For
Rowdy
Christians
Everywhere
By Davethe Hammer
Copyright 2012 by
Davethe Hammer
In memory of Tom,
who took it by force.
“The belief in a God All Powerful wise and good, is so essential to the moral order of the World and to the happiness of man, that arguments which enforce it cannot be drawn from too many sources nor adapted with too much solicitude to the different characters and capacities to be impressed with it.” --James Madison
For Rowdy Christians Everywhere
Book 1: The Crafty Tale of Luke the Hun
Part I: Searching By Land
Chapter 1: The Beginning, See
Chapter 2: The Cross of Gold and the Man of God
Chapter 3: “I’ll Have a Hot Assorted”
Chapter 4: Conversin’ With a Relic
Chapter 5: Electric Man
Chapter 6: Reading, Riding, Short Division and Fractions (you’ll see)
Chapter 7: Thunderhouse
Chapter 8: The Extra-Value Meal: Burgers, Fries, and Prophecy
Chapter 9: A Business Trip to Bohemia
Chapter 10: All the Way to Penetanguishene
Chapter 11: The One About the Bird
Chapter 12: Trees Like Baptists
Chapter 13: Corn and Sorrow
Chapter 14: Second Opinions and Second Shift
Chapter 15: Tattoos, Tutti Frutti, and Tearful Good-byes
Chapter 16: Fellowship and Foolycake, Lacrosse Balls and Altar Calls
Chapter 17: Tricky Shaky
Chapter 18: The Troll Handled his Sledgehammer Masterfully
Chapter 19: Bridgette Takes Care of the Pope’s Light Work
Part II: Searching By Sea
Chapter 20: Sling the Sloopy Keel Ye Starboard Wenches
Chapter 21: Good Deed Doers
Chapter 22: Cold Sea Conversations
Chapter 23: A Guy From the North Shows Luke How to Play it Cool
Chapter 24: The Sensitive Side of the Sea
Chapter 25: Terry’s Bar and Grill
Chapter 26: Having Fun and Gettin’ Serious
Chapter 27: There are Rules to this Game
Chapter 28: A Brief Rap, A Briefer Scrap, and Luke Takes the Teeniest Little Nap
Chapter 29: Tom II
Chapter 30: Dragon Isle
Chapter 31: Serpent St. Helena
Chapter 32: One Day
Chapter 33: Help from the Heavens
Chapter 34: Friends in Wet Places
Part III: Searching By Bus
Chapter 35: The Bus to Glory
Chapter 36: The Bus to Nowhere
Chapter 37: Rendezvouz and Road Games
Chapter 38: A Fast Ride, A Wise Guide, and a Smooth Slide
Part IV: Searching By Faith
Chapter 39: One Night
Chapter 40: Luke Meets Coolest Guy of Them All
Epilogue 1: On the Links With Luke the Hun
Epilogue 2: Cast and Crew
Appendix I: Multi-Person Poems
Appendix II: In Order that the Reader May Better Judge a Particular Matter
BOOK 2: Sestinas for Sundays, by Luke the Hun
Foreword
“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Be zealous therefore, and repent.” Revelation 3:19
This book has almost everything.
Dragons, Genies and Trolls; princes and fair maidens; talking animals and a really tough fish; Huns and Vikings; Cavemen and Canadians; bread and circuses; fistfights and fishermen; brass knuckles and basketball, euchre games and lacrosse battles; the snows of Baffin Island and the swamps of Atlantis; bus chases and space travel; angels and aliens; bluesmen speaking softly and sea serpents speaking Portuguese; the biography of a king, and the journal of everyman; and last and best, Jesus Christ our Lord. All pleasantly garnished with slogans and banners, sestinas and limericks, haikus and knock-knock jokes, an aroma of postmodernism and a hearty portion of old-fashioned values, simmered in a tasteful sauce of joviality, spirituality, and Cornhusker references. It has everything but surprise endings, that is. Coz I’ll tell ya now: ‘I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth.’
This book is for almost everyone.
For Christians, may you find something in it, some stories or phrases, to stretch your faith, steel your resolve, strengthen your commitments. Or, just dig on the corny humor (it’s harmless). And maybe it’s the kind of book you could lend to a friend.
For skeptics and searchers, may you find something in it, some poems or sermons to challenge your faith--to create some questions, or to answer some, and to encourage an open and willing spirit: so that you may begin to seek God, and in seeking, to find! (Remembering the wise words of Hans Denck: “When you hear your brother say something that is strange to you do not immediately argue with him, but listen to see whether he may be right and you also can accept it. If you cannot understand him you must not judge him, and if you think that he may be in error, consider that you may be in greater error.”) For the gospel of Christ is true. Don’t be afraid to at least consider it. Begin with that. I was a scoffer once too. It wasn’t until I seriously searched, not until I first humbled myself enough to admit ‘Maybe I’m wrong’, that I finally saw truth I never could have dreamed of, miracles I always would have missed!
But mostly I write this book for myself: Any lessons I would pass on, I must first hear myself. When I write another man’s story, I doubtless project a little of my own, and when I read of another man’s life, I must evaluate my own life as well. If anything in these pages blesses you, know that it has blessed me also. I have written what I have written. Each chapter began as an act of faith, and ended by drawing me closer to God. It’s always that way.
So here it is: the story of Luke the Hun, a fearsome warrior and a pretty good option quarterback, who decided to go straight, to become a man of peace and dreams, and to find the one right answer.
His story takes place on the pretty planet of Timnalauren, which is kinda like Earth in some respects, different in others. As the legendary Bertralamus J explains it, Timnalauren was the world he designed for a fantasy role-playing game, with monsters and treasures, and middle-ages technology...except then they couldn’t help sprucing it up with all the good stuff they liked from Earth! We’ll have fun there too. Not everything is where you would expect it to be, but everything is where it needs to be.
Whether the pretty planet of Timnalauren and its people are real or merely a clever fiction I know not. I only know that I have been among them: driving buses, cracking jokes, and eating sandwiches. The one thing I am sure of is, wherever they are, whether in some strange corner of the mind, or in some far-off corner of God’s creation, they are perpetually working out their own salvation with fear and trembling. Should not we who certainly exist do likewise?
I commit this work now to your edification, and God’s glorification. If it makes you smile, I smile also. If it makes you laugh, I laugh with you. But more than that: I think that it will make you think, I hope that it will make you hope, I pray that it will make you pray. And I believe that it will help one of you to believe.
Lord, make it so. Amen.
Book 1: The Crafty Tale of Luke the Hun
Part 1: Searching by Land