“I’m good at swallowing,” I say.
“I know.” Shannon makes a gagging noise and Jett’s face is priceless. I lean over and give Javi a kiss. His lips still burn with the taste of the alcohol.
“We should probably stop making Jett and Shannon uncomfortable,” I say.
“Probably.”
“Please,” Shannon says.
“Yes, please,” Jett agrees.
The bouillabaisse is phenomenal and we each have two full bowls. There’s also enough left over we can have it for dinner the next night. Javi looks sad at the prospect of leftovers.
“But it means you won’t have to cook. Aren’t you tired of cooking?” I say.
“No.”
“Why don’t you open your own restaurant? You’d be so good at it.”
He makes a face.
“No. Cooking is a hobby. I’d never want it to be a job. Then I’d probably hate doing it, you know?” I guess. But it seems silly to waste a talent that could make you money. Then again, I don’t have a secret cache of money, so maybe it’s different for him.
“Sure. It was just an idea. I want you to do whatever you want to do.” I smile and he kisses the center of my forehead.
“And that’s why you’re so awesome. You’re more than just a fantastic ass and a great pair of tits. Much more.”
“If I agree to give you money, will you stop?” Shannon says. Oh, like I haven’t had to listen to her and Jett loudly getting it on in the next room? This is payback.
I look at Javi and we both glance at Shannon at the same time.
“No,” we say in unison.
Javi comes with me to the bar that Saturday night. I don’t ask him to, he just offers to give me a ride and then hangs out, drinking glasses of water slowly.
“I could bring you one of those shitty non-alcoholic beers, but really, what’s the point?” I say as I pass him on my way to the other end of the bar. He just makes a face at me and salutes me with his water glass.
People are unusually nice and I don’t know if it has anything to do with Javier, but I’ll take it. I watch as he gets hit on a few times; he smiles at the ladies, but brushes them off. I’m weirdly not jealous. Now, if he flirted back, or gave out his number, I’d be upset, but he doesn’t seem to be interested.
I’ve never seen Javier not interested in the opposite sex. It’s a bit strange, honestly.
“She was cute,” I say when I have a few moments to catch my breath and have a sip of water.
“Was she?” he says. “I didn’t notice.” I laugh.
“You’re such a liar, but it’s okay. I’m not jealous. Besides. I’m not your girl. If you wanted to flirt with her, you could have. I’m not stopping you.” I’m interested to see how he’ll answer.
“I don’t want to flirt with her. She was boring.” I didn’t talk to her, so I don’t know if she’s boring or not, but that hadn’t stopped him before.
“And? Boring is suddenly a problem for you?” I’ve seen him flirt with girls who could barely tie their own shoes.
He does the one-shoulder shrug.
“I don’t know. Just not in the mood for boring tonight.” I get busy again and don’t get to even glance at him for an hour.
He’s reading.
Javier is sitting at my bar, reading. Like a character from some romance novel. Be still my heart.
“Homework?” I say as the bar starts to empty out and Joe rings the bell for last call.
“No. Just reading.”
“For the hell of it?” He looks up and blinks at me. The only thing that would make him hotter right now is a sexy pair of glasses. Maybe I can get a pair without lenses in them.
“Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that?” Crap, I’ve been caught staring again.
“I’m looking at you because I’m talking to you, Javi. Why do you keep trying to make me looking at you into more than it is?” I’m grateful for the darkness of the bar so he can’t see my blush.
“Sure, okay.” He goes back to his book and I start doing my side work so I can leave as quickly as possible. Once I’m done, I grab my jacket and hop over the bar.
“Ready?” Javi says, looking up from his book and using a coaster to mark his place.
“Yeah. How was your book? It’s a miracle you can even read in this light.” Dim lighting seems to be the trend in drinking establishments and this bar is dimmer than others.
“Why are you so obsessed with me reading?” He holds the door for me as we walk toward his truck. A guy waiting for a cab whistles at me and gives me a proposition, but I ignore him. I’d been shocked when I first started bartending, but now it all goes in one ear and out the other. Usually the guys who yell that stuff aren’t very creative.
“I’ve just never seen you reading all that much, except for school. Why is it weird for me to be curious about you?” I hop up in the truck and he swings himself in and lays the book on the seat between us.
I can read the title by the orange glow of the streetlight.
1984 by George Orwell. I think I’ve seen it on Shannon’s shelf, but maybe not.
“So, what’s it about?” I ask and he rolls his eyes and turns on the truck.
“It’s about the future. Or what could be the future. It’s complicated.”
“Are there robots?” There are probably robots.
“No. It’s about people. It’s really good. You can have it when I’m done. I got it from the library, but I can renew it.”
“Maybe. I don’t read much fiction. I get burned out on reading for school and the last thing I want to do is more reading. My brain can only take so much.” Still, I pick up the book and read the back. Huh. Definitely not what I thought it would be.
“I get that. But sometimes reading fiction is more than just reading. You fall into a world that isn’t like your own and live in it for a while. Don’t you ever want to do that?” He gives me this look and I don’t even know what the hell to say.
“That was fucking deep, Javi. What the hell?”
It’s really dark, but I swear I can see him blushing.
“Yeah. Well.” He stares out the windshield really hard.
“I like it. I like everything about you,” I say, sliding closer to him.
“The feeling is mutual, Haze.” I give him a kiss on the cheek.
Jett and Shannon have gone to his place, so Javi and I are by ourselves. We take our usual shower together, but he doesn’t drag me back to my room to ravish me.
Instead he lays me down in my bed and peels the towel off and just looks at me.
“What are you doing?”
“Just appreciating.” Something about the way he’s looking at me makes me want to cover myself with my hands. My body is by no means perfect and I’m as sensitive about my flaws as the next girl. But Javi never seems to see the flaws. He just sees me.
He pulls me into a sitting position and wraps me back up in my towel, then gets my brush from the dresser and starts combing out my hair.
“You’re very quiet tonight,” I say as he untangles my hair with surprising gentleness.
“Just thinking.”
“What about?” I look over my shoulder at him. His lips are pursed.
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why not?”
His eyes flick to mine and then skip away.
“Because I’m thinking that I want you to live with me. All the time.” I freeze. “I talked with Jett about it and I feel the same way about it as he does. I’m not asking you to live with me, and I’m not saying that we should. I just was thinking about it. How nice it would be.”
Words have utterly failed me. I have absolutely nothing to say.
Javi goes back to brushing my hair as I try to get my shit together.
“Does this mean you want me to be your girlfriend?” The brush pauses.
“I guess you could say that. I just… want you.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
“And I love being
around you. I love sleeping with you, and by sleeping I don’t mean sex. I love waking up in the middle of the night with you in my arms. I love cooking for you and making you mad and hanging out with you at work.” I love all of those things too.
“So what I’m basically saying,” he says, kissing my still-damp shoulder, “is that I love you.”
Wow. I never thought he’d say those words.
“You do?” I need him to say it again.
“Yeah, I do. Have for a while, but I was scared to say it. I’ve never said it to anyone but Mimi and maybe Jett when I’m drunk.”
I open my mouth and…
“I love you, too.”
His smile lights up the room and I’ve never seen him so happy before. Not even when he’s driving me crazy.
“You do? Even though I’m a pain in your ass?” he says.
“Uh huh. And I kind of love that too. No one drives me crazy like you do. And no one has ever made me feel like you do.” The sex is amazing, and I know why now. It’s because it’s not just sex. It’s two people who care for each other showing how much they do. I’m so glad we didn’t have sex right away when we first met. Because maybe we wouldn’t be here now. I’m not taking that as some sort of lesson on waiting to have sex, but things worked out the way I think they were supposed to.
“What do we do now?” I ask. I’ve never been in this position before. Not so serious. Not so real.
“Well, I think sex is in order. Lots and lots of sex. Or do we call it making love now? I really hate people who call it that.” I lean forward and kiss him, pulling away my towel again.
“Me too,” I say.
Tonight it isn’t just sex. It’s not making love, whatever that is. It’s… Javier and me. Being together. It’s special and beautiful and raw and I don’t want it to end.
“I fucking love you,” he gasps as he thrusts into me.
“I fucking love you,” I say as I hold onto him and ride out the storm.
We go so long and so hard that I’m already considering skipping class the next day. I mention this idea to Javier during one of our breaks.
“You? Play hooky? Never.” It’s true. Even if I was on my deathbed, I would still make it to class. I’m spending a shit ton on my education, so I might as well get my money’s worth. And when I head to law school those days of class could be vital.
“Just this once. For you. Because I love you,” I say. I can’t shut up about it.
“I love you too.” I make a face.
“What?” he says, combing his fingers through my still-drying, sexed-up hair.
“We’re those people now. The disgusting, in-love people. I never wanted to be one of those people. I make fun of those people.”
“Yeah, well, I never planned on this either. But it’s happening and I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.” My stomach flutters at his words.
“As long as you don’t call me ‘babe’ every five seconds. I won’t stand for that.” If there’s one thing that drives me fucking nuts, it’s that. Talk about patronizing.
“Hey, babe, do you think you can get me a beer, babe?” he says, pointing at the door.
“You are pushing your luck, babe,” I say, narrowing my eyes.
He just laughs.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s for us.”
“Definitely not,” I agree.
His fingers skim over my belly and I can feel the heat building between us again. I honestly don’t think I can take another orgasm. It might kill me.
“So what do you want to do with your day off?” he asks.
I shrug one shoulder.
“I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to think about it yet.” I don’t get a whole lot of days off, so I’m not sure what to do with it.
“I’m guessing I can’t talk you into going back to the furniture store and getting some pieces to match your bed, can I?” I smack him in the chest. We’ve been over this already.
“No. You’re not buying me any more furniture.”
“But what if we move in together? Then can I buy you furniture?”
He’s skating on thin ice.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. We haven’t even been dating yet. We might decide we hate each other.”
He gives me a look.
“Oh, I’m sure there will be times that you hate me. And vice-versa. That’s how love works. You have to take the hate with the love,” he says.
He has a good point.
“So, how about the furniture?” This time I kiss him, thrusting my tongue in his mouth.
“Shut up about the furniture,” I say, running my hand down his chest and grabbing his dick. It starts to get hard in my hand.
“Whatever you say, babe.”
We only sleep for a few hours before Shannon bangs through the front door.
“Haze? Javi? Are you here?” she calls.
I open my eyes and groan. My body is sore and sluggish from all the sex.
“Tell me again why you don’t want us to get our own place?” he says.
“We’re playing hooky!” I yell through the door so I don’t have to actually get up and put clothes on.
“You are?” Shannon yells back.
“Yes!”
“Why?”
“Because we’re going to have sex all day!” Javi roars.
Shannon is silent for a moment.
“Okay, okay. I get it. Have fun!” The door slams again and the apartment is silent.
“Is that what we’re doing all day? Because I don’t think I have the strength, babe,” I say.
Javi smiles at me.
“Don’t worry, babe. I’ve got other plans.”
“Where the hell are we?” I ask a few hours later. After finally getting out of bed, Javi messed around in the kitchen and then brought me a tray of French toast, fruit and coffee. I’ve never had anyone make me breakfast in bed before.
Now we’re in his truck and I have no idea where we’re going.
“Do you trust me, babe?”
“Not right now I don’t.” We’re in the middle of nowhere, I swear. All I can see are trees. This is not an uncommon sight in Maine, but it’s freaking me out a little. “Right now I’m worried you’re taking me to a secluded cabin to murder me, babe.”
Javi roars with laughter. It wasn’t that funny.
“You’ll see where we’re going when we get there.”
I cross my arms and change the radio station. Javi groans.
“If you’re not going to tell me where we’re going, then I get to listen to what I want on the radio,” I say as Seal’s “Kiss From a Rose” plays. I’ve never actually understood the meaning of this song, but Seal is sexy, so it doesn’t really matter.
“Sure, babe,” he says and takes another turn.
We drive for what feels like hours, but is probably only one. Javi’s truck doesn’t have a clock so I can’t be sure. The roads are winding and keep getting more and more rural. The trees are so thick that not a lot of sun gets through and it’s quite dark.
Javi says something to himself and then makes another turn, slowing down. On the left is a darling little church. It came out of nowhere and looks so out of place with the wildness surrounding it.
Despite being so rural, the church has fresh white paint on it and the bell in the tower is shiny and bright.
“Here we are,” Javi says, parking the truck on the grass in front of the church and turning the engine off.
“Where is ‘here’?” I’d tried to keep track of the road signs, but I I honestly have no idea where we actually are.
“We’re in Rose Hill, and this is the Rose Church.” That still doesn’t explain anything.
“You’re going to have to give me some more information, babe.”
“Come with me,” he says and gets out of the truck. I do and he takes my hand, leading me toward the church.
“My grandmother wasn’t a very religious woman, but she loved churches. She had pictur
es and books of them all over the house. When I was a kid she would show them to me. This one was her favorite. I don’t know why. But before she died, she told me that if anything ever happened to her, she wanted her ashes sprinkled next to this church. So I did.” His hand tightens on mine.
He’s knocked me speechless twice in less than 24 hours.
“That’s beautiful, Javi.” My voice breaks. He looks away from the church and smiles at me.
“Thanks. Sometimes I drive here and just… sit. I don’t know if I believe in heaven or hell, but I know I believe that if Mimi is anywhere, she’d be here.”
We walk all the way around the church. There are flowerbeds in the back, with little green buds just starting to poke through the ground.
“The town has a fund and they have volunteers that come up here and maintain the church. I may have given them a donation or two.” I bet he did more than that.
There’s also a little flat clearing behind the garden where the sun pours down. The whole thing looks like a postcard.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” I say as we stand in the sunshine. Javi turns his face up and closes his eyes. He’s so beautiful in that moment it makes me want to cry.
“I love you so much,” I say, my voice only a whisper. I don’t want to talk too loudly. This is a sacred place and not just because of the church.
I’ve never been much for religion either, but I love what Javi did for his grandmother. If I believe in anything, I believe in that. And love. I believe in that now, too. I haven’t always.
Javi opens his eyes and looks at me.
“I love you. And she would have loved you. I feel like this is a way you could sort of meet her. She was the most important person in my life before you, and I wish, more than anything, that I could create a way for you two to talk.” He sits on the ground and I sit next to him.
A butterfly comes out of nowhere and starts flapping around us.
“Isn’t it too cold for butterflies to be out?” I say as it dances around us and then lands on Javi’s head.
“I have no idea,” he says softly, trying not to move. If I hadn’t left my phone in the car I would take a picture of him with the butterfly on his head. It sits on Javi for a little while and then flutters around us and lands on my shoulder.