sake." Lucas and I both turned, ready to take the ass chewing we definitely deserved. "You, Lucas, sit there, and James, there." He pointed us to our respective corners before pulling up a chair for himself in between us. He sat facing the back of the seat, folded his arms over the top and rested his chin down. The exhaustion in his face showed how long the night had been for him. He had a large bandage at his throat and hospital johnny for a shirt. "I want you to listen and not talk. Just listen to me. Can you do that?" He pegged us both with angry, weary eyes. I couldn't even imagine what he was feeling right now. If that were Winter attacked by Janice, I would want the bitch dead. Especially if she were carrying my baby. Fuck.
I nodded.
"None of this crap matters. None of it. It's all distracting bullshit to take you away from what's really important. There will be some immediate changes happening. Read that as, I am taking Brooke away the moment she is cleared to travel. So very far away from this shitstorm of drama, to give her a chance at some peace for once. She's been through so much…and I can't allow even one more bad thing to happen—"
Caleb's voice broke, but we all knew what he was going to say. He couldn't allow for Brooke to be hurt again by anyone. He would make certain it never happened even if he had to take her away somewhere secret to do it. I knew my friend well and understood where his head was at with this. Add in the fact she was pregnant, and he was going to be a father? Yeah, he needed a breather to get a handle on his emotions. I don't know how he wasn't passed out flat on the floor to be honest, but he scrubbed his face with his hands and continued, "We'll see you back here in a month, maybe longer. Lucas, that means you're the man who signs the checks at BGE in my absence. You might need to buy some suits and stay in the city during the week. You can use my office and sleep at my place if you want. I don't give a fuck."
As that information settled in for Lucas to digest, he turned to me. "James, you're going to be heading up everything of a legal nature, including keeping me apprised of the proceedings against the sadistic cunt responsible for this whole fucking nightmare. I know you'll have our best interests in mind." He knows he doesn't even have to ask.
"Whatever you need, Caleb, you have it," I said.
But he still had some more to say. "You are also my best friend, and even I had no clue about you and Winter. Brooke did though. She asked me about the two of you more than once. I just didn't see it and that bothers me, but I am really happy for you guys. Win told me last night was the first time the two of you were together, but I don't care about that part. I really don't. I might not want to think about you and my sister…well, yeah…since it's none of my business, but I know you love her and that's what's important to me. Seriously. Go and be with the one you love and never look back. Don't waste one more fucking moment of your life in a situation that takes you away from your happiness. I know I won't."
I had a thought as I got up from my seat to embrace my friend in a sappy-assed bro-hug…eventually Caleb and I would be real brothers.
"Why was Lucas so hostile with you? Is there some kind of past issue between you two I should know about?"
Before I answered her, I remembered what Caleb had said to me at the hospital. I also thought about how Winter was cuddling on my couch right now, watching the hockey game with me. She was in my apartment, and she would be in my bed tonight. By choice. I had her legs stretched across my lap and her silky hair between my fingers as I played in it. Everything felt right for once. I didn't want to risk any of what we had attained in the last day and a half.
I won't risk it.
"He doesn't approve of me being wit
h you because he knows where my dick has been in the past."
Silence. And then quietly, "Where has it been?"
"Nowhere important. I haven't been with anyone in the way I am with you for years. That's the truth." I hoped my answer was satisfactory, but figured it probably wasn't.
"I never knew you to date anyone after Leah, so what did you do for sex—who did you—where did you get it from?" As much as her questions pained me, I had to appreciate that she'd been paying attention to who I wasn't with, for five long years. I was a lucky bastard.
"Women I didn't know…and didn't care enough to know." I hated talking to her about them. It felt so very filthy a thing to bring others into our relationship, inserting them between the pureness of what we had.
"Escorts?" she asked with a tilt of her head.
"Along those lines, yes, but always in a safe, controlled environment with rules in place."
"So, like a kinky sex-club date or something, and Lucas saw you there?"
"Something like that. You would have to ask him, but I really hope you don't. I am not feeling your brother at the moment. He can fuck off for what he said to you earlier."
"He was being a jerk for real. I don't understand why so territorial though. It's not like Lucas to judge others so harshly. Why care about who you date when you're single?"
"Oh, he doesn't care about who I dated. He's worried about you being hurt or harmed in some way by a kinky fucker like me."
She changed her position so she could face me, and put her hand to my cheek. "Did you just refer to yourself as a kinky fucker, James?"
"I did." Her expression went from surprise to amusement. "Do you think I'm a kinky fucker when I'm with you, beautiful?"
"I don't know, because you are incomparable to other men for me. I don't want to equate what we do together to a thing that's been defined by a label. I think the way you are is just right for me, though, and I know you'd never harm me intentionally. Please don't ever change your kinky-fucker-self on my account, James Blakney." I love this girl. She couldn't be more amazing.
I kissed her, because there were no words that would have been good enough. So, I showed her instead, pressing her onto the couch and helping her out of her clothes until she was splendidly naked. I kissed her everywhere, worshipping the body I had grown to know intimately in such a short period of time…but would crave indefinitely until I took my very last breath.
After I made her come the second time, when she was in that boneless sensual subspace I loved for her to be in, I arranged her how I wanted. Pulled to the very edge of the couch with her arms up and over the back for holding on to, her ankles pressed against her ass with her long legs spread wide, her pussy wet and ready for being fucked by my cock.
We both watched me sink it deep into her tight, wet cunt. Over and over again, the metal doing its job, dragging against our hot flesh on sensual overload, until I was dying for release. But hoping it didn't come and end this moment in time with her. I couldn't stop it though. Eventually, biology took over my body. I lost myself to my own kind of subspace as I came powerfully hard inside her, a handful of her long hair wrapped in each of my hands. Her hair pulled back, her graceful neck exposed for her throat to be licked and marked with my teeth. Kissed and loved…and told with words all that she meant to me.
After a while, I carried her sleeping into my bedroom and put her in my bed. I watched her peaceful breathing and wondered yet again, how we'd found ourselves here. It seemed impossible to believe she was finally mine, but it was also terrifying to fear this might not last. I was confident I could be with her sexually and keep myself in check. I'd just done it. No restraints or discipline of any kind—and it was fucking hot while we were in it. I didn't need any more than that from her. Winter was my perfect partner just as she was. Always.
I realized my head was fucked from what Leah did. I knew it was wrong to bring my past into my new relationship with Winter. It wasn't fair to her. And so, I knew what I had to do. I wouldn't try to change her for my needs—I'd change myself to meet hers. But there was no regret. Only the most wonderful peace. After many dark years.
But my terror was fucking real, and it was always with me. I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't lose my Winter for any reason. Which was why wanting my ring on her finger and my name at the end of hers had become my new obsession, and it had absolutely nothing to do with her trust fund. There would be no on-paper-only marriage between us.
One week later.
"You know what the best part of the game was for me?" Winter asked as we came in from the Bruins game at the Garden to have a quiet dinner at home.
"Was it Marchand's hat trick in the third period?"
"Um no…Licker had to go and bring out his tongue again. Seriously? Why would that be my best part of the game? Dumb, James."
I laughed at my beautiful girl who was turning out to be quite the hockey fan, impressing the hell out of me. Deadly serious about ice-time, there was no talking or otherwise distractions of any kind allowed while the puck was in play. But during intermissions she would chat up whoever was next to us in our seats. She'd hit it off with an older woman who was there with her husband and was deep into a conversation with her when the special holiday kiss-cam found us. Winter was so involved in her convo with her new friend she would not stop to kiss me even though I kept trying. It was hilarious, and the crowd loved it. When the kiss-cam came back to us a second time, Winter was ready for them. She jumped in my lap and made out with me in a big show for the cameras. I needed to find the clip and save it in case they ran it on NHL Live later tonight.
My phone pinged with a picture and a message, and when I comprehended what I was seeing, I showed it to her. "Win, you need to see this." We looked at the screen together.
The picture was of Caleb and Brooke in the doorway of the stone church on the island. At their wedding? Caleb's lips were pressed to the back of her hand as Brooke smiled at him, completely in love. The message said simply: We took the advice of a very wise man, and decided to hold on to our happiness, and each other, starting tonight. With Much Love, Caleb & Brooke Blackstone xoxo
"No way. They got married without us there? They didn't tell anybody…" Winter took my phone from my hand and went over to sit on the couch with it. She stared at the picture for a long time.
"Are you okay, beautiful?" I asked as I came over to sit next to her.
She swiped at her eyes to brush away a few tears and nodded, but still kept staring at the picture. "Yeah, I am. I will be." And then she looked at me and smiled bravely. "It was a shock seeing that picture…at first…and feeling left out of such a big thing. My brother got married tonight, and we didn't even know? He didn't ask us to be at his wedding, James."
"I know, it's a surprise to me too. I always imagined that I'd be at Caleb's wedding just like he was at mi—"
I stopped my rambling and wished I could turn back time for just two short seconds. That day with Caleb is carved in my memories so clearly. He was the one who had to walk me out of the church, because I would have stayed all fucking day waiting for her to show up. Caleb was the one who convinced me to walk right out the fucking front door of the church with my balls still attached to my dick instead of slipping out the back where the guests wouldn't see. He'd said something important to me that I'd always remembered. He'd said the day would come when I'd marry the right girl. It wasn't the day, and Leah wasn't the right girl, and in time I would be glad she hadn't shown up to the church. He was right of course.
"It's okay to talk about that day with me, James. I'm so thankful you didn't marry Leah."
So am I. Because the right girl—is you.
"Me too…but I think I understand why he did it like this, Win. Don't you?"
She leaned into me and nodded a few times. "I think so. I'm just feeling a little selfish for missing out, but I can understand where he might be coming from. We knew he was taking Brooke away for rest and recovery, so I suppose marrying her wasn't too
far off from his plans, especially since they have a baby on the way. It must have been a personal decision that they felt it needed to be just the two of them." I had no doubt it was the best thing for both of them. Brooke was the best thing to ever happen to Caleb, and I'd loved watching her bring his sorry-ass back to life.
Like Winter is doing for mine.
I rubbed her arm and kissed her on the forehead. "Maybe you can throw a party for them when they're back in a month. I'm sure they'd be honored with an after-wedding celebration."
She smiled again. "That's a good idea. I'll talk to the rest of the family about it. I really am thrilled for them. My brother is a married man now, and once I get over my FOMO I'll be good again."
"I can make you a married woman very easily, you know, to help you get over your FOMO a little faster. I know a guy."
"Do you now?" She rolled her eyes at me. "I know a guy too. He's wickedly hot in bed and very easy on my eyes, but I certainly don't have to marry him to enjoy being with him."
That's me told.
I'd keep working on her though.
Someday, I'd ask my Winter to marry me and she would say yes.
Chapter Twenty
WINTER
January
"Hello, Winter Blackstone, why are we seeing you today?" The doctor looked up from my chart to greet me. She also looked like she'd been up for far too long without sleep. I used the clinic around the corner from the South Boston Youth Center because it was convenient, not because it was free. I’d suggest to Caleb and Brooke the clinic be placed on a list for sponsorship via the philanthropic arm of BGE. I had plans to do big things in the near future—which was another reason I needed to take care of this issue regarding my birth control before I really messed up. Brooke's surprise pregnancy was still fresh in my mind, and even though it was a joyful surprise for our family, I needed my own situation squared away. James and I were in a great place in our relationship, but it was still very new.