“Sure, you’re not.”
A knock sounded on the other side of the door before Mrs. Walker peeked her head in. “It’s time, Jess. You boys ready?”
Jesse popped out of the chair and ran his hands down his jacket. They were having a straight-up cowboy wedding—from the jeans, to the boots, to the black felt hats.
“I’m ready,” I said to Mrs. Walker and hitched my thumb at Jesse. “He’s excited.”
Mrs. Walker laughed. “What can I say? I raised a deranged son.” Jesse swirled his finger beside his head.
“Nah, Mrs. Walker. You raised one hell of a man.” I don’t know who looked at me with more surprise.
After giving Jesse a solid hug, Mrs. Walker gave me just as solid of one. “You didn’t turn out so bad yourself, Mr. Black.” Patting my cheek, she slipped back out the door, leaving it cracked for us. I heard the guitars in the background playing some Johnny Cash song . . . of course.
“Okay, this is it. How do I look?” Jesse held his hands out.
“Ugly.”
“Thanks for the confidence booster”—Jesse slugged my arm and headed for the door—“best man.”
“Nice jeans, by the way. Good of you to get dressed up for your own wedding. Pathetic.”
Jesse shrugged, my sarcasm bouncing right off of him. “What can I say? Rowen kind of has a thing for my jeans.”
“No, Rowen kind of has a thing for your ass.”
He paused at the door and gave an exaggerated wink. “I can’t blame her. I do have a fantastic ass.”
“Sounds like someone’s boosted their own confidence,” I muttered as Jesse slipped out the door. “Hey, Jess, hold up just a quick sec.”
Bad timing was my M.O., but I had to get it off of my chest. I’d taken my sweet time saying it, but there I was in some big hurry to get it out right as he was about to say “I do.”
“What’s up?”
I sucked in a heavy breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for that night with Josie. You trusted me to take care of someone you loved, and I betrayed you both. And I’m sorry.” I couldn’t seem to say it enough. “So fucking sorry.” One more time, I guess. “I just wanted you to know. I wanted you to know I didn’t plan for that to happen, or even want it to, but I didn’t do anything to stop it either.” I told Josie I’d never apologized to her for that night because I wasn’t sorry it happened, and that was true—it was hard to be sorry for a night I thought I’d only live in my dreams. But there was another part to it, the other side of the coin. I was sorry for the people I’d hurt. I was sorry for betraying one of my best friends. Well, I was sorry for betraying my two best friends. Jesse stayed quiet, the skin between his brows creasing deeper and deeper with every word. “Oh, and one more thing. I’m sorry for not saying I’m sorry sooner. It took me two pathetic years to apologize to my best friend for making love to his girlfriend behind his back.”
“Black, what the hell are you talking about?” That wasn’t what I’d been expecting him to say. “You’ve said sorry plenty of times before.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Okay, so you haven’t come right out and said those exact words, but you’ve shown me you were sorry. You’ve been showing me for a long time.” Jesse clapped his hand over my shoulder. “I know you’re sorry. And I forgave you a long time ago.”
I let that settle in for a few moments. And a few more. “Well, shit. If I’d known that, I could have saved my breath.”
Jesse’s smile stretched. “It’s all good. Besides, it’s nice to hear the words sometimes, you know?”
“You’ve got that intentional look,” I said, motioning at his face. “So whatever it is you’re thinking, you better spit it out.”
“The hard part is showing someone you’re sorry—or in a totally unrelated and not-at-all applicable situation . . . showing someone you love them.” Jesse’s tone gave me the equivalent of a nudge. Inapplicable, my ass. “The easy part is telling them.”
“Your point, Yoda?”
“You’ve already proven you love her. That’s the hard part. All you have to do is tell her.” How was he still able to talk, let alone form those kinds of thoughts, when he was supposed to be standing in front of an alter? Oh, yeah. Because he was Jesse fucking Walker.
“And that’s the easy part?” I said.
“As pie.”
I shoved his arm, pushing him through the office door. “Let’s get you to your wedding, princess.”
“I’ll make sure Rowen tosses the bouquet your way, sweetie,” Jesse said, adjusting his tie before buttoning his jacket.
“Bite me, Walker.”
He grinned at me. “Love you too, Black.”
Sliding the barn door open, I clamped my mouth closed. Dozens of faces turned their attention on the two of us. “You couldn’t have given me a little warning?” I hissed at him, keeping a smile plastered on as I followed him to the altar.
“Warning,” he said, waving at Clementine. She was practically bouncing in her seat.
Again, I had to fight the urge to buckle his knees out from under him. His wedding day. Dozens of people smiling at us. I should be on my best behavior. As the song the guitar player was strumming ended, he moved seamlessly into the next song. Even though I wasn’t a big Cash fan, I’d been around Jesse enough to know the song—“I Walk the Line.” I got the relevance, but really, the lyrics seemed more suited for a person like me than Jesse. A single guitar player was playing the song at half time, but the tune was almost haunting. I was practically wiping my eyes, and then the Walkers’ front door opened and Josie stepped out. Damn. If I’d been the crying type, I would have been a sobbing mess right then.
She clutched a bouquet and wore a pretty purple dress that moved with the breeze. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. She always had been. And she always would be. She didn’t notice me at first—not until she’d made it down the stairs to the aisle. As soon as she saw me, her smile vanished. Her skin, already darkened a couple of shades from the early summer sun, whitened. Her pace slowed so much, I worried that she would turn around and bolt. Instead, she sucked in a deep breath, shifted her gaze away from me, and continued down the aisle. When she made it to the altar, she gave Jesse her standard slug greeting, then mouthed a quick Congratulations.
It was another surreal moment. The three of us all together as one was about to commit his life to the woman he loved. The three of us had grown up together, lived and learned together, loved and hurt one another. Yet after all of that, we were still together, practically shoulder to shoulder, supporting one who was ready to move on to the next phase of life. Jesse, Josie, and me—an unlikely trio of friends who’d been through it all.
“Hey, Joze,” I whispered to her, taking a step her direction. She greeted me back with a powerful glare. “You look beautiful.”
Her glare went from powerful to lethal. Jesse subtly elbowed me in the stomach before tilting his head back. “Don’t make eye contact. Keep your mouth shut. Until the end of the ceremony.” One more elbow before a small smile appeared. “Please.”
“Fine,” I mouthed before clamping my mouth shut. The guitar player was just getting to the second chorus when Rowen stepped out from behind the front door. She looked beautiful—Jesse was one hell of a lucky man—but I only kept my eyes on her for a moment. They shifted to the woman standing off to my side.
Every eye was on the bride coming down the aisle, but mine were on the woman I could only dream would make the same journey down the aisle toward me. I could tell Josie knew I was staring at her. She was obviously ignoring me, and her middle finger was extended behind her bouquet so only my eyes would see. That was a sure sign.
The song ended. Rowen took Jesse’s hands at the altar, vows and rings were exchanged, a kiss was shared that went on far too long for my liking . . . but I couldn’t pay attention to any of it. The only thing I could focus on was Josie. I tried looking away from her, but it was impossible. Jesse had found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and I had t
oo. The only difference was that it had taken me much longer to admit that to myself. Josie and I were like oil and vinegar at times, and her temper only served to fuel mine, but we belonged together. There wasn’t any more doubt in my mind. We belonged together. I’d accepted that. The trick was finding out if she still believed that.
That was how I watched one of my best friends marry the woman he loved—through the eyes of the woman I did. Once she stopped paying attention to me, her glare disappeared. Josie went from smiling, to shedding a few happy tears, to beaming, to crying, and then she repeated it as Jesse and Rowen exchanged rings. When the preacher pronounced them husband and wife, she smiled and clapped—everyone else was hooting and hollering like they were at a honky-tonk and not a wedding—but there was something sad about her expression. Her eyes couldn’t mask the sadness.
As Jesse and Rowen took the trip back down the aisle together to yet another Cash song strummed on a guitar, the Walkers descended on them before they made it far. There was so much hugging and kissing and crying from all of those sisters that I squirmed where I was at the front. Once they’d made it past the Walker bottleneck, Josie moved beside me. I sucked in a breath and smiled, but she wouldn’t look at me. She clearly had something to say because she just stood there, practically shoulder to shoulder with me, looking expectant.
After a few more seconds, she sighed. “You’re supposed to escort me down the aisle.”
“Oh.” Well, that explained the look. I held out my elbow for her. “I didn’t know that.”
“You might have if you’d made it to the rehearsal last night.” She wove her arm through my elbow, but she made sure that as little of her arm touched mine as possible. I was back to being radioactive.
“Yeah, I guess so. I had a few things to figure out.” We were able to speak in normal voices because everyone was still cheering and clapping for the newly married couple who’d already made their way through the Walkers’ front door.
“Well, I hope you got figured out what you needed figuring out.” Josie’s voice wasn’t warm, and it wasn’t particularly cold either. It was just . . . absent. Removed.
“I think I did.” I had to tap the shoulders of a few people who were blocking our way. It’s a wedding, people, not a rock concert. Get a grip.
“Great for you.” Josie’s arm weaved out of mine as we approached the porch steps. Instead of climbing them with me, she turned away and headed toward the side of the house. “Bye, Black.”
I watched her until she disappeared, calculating my next move. Chase her and tell her what I needed to say before everyone sat down for the reception? Bide my time and catch her later after a few dances and a couple glasses of wine? I decided to go after her then because there was no sense in waiting. I’d waited too long already. I filed around the Walkers’ house—along with everyone else who was making their way to the big white tent set up in back. I lost sight of Josie in the crowd, but I kept moving forward. We’d wind up in the same spot eventually.
Inside of the tent, everyone took their seats around white tables set with white candles and flowers. I scanned everyone, not finding her. Just when I was about to head back out to see if she’d taken a detour, Mrs. Walker slipped up beside me.
“Your seat’s up here,” she said, putting her arm through mine and guiding me to the other end of the tent. “Are you all ready for your speech?”
My head whipped toward Mrs. Walker. “What speech?”
“The one the best man gives during the toast,” she replied, waving at someone we passed.
“No one said anything about a speech. I’m just here for the free food.”
Mrs. Walker nudged me gently. “And here I was thinking you were here for a different reason.” Her gaze shifted to a person sitting at the long table in front of us. Josie. Leave it to Mrs. Walker to save the pretenses.
“Yeah . . . about that . . .” I rubbed the back of my neck as I watched Josie. “I’m not sure that reason I’m here is super thrilled with me actually being here.”
“Here’s a little secret I’ll give away about us women.” Mrs. Walker leaned in, watching Josie with me. “Sometimes we act one way but feel another.”
“Are you telling me that Josie behaving like I’m the anti-Christ is all just an act?”
She smiled and patted my arm. “I’m saying why don’t you find out if it’s an act? There’s nothing to lose in at least finding out.”
“Besides my pride,” I mumbled.
“Pride’s overrated,” she said, moving toward a table of people waving at her. “Give humiliation a try.”
I didn’t care if I had to humiliate myself in front of every last person on the planet, nor did I care how I had to do it—it would be worth it to get Josie to hear me out. Since Josie was on one side of the bride and groom’s seats, I assumed mine was on the other side. The newlyweds weren’t there yet—knowing them, they were probably getting it on right then. For Jesse’s sake, I hoped people weren’t right when they said the sex went downhill after the I dos. Maybe I could work that into the speech. Shit—a speech. I would have to thank both of the Sterling-Walkers for the heads-up on that one. As I took my seat, I glanced at Josie. She was looking every direction but mine. Was Mrs. Walker right? Could she be only acting like she hated me? I wasn’t sure, but I would find out.
“Hey, Joze.” I angled my chair a little toward her and waited. “Josie?” I knew she’d heard me because her face was going a little red.
I was ready to say her name again when her head snapped my way. “You remember that little Bye, Black I issued back there?” Josie pointed toward the Walkers’ house. I didn’t have a chance to nod or reply. “That wasn’t a Bye, I’ll see you in a minute. That was a Bye, I never want to see you again.”
Those words, and that look on her face, gutted me. Act or no act, each of those words sliced through me. “Josie . . .” I had so much to say, so much to explain and apologize for, but that was all I could get out.
Her eyes closed and shook her head. “I warned you. I told you what would happen if you left me that night. That the . . . the . . . love I had for you then”—her voice caught, but after a moment, she lifted her shoulders and cleared her throat—“would change into something else. The opposite. It has.”
I wanted to reach for the glass of water on the table in front of me, but that seemed like too much work. Every scrap of energy had just been sucked out of me. “You hate me? You don’t love me anymore?”
Her eyes met mine for a moment before she twisted away from me. She was obviously done talking, but I wasn’t. I would say what I needed to and apologize for fifteen years of not giving her my best every day of it.
When another round of clapping and cheering went through the crowd, I didn’t need to look to know Jesse and Rowen had made their way to the tent. I stood and clapped with everyone else as my mind worked to decide what to do next. I hadn’t come to the wedding with any expectations about how Josie would react to seeing me after my couple-month departure, but if I had, I wouldn’t have expected her to really hate me. Maybe she’d been right, and her love had nowhere else to go but into hate. That shattered me. But maybe Mrs. Walker was right, and it was all just an act.
Jesse and Rowen hugged their way down the table. I extended my hand to Jesse while Rowen and Josie hugged. Since I pretty much hadn’t taken my eyes off of her all afternoon, I saw Josie whisper something into Rowen’s ear. Rowen replied with a dismissive wave. I guessed Josie was asking Rowen if she’d mind if she smashed her dinner into my face, and Rowen’s wave was a Not at all. Fire away. That was okay. If Josie had to smash her filet into my face in order to feel a bit better so I could say what I needed to, that was a small price to pay.
“Congrats, best man. Your head is still attached to your neck.” Jesse clapped the side of my arm and grinned.
“Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to be congratulating you?” I asked, finally diverting my attention. I might be there for Josie, but I was also there for J
esse and Rowen.
“No need to say it, pal. It’s written all over that tortured face of yours.”
“Haha, funny man. Thank you, by the way, for letting me know about the speech I’d be making and giving me some time to prepare,” I said dryly.
“You bet. Good luck.” Jesse’s grin jumped up a few levels when Rowen slid beside and pressed a kiss into his cheek.
“Holy shit. Rowen Sterling. Glowing. Married. I suppose now’s the time to start packing our bags for the apocalypse.”
Jesse slugged my arm. Rowen got the other. “Holy shit. Garth Black. Present. Accounted for. Sober. Quick, no time to pack your bags for the apocalypse because it’s here.”
I laughed as I stepped in to hug her. “Congrats, Mrs. Sterling-Walker. You take care of my little boy and make sure he eats his peas, washes behind his ears, and that you tuck him in every night sated with a smile on his face.”
Jesse rolled his eyes. Rowen lifted her eyebrows. “Planning on it.”
“By the way, you look amazing,” I added. I didn’t know much about wedding dresses, but I’d seen enough to know that hers wasn’t a typical one. In true Jesse and Rowen fashion, she’d picked out the dress that suited her, the one that worked for them, and said to hell with the rest of it.
“Nice of you to notice. Finally.” Rowen inclined her head behind her—where Josie’s back was as much to us as it could get.
“Yeah . . . sorry about that.”
Rowen took her seat, and Jesse slid her chair forward. “Sincerity is the most important part of an apology,” Rowen said. “You might want to take note in case you’re planning on making any more tonight.”
“I’m planning on it”—I indicated at Josie’s back—“if someone decides to actually acknowledge me.”
“From one stubborn person to another”—Rowen leaned across Jesse’s lap toward me—“figure out a way so she has to hear you out. Don’t let her get away from here tonight without hearing what you have to say.” Rowen’s eyes stayed on mine, drilling what she’d just said into me. She leaned back into her seat, but not before winding her arms around Jesse’s neck and pulling him in for one long, long kiss. Most nauseatingly in love couple alive.