“I can’t hurt for them to know you think the town is a priority. That tradition is still important.”
“A priority?” she choked out the word and he didn’t miss the angry tears that shone in her eyes. “They question whether I think the Springs is a priority?”
“Not me. Never me. And not my mom or dad, either.”
“Don’t they realize?” she asked. “I’m doing this for them. For the town. For all of our families.”
“They know that, baby.”
“You just said they don’t.”
Cambio Springs had never had a doctor. Alex’s great-aunt had been a nurse during World War II and she ran a clinic out of her kitchen, but that was as close as the town had ever had to native medical care. The rest of them risked driving into Indio to see doctors when they had the rare injury, hoping the doctors didn’t notice how quickly they healed and how resistant they were to pain killers of any kind. Ted was the first shifter with the academic credentials and inclination to go to medical school. And she was the only one willing to put up with the grueling schedule.
“Do they think I like being out here?” she asked. “Away from home? Working my ass off at school and my job and missing my family?”
He uncrossed his arms and went to her, but didn’t miss her quick glance at the clock. Alex knew that, even as close as they lived to campus she was going to have to hustle not to be late with traffic. He still took a moment to fold her in his arms and kiss the top of her head.
“They don’t know, because they can’t. And you’re not a complainer, so they take your hard work for granted. I understand that.”
And if Alex felt like Ted took him for granted sometimes, he’d live with it. It wasn’t the most important thing that morning. And it wouldn’t be forever. He knew that, too.
“I have… five more years of this, Alex. At least. Five more years of work like this. Of living like shit so I can keep my loans to a minimum. And at the end of all of it, I’m going to end up in a town in the middle of the desert where I’ll probably be paid in eggs and yard-work more than cash.”
“I have money.”
And he’d have more. He was a quick learner and construction work wasn’t going to make him the kind of money he needed to make if he wanted to pull his hometown out of poverty. Alex was watching the real estate market. Watching closely. People were way overextended and a crash was coming soon. Bad for homeowners, but good for people looking for the right opportunity.
He’d studied what his boss did and knew that he could make more. Renovating existing real estate and flipping it wasn’t a TV show for him. He knew he could do it, and he knew he could make money. A lot of it, if he played his cards right.
Alex was a damn good card-player.
“You can’t pay off all my loans, Alex. And besides, my mom and grandpa—”
“Are gonna pay part of it. Yeah, I know. And you’ve already got a ton of financial aid. But you know I’m right, and it won’t matter once we’re married, so suck it up, Vasquez. I’m helping you out.”
“You already pay more than your share of the rent.”
“We’re having this argument again?” He tilted her chin up and smiled at her pursed lips. Every time she made that face, he wanted to kiss her.
So he did. Then he slid his hand down her back and gave her ass a quick squeeze before he released her. “You’re going to be late for your lab if you don’t leave now.”
“Shit!” She spun and finished slamming her books into the crammed backpack. “I’ll call my mom later and let her know—”
“And I’ll call my dad.”
“He won’t understand.” He could hear the frustration and the sadness in her voice. She masked it with anger, but Alex could always hear the sadness. Scent it on her. See it in her shoulders and around her eyes.
“I’ll make him understand. And in the end, it doesn’t matter, does it?”
He walked her to the door and hooked a finger around her belt loop, pulling her in for another quick kiss and nuzzling into her neck the way he knew her cat loved.
“Alex, I’m late…”
“I’m the one marrying you, not them.”
The sadness left her eyes. “You’re really gonna marry me, wolf?”
“Never doubt it for a minute, baby.”
She rolled her eyes and stepped to the door. “Don’t call me baby.”
Alex slapped her ass and opened the door. “You love it.”
“No, I don’t,” she called down the hall.
“I love you, baby.” He was grinning when she started down the stairs.
“I love you, too.” And Alex laughed when he heard her muttering, “Asshole…”
The Third Morning
Santa Monica, CA
2006
“What do you mean, you’re not coming?”
They were in bed, one of the few quiet mornings they’d had together in months. Alex could hear it again, the ocean coming in from the window, just like his old apartment in Venice. Ted was next to him, only this time, she wasn’t sleepy and satisfied.
She was confused.
“I can’t.” He was almost whispering. Forcing the words out of his mouth. He knew exactly how much it would hurt her because he’d been living with a gut wound for months, ever since she’d gotten the acceptance to Eisenhower.
She could have gone anywhere. Ted’s hard work had paid off. She’d graduated in the top five percent of her class. Had acceptance at some of the finest teaching hospitals in California. She was taking a residency in Palm Springs to be closer to family. Closer to the Springs.
And Alex just told her he wasn’t coming with her.
“What do you mean, you can’t?” Her voice dropped from high and shocked to deadly serious. “This was always the plan. We live out here while I’m in school. We move home when we’re done. I’m done. Or almost done. Finally done, and you’re telling me—”
“Your plan, Ted.” Her eyes widened, but he kept going. “Your plan. It’s always been your plan. Did you stop once, in the five years we’ve been together, and ask me what my plan was?”
“I thought your plan—”
“Was to follow you around for eight years while you pursued your dreams and I ignored my own?”
Her mouth dropped open, and his heart sank.
She’d never even considered it. Alex wondered if she’d even noticed at all.
He was finally doing it. He was finally making money. Real money. The kind of money that could lead to huge opportunities for his family, his pack, his town. He sold three houses his first year. He sold ten the year after that. And it was only getting bigger. Banks were foreclosing, letting homes go for a song. He was picking them up, brushing them off with the crew he’d built, and selling them for enough profit to invest in the next two or three with money to spare. He’d worked his ass off, and he was finally setting money aside. Single homes would lead to investment properties like apartment complexes and commercial real estate. And he was making connections with the people who moved things in Southern California. Finally getting in on deals he’d only looked at from afar.
And the love of his life was moving to Palm Springs.
“I can’t leave now, Tea.” He kept talking, even though the gut wound only bled faster. “I can’t. I have to stay here.”
“I promised my mom. My grandpa. I need to be closer. I can finally see them more than a few times a year. Finally—”
“I understand. You have to go.”
He did know. She’d been away from the Springs for too long. Eight years. The last four almost without a break. She hardly ever shifted and her cat was growing restless. Alex had come home more than one night to find a mountain lion snarling and pacing through their small apartment. Hard sex tired her out. It helped, but it wasn’t enough. In the last year, she’d begun shifting in her sleep, which was a bad sign. She needed to be closer to home, and he couldn’t go with her.
A small, resentful part of him didn’t want to
.
It wasn’t the distance. It was the fact that, through everything—the late nights, the exams, the constant, constant stress of medical school—when he’d made her schedule and her dreams a priority, she hadn’t even asked about his.
Not once.
She’d sometimes ask him casually what he was doing at work. Half the time she was asleep before he finished answering.
“But you don’t have to stay here, Alex. You can work from anywhere. Construction jobs—”
“Do you really think I work construction?” He sat up in bed and looked down on her. “Really? That’s what you’ve boiled my business down to? Construction?”
“But you said—”
“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said in three fucking years, Ted.”
Her eyes narrowed and she sat up in bed next to him, wrapping the sheet around her body. He didn’t blame her. Despite the sunshine peeking in through the window, the bedroom felt unbearably cold.
“You decided this without me,” she said.
“Like you haven’t made every single decision in your life without consulting me? You didn’t even ask me when you were considering residencies. Not once. You could have gone anywhere.”
Her eyes flashed. “You don’t think I know that? I picked Eisenhower because—”
“It’s close to home. I realize that.”
“And you have no idea how much I need to go home.”
“You think I don’t?”
“Of course not! You’re there for a long weekend two times a month! You see your mom and dad and your sister as much as you want. And you get to run. And spend time with our friends. And—”
“And you’ve always said no. Even when you did have the time, you said—”
“I never had the time!”
“You could have made the time if it was important, Ted. You could have made the time for your family so you didn’t burn yourself out. You might even have made the time for me! But that would have been too much of an inconvenience, wouldn’t it?”
“You want a woman who’ll follow you around like—”
“You! I want you, Ted! But that was just too much to give wasn’t it? You could give yourself to everything in your life, but you didn’t have any left to give me, did you?”
He couldn’t cry. He wouldn’t, even though he could feel the burning at the corner of his eye. Alex felt like he was ripping off his own skin. His wolf clawed at him, angry to be away from the mate it had come to need. The animal inside urged him to go to her. Put his arms around her. Give her whatever she wanted so they could be together.
But the man held back.
Finally, he held back.
“It’s not just you, Alex. It never has been. It never will be.”
His father’s words haunted him. Not because they made him angry—even though they did—but because they were true.
He didn’t only live for himself. He was a leader. The future leader of a family, a pack, a town. When he worked, it was for them. When he planned, he planned for them. And when a dream had to be sacrificed, his was the first one to go. Because that’s what being a leader meant. That much his father had always taught him. Not power. Not glory. Leadership meant sacrifice. The family first. The pack first.
It wasn’t just him. It never would be.
She stared at him, speechless. Her heart breaking in her eyes. She hadn’t held back the tears. Not his Ted. She held back nothing. When she was angry, she told him off. When she was happy, she soared. She held nothing back in passion. Her heart had always been open to him.
And Alex was breaking it.
“I need to stay here, Ted. I need to see this through. My work is here. Not out in the desert. I can’t go with you. Not now.”
She finally choked out, “When?”
“I don’t know.”
“A year? Two years?”
“I don’t know.”
“Five years?”
“I don’t—”
“Six?”
“I told you, I don’t—”
“Give me something!” she screamed. “Give me something, Alex!”
The tears were pouring down her face. He clenched his hands together to keep from grabbing her and running. He’d grab her, and they’d both run. Away from responsibilities. Away from family obligations and history that haunted them. Away from every family member that had predicted this inevitable day.
“Tell me,” she choked out. “Give me… something.”
She wanted a deadline. She wanted a promise.
Three years will be enough.
Five years and we’ll be together.
Alex shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“All this time,” she said. “All this time, you knew this was coming. For months, you knew.”
“Yes.”
“And you said nothing.”
There was no response. She was right. He could blame her for not asking, but he’d held off talking to her because he knew how it would end. He’d held on to the small bit of herself Ted had given him for as long as he could have it.
Their lease ran out at the end of the month, and they hadn’t signed another.
Because she was going back to the desert.
And he could go to hell.
She whispered, “If you love me—”
“Don’t.” He grabbed her hand, desperate for her to not finish the ultimatum. “Baby, please.”
Alex pulled her toward him, holding on to her hand as he bent down and pressed his forehead against hers.
Don’t say it. Don’t make me choose. Don’t close the door and lock it.
Please.
Please.
Please.
“If you love me,” she whispered, “you’ll come with me.”
He closed his eyes and dropped her hand, stepping away from her touch.
That was Ted. Black and white. Fiercely loyal and utterly uncompromising. She’d be a powerful clan leader someday.
What she wouldn’t be, was his.
He nodded silently. His jaw clenched so he didn’t loose his rage. He wanted to break something. He wanted to put his fist through a wall. He wanted to break every plate in their kitchen and tear up the sheets that still smelled like them. Throw the bed against the wall and pound his fists in the door.
So he did nothing while she walked from the room.
Ten minutes later, he walked out of the bedroom, dressed in his work clothes. Ted was sitting at the counter, still wrapped in a sheet, drinking coffee with a blank look on her face. If she were anyone else, he’d worry about leaving her alone. But she wasn’t anyone else; she was Ted.
He forced his voice to be smooth and controlled. “I’ll get my stuff out when you’re at hospital later today. I can stay with Joey for a while.”
Ted said nothing.
If he touched her, he’d break. So Alex walked out the door and didn’t look back.
The Fourth Morning
Palm Springs, California
2008
He didn’t know why he drove to her house. He knew where she lived, of course. All their friends knew, just as they knew to avoid the subject of Ted when he was around. He saw her. Rarely. When he was in town, she made herself scarce. Easy to do when she worked as much as she did. According to their friend Jena, her residency was going well, and she’d already set up a clinic in town. It was off the books, but it was better than nothing. The rest of her time was spent at the hospital or at a small house she was renting nearby.
Alex didn’t know if she was dating anyone. Didn’t know if she’d tried to move on, or if the results has been as soul-sucking as his own. He’d tried to date, which was absurd. But he’d been so angry, he had to try. A few disastrous dates and a one night stand later, he’d given up. He woke up the next day feeling like shit; his wolf clawed his skin.
He missed her so damn much.
Two years they spent avoiding each other, even when he was in Palm Springs, overseeing the renovations to the of
fice complex he’d bought seven months before. It was eight in the morning and he’d spent another sleepless night, knowing she was close, but out of his reach. He was exhausted when he pulled up to the small bungalow she rented. He parked on the street and leaned back in his seat to close his eyes.
Enough. It was enough to be this close. Closer than he’d been since they’d both attended their friend Lowell’s memorial service the year before.
He drifted to sleep, but woke when he heard a tapping on the window.
She was there, staring at him with equally exhausted eyes, her car in the driveway. She looked the same, though her hair was a little shorter than the last time he’d seen her. The lines around her eyes were deeper, but he knew it was the lack of sleep. She’d looked the same around exams every semester. He rolled down the window.
“You just going to sleep here? It’s going to be over a hundred in an hour and you’ll roast, even in this fancy car.”
Alex said nothing. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t thought ahead that far.
She sighed and opened the car door. “Come inside, Alex.”
He did what she told him, taking the hand she held out, not even letting it drop when she unlocked the front door and walked into the dim house. The shades were pulled to fight against the relentless desert heat. Even in April, it would be over a hundred degrees by mid-morning. They were both silent as she led him around the house.
“Shoes.” She pointed toward the door and he toed them off near the neat line of sandals that waited there. “Pockets.” She didn’t wait for him, but gently patted his pockets, knowing he kept an assortment of keys, an overstuffed wallet, and various receipts stuffed there. She pulled it all out and set it in an orderly line on the kitchen counter. Undid his belt and set it next to the wallet. Then she pulled him down the hall, still holding his hand while he said nothing, fighting exhaustion and the urge to wrap her in his arms and not let go. Her shoulders were stooped. She was as exhausted as he was.