Damn, he was right.
“Whatever,” I muttered and he smiled at me.
“You’ll get my mouth back,” he told me, still sliding in and out.
“When?” I asked.
“Jesus, Feb, you just came.”
“What? I got a quota?”
He started laughing softly before he said, “Yeah, I gotta ration this so you don’t kill me.”
I put my lips to his but kept my eyes open when I whispered, “Beautiful death.”
I watched close up as his smile died and something else came into his eyes the second before he kissed me. Then he pulled out, moved back, taking me with him, and put me in bed. Colt rolled to his back, tucking me into his side. He did an ab curl, pulling the covers over us. Then he reached to the light and turned it out.
One of my arms was trapped under me but my other hand was moving on him, lazy, light, his skin hot, hard, tight. I loved the feel of him. His arm was wrapped around me and he drew patterns on my hip with his fingers. I loved the feel of that too.
I tried not to think about how much of this I missed all those years I locked myself away. How much Denny stole from me, from us. But it was impossible.
Then again, if it had just been Colt and me, we would have had to learn this shit from scratch. I didn’t know how many women he had and I didn’t want to know. I just knew Melanie and Susie and I’d heard about a couple others. Sometimes a woman would come in the bar and her eyes would find him direct and I’d know somewhere that used to be ugly, she’d had him. Sometimes when they came in, his eyes would go to them and that same knowledge would shine through. He’d smile at them, not big, but it was there, or he’d dip his chin, and I knew it didn’t end ugly but he ended it and the woman didn’t want it to end. He was being gentle and gentlemanly, telling her she gave him good memories but keeping her back all the same. I couldn’t say how I knew all this was communicated but, being tied to him the way I was, I knew. I also couldn’t say that happened often, but it happened enough and each time it was like a little dagger tip piercing my skin.
Though I was thinking, he hadn’t had them; I wouldn’t have what he had to give me now.
On the other hand, he could just be a natural at this kind of thing he was so good at it.
“How you feelin’, honey?” Colt murmured and his voice rumbling in my ear, my body pressed against his, my fingertips skimming over his skin, all of that made my current thoughts tumble right away from me.
“Great,” I whispered and those thoughts had fallen so far I realized I was. How I could be this happy about Colt and me and Morrie and Dee and that Mom and Dad were home, even after reading Amy’s note and dealing with all this crap, I’d never know.
But I was.
Colt’s hand flattened on my hip, slid down and his fingers pressed into my ass.
“Best ass in the county,” he muttered and I grinned.
“You do a lotta research into that?” I teased.
“Yep,” he replied, my head came up to look at his shadowed face and he went on. “What can I say? I’m an ass man.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, so I did, but my hand slid up his chest to his neck and when I stopped laughing I asked quietly, “How you doin’, babe?”
I watched the shadow of his head come up slightly from the pillow then it dropped down and he sighed. “I’ve had better days,” his fingers pressed into my ass again before he finished, “not many better nights.”
I bent my head and kissed his collarbone before deciding to change the subject.
“Am I gonna have to brace anytime some asshole from my past walks into the bar and you’re there?”
“Nope,” he said immediately, “think tonight my point was made.”
I stared at him and realized he was right. That bellow of my name, calling attention to us, getting the admission out of Aaron, casting doubt on Stew (good doubt, anyone who thought twice about it, which they probably didn’t decades ago, would feel foolish for ever considering I’d give it to Stew), my and Morrie’s conversation, all of it was perfectly played. Not to mention, Colt and I were back together and as back together as you could get, kissing and sharing Frank’s in the bar, me living with him. Two weeks ago everyone knew Colt wouldn’t get near me and they thought this partially because they thought I’d run around. Truth was, I was always his woman and me running around, even broken up, was viewed as a betrayal (and girls were always looked down on if they had that reputation, earned or not). As ever about anything in a small town, but especially Colt and me, word would fly. Any guy who told their tale was probably going to look like a schmuck.
“You Superman?” I asked softly.
“How’s that?”
“Leap buildings in a single bound, salvage girl’s reputations in a second, that kind of thing?”
He was quiet for awhile before he replied, “I can’t leap buildings in a single bound, but I can make you come so hard you put a hole in my drywall.”
“I didn’t put a whole in your drywall.”
“Glad that’s Plexiglas on the print and I fixed it good, baby, or we’d be lyin’ in a bed of glass.”
“You’re such an asshole,” I said through my smile.
We both fell silent, me now thinking nothing but happy thoughts. I’d find out Colt wasn’t thinking the same.
“You know, there wasn’t a reputation to salvage.”
This comment so surprised me, I lifted up my head and looked at him.
“What?”
“People love you, February.”
I shook my head and settled back down but his hand squeezed my ass and he ordered, “Look at me, Feb.”
“Colt –” I started but stopped when I got another squeeze.
“Baby, look at me.”
I did as I was told.
“I told you about that kid we brought in, Ryan,” Colt said.
Oh shit. I didn’t want to think of all the shit he told me over Frank’s that night, about the new people who Denny duped and sent straight into their own nightmares.
“Colt –”
“He said, watchin’ you, he could tell you were nice. People gravitated to you. He wasn’t wrong, Feb.”
I shook my head and said, “It’s late. Let’s go to sleep.”
Colt rolled into me, obviously not feeling like taking my hint to drop the subject. When he had me on my back and his dark shadow loomed over me, he kept talking.
“People love you.”
“Stop it, Colt, we both know –”
“They do now and they always did.”
“That isn’t true,” I whispered.
“It is.”
“You didn’t feel it,” I told him.
“No, I reckon people were surprised, what went down, maybe disappointed, what they heard, and you felt that, but they never stopped lovin’ you.”
“Colt –”
His hand came to my jaw and tightened. “February, listen to me. You never stopped bein’ you. It mighta been subdued but you were always the girl who looked out for the Angies and Darryls of the world. You were always an Owens, collectin’ strays. You never changed that, no matter what they thought of the other.”
“I don’t think –”
His thumb slid over my lips. “Trust me, Feb. Now, they won’t ever think of the other.”
“That wasn’t necessary,” I said to his thumb and he laughed. It wasn’t with humor, there was a bitter edge to it that pressed against my flesh.
“Not much about the wrongs done us I can put right. That’s one so I did it. Fuckin’ thrilled when that asshole walked in the bar tonight. Meant I didn’t have to delay.”
God, I loved him, always had, always would. I loved him so much, that feeling of fullness started to press against my skin from the inside and there was so much of it, I didn’t think I could hold it all.
I wanted to tell him, I really did. I wanted to share, let him know. But this was new, just as it was old and the idea terrified me.
S
o instead of I love you, I said, “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, honey, I believed it too. That’s part of the wrong I made right tonight, lettin’ people know I was just as much of an asshole believin’ that shit as they were.”
“You aren’t an asshole,” I defended.
“You called me one just five minutes ago,” he teased.
“Oh, right,” I muttered. “I forgot about that,” I told him. “And I was jokin’.”
“I know you were, Feb.” Before I could say anything else, he kissed me then rolled us back so we’d resumed our positions and declared, “Now we can go to sleep.”
“Oh, so now we can go to sleep, now that you’re done talkin’?”
“Well… yeah.”
“I was right.”
“What?”
“Asshole.”
A short laugh, this one was filled with humor.
Then, “Shut up and close your eyes, baby.”
He was totally bossy.
Still, I did as I was told.
Wilson jumped up and curled his body mostly on our tangled feet, only partially on the bed, and I fell asleep.
* * * * *
A phone started ringing; I knew it was mine from the tone. It was my cell that sat next to Colt’s on his nightstand, the one he put there, digging it out of my purse when we got home, preparing, just in case.
It jarred me awake which jarred Wilson awake but by the time I lifted my head to stare at it in sleepy horror, Colt was reaching toward the glaring light of the phone display that seemed to pierce right through the dark like a beacon of doom.
He brought it to his face as I got up on an elbow and he flipped it open and put it to his ear as I held my breath.
“Yeah?” There was a pause while I let out and pulled in just enough breath not to suffocate. “Yeah. She’s right here.”
Then in silence he held the phone out to me.
Knowing it wasn’t who I thought it was because he wouldn’t give it to me if it was; I took it, looked at the display and saw who was on it. My breath went out of me again as I looked at the clock on Colt’s nightstand. It was two in the morning, not unusual for the caller, but not acceptable anymore, though he didn’t know it.
I saw Colt’s shadow move, arm extended toward the light. Then I rolled up and over to sit on my ass, arm holding the covers to my chest as I lifted my knees and pressed my torso to my thighs.
Then I put my phone to my ear, the light went on and I blinked against the brightness as I said, “Hey, Reece.”
There was nothing but silence for awhile and I waited.
Then Reece said, “Expected it to happen eventually, darlin’, but didn’t expect it to hit me that hard the first time I heard a man answer your phone.”
I closed my eyes tight and whispered, “Reece.”
“No promises, beautiful, no expectations, that was the deal. You gave it to me.”
“I know.”
“Now I gotta find a way to give it to you.”
“Reece –”
“Best way to find it right now is knowin’ some jackass is out there carvin’ up folks in your name and it’s good for me to understand you got a man at your side.”
“He’s not carving them up, he’s hacking them with a hatchet.”
There was a smile in Reece’s voice when he replied, “Whatever.”
I felt Colt’s hand hit the small of my back and then I felt his fingers run up the indentation of my spine then back down, the path short, the touch light but it was also steady. I knew it was weird in this situation but it made me feel better.
It helped that Wilson wandered up the bed and curled into a ball at my hip.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Headin’ out tomorrow, goin’ to ground until this guy is found.”
“I’m sorry, Reece.”
“Not your fault, darlin’.”
“Still.”
“Still nothin’. Could use a vacation anyway, haven’t had a real one since we went to Tahoe.”
Tahoe had been great, we went right before I came home and stayed a week. We rode there on the back of his bike and we splurged on a luxury rental. Gambled and rode during the day. Ate until we were stuffed. Fell in bed massively tipsy every night. It was a blast.
I’d seen him since as he used to be mine for those times I needed him. I took a two week vacation the first year I was home, got in my car, told no one where I was going or who I was seeing. I hit a few places where I had friends, including spending two days with Reece in Sedona. Did the same the second year, catching him up in Taos, but that time I stayed four days.
Reece had come to visit me also, spending his time while I was at the bar catching up with friends he had close or visiting the Speedway and doing other tourist crap. He was careful not to infiltrate my life, like showing up at the bar, knowing, without me telling him, that wasn’t his place to be. When he was around I took some time off, not explaining why, and sometimes would go with him and show him around. Nights, if we spent the day apart, he was always there for me. I’d come home and he’d be in my bed. I’d wake him when I hit the bed, or, if he was out, I’d wake him with my hands or my mouth, something he didn’t mind and I suspected he pretended to sleep just to get it.
Those days were over.
“You’ll check in?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“Frequently?”
“Yeah, darlin’ but don’t worry about me. It’ll be okay. I can take care of myself and the Feds I talked to seem pretty fuckin’ determined to find this guy.”
“Yeah.”
There was a hesitation before he said in a way I knew he was searching, “I’m guessin’ I shouldn’t call so late next time.”
“Probably not.”
Another moment of silence before he stopped fucking around and asked what he wanted to know but he spoke in a voice that said he wished he didn’t have to say his next words. “Hate to ask, beautiful, but gotta know. Your boy who answered the phone, this mean you’ll not be callin’ in awhile?”
“Reece –” I started then couldn’t say it.
When I stopped talking and said no more, Reece read me. We’d been in and out of each other’s lives for a long time but we talked on the phone relatively frequently. He didn’t know me through and through but he knew me well enough.
“Fuck,” he bit out, “means you’ll not be callin’ at all.”
“Reece.”
“That hit me harder than I expected too.”
“Reece –”
He cut me off. “Fucked up.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Fucked up, I knew I had a good thing, threw it away. Fuck!”
“You didn’t throw it away.”
“How many times I watch you walk away from me, Feb? How many times you watch me?”
“Reece, don’t.”
“Too fuckin’ many. Means I fucked up.”
I pressed my torso deeper into my knees and whispered, “It wasn’t meant to be, honey.”
“I put an ounce of effort in it I coulda made it meant to be.”
I wasn’t certain this was true, not now. Maybe years ago when I met him. He was a good guy and he never fucked me over. He was handsome, he was charming, he was smart. Always honest with me. When I had him, I had all of him. He made me laugh, not like I used to but he did it. He knew I loved the bike and he loved it too and taking me out on it. We fit together, were comfortable, would fall in with each other within seconds of being back. The sex wasn’t great, like with Colt, but it was really good.
Now. No.
But I didn’t tell him that and I didn’t know if that was the right thing to do or the wrong thing.
“Sorry, Feb. You don’t need this shit now, do you, beautiful? What is it, one o’clock?”
“Two.”
“Fuck, sorry darlin’.”
“Don’t be.”
“I’ll call in.”
“Thanks, Reece.”
; “Sleep tight, beautiful.”
“Reece?” I called before he disconnected.
“Yeah, Feb?”
“You find another, don’t watch her walk away,” I said.
He laughed and it wasn’t like he usually laughed. It was like Colt’s bitter laughter earlier that night and it also pressed to my flesh like a blade but it broke through and my blood beaded the edge.
Then he said, “Ain’t another like you.”
Then he disconnected. It took me awhile to flip the phone closed and when I did my hand dropped to the mattress and I pressed my cheek to my knee.
I felt the phone slide out of my hand and the bed moving with Colt. I heard my phone hit the nightstand then the light went out. Then his hands were on me, pulling me back, down, tucking me against his side, wrapping his arm around me, holding me close. I draped my arm around his stomach and I held him tight. Wilson settled into the small of my back, knowing with cat knowledge I needed his presence there, his warmth, closer, all for me, not at our feet.
We were silent. There were no words for times like these.
At least I thought there weren’t.
I thought that before Colt said, “What’d I say, baby? I’m the fuckin’ lucky one in this bed, seein’ as he watched you walk away which meant you were free to make your way back to me.”
That’s when I started crying and Colt’s other hand came to my hair, sifting through it, pulling it away from my face then again and again before he curled his fingers around my neck and kept them there. I didn’t know or care if it was cool to cry about another man while in my man’s arms.
Lucky for me, Colt didn’t seem to mind.
Chapter Ten
Reece
Colt’s phone rang, I knew it from the tone and it jarred me awake.
Keeping me at his side, he reached for it and I snuggled closer as he started talking.
“Colton.” Pause. “Yeah, right.” Pause. “Where?” Pause. “Got it. Gotta get someone in for Feb then I’ll be there. Yeah. Later.”
I lifted up to an elbow, pulled my hair out of my face and watched as he used his thumb on his phone, the light of the display illuminating his face.