I bite my bottom lip.
We sit in silence for a few minutes.
“How do you mean?” I finally say.
“I don’t do relationships; I do one-night stands. I fuck. I don’t ask names. If you keep looking at me like that, you’ll be on that list, and you’re too damned sweet to be someone’s fuck for a night.”
He’s wrong.
I want to be his fuck for a night.
“What makes you think I’m any different to you?” I say, unclipping my seatbelt and leaning over the chair. “What makes you think I don’t just want a one-night stand?”
His eyes flash and he reaches up, curling his fist into my hair. He jerks softly and I whimper. A low, throaty growl escapes his lips. “Out of the car. Now, kid.”
“No,” I breathe, sliding over the seat and straddling his lap.
He’s huge, so much bigger than I ever remember. His cock is pressing between my legs, rubbing against my heat just enough to cause the perfect friction. I meet his eyes and I can see he doesn’t want to fight.
“I’m not a good man. You hear me?”
“And I’m not a good woman.”
He makes a pained, throaty sound and presses his forehead against mine.
“I just want a night of fun, Rainer. If you’re willing to give it, I’m willing to take it.”
“I fuckin’ hate doing this.”
“No,” I say, reaching between us and grabbing the top button of his jeans. “You don’t. You offered me a ride home for a reason, and we both know what that reason is.”
“You’re beautiful,” he says, studying my face. “Fuck, I feel like I know you somehow.”
I freeze and turn my eyes away. He does know me; he just doesn’t recall it. Maybe something tragic really did happen to him, and that would explain his lack of memory. Or maybe I just never meant as much to him as I thought I did.
“Why did you look away?” he asks.
“I just want to fuck. Can we not make it any more complicated?” I say, my voice slightly shaky.
I reach into his jeans and curl my fingers around his cock. He hisses out through his teeth and his hand goes over, reaching into the glove compartment to pull out a condom. He holds my eyes as he takes his cock from my hand and slowly rolls it on. He’s big, thick and perfect. Just like he always was. I know how amazing this cock feels inside me.
I’ll never forget.
He reaches over to me and slides my dress up, his rough fingers grazing my thighs as the dress moves. Then he reaches for my panties. It’s not going to be easy to pull them off, considering I’m straddling him. He stares at them, then me, and with one hard jerk, the material tears and I’m pantiless. I gasp, but it’s quickly smothered when his fingers find my pussy.
I lean forward, wanting to taste him, wanting to remember how soft his lips are, but he turns his head away. “I don’t kiss, kid.”
“Have you got an infection or something?” I squeak.
“No, I just don’t do it.”
Okay. Well. Awkward.
I turn my face back and focus instead on his fingers sliding through my pussy. He’s soft, slow and delicate. His fingers, while rough, are working me over with such ease. He swirls my moisture around my clit, making it hard, making it ache. Then he uses his free hand to lift my hip so he can position his cock at my entrance.
I hold my breath.
He starts sliding me down over him. A gasp leaves my lips and quickly turns into a throaty moan as he fills me, stretching me, opening me to him. I’ve only had a few men since Rainer, and most were one-night stands. It’s been a good long time since I’ve been filled liked this. Rainer notices and lets out a low, raspy moan.
“You’re fucking tight,” he grunts. “Jesus.”
“It’s been a while,” I whisper, arching into him.
“Thought you said you like casual sex?”
I gasp as he jerks his hips up and fills me fully. “I do,” I breathe. “Oh God. Fuck. I do. It’s just been a while.”
“You don’t fuckin’ say,” he grinds out between his teeth. “Fuck. So fuckin’ good.”
Good. He thinks it feels good.
I put my hands on his shoulders, feeling his muscles bulging beneath my palms. I want to massage them, to roam my hands over his big body until I’ve had my fix. I breathe him in and try to place his smell in my memory, in a place I’ll never forget. I never want to forget anything that happens between Rainer and I.
He uses my hips to move me up and down on his cock, and pleasure bursts through my body. I slap a hand against the truck window and let my head fall back, hair trailing down to touch his thighs. He frees one hand and captures my breast, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger through the fabric of my dress. I whimper at the pleasure and start rocking harder and faster until I’m riding him so hard the seat creaks.
“Holy fuck,” he hisses. “I’m goin’ to come soon. Fuck, you ride hard.”
“So close,” I cry out, rocking my hips harder against his cock, grinding myself until I feel the orgasm hanging by a thread.
Rainer reaches down and finds my clit, giving it a few hard rubs and I explode around him. His name trails from my lips and I don’t even realize my hand is curled in his hair until the shivers stop and my vision clears. Rainer is still thrusting his hips upwards, so I keep the pace until I feel him thicken inside me and then he comes with a ragged grunt.
I release his hair and drop my hand from the window, seeing the steamy mark that quickly fades away. I take a few moments to catch my breath, and then I slide off him, putting myself back on the seat. I press my head back into it and close my eyes, placing a hand over my racing heart and staying like that until it calms down.
“You okay?” he asks, and my eyes flutter open.
“Ah,” I manage. “Yeah.”
He nods, tying the condom and shoving it in a plastic bag he finds on the ground beneath my feet. Then he pulls his jeans back in place and does them up, eyes not meeting mine. He really doesn’t know how to connect. It’s written all over him. Suddenly things are awkward, and it would appear he wants me to get out so he doesn’t have the horrible task of asking me to.
It hurts, but I plaster a smile on my face and lean down, grabbing my panties. “Right,” I say, pulling my dress down. “Thanks for the ride.”
He snorts a little bit, and I can’t help the laugh that bubbles up.
“I meant the ride home,” I say, swinging the door open. I get out and look back at him, and he’s watching me intently. “But the other ride was great too. See you around, Rainer.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but I slam the door.
I have no idea what I just got myself into, but I have a feeling it wasn’t the right path to take.
~*~*~*~
“Wait a second,” Mimi says, pacing the room with her arms crossed. “So he spoke to you, gave you a ride home, and then you fucked him in his truck?”
I bring my legs up to my chest and curl my arms around them. “Yeah.”
“You fucked him?”
I nod.
“In his truck?”
I nod again.
“Right outside the house?”
I roll my eyes.
“What the hell is going through your head?” she shrieks.
I sigh. “I was drinking, and . . . I just . . . God, I missed him so much.”
“So you let him use you?”
“No. I needed that as much as he did.”
“No,” she says, waggling a finger in my face, “what you needed was to tell him the truth. Not to dig yourself a bigger fucking hole to get out of.”
I throw my hands up. “What’s the fucking point telling him the truth, Mimi? He doesn’t remember me, and there’s obviously a reason for that. If I tell him who I am, there’s still a good chance he won’t remember me. Worse, he might shut down, and I’ll never figure out what happened to him.”
“So what? You’re just going to be his fuck buddy???
?
I shrug. “I don’t even know if he’ll go there with me again. He said he uses.”
“He openly admitted to being a player and you just let him in anyway?”
I frown at her. “He’s not a player, he’s honest. He doesn’t do relationships and whatever. Neither do I.”
“You’re playing with fire, Mali, and you’re going to get burned,” she warns.
“Maybe I will, but this way I might just be able to find out more about him.”
“Which you could probably do if you just told him who you are!” she yells, exasperated.
“We parted on harsh terms, Mimi. He might shut down completely if I tell him who I am. God, can’t you see? This is the best way. I’ll be a casual fling, and maybe I can work my way in . . .”
“You’re mad!” she spits. “You’re freaking mad. He’s not going to let you be a casual fling, and even if you get that far, what makes you think he’ll tell you anything?”
“Because I know him; I know what makes him tick. I’ll be more than a fling because I can work him differently. I need to do this, Mimi.”
She sighs and flops down onto my bed beside me. “I think you’re making a massive mistake, but I won’t stop you.”
“Something went wrong in his life, and I want to know what that is. The only way I can find out is to spend time with him. Maybe I’ll meet his friends . . . maybe someone can shed some light.”
“And if he doesn’t want to screw your brains out anymore?”
“Then I’ll try and be his friend, at the very least.”
She shakes her head. “Be careful, Mali. This could go bad.”
“Yeah,” I say, staring at the wall. “But I have to try.”
He’s my friend.
I have to do everything I can.
CHAPTER SIX
THEN – MALI
My foot slips and I let out a feral curse. Dammit, why did Rainer have to pick the room on the first floor? He could have picked the big one on ground floor, but he hates his father and so he decided no, he’d rather be as far away as he could get. So now I’m trying to climb the flimsy drain that has a supporting grid, and it isn’t going so well for me.
But I have to see him. He’s upset at me, and I don’t like leaving things like that.
I manage to fumble my way to the top. I used to be able to do this so much easier, but these days Rainer is usually the one to come to me, so I don’t tend to hang out at his place. He doesn’t like being here. I push my body up to the top of his small balcony and climb over the railing. His double doors are wide open and I stop dead when I see him at his bedroom door, wearing only a pair of loose cotton shorts.
He’s kissing Missy. Her body is pressed against his, and he’s got a hand curled around the back of her neck. The kiss is long, and soft, and for some, strange reason my chest clenches. An unusual feeling washes through my body, and I quickly shove it down. How weird. I shake my head and wait for him to pull back. He smiles down at her and then lets her out the door. A few minutes later the front door slams and she walks out to her car.
I turn back and see Rainer standing at the open doors, staring at me. He’s got his arms crossed over his broad, bare chest. Gosh, I didn’t realize just how big he’d gotten. He’s ripped. His hair is messy and it has a definite sex look about it. As if I didn’t know what the two of them were doing.
There goes that strange tug in my chest again.
“That looked pretty serious,” I say, jerking my thumb over my shoulder in the general direction Missy just was. “I didn’t think you were the loving kind.”
“What are you doin’ here, Em?”
I sigh. “Are you going to let me in?”
He stays in the door.
“I wanted to see you . . . can you let me in?”
“Just fucked a chick in my bed . . . You sure you wanna do that?”
God dammit chest, stop tightening like that.
“I don’t give a shit. Let me come in so I can talk to you.”
He steps out of the doorway and I walk in. God, it smells like sex in here. At least, that’s what I assume sex smells like. I walk over to his sofa and flop down on it, staring around his room. He keeps it mostly tidy. There are only a few items of clothes flicked about. Otherwise everything is well kept. I watch as he jerks his sheets off his bed and throws them in the basket near his en suite, then he pulls a fresh pair from the closet.
“A boy that keeps spare sheets on hand. Impressive.”
He says nothing.
I sigh.
“You’re angry at me,” I say. It’s not a question.
“And you’re a fuckin’ genius.”
“Jesus, Rainer, stop it. Tell me what the hell the problem is.”
He doesn’t answer me. I know he’s concerned, and I guess I understand why, but I can’t have this every time I decide to date a man.
“What does it truly matter to you?” I whisper.
He stops, sheet in hand, and turns and stares at me. “We’re best friends. I care about you. I don’t care about any other girls, but you are like a sister to me. So yeah, I fuckin’ care what happens.”
A sister?
My chest tightens. I don’t know why that bothers me.
“I get that, and I love it, but I have to make my own mistakes. You can’t keep protecting me—you have to let me live.”
He tosses the sheet to the side and growls. “You’re the only girl I have in my life. My father is fucked up. My mother is dead. I don’t have any siblings. You’re the only thing that makes me feel like . . .”
“Like what?” I ask, standing.
“Like I have something to fight for.”
My heart breaks and I walk forward, stopping in front of him. “You’ll always be able to fight for me, Rai Rai, but this is important to me. I need to do this. I promise to tell you everything that happens, and you’ll be the first to know if something goes wrong, but please.” I place a hand on his chest. “Please let me do this.”
He turns to me, eyes scanning my face. “If he hurts you, Em, I’ll kill him.”
“And I’ll let you.”
“You promise that?”
I smile, stepping closer into him. He wraps his arms around me and we both sigh. “I promise.”
He holds onto me longer than he’s ever done before, and it feels nice. His skin is soft, his muscles hard. I press my cheek to his chest and just take a moment to breathe him in.
“You wanna stay tonight?”
I let him go and nod. “Sure, why the hell not?”
~*~*~*~
“Ick, oh my God, turn it off!” I screech, pressing the pillow to my face.
Rainer laughs. “No, it’s epic.”
“He just . . . he just . . .”
“Cut his leg off, yes.”
“I can’t!” I cry, burrowing into the bed deeper.
“Pussy.”
A loud pounding on the door makes Rainer flinch beside me.
“Rainer, turn that fucking shit down. You’re not the only fucking person in this house!” his father roars.
“Yeah, right-o,” Rainer calls out.
“You smart-mouthing me boy?”
I peer out from under the covers and Rainer’s body is so stiff it worries me. His fists are clenched and he’s glaring at the door, which, thankfully, is locked.
“No,” Rainer yells.
“Beg your fucking pardon?”
“No, sir.”
Poor Rainer. My heart aches for him. It’s as if his pride is being torn to pieces every time he talks to his father. His father is an asshole. I dislike him and try to avoid him at all costs. We hear a pound, as if he hit the door, and then the floorboards creak loudly as he disappears. Rainer stops the movie and we both sit in silence, like we always do when this happens.
“You okay?” I ask, the same question I always ask.
“Yeah,” he says, the same answer he always gives.
“Do you want me to go?”
&nbs
p; “No,” he says, flicking the television off and sliding down into the covers. “Roll.”
I do as he asks, rolling to my side. He slides up close and throws his arm over my middle.
“Hey, Rai?”
“Hmmmm?”
“Do you think this friendship is . . . unnatural?”
It’s a very random thought, but now that Rainer and I seem to be finding our own love interests, I’ve been thinking more and more about our friendship and how it might look to another person. It seems normal to me, but I don’t know any other people who have a friendship like ours.
He’s silent a minute. “No.”
“We sleep together.”
“So?”
“I don’t know. I guess some people probably don’t get it.”
“Then they wouldn’t get us. Girls have sleepovers all the time, where four or five of them pile into a bed. What’s the difference?”
“We’re snuggling.”
He grunts. “I’m not snuggling.”
I laugh softly. “Okay, dude, whatever you say.”
He doesn’t move his arm off me—that just shows he doesn’t give a crap and is going to sleep like this, no matter how much I taunt him.
“Promise me something, Em,” he says just as my eyes start fluttering closed.
“Anything.”
“Promise me you’ll protect your virginity with everything you’ve got. Only give it up when you know, with all your soul, that it’s time.”
I reach up and grab his hand, squeezing it. “I promise.”
I honestly don’t know what I’d do without Rainer, some days.
And that thought scares me.
CHAPTER SEVEN
NOW – MALI
“Order up!”
I take the tray of coffees and walk them over to the snot-nosed group of girls sitting at the table, waiting. They ordered things I can’t even pronounce off the menu, and are looking at me expectantly as I walk towards them. I flash them my best smile and place the coffees down, having no idea which is which. Thankfully, they seem to know and reach for their selected drinks.
“I’d like a sweetener,” a pretty blonde girl says, waving a finger as if she’s too posh to wave her whole hand.
“Right,” I say, turning and grabbing a few sachets from the table beside us. I thrust them at her and then get back to work.