“I can’t go.”
“Quit playin’.”
“Does it sound like I’m playing Q?” I was already irritated and Quincy was making it worse. Something in my room smelled big time and I couldn’t find out the source of it. “I told you I have to babysit. It’s not like it’s going to be the last dance ever.”
“Then why in the hell you make me buy this monkey suit?”
“Un huh… don’t put that on me. Every time you asked, I told you I didn’t know yet.”
“Aight… whatever. You want me to bring some drink over or something tonight?”
I take the phone away from my ear and contemplate throwing it. “What is it that you don’t understand?”
“I’m just saying that since you can’t go to Winter Formal, I won’t go either. I can come over and spend some time.”
“Quincy! I’m not having sex with you!”
“What! We haven’t had sex in a whole year and then some!”
“So! I’m sure you’ve had your share with other females.”
“You been with anybody else?”
“I’m not even going to answer that.”
It was a long silence between us on the phone until Josiah woke up crying.
“Would you shut that baby up?”
“He’s just a baby Quincy!”
“I don’t give a damn, he all in my ear!”
You see what I’m saying, not one compassionate bone in his body. I’m glad he’s not Josiah’s father. I can’t take this anymore, I am sick of dealing with Q’s corny ass.
“You know what?”
“What?”
“I’m done.”
“Done with what?”
“Done with this! With you!”
“Done with me? What, you saying that you don’t want to be friends nomore?”
“I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.”
Quincy laughed. “Relationship? What relationship, Hunter? In order to be in a relationship, you have to have relations.”
“Well, you seem to be doing just fine in that department!”
“What you mean by that?”
“Really? Really Q? We gone play that game. Symphony told me!”
It was pure silence on the other end of the phone. I changed Josiah’s diaper and then he said, “That was just one time. Why would she tell you that, anyway?”
“Really? Just one time! You saying it like you and Amber hooked up or something.”
“Amber?”
“Who the heck did you think I was talking about?”
“Naw, I knew you was talking about her.”
“You know what? I don’t even care, it's over! Don’t call me, text me, email me, Facebook me, or tweet me.” I hung up the phone, logged onto my Facebook page, and changed my relationship status from “it’s complicated” to “single”.
♥♥♥
My mother had taken the boys to the market to pick up some food. Therefore, it was just Papi, Josiah, and me for a moment. Papi had just hopped out of the shower, so I figured it was a good enough time as any to finally hash it all out.
“Papi?” No answer. “Why won’t you talk to me?” Then finally, he turned around and actually looked at me.
“Why do I need to waste my breath talking to you for?” It brought tears to my eyes and his words stung a bit but at least he was finally responding.
“Because, Papi, like you said, no matter how old I get, I will always be your little girl!”
“You’re no little girl of mine. Any parts of a little girl I had flew out the window when she started giving her innocence to these little niggas in the street.”
“Papi, don’t say that? I lied to Mami for you!”
“So what! I lied for you when I didn’t tell her you were laying up with the little nigga in my house!”
Dang! I’ve been so worried about this thing with Josiah that I forgot about asking Roman about that. “What did you say to him, Papi?”
“It don’t matter what I said. This is my damn house and I pay the rent. You ain’t no better than the rest of those fast ass heffas. Any daughter I had wouldn’t have acted or done anything of what you’ve done.”
“Papi, please forgive me. I’ll make it up to you.”
“What you’ve done is unforgiveable, now… I’m done talking.”
♥♥♥
My father was so stupid. There are girls that has about 2-3 kids and they’re only 12 years old. How long am I supposed to suffer because of one little stupid mistake? He needs to really get over it and let it go. I mean, it’s serious but it ain’t that serious.
Well, I hope everyone has a good time at Winter Formal tonight. I could have went if I wanted to but I didn’t feel like it. Everyone says I changed. That I’m different now. I can’t say they’re lying because I feel different. I don’t have the drive or the energy to do the things I used to do. I want to do things, go places, and kick it with my friends. I just don’t feel like it.
I think I would be all right if Roman just knew about his son. Maybe then, some of this guilt would be lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe again. Roman is just so hard to get a hold of now. When I try to work up the nerve to tell him at school, she’s always around him like a hound dog. I don’t really want to call his phone, leave a voicemail, or text because you know you know who will be all up in it. I got real grown-up issues I’m dealing with. Why should I let him off the hook scot-free and not tell him? He help create Josiah. I didn’t do this on my own, so I shouldn’t have to bear all the drama on my own either. Forget this, I’m about to call him and tell him. If she finds out, she just finds out.
I pick up my cell and dial his number but as usual he doesn’t answer. I wonder if he doesn’t answer because he knows it’s me and he scared I’m going to ask him for something again. Even if that was the case, so what!
I’m so tempted to leave him a message or just text it to him. I bet you he’d call back real quick then. But what if I do that and Symphony go on her routine check of his phone and messages? Humph. It would serve her right if she did. She doesn’t own him. Maybe I’ll just call her first and see if they’re together.
“Girl, I was just about to call you. Why you ain’t going to Winter Formal?” She asked me without even saying hello.
“Dang! Quincy got a big mouth!”
“Well, that’s something you should have told me yourself, don’t you think? Plus you had me make your dress for nothing.”
“I guess. But that’s what I was calling you for.” She uhn hun me like she didn’t believe what I was saying. At this point, I could care less. “Well, you dressed?” I ask her trying to buy some time like I’m not trying to find out where her man is.
“Almost.” She pops her gum into the receiver all in my ear smacking.
“What time y’all leaving?”
“Roman said he would be here about 5:30.”
“5:30? Why so early?”
“Dayum girl, all up in mine!”
I ignore Symphony’s last comment. All I really needed to know was if they were together or not and they weren’t. “Alright. I’ll let you finish getting dressed. I know y’all are going to upload some pics on Facebook.” I tried to sound happy for them.
“Shut up… you suck!”
“I know. Have some fun for me too.” I hang up and immediately dial Roman again. It went straight to voicemail. I was going to leave a message, but I chickened out right when it was time for me to start speaking. I left him a text instead.
HEY ROMAN, THIS IS HUNTER… delete that… he already knows it’s me… duh!
BEEN TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU SINCE FOREVER. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE UR AVOIDING MY CALLS.
I need to hurry this up and shorten it up. Roman don’t like long text. He says if it’s anything longer than the standard block he won’t read it. Says if it’s longer than that, it’s a conversation and the person needs to call him.
At this point, my heart is beating out of my chest and my mind is runni
ng a mile a minute. Something is telling me not to do it and I’m strongly considering that voice… but I ignore it and continue.
WE NEED TO TLK. U RMBER MY BRO JOSIAH RIGHT? WELL… HES NO MY BRO. HE MY SON. OUR SON… I KNOW U HAVE A LOT OF ?’S… SO I GUESS WE WILL TLK WHEN U GET THE CHANCE… BTW…DON’T NOBODY NO… SO PLS KEEP THIS BETWEEN US.
I read over the text to make sure every things right. I hesitate pressing the send button. My fingers hover above the button contemplating. I think about my parents, I think about Roman, I think about Q, I think about Symphony… and I take my hand away from the send button. Contemplating erasing the message. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I can see a sleeping Josiah and myself in the mirror. He smiles in his sleep. I look at the text again… and press send.
I watch as the message load itself through the atmosphere and reaches its destination. “Oh No!” My eyes quickly scan the sent message again and I notice a mistake. “HES NO MY BRO.” And a few other idiot mistakes. O well, it’s too late now. I sit and wait like a prisoner on death row waiting for the Governor to call before the clock strikes twelve.
29 CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
AMBER STYLES
The main reason why a daughter needs a dad is to show her that not all the boys are like the ones who hurt her.