“I want one,” Karis whispered.
“Well, tell Colt. He could probably find one. This one was orphaned, and Trig gave him to me for Christmas.” Ava got quiet and leaned against the wall. She chewed her bottom lip for a few seconds before she said, “About earlier… I’m sorry I just left you like that. It felt like the right thing to do.”
“I’m glad you did. You don’t have to apologize. Honestly, I’ve been puttering around the cabin all day trying to figure out how to say sorry to you. It wasn’t my finest moment.”
“Nah, you’re good. I had a dozen times where I wanted to leave when I first came back. It’s scary attaching to a place, and even scarier attaching to a person.”
Karis nodded, impressed with how intuitive Ava was. “Exactly. And your brother…well, he feels special, but that’s not what I came here for.”
“Ooooh.” Ava arched her delicate, dark eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest. “You thought you would come here and be able to keep your distance. Well, good luck with that. Colt will let that ride about a day before he bullies you into affection. He wasn’t like that when he was a kid, but I think the bear makes him need touch. He hugs me after dinner every night.” She scrunched up her face. “It’s weird, but Trig is the same way. So is Kurt and his boy, Gunner. Oh and whatever you do, don’t utter those names in town.”
“Yeah, if you do, you’ll be signing my death certificate,” a dark-haired man said as he closed the red door gently behind him. “Ava, you want help putting away the new gear? Gunner passed out right after dinner and I’m about to die of boredom trying to be quiet in that little apartment in there.”
Ava huffed an irritated-sounding sigh. “Kurt! Remember that one time you didn’t take a day off for two months and you didn’t heal right from that cougar war? Take a damn day off. I’m tired of watching you limp around.”
“I don’t limp and I’m fine,” he growled. But he was holding his right arm tight to his torso, and he didn’t feel right. Karis couldn’t explain it. Some instinct inside of her was saying he wasn’t okay. He smelled off, too. Smelled weak, but he was right, he wasn’t walking with a limp. Straight-backed, he made his way to a pile of boxes, pulled a giant knife from a sheath at his hip, and began cutting through the tape and ripping them open one-by-one.
Smooth as water, he slid the knife back into the leather at his hip and yanked what looked like a tent from one of the boxes.
Ava was shaking her head, and she offered Karis a tired look and muttered, “Men. The ones around here are stubborn as mules. They’d die before they let anyone tell them what to do. We got attacked by the Darby Clan not too long ago. All cougars in that one. The boys were fighting out in the woods, and Colt told me to go inside. Only when I got there, the Alpha of the Clan was waiting for me.” Something hard flashed through Ava’s eyes. “I was scared, but Kurt bought me time to get away. Destroyed half the cabin doing it, but he killed that Alpha. Only he ain’t been the same.”
“I can hear you, and I’m exactly the same,” Kurt called out. “You didn’t know me before.”
Ava rolled her eyes. “I’m talking about the injury, you dunce.”
“Oh. Well, stop talkin’ about stuff that don’t exist. I’m fine. I wish you all would just let it rest.”
“Then why haven’t you left?” Ava said, leading the way to the boxes.
Karis followed a few steps behind.
“You keep saying you’re gonna leave as soon as you heal up, but you’re still living in the barn.”
“Maybe I like the barn. Are you telling me to leave?”
“Hell no. I want you to stay. This place would be boring without you hobbling around it. Plus, Gunner has a steady life here.”
Kurt snorted. “A steady life. You and I and that little shifter over there know there’s no steady life for people like us. There’s chaos and then you die.”
Karis giggled because…well…the man had a point.
“And furthermore,” he said, sounding extra grumpy, “what the fuck are you?” He slapped the back of his neck and stood up to his full height. You have every hair on my body electrified. You ain’t no mongoose shifter.”
“Hey, mongooses are badasses,” Karis said.
Kurt narrowed his dark eyes. “Whatever. Keep your secrets woman. I don’t care. I’ll be gone in the morning anyhow.”
“He’s said that for two months,” Ava whispered.
Kurt growled at her and went back to work unpacking boxes.
“What is all this stuff?” Karis asked, pulling open the flaps of a big one to help.
“We have the first trail ride coming up, and we had to buy some new equipment for it.”
“Looks expensive,” Karis said, holding up a shiny new set of metal camping dishes.
Kurt nodded and knelt down by another box. “They are. We sank nearly every last penny we have into this business. If it don’t work, Colt and Trig and Ava are screwed. You too, if you stick around.”
“But not you,” Ava said in a monotone voice, “because you’re leaving in the morning.”
Kurt smiled brightly. “Exactly.”
The rattle of the sliding door sounded, and when Karis turned around, Colt was the one pulling it open. And, damn, he looked so good. She’d missed him since the little drive back to his cabin. He wore a brown canvas jacket with fleece lining at the neck. His hat was pulled down low over his forehead, and the scars on his cheek were stark against his pale skin. His legs looked long and powerful in threadbare jeans, and the work boots on his feet had as many scuffs as the wood floors in his cabin. His shoulders were broad as he turned and grabbed the reins to a bay horse. He wouldn’t look at her, though. He kept his eyes downcast.
A man on a gray dapple rode in behind him, sitting tall in the saddle, grim set to his mouth, his eyes bright gold, the color looking even brighter as it contrasted with the dark beard that dusted his jaw.
“What’s wrong?” Ava asked, making her way toward them.
Colt shook his head and tried to get around her, but Ava was a stubborn little cuss and posted up right in front of him. “Tell me.”
The dark-haired man on the gray horse was the one who answered. “We found the cows that were missing. And Deadfast.”
“Who is Deadfast?” Karis asked.
Trig answered, “That’s our bull. We paid six thousand dollars for him last year so we could get out of artificially inseminating the herd.”
“And? Where were they?” Ava asked.
Colt let off a feral-sounding growl. His horse pitched his head back but followed just fine when Colt led him around Ava. He walked past Karis without meeting her eyes and went right into the last stall. Ava watched after him with a worried look in her eyes, but Trigger told her, “He needs space. Don’t push him on this one. Kurt,” he said, voice scratchy as though he hadn’t slept in a long time, “can you put up Remedy? I need to wash my hands.”
“Pussy,” Kurt muttered, making his way to the horse. “Harley’s pissed you replaced him, just so you know.”
“Harley’s always pissed,” Trig muttered, dismounting smoothly.
Now Karis could see clearly why he needed to wash his hands. They were covered in blood. Ava was staring at his hands too, but Kurt didn’t seem to care. He just kept bitchin’. “Your stallion has been a spoiled brat all day, beatin’ on the stall, driving me insane. You need to teach him manners, Trig. Seriously. Do it before you hit the trail with a group of tourists.”
“Why do you think I’m testing Remedy?” he yelled. “Fuck. Lay off.” With a fiery glare for Kurt, Trig chucked a pair of work gloves against the stall wall and strode for the door. Before he disappeared completely, he turned and said sarcastically over his shoulder to Karis, “Welcome to Two Claws.”
Ava turned and looked like she wanted to apologize for her mate, but she just shrugged instead and followed him out at a jog. When Kurt took Remedy into a stall across from Harley, Karis was left with a decision. Keep her distance, or fig
ure out what was wrong with Colt.
The old her would’ve marched right out that door, but the new, braver her was determined to make good on her promise to herself to try with Colt. And if she was honest, she truly did want to know what was wrong with him. What had caused a confident man like Colton to duck his gaze from her?
When she made her way to the mouth of the open stall, he had the saddle and blanket laid on the hay and was brushing out the horse. She could hear it, though, over the horse’s breathing—the soft and constant rumble of Colt’s inner bear.
He flashed her a bright-eyed look and then busied himself with checking his horse’s back hoof.
“The cattle,” she guessed. “Did you do it?”
She could hear the audible swallow that came from him before he answered. “This time I did. Between what the Darby Clan did to the herd, and Trig, and now me, we stand no chance of getting enough to even cover our bills from the cattle auction in the spring. All day I thought they just walked off from the herd. I had no memory until I saw the bodies.” He let loose the horse’s hoof and made his way to the wall, slid down, and covered his face with his hands. “Fuck,” he gritted out.
Her heart hurt. It did. It hurt to watch her man hate himself. Slowly, she closed the stall door and made her way to Colt, petting the horse’s neck as she passed. Colt had his knees bent, legs spread, so she sank down in the hay right between them, resting her hands on each one.
“Colt,” she murmured. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” His voice didn’t sound human at all right now. He sounded like a demon. “You should know what you’re getting into.”
Hands shaking since she was nervous to touch him and be rejected, she pushed his hat off and set it in the straw beside him, then ran her nails gently through his hair, pushing his head back against the stall wall. His hands fell, exposing his fiery eyes, and let her see all of his scars, let her see how red his face was. She knew that color. It was the color of shame. She’d worn it earlier.
“I didn’t even eat them,” he murmured, rolling his head back and forth, back and forth. “I just killed them for fun. Because I wanted to end a life. Because I wanted to end four lives. When I went after the cows, the bull charged, and I ended him, too. And what for? He was just protecting his ladies. And now Trig’s screwed.”
“Well, can’t we buy more cows?”
He laughed without humor. “We’re so low on them there’s no way to break even. And a good bull is expensive. We ain’t got nothin’ left, and I just killed any chance of us being okay at auction. I fucked everything up.”
“You made a mistake.”
“I am a mistake.” His eyes went wide. “Karis, look at me. Really look. I’m a mistake.” He gestured to his scars. “It wasn’t like with you, where you got to choose this life, and choose your animal. My bear was born in betrayal by my best friend. Trig’s a monster, and he made a monster in me. Only it wasn’t a monster that was supposed to exist to keep some cosmic balance. Mine is a monster born to hate, kill, and destroy. I know what he’s doing. He’s been doing it all along.”
“What?”
“I’m sabotaging Trig. He knows it. I know it. He’s let me get away with it for years because he feels guilty. Sometimes I kill his cows, and sometimes my bear shreds his equipment. I demolished a tractor, and he didn’t give me a single harsh word over it. I could burn this place to the ground, just…soak it in kerosene and light a match on his father’s legacy, and he would let me. And he would take all the blame on himself because I am what I am because he made me this.”
“Jesus,” she whispered.
Colt huffed a dark chuckle. “Jesus ain’t got nothing to do with this.”
“How many times have you gone after Trig’s cattle?”
Colt shook his head again. “You don’t even want to know. For a little while, my bear stopped doing it, because the Darby Clan kept sending a War-Bear in here to kill ’em and make it look like it was Trig going crazy. Me goin’ after the cows and Deadfast just means I’m not fixed like I’d hoped. And it’s not just Trig’s cattle either. I made the war worse with the MCs. Put more pressure on him. Sometimes I think I was the one who poisoned that club from the inside out.”
Colt had a faraway look on his face now as he leaned his head back against the wooden wall and stared at the horse. “Trigger killed me. He did it when it was snowy like this. I remember how cold I was when the blood was draining out of my body. How bad it felt, his claws digging into my bones, his teeth on me. I remember the slicing sound when his claws made this.” He pointed to his face. “And I remember staring at the stars as I died, knowing my best friend, the one person I had left, had chosen to hurt me. When I came back, and the breaking started, the Changes started, and the agony, fury…it was an instant and total loss of control over my life. I Changed three times just clawing my way back to his cabin. Three times. I couldn’t stop hurting. And he was there watching me, walking with me, and all I wanted to do was see straight. I wanted the pain to ease up enough so I could kill him, like he done to me. He put the bear in me and took my shot at going to Ava away, and ever since, the animal in me wants to take everything away from him, too. I thought when Ava came back, it would get better, and it did for a while. But now I’m back to sabotaging.”
“You can’t keep doing this forever. Have you talked to him about what happened?”
“Hell no. I’ll never talk about it, and neither will he. Talking doesn’t fix it. Talking will only bring up things we both need to forget.”
She shook her head and parted her lips to argue, but they were still new, and she didn’t want to fight him on something he struggled with.
“Say what you’re thinking,” he said softly.
“Okay.” With her fingers, she brushed the blond two-day scruff on his cheek where it was uneven thanks to the scars. “I don’t think the bear is your poison, Colt. I think the poison’s in your head. I think you need to talk to Trig about how you feel. Tell him you’re still angry. Own it. It’s impossible to heal from something this traumatic if you just ghost over it and don’t deal with the hurt. Ignoring it won’t make the pain go away. You’ll feel just as much darkness a decade from now as you do today. It’s up to you to move forward from what happened. Not only for you, but for your animal. Face it—even if you have to force it. Be the Colt I know. Be brave. It won’t be an instant fix, telling him you’re pissed off, but sometimes saying an awful thing out loud syphons the power from it.” She shrugged up one shoulder. “Let Trig have it.”
“You don’t understand.” Shame and pain and hopelessness warred in his eyes. “I can’t.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know. I know I can’t stay here, but I don’t have anywhere to go. I’ll hurt him and Ava either way. I keep thinking, if I have his back enough when I’m human, then it’ll make it up to him what my bear does to hurt him.”
“I saw your rap sheet. Sarah sent it with your information when she matched us up. Fighting. You keep getting arrested for fighting. It’s for Trigger, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “Mostly.” A slow smile stretched his lips. “And I just like fighting.”
Oh, the relief that washed through her at seeing that grin and the mischievous glint in his eye. There he was. There was Colt.
“Warmaker,” she murmured, scooching closer to him.
“Mmm, you like that nickname?” he asked, his head leaned back, looking down his nose, wearing that smile so damn well. “You like an outlaw?”
“I like you.” Karis leaned forward and sucked gently on his neck.
The rumble that emanated from his body was so sexy. His bear was calling to hers, and she answered with a soft growl of her own.
“Fuuuck, Karis.” Colt grabbed her hair in the back and pulled her to him. His lips crashed onto hers, and he kissed her…and kissed her…and kissed her.
By the time he plunged his tongue past her parted lips, she was already on his lap, rocki
ng against him.
“Get up, get up, get up,” he demanded. “I need you.”
She scrambled up and shimmed out of her boots and pants. The panties came next thanks to Colt ripping them down her thighs. The jingle of his bet was hot, and the rip of the zipper sent a trill of excitement down her spine. Breath shaking, she straddled his lap again and pushed the front of his jeans out of the way. His dick was so big, so hard, and each time she stroked against him, he made her wetter and wetter.
Colt was kissing her again, more urgently now, and his fingers were digging into her waist as he yanked her against him harder. And suddenly, just as she was on the verge of begging, he lifted her up like she weighed nothin’ and slid the head of his cock inside of her. Just a couple inches, then he pushed her upward, easing out of her. He looked completely wild as he pulled her back down onto him, pushing, pushing until he was buried deep inside of her. Hands so tight on her hips, he bucked into her so hard she could hear the slap of their skin. She got there fast, hands gripping his shoulders, head thrown back, eyes closed. And her body shattered like glass. That’s what it felt like. For moments, it felt so good, and then she ceased to exist. Then she was slammed back to earth when he shot warmth into her in throbbing streams. Her release lasted and lasted since he held her tight against his chest, hitting her just right with every slowing thrust. Karis’s body twitched as he sucked on her neck. So good. He felt so good inside of her. Touching her. Licking and kissing her. Had sex ever been like this? She couldn’t remember. Everything else before now just seemed…unimportant. Out of focus. It was as if the rest of her life had just been backstory, leading to this epic scene where things turned around completely.
Colt had admitted his flaws. He’d done it openly, told her she should know what she was in for, and he let her see the raw pain his actions caused him.
He’d let her in, and then he’d touched her body and her soul, and she was changed from the inside out, as surely as she’d been Changed all those years ago when the bear had been born.