We stopped to let Gabriel paint the marker.
“They gravel their hiking trails?” April asked, holding the map and a pen. “That’s kind of distracting on a hike.”
“It might just be the start of the trial,” Taylor said. She blew a breath out and shifted some of her long brown hair away from her sharp-featured face. “This might be a two-day job. We’re not covering nearly enough ground, and it’ll get dark soon.”
“We could split up,” April said. “Cover more ground and get more done.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Gabriel said, painting white letters on the wood post. “We’ve only got the one radio.”
“Those with the radio should be the ones going out in the gravel sections,” Taylor said.
“I don’t like the idea of splitting up, though,” Gabriel said. He looked up toward the cloud-covered sky, through the tops of trees. “You could end up on the other side of the camp in the dark.”
“Girls aren’t afraid of the dark,” Taylor said. She looked at me and winked. “Are we?”
I shrugged in reply. I really didn’t want to be far away from our camp in the dark, especially when the temperature was starting to drop. My tongue hadn’t moved the entire time we were out. I wasn’t needed as a directional navigator since we were following the roads.
Taylor lifted a brown eyebrow. “Do you talk at all? I don’t think I’ve heard your voice yet.”
I smothered a frown. I didn’t like getting pressured into talking. I didn’t really have anything to say.
“She talks when she wants to,” Silas said, his voice spooking even me. The others jumped slightly, except for Gabriel, who remained focused on the sign.
“She’s fine,” Gabriel said. “All I’m saying is that it’s getting late. It’s going to get really fucking cold soon. This isn’t an emergency map-making project. We should focus on the paved roads as much as we can and then head back. We can get up early in the morning, and finish out the paved road maps before the others get here.”
“We should have taken a car,” April said. “It would have been faster getting from place to place.”
“Someone can do that tomorrow,” Gabriel said. He stopped his painting, stood up straight, and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Take the gravel roads and see how far they stretch out. If we took a car on these main roads, we would have been getting in and out to see what was where.”
April continued walking up the paved road. Taylor hadn’t stopped looking at me since Gabriel had changed the subject.
I looked down at the road and started following April, walking next to Silas.
Taylor lingered back behind us and then came next to me, making me drift even closer to Silas.
When we got to the next sign, April worked with Gabriel to interpret what the sign was trying to say. Then Gabriel painted while April marked the spot on her map.
“So you guys go to high school?” Taylor asked Silas and I as we waited, but she was mostly looking at me.
I turned to Silas. I knew she was just trying to get me to talk, and I didn’t like it if she at all understood I didn’t want to. It felt like almost a challenge.
“Yeah,” he said, and that was all.
Taylor’s eyes shifted slowly from me to Silas and then back to me again. “You, too?”
“Yeah, she does,” Silas said before I even opened my mouth.
I pressed my lips together after that, willing to let Silas answer for me and let him be my voice right now. It wasn’t to be mean or rude, but Taylor made it awkward with her obvious desire to hear from me.
Taylor lifted a brown eyebrow and it disappeared behind her bangs. “What’s it like?”
Had she not gone to high school? Then again, I remembered the boys didn’t go to a normal high school before, either. They’d gone to a regular elementary school, but I didn’t think they’d returned to a normal school until this year. Were all Academy students taken out of public schools?
“It’s shit,” Gabriel said. “We’re in a fucking dump of a school so we can—.”
April smirked and rapped him on the head with the map. “Your momma let you curse like that?”
Gabriel covered his head with an arm, ducking away. “God. So-o-orry. Let me shut my mouth.”
“There’s homework,” Silas said. “You study enough to get the answers right and then forget it again to study another test. Really hard to learn anything when it’s short term memorization.”
April’s smile dissolved. “You really don’t learn anything?”
Gabriel straightened after finishing painting on the post and put the cap on the paint. “It’s stupid. The teachers don’t really care if you learn anything, just as long as you fill in bubbles on tests. If you get something wrong, they don’t go over it and help you. There might be a lecture, but half of the time we’re reading out of those boring textbooks in class. Half of the stuff doesn’t even matter. Will I ever be held at gunpoint and asked the specific date Eisenhower came into office? Probably not. Better they teach me how to look it up on Google.”
“You don’t use a computer?” April asked.
“Fu-nope,” Gabriel said, catching his curse after getting an evil eye from April. “We just read textbooks. But then you’ve got these tests where you have to come up with all the dates and stupid details. Can’t even use your phone; you have to memorize lots of useless material. I’m not saying it isn’t interesting stuff, or it couldn’t be if presented in a good way, but there’s so much important stuff they don’t even bother with. Practical things like how to manage money, do taxes.”
“Balance a checkbook,” Silas said.
“How to change a tire,” Gabriel said. “None of those kids know how. They don’t even train them to how to look it up, or even who you call.”
Taylor slowly shook her head, her eyes wide. “That’s crazy. That’s like basic entry-level Academy stuff.”
I was trying to appear casual, but my heart was beating a mile a minute. I didn’t know how to balance a checkbook. I didn’t know the details of how to change a tire, although I thought I could figure it out...but was I really sure? I rubbed my nose with my gloved hand, as if warming the chill on my skin, but more to hide the blush.
I had a thousand questions—ones I didn’t dare ask—mostly about what Academy classes were like. I wanted to ask Silas or the others after we got away from the girls.
But would we get away from the girls later? Or the other guys, for that matter? Taylor made me nervous. I didn’t get a sense that she was a bad person, but she was overly curious about me, and it made me uncomfortable to have her staring and asking questions.
It suddenly got a lot darker.
Gabriel lifted his head, concentrating on the clouds. “Sun’s down over the trees. We should head back.”
Taylor groaned. “You know what the worst feeling is? A job half done.”
“We’ll do more in the morning,” Gabriel said. “We got a late start today. When’s the initial group meet up?”
“Nine, maybe,” Taylor said. “Maybe earlier.”
“Then we’ll have a few hours if we’re up at dawn,” he said.
Taylor made a pouty face but then reached for the map April held. “If we head this way...” She looked up, glancing up the road we were on, then swiveled her head. “Hang on, I got turned around. Which way is the beach?”
April reached to pull out her phone, as did Silas, but then I pointed east, toward the beach beyond the trees.
Taylor focused on me, her eyebrows raised. “That’s the beach?”
I nodded. I would have said yes, but my tongue felt stuck after not talking for so long. I didn’t mind talking as long as it didn’t feel like a silly challenge.
“Okay,” she said. “I trust you.” She looked at the map again and then pointed to a side road winding eastward. “If we follow that, there’s one more turn and then we should be back at that spot on the beach. And it’s a road we haven’t been d
own yet, so we should be able to map it on the way.”
“Good job, Trouble,” Gabriel said. He came over and wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we walked on. “All this painting and walking makes me want another hot dog. Even cold ones. Something about camping makes me hungry.”
I said nothing but smiled over at Gabriel. As I did, I caught Taylor leaning toward April, talking quietly to her. April’s eyes drifted to me.
I was sure they had as many questions about me as I had about the Academy. This was just one team, too. Soon—tomorrow—I’d face who knew how many more, and many of them would have questions. My spine prickled with the thought of so many questions to answer, the whispers, the eyes on me.
I was an oddball. They’d said it wasn’t normal for a girl to be on a guy team.
If I joined with the guys, I might never escape the whispers and questions for as long as I stayed within the Academy.
I’d once longed to be normal, but now maybe I wouldn’t ever be.
Would I be able to last the week? At the end of it, would I be strong enough to say I wanted to stay with them?
A CAMP AT NIGHT
The other teams returned to the beach as they finished. The rangers didn’t seem interested in us, according to Victor and Luke. They even told them about updating their map, which they appreciated. No one had done it in years.
Luke collected maps. He and Ian drew a more up-to-date version with what everyone had managed to piece together.
Eventually, Ian and Taylor decided to take their teams back to their own campsites. It was getting dark and cold and they wanted to get to sleep early so they could be up at dawn to help with the final parts of the map.
I had been quiet the entire time and remained so as I followed the guys back to our own camp. I tried not to think about other teams being around. In a way, I’d hoped it would be more like school when everyone finally showed up. I could blend in a little more, and become a forgettable face in the crowd.
No one held my hand or did much more than the odd friendly pat or offer a nice comment. It normally wasn’t a big deal, but now I was questioning my every move. No one had said anything about how we should act around each other, but were we supposed to not give the impression we were more than just friends?
I wanted to ask, but as soon as full night hit, it was getting very cold out. The boys tried to teach me how to light the campfire near their tent, but I was shivering pretty hard to strike flint. I made a few sparks but it was hurting my fingers. Kota ended up getting it going, saying I was on the right track.
Kota had us take out lanterns that were now scattered about the site. We huddled together on the rocks around the fire pit in front of the boys’ tent, watching the flames and listening to the crackles and pops of the burning logs.
The latrine lights were on, but from where we were, it sent up a spooky gray glow above the trees nearby.
As a group, we visited the bathrooms, with Silas and Nathan checking my side for spiders before I went in. I used the restroom and washed my face and hands in the sink. If I kept on top of keeping clean, maybe I wouldn’t get so grungy down the road. I felt sand in my shoes, but I figured we’d all be stuck with that for the week.
Back at camp, I sat between Silas—the human furnace—and Nathan, who cuddled close. I was hoping Kota would come back and sit down, but he was constantly up checking things, running back and forth from the tent and looking at stuff on the map we’d created. He never seemed to stop long enough to relax.
We ate sandwiches because no one wanted to cook other than heating marshmallows over the fire. No one wanted to move away from the heat.
“It’ll be different tomorrow,” North said. “We’ll be more used to the cold.”
“It’s going to drop down close to thirty-four tonight,” Kota said. “Almost cold enough to snow.”
I bit my lip, thinking of my tent far away from the others. That was really cold. I’d freeze to death.
I was stuck, though. One night. There was no guarantee other nights would be any warmer and I wanted to get my one night in my own tent over with.
While I wanted to talk to the others, the fire was mesmerizing and I could only stare while thoughts whirled around in my head. I kept my glove-covered hands tucked into my arms, my knees and face warmed by the heat. My hat was doing okay but I was thinking of a blanket and bed so that I could get the first night over with.
Yet, I didn’t want to sleep yet, because that meant I’d be up for tomorrow, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for tomorrow.
I hadn’t been prepared for people to show up so soon, and I was working through what had happened. Embarrassment rattled through me as I thought of the others finding us dancing. I knew it wasn’t a big deal, but that normally wasn’t something I would do in front of anyone else. Not talking at first made it harder to talk at all as the day drew on, and eventually, it seemed like it was best if I didn’t.
What could I have to say to anyone?
The guys talked about the map and the other teams.
“She said I’ve grown up,” Gabriel said. He sat closest to the fire, and from where I was sitting, it looked like his knees were practically in the flames. He huddled on the log he was sitting on, his hat low on his head, his jacket tight as he hugged himself. “Did I really get taller? It doesn’t feel like it.”
“You keep buying new pants,” Kota said. “You haven’t noticed?”
“And she hit me for cursing.”
“You’ve been slipping a lot more lately. I told you once you make it a habit, you might not be able to control it. Not everyone sees them as just words.”
“Yeah, well, not everyone likes violence either.”
“She hit you with paper,” Silas said, his deep voice rumbling through me.
“And the corner of it got me in the scalp,” Gabriel said, pointing at his hat. He rubbed at the ribs of the material near the top of his ear. “I could have gotten a papercut.”
“If you’re that offended, you should have said something,” North said.
“Will you all let me gripe? Can’t I talk shit about another team a little without the therapy session? Geeze. I’m just talking.”
Kota stood on the other side of the fire, opposite to me. The glow lit up his face in an almost spooky way, reflecting off his glasses, the flickering shadows making him look fierce. He put his hands on his hips to address us. “Well, it’s not getting any warmer out here. Do we want to call it an early night? I know it’s just after eight but might as well try. We should get up before dawn to take advantage of the light when it comes up to finish the maps. It’ll be a long day tomorrow.”
There were a lot of grunts but North stood up, and then Victor. That seemed to be enough to motivate the rest of them to get moving.
I didn’t want to get up because it meant going to my tent by myself. I’d already promised I would, and while I didn’t want to, I had to endure it for one night.
I stared off to the fire as others started moving around me, putting things away and getting ready for bed. Nathan and Silas had stood up, picking up lanterns and helping to put out the fire. Luke and Victor wandered off to the latrine once more.
I was thinking about how I was supposed to be getting some time with Kota but was running out of opportunities if the rest of the Academy would be arriving tomorrow.
“You look sleepy,” Kota said from behind me.
I nodded, but really, I was sure I’d be awake most of the night, again, going over what I would talk to him and other campers about tomorrow. I’d been distracted all day and lost my focus on whatever I was supposed to tell him about. Could I do it now?
Not to mention it was freezing. I’d probably be up all night shivering. Do tents really keep you that warm?
I breathed in some courage and started to rise, but when I turned toward him, he was gone, lifting a cooler to put it in the back of the Jeep.
Maybe now wasn’t a good time anyway. I was tired and nervous, unsure what to
say. He was probably tired, too.
Maybe spending the night in the tent by myself, proving that I was part of the group, would be a good thing to talk to him about in the morning. I could ask him to take a walk with me, or perhaps escort me to the latrine and talk to him there.
With a plan in place, going back to the tent to try to get some sleep seemed like a good idea. I’d need more energy for everything tomorrow.
I didn’t want to freeze once the fire was put out before getting a head start to my tent. “I’ll just take one of the lamps with me, I guess.”
“Oy,” Gabriel called from just outside the big tent. He stood with his arms wrapped tightly around his chest, his teeth clenched. He shifted from foot to foot. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m gonna go find my tent,” I said. “And get some sleep.”
“Aw no,” Gabriel said. “You’ve got to stay here with us. It’s too cold out there. And it’s dark. There’s bears.”
“Nope,” I said. “I’m going to my tent. You said I had to.”
Kota had returned from the Jeep, coming toward the tent now that most everything else was put away. He took off his glasses and used a cloth from his pocket to clear the dust from the lenses. “You did say that,” he said with a squinty glare at Gabriel.
“Your tent doesn’t have a heater,” Gabriel said. “You can’t stay in there. Didn’t I just say bears? I’m sure there’s a bear over there right now.”
“You can’t lie to get her to do what you want her to do,” Kota said.
Was he lying about the heat or the bear?
“Kota, make her stay,” Gabriel said. “She can’t be out there alone.”
“You started this,” Kota said.
“Goodnight,” I said and marched off toward the trees. The more Gabriel pushed, the more I wanted to do this. Being part of their team meant so much to me that I would do everything they said they’d done. Kota would think I was brave and capable.
I headed toward the line of trees, to the small trail that stretched between the sites. I listened for someone following but didn’t hear anything except Gabriel still arguing with Kota about why I should come back.