Chapter Seven
Kira stared out at the churning waves, barely registering the body heat coming from Luke’s arm around her shoulder. He had held her while she cried and after a long time of sobbing, he had brought her to the Folly Beach pier to let the rhythm of the water calm her. They hadn’t spoken more than five words to each other since he carried her from the auditorium, because Kira simply didn’t know what to say. How do you ask someone if vampires are real and if what seemed like live fire just shot from your hands? How do you admit to yourself that you clearly aren’t human let alone ask someone else to believe it? Most of all, how do you confess that you started falling for the one guy your best friend told you not to and that everything he feared had come true?
It wasn’t easy, Kira thought, to admit how naïve you had been and to admit you were wrong about everything. It wasn’t easy for her to think of Tristan, his eyes in pleasure at the taste of her blood or his eyes in pain as her power slowly started killing him. It was worse still to think of herself and what she was. Kira couldn’t ignore it, but how in the world could she face it?
How do you face it, she thought, and then answered herself, you just do.
"Luke?" She turned to him. Luke didn’t move. He just watched and waited to see what she would say. It was like he knew her perfectly, knew what was coming but also knew that Kira needed to hear herself say it before it could be true. "Luke…what am I?"
"A girl," he replied, half-jokingly and half-reassuringly. She nudged him with her shoulder.
"Seriously, no jokes," she said. He lifted his eyebrows in response as if to say ‘who, me?’ but then realized even his jokes wouldn’t adjust Kira’s frown. Kira could tell the instant his mood changed from protector to informer. She could tell from the furrow of his eyebrows that the jokes meant to cheer her would be exchanged for serious talk she wasn’t used to from him. Kira felt sadder when he lifted his arm from around her back and turned toward her on the bench to see her face. He knew everything and it was his duty to tell her.
"First, do you know what Tristan and the others are?" She shook her head to say yes. "Tell me, Kira." She breathed deeply, knowing the minute she said it out loud the scene haunting her thoughts would come true. The supernatural strength and speed. The blood and the teeth. It would all be real.
"Vampires," she whispered almost into the wind, but Luke heard her.
"Good. Can you guess what we are?" She looked at him, thankful he had told her what she had already guessed. They were the same and she wasn’t alone. But still, Kira had no idea and looked at him with blank eyes. "Kira, we’re something called conduits, protectors if you will. We’re the only living things that can hunt vampires, and I say living because we mostly believe that vampires are dead, but they frequently kill each other." She thought back to when Tristan had mentioned conduits; maybe he had been trying to help her. It sounded crazy. She was some sort of vampire slayer? But, it was the only explanation she had for what just happened.
"So, we’re…conduits," Luke smiled when she said the word, like he was happy she had accepted the name without a fight. "To be a conduit of something, you have to like channel something, right? That was the light I’m guessing, but I just don’t understand." He took her hands and flipped her palms up, so she could see the pale red burn marks they now held.
"We channel the sun, and I know it sounds crazy, but that was the light you sent through your arms. It hurts at first, but it’ll get better."
"The sun? That’s not possible." She thought back to the feeling of lava running in her veins and the light that looked almost like fire shooting from her hands. Could she even say anything was impossible anymore? "But how? Why?" She asked.
"I’ll get to that later, first-"
"No, tell me now. It’s been long enough," she yelled at him. "Why didn’t you tell me before? Why didn’t you warn me? A little ‘stay away from Tristan or you’ll turn into a human light bulb’, if I even am human. I thought you were my best friend. I was so scared; I could have died not even knowing that I could save myself. Damn it, Luke. Why didn’t you say anything?" She started crying again, now out of frustration.
"You wouldn’t have died. Even though you didn’t know in your head how to save yourself, your body knew danger and reacted. Besides, I wasn’t allowed to, and before you open your mouth again, listen to me for ten minutes." He reached out to cover her open mouth with his finger. "You know how I said I was from a small town in Florida, called Sonnyville?" Kira nodded. "Well, it’s not just a small town. It’s a haven for conduits, so we can grow up together and practice without normal people around and without vampires to snatch us when we’re little."
"Why wasn’t I there?" Kira asked. Why hadn’t she grown up knowing who she was?
"Because you’re different, and I was sent here to watch and protect you."
"Sent here? Like forced to be my friend. Is anything in my life real?" She ended quietly, asking more for herself than for Luke.
"Yes, our friendship is real. I was supposed to watch from afar. But, I’m getting ahead of the story. To explain what we are, I have to go back to the beginning, to the stories you were supposed to learn when you were just a kid." Kira nodded, signaling she would keep quiet until he finished.
"Ever since humans have been around, vampires have been too. Do you remember on the beach, how they were in the sun?" Kira nodded. "The stories were wrong, just being in the sun doesn’t really kill a vampire. They are stronger than anything else in the world, and faster too. Their skin won’t break open unless at the hands of another vampire, which is why there are so few ways to kill them. They do live off of blood and only human blood will do. But other than that, we don’t know very much because they are incredibly hard to trap and study. All we really do know is that the sunlight is lethal, just not from the distance with which it shines."
"But I thought-"
He interrupted. "I know, I just said the sun won’t kill them, not like how it is in the movies with spontaneous combustion and dust and Hollywood effects. The sun slowly kills a vampire every time one is exposed, but the length of a year is like the length of a second to a vampire. So, it would take thousands and thousands of years for the sun’s toll to have any effect. That’s where we come along. When we channel the sunlight, it shortens the distance and makes the aging happen faster, so within minutes we can kill or harm a vamp. Are you understanding this at all?"
"I think so," Kira shrugged. She was a superhuman conduit of sunlight—a protector against vampires that would otherwise be unstoppable. In a weird way, she thought it almost made sense. The sunlight had always warmed her, not only physically, but also mentally, like she had a special tie to it. And there was no other explanation she could imagine to describe what had happened before. It was comforting to know she wasn’t a monster but a savior. "But Luke, I don’t understand how I’m different. Why I wasn’t raised with you."
"Just have a little more patience, I promise I’m almost there." Kira swallowed her next words to let him continue, and looked back out towards the ocean. The constant churn of the waves, the monotonous pushing and receding of the water, helped her maintain a sense of calm, something she figured she would need as he went on.
"Amongst ourselves, there is debate about how vampires, and therefore ourselves in response to vampires, evolved. Many believe vampires were sent by Satan after his fall from heaven to take over God's creations on earth. They think that we were God’s response: that we are heavenly avengers meant to kill the evil and rid the earth of them. They call themselves Punishers. Many others think vampires evolved like parasites, and that the parasite needs a host and changes the human body for its own survival. They think there is something human, something redeemable within the creature, and therefore swear not to kill, but only to harm a vampire if it attacks a human. These conduits believe they naturally evolved as nature’s response to the parasite, and call themselves the Protectors.
"This debate, this question of purpose, h
as been around as long as history can remember. It caused a huge split in the conduits and separate species, if you will, formed because of it. Punishers practiced only killing and sprouted red hair that myth says is a sign of their inner anger. Eventually, they lost the ability to use the light only in defense and became killing machines. Protectors practiced only defensive tactics and developed almost white hair, as a reflection of the purity they see deep within a vampire’s soul. They lost the ability to kill."
"And you’re a Protector?" Kira asked, trying to follow along and knowing that Luke’s blonde hair marked him as such. He nodded. "But I’m…neither?" She still didn’t understand, thinking of her own strawberry blonde. She didn’t fit either category.
"Never in the history of both our people have the Punishers and Protectors been able to have children. It's been forbidden, because there is something else I haven’t mentioned yet. Vampires can become immune to us."
"I don’t understand. I thought we were some super race created to stop them." Kira gripped the pier’s wooden railing as dread formed in the back of her mind. She was different somehow, and it couldn’t be good.
"In a way, but then we would be all powerful over them. There’s always a catch, and it’s another reason the two races split. If a vampire drinks the blood of a conduit, he or she becomes immune until the blood leaves their system, which varies depending on the amount taken. If a vampire drinks a Punisher, he becomes immune to their killing light and could theoretically move from Punisher to Punisher, killing each and becoming stronger with each kill. It’s too dangerous to even imagine. So, when the debate began, the sides decided to split—not only to harvest different powers, but to make sure no vampire could become immune to both powers at the same time, which would mean he or she could wipe out both races. If a Protector gets caught, Punishers must be able to kill the vampire responsible. And if a Punisher gets caught, Protectors need to trap the vampire until the blood leaves his system. Otherwise, vampires could become unstoppable. It would be chaos-"
"Which is where I come in?" Luke’s look told her she had guessed right and Kira tried to figure out what she was. "I’m a child of both races? I can aim to kill or to harm?" Luke nodded. "And I’m forbidden to exist?" Luke nodded again. "I could mean the end of the world?" Luke looked away from her this time, and she felt tears form in her eyes again. "Am I evil…like them?"
"No, God no, Kira." Luke pulled her in to his arms, so she was smushed against his chest, and they sat for a while as she tried to absorb all of this new information. She was a thing of good, but could also mean the end of the world. So why had they even let her live? Why hadn’t they forced her mom to have an abortion as soon as they found out? Kira thought of her mother and father—they didn’t seem like rule breakers. Her mother’s sweet red hair, her father’s rather dull brown—brown? She thought. Had he died it? But her sister’s hair was brown too? Was he not really her father?
"Luke? Do you know about my parents?" She looked up from the spot on his chest she had been crying into.
"Are you sure you want to hear everything right now?" He looked down at her with concern, and Kira tried to swallow the choke in her throat. The fact that he hadn’t said no meant she had been on the right track. Her whole life was changing in one afternoon—was she ready for more?
"Yes, I have to." Kira nodded into his wet t-shirt.
"I’m so sorry I have to be the one, but, Kira, well, the person you think is your mother is really your aunt by blood, and the man you think is your father is really your uncle." She looked at him with blank eyes. She felt empty inside. Her entire life had been a lie. She felt as though reality were sand slipping through her hands, like someone had played an evil trick and was suddenly showing all of his cards before the game was over. Kira moved away from Luke, to the other side of the bench and hugged her knees to her chest. She tried to let her tears fall as silently as possible, and knew she couldn’t tune Luke out even if she wanted to.
Kira looked over at Luke before he continued, saw the hurt in his eyes for her—his eyes that were so like her own, a hint of green engulfed by yellow and orange swirls flecked with red. He was good, unquestionably. Although, she had always known that. The twinkle in his eye when he made someone laugh was enough to show that he only cared about spreading joy and he had only ever been a best friend to her. Even if everything was changing, she knew she would have him to rely on. She nodded to him to keep talking.
"Your real mom was one of my people, a Protector, and your father was a Punisher. They secretly fell in love and ran away together when they were found out. Your mother had you in secret and when you were discovered, your father’s people wanted to kill you for being an abomination, but mine took pity because you were innocent and we promised to watch over you. Your aunt, as your only blood relative, watched over you when you were young, but when you moved to New York we set up parameters and guardians. When you were fifteen, you started sneaking out with friends and becoming reckless, so we had to send someone in…"
"Cy? My first boyfriend?" She guessed, remembering how she had thought Luke looked like him the first day of school. She thought of how Cy had been overprotective and always called her. It hadn’t been for love at all. For all she knew he never even liked her. Her first kiss was a complete sham. It stung more than Kira realized it would. "And then you when I moved here, somewhere where vampires went to my school and my moth-aunt couldn’t watch me all the time." Luke nodded. She couldn’t talk about her family anymore, not with Luke, not as though her life were some textbook story he had had to study and memorize. "I need a break, I can’t do this anymore right now. I’ll talk to my…aunt later. It’s just too much." Kira looked at Luke, really looked at his features, and wondered if her mother would have looked like him. Did her real mother have the same sun bleached hair and fiery eyes? The same warm compassion? Was she alive or dead? Mostly, what Kira wanted to know was why neither of her parents had ever come looking for her. If her father was a Punisher, was he only full of anger or did he love too? Did either of them love Kira, or was she just a mistake that never should have been allowed to survive?
Kira stood and walked to the pier’s railing. Her mind was more tumultuous than the waters below her. She almost felt that if she jumped in right now, it would calm her to be pushed around a bit, that it would show her that the world continued on despite the madness in her brain. But, those thoughts just made her think of Tristan, who wouldn’t be there to save her if she got overpowered by the ocean again. Kira couldn’t think of him yet. It was too much to think that the boy you maybe started to love was really evil. Not just a bad boy, but actually a monster.
"I wanted to tell you," Luke said from behind her, and she was happy to have him interrupt her thoughts. "A thousand times I wanted to tell you, but I took an oath. You had to discover your powers on your own. I wasn’t allowed to tell you about anything in case the mix of Punisher and Protector canceled each other out and left you just a normal human girl. When I saw your eyes, I knew it couldn’t be true. I knew you weren’t a dud, and that you were incredibly strong. But still, I had to be idle. I know I may joke a lot, and break some of the school rules, but there are some rules I know I can't test."
"I wish you had," she said, speaking to the ocean because she couldn’t turn and look him in the face.
"I know."
"But I understand why you didn’t." Kira still spoke to the wind. Knowing his intentions helped, but she still couldn’t get rid of the small sting of betrayal.
"Really?"
She heard the creek of wooden planks as Luke stood up from the bench and moved right behind her, like he needed to be closer to Kira to believe she really meant her words.
"I know you and I know you’re good. You hoped there was a chance I wasn’t supposed to be in this world where vampires and conduits exist, and that there was a chance you wouldn't have to be the one to turn my reality upside down."
"Can you forgive me?" Luke reached to put his hand ov
er the one she had rested on the rail. Kira tried to smile, but couldn’t. Instead, she squeezed his hand in her own, trusting he would understand what it meant, and finally met his sad, puppy-dog looking eyes. Luke pulled her into his chest for another hug. "I’m still your best friend even if everything else has changed. I promise, that was never contrived." She nodded against his body, not wanting to move from his comforting embrace. She knew he was telling her the truth, and Kira knew she needed him. She needed someone she could trust completely and someone who could help her survive whatever journey her life had just turned into.
"Can we leave the Tristan talk for another time? I know you’re curious, but I just can’t."
"Of course."
"Luke, I can't go home yet. I can't face it. When I see my parents, it’ll all become real. When I look at their faces for the first time and don’t see a family resemblance…." Kira cut off, trying to choke back the sob that had risen in her throat.
"Come on," he tugged on her hand, pulling her from the rail back towards the beach. "Let’s grab some ice cream. You can stay on my couch for the night."
"Your parents won’t mind?"
"Kira…I’m your guardian. I’m twenty and I live alone. I’m only pretending to be in high school."
"Oh." She shut up. One more surprise might send her over the edge. There was only so much a girl could endure before the fake calmness wore off and all the feelings she had pushed down bubbled back up to the surface.
They walked down the boardwalk holding hands and Kira relished the contact. She thought it darkly humorous that passersby might think they were sweethearts. How many people had she walked past who were secretly watching her and guarding her? She bet she had passed vampires before and had never looked twice, never even dreamed something like this could be true.
Luke bought them two ice cream cones and Kira listened as he spoke of trivial things like Miles’ school craze and class assignments. She knew he was just providing background noise, that he knew she was lost in her own thoughts. He didn’t try to intrude. He just tried to give her some semblance of normal, to maybe make her laugh. Kira wondered when she would laugh again, as she remained stone faced at Luke’s attempts.
When they finished, Luke steered Kira around to his car and drove her to his house. It was small and he explained that it had been given to him when he moved here to start watching over her. She wondered if he was getting paid and how much of a job this was for him. Was it a normal thing for a conduit to have to do? To act like a babysitter? Or did they all stay in their safe havens, not even trying to go out and search for people to help? She knew nothing about her culture or her own people. It was an odd feeling to have barely any idea where you came from. Her mother had always told her she had an Irish heritage, and when she was little, Kira used to spend hours reading about the druids and old Irish folklore. She liked having a sense of history and it was important to her to be able to connect to the past. But now, she was part of this ancient secret society she knew almost nothing about.
Most of all, Kira wondered about her parents, her real parents. She wondered who they were and why her aunt had to raise her. The mystery of her sister was easy to explain now. Kira almost laughed to herself. Ever since her sister had been born, she had asked whom the mistake had been. Clearly, Kira was the misfit. It was almost comforting to have one question answered, but the answer left her feeling empty. A mistake? The word rolled around in her head, knocking everything out of place. Not only her parents mistake, her life itself was also a mistake, one that could end the world as she knew it if more vampires found out.
Luke left her in the living room to go find some blankets for the pullout she would be sleeping on. When he came back, he unfolded the couch and made it into a bed for her. He fluffed the pillow and pretended to be a bellhop showing her around a hotel suite, but went to get her water when she never cracked a smile.
Kira’s cell phone rang while Luke was in the kitchen. The caller ID said it was home, her mother she assumed, but she let it go to voicemail. When she closed her phone, she saw the edge of the burn mark on her hand. She let her cell fall onto the couch so she could peer at the spot more closely. Her hands looks like they had little starbursts on them, like she had put a red paint ball between her palms and pressed together to make it explode. She ran her finger along the edge and felt the raised line of the burn. It didn’t sting at all. She hadn’t even noticed her hands until Luke had mentioned the marks to her on the pier.
"It’ll go away," Luke said when he walked back inside and saw her staring. He gave Kira the glass of water. "The burns I mean. After a while they’ll go away and each time you use your power, they’ll show up less and less."
Kira clenched her fists and looked away. She didn’t want to think about using her power again.
"Kira, we’re not evil. It’s a gift not a curse." She rolled her eyes and grabbed for the water, taking it from Luke’s hand. "I’m going to show you something, something I used to do as a kid when I couldn’t fall sleep." He left the room and returned after a few minutes with a six-inch disco ball in his hand. Kira finally laughed.
"You danced disco when you couldn’t sleep?"
"Hey, I’ll have you know I do a mean rendition of the Saturday Night Fever dance, thank you very much." He laughed with her and she felt almost happy again. But the moment passed.
"Okay, Kira, I know you. I know you’re afraid of yourself right now, of what I’ve told you, but it can be a beautiful thing. When I was little, my mom always told me how I would grow up to help save people’s lives. And, I’d sit in my bed at night, so angry I was just a kid and couldn't go out on adventures yet. So when I couldn't sleep, I would practice my skills just hoping and waiting for the day when I would be good enough to leave Sonnyville for the real world. But, right before I went to bed, I would take out my disco ball—stop laughing—I would take out this totally awesome and not at all embarrassing or funny disco ball I stole from my older sister and do this."
Kira smothered her giggle as Luke lifted the string attached to the disco ball and held it in front of them. With his other hand he spun the ball then shot a small, completely controlled sliver of light from his hand. As soon as the beam struck the disco ball, circles like moving diamonds twinkled and spun around the dark room. She looked around, feeling more like she was in a planetarium than a living room, and was awed by the scene. He let the light die out and gave her the disco ball.
"When you’re ready, we’ll start practicing your gift. And when you feel comfortable, pull this from your drawer and give it a try." He stood from the couch and looked back at her before he walked to his room. "Goodnight, Kira."
"Night, Luke," she said as he disappeared around the corner. She let the silver globe fall into her lap and kept an eye on the spot Luke had just vacated. Why, she asked herself, couldn’t she have fallen for him instead? Luke was perfect. He was funny and charming, and someone she could tell everything too, but still she thought of him as a brother. He could spill light from his own hand, but still couldn’t spark anything within her.
Something was wrong with her, Kira decided, since she was some sort of mixed breed freak. Her heart just didn't work the right way. Maybe she was only attracted to other misfits, which was exactly what Tristan was after all. He was a vampire who seemed to want to be human. You couldn’t get more out of place than that, she thought.
Kira sighed and laid down on the sofa, curling under the blankets Luke had set up for her. As she rolled up into a fetal position, Kira wished that when she woke up tomorrow it would all be dream. But maybe that, she realized, was just too impossible to ask for.