Pain welled inside her soul. She knew the adult answer was to let him go and then be waiting for him after.
Only trouble was she wasn’t feeling very much like an adult right now. She jerked away from him and pulled her keys from her pocket. “Go. Do whatever you want. You don’t owe me anything.” She headed for the front door.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going home.”
“Baby, please—”
“No. Not tonight.” She hoped he didn’t try to stop her because she wasn’t sure she was strong enough emotionally to stand up to him, and from the toxic soup bubbling in her soul right now, she knew staying without being able to retreat to a private corner to process and lick her emotional wounds was a recipe for disaster.
“Okay,” he finally said. “You’re still going to come over tomorrow, right?”
“I’ll think about it. We can talk about it tomorrow.”
“Meri, baby—”
She turned, holding up a hand. “I trust you. But right now I’m angry, and it’s better I leave before I say anything either of us will regret. This…this really triggered me, and I’m not going to lie and say I can deal with this right now when obviously, I can’t. Besides, I’m not feeling much like in the mood to do anything now, anyway. You want to go tomorrow, then go. I know you love them. I don’t have the right to tell you no, and I don’t have to like that she’s going to be there. Either I trust you, or you fuck me over and I prove to be a fucking moron, again.”
She slammed the front door behind her, which wasn’t adulty at allllll.
Damn sure didn’t care, either.
Chapter Eighteen
Meredith headed home to Ron’s, blinking away tears during the entire drive. It was after dark when she arrived. Knowing Ron had planned to go to bed early since he’d be up before dawn tomorrow morning to get to his Viking group’s gathering, she tried to stay quiet when she let herself in the front door. Apparently, he was in Viking mode already or something, because he appeared in the living room entryway with a scowl on his face.
“What are you still doing up?” she asked. “I thought you had to be up early tomorrow?”
He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her “the look.” “What are you doing home? You’re supposed to be at Wynn’s.”
“Nothing. It’s not important.” She brushed past him and headed down the hall, her overnight bag and purse over her shoulder.
He followed like a bloodhound. “Uh, you look upset, you sound pissed off, and I was under the impression that you were spending the weekend with Wynn and I wouldn’t see you until Monday night. Talk to me, Meri.”
She turned at the door to her room. “His ex-wife showed up a few minutes before I got there, and he had to throw her out. She and I got into it. Then her mom called literally right after it happened and asked Elvin to come over tomorrow for dinner, because it’s Momma’s birthday, and she loves him like a son. She invited me, too, but he’s not going to take me because he’s afraid I’ll punch Keisha and he’s not wrong. I’m not going to be an immature bitch and tell him not to go without me.”
She shoved her bedroom door open and stepped inside, dropping her shit on the bed.
Ron followed. “Sooo…instead of an immature bitch, you’re going to be a passive-aggressive bitch, and then take it out on him for, what, a week?”
“A couple of days, at least.”
“Yeah, that’s mature.”
She spun on him. “You didn’t hear how his ex talked to me.”
“Uh, no, I didn’t, but you told me he threw her out. And why the fuck is he going to dinner with her family after the way she talked to you?”
“Because he’s close to her family. After his accident, they took care of him and helped him out. He’s not close to his own family. Believe it or not, that part doesn’t bother me. Not like our parents excelled in that area, either.”
“Ah.”
“What?” She yanked off her shoes and threw them in her closet from where she stood.
“Before you commit first-degree footwear homicide, can we back up a step?”
She glared at him.
“Meri, he loves you.”
“Yeah, and I fucking love him, too.” She yanked off her shirt and threw that into the closet, too, not caring Ron stood right there. Hell, he’d seen her naked plenty of times throughout their lives, including post-op. She grabbed a shirt from her bed, realized it was Elvin’s, lobbed it into the closet, and grabbed a robe to pull on.
“So you were invited…but he won’t take you?”
“Oh, that’s the kicker. Momma invited him to bring me, too, but he said he’s not going to take me, because blah-blah-blah, bail’s expensive.”
“I’m sure if you asked him not to—”
“I’m not going to ask him not to go! He should want to not go if his ex is going to be there and he won’t take me!” she yelled before bursting into tears. “He shouldn’t want to go without me!”
“There it is,” Ron gently said, pulling her into his arms before sinking onto the end of the bed with her. “Let it out.”
“I want him to not want to go if she’s going to be there, or to not want to go without me. I can’t tell him not to go because that’d be petty and immature.”
“Yeeesss,” he drawled as he rocked her in his arms. “Because you’re acting sooo magnanimous and mature right now.”
It made her cry harder.
“Being an adult sucks, sweetie,” he said. “He loves you. He’d be dead in a ditch by now if I thought he didn’t.”
“I love him, too.”
He nuzzled his face against the top of her head. “He’s not Peter,” he gently said. “Peter was an idiot.”
“Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”
“Um, suuurre. That’s not overreacting at allll.”
“So I’m supposed to just smile and eat my feelings?”
He made her sit up and look at him. “No, you talk them out. Tell him how you feel.”
“I told him how I feel. I told him he could go and that I wasn’t going to stop him.”
“Was that before or after you slammed the door?”
“Huh?”
He smirked. “I received a warning call before you arrived. I’d just fallen asleep.”
“Oh.” That explained why he was up and waiting for her. “Sorry.”
“Hey, what’s a little brother for?”
“So why’d you make me tell you what happened if you knew what happened?”
“Because you were ready to explode and needed to vent, and if I didn’t get you to cry it out you’d be slamming doors all night.”
“Sorry,” she muttered.
“He feels bad you’re upset, and he was worried about you. Asked me to text him when you got home so he knew you were okay.”
“But he doesn’t feel bad enough to not go.”
Ron cupped her face in his hands. “You trust him?”
“Yes.”
“You love him?”
“Of course I do.”
“Okay, then. Doesn’t mean he’ll always do stuff you like. Just like I’m sure there will be times you go do stuff he isn’t happy about, but I doubt he’d tell you no. If you tell him no, he won’t go. But I know you. If you tell him no and he doesn’t go, you’ll feel like shit later.”
“I feel like shit now.”
“You’ll feel shittier. Honey, it’s what will happen. Take a few deep breaths, try to relax, and then talk it out with him tomorrow when you go over there.”
“I’m not going anywhere tomorrow.”
“I meant when you go over to his place.”
“That’s what I meant.” She pulled away and stood, yanking off her skirt from under her robe. “Fuck it. I’ll be too pissed off knowing he was there earlier. I’m staying home. And Sunday. I could use the extra sleep.”
“So…what happens then? You stew all day tomorrow, and all day Sunday, until you see him Monday night?”
r /> “He’s got parent conferences Monday and Tuesday evening. I have D&D on Tuesday, and I’m doing Vikings with you on Wednesday night.”
The eyebrow slid up again. “You’re going to avoid him until Thursday?”
“He’s supposed to be at a PTO meeting Thursday night.” Her left fingers played with her bracelet—her day collar—on her right wrist. She found herself doing that a lot since he’d first put it on her. She only took it off for showers, or if she was doing chores or something that might mess it up.
Ron leaned back and propped his arms on the bed. “Let me take a wild guess—something’s going on Friday night that’ll make getting together impossible?”
“I’m sure I’ll think of something by then,” she muttered.
His heavy sigh imparted a lot of things he didn’t need to verbalize, especially not to her.
“Goddammit, am I not allowed to be pissed off?”
“Sure, but this is a little extreme, dontcha think?”
She jabbed a finger at him. “So says the guy who wanted to take an axe to Peter and separate his head from his neck.”
“Wanted? Oh, no no no, sweetheart. Want, present tense. Still do, even this many months later.”
He stood and caught her hands in his, gently squeezing. “Promise me you’ll get the brattiness out of your system and talk to him, huh? Don’t drag this out. You can be upset and tell him that, let him apologize, and move past it.”
“But he should still get to go?”
“What do you think? Do you honestly believe manipulating his emotions into not going is a healthy or even fair reaction?”
“I did healthy and fair before and look where it got me. Why do I have to be the one to be an adult here? Why can’t I, as his sub, say look, this pisses me off, hurts me, and hits a whole control panel full of trigger buttons I have, and makes me feel insecure and like I don’t matter?”
“You can,” he said, “but it still doesn’t mean you should make him not go.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Get some sleep, sweetheart. Talk to him tomorrow. Maybe go over before he’s supposed to go. Fuck his brains out so he doesn’t have time to get a shower and goes over with pussy breath and smelling like you rode his face.” He smiled. “Mark your territory. Put on lipstick and blow him. Kiss the back of his head and leave lipstick there, too. Text him sexy pics of you waiting for him.”
But the chill already creeping into her soul demanded attention, action.
Reaction.
A pre-emptive strike to prevent another nuking of her soul and emotions. “Good night, Ron.”
Another sigh, but he didn’t say anything. He left the room, gently closing the door behind him.
She slumped onto the bed again and realized her purse was buzzing.
Digging out her phone revealed Elvin trying to call her.
Despite knowing she should answer it, she honestly didn’t trust herself right now. Instead, she hit the button to send the call to voice mail, then switched it off and dumped it back into her purse.
She couldn’t talk to him without calming down first. She loved him and felt too angry and hurt, and no, it wasn’t his fault. Not really.
It was old shit that wasn’t even his to deal with.
She trusted him. She didn’t have any business being with him if she didn’t trust him.
Maybe the problem was that she didn’t trust herself.
Especially not to make good decisions under pain and duress, to not say something hurtful that she couldn’t take back—to recognize red flags in herself or others.
None of it.
* * * *
Ron wore boxers and was leaning against the counter the next morning when she wandered into the kitchen at five thirty after her alarm awakened her.
“What in Odin’s name are you doing up at this hour?”
“I’m going with you.” She grabbed her travel mug and poured coffee. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”
He stared at her.
“What?”
“This isn’t mature or healthy, Meri. You should talk to Wynn.”
“I’ll talk to him later.”
“Later when?”
She pushed off from the counter with her coffee to grab a fast shower. “I’ll be dressed and ready to go in twenty minutes.”
No, she wasn’t going to argue with him about this today. Talking about it wasn’t in the runes, either.
She needed time to clear her head. Maybe that was part of the problem, once she and Elvin started sleeping together, hell, they spent every weekend together, all weekend, and most weeknights. Nearly inseparable.
Maybe they needed a little separation.
She needed it, to think, to clear her head.
To process her anger and pain away from him, so he wasn’t caught in the emotional blast zone.
So she wasn’t tempted to lash out at him and wound him more than Keisha had already wounded him.
And her.
This really was her problem, not his. Sucky timing and circumstances, sure, but she had Ron. Elvin didn’t have any close family. Keisha’s family was his family, and unless Elvin had sold Meredith a truckload of bullshit, none of Keisha’s family was close to her.
And yes, Meri was sitting in his passenger seat when Ron pulled out of the driveway twenty-five minutes later. She’d opted for an oversized T-shirt over denim shorts.
A baggy shirt that disguised her shape well enough.
Ron was…
Well, a Viking.
Tunic, breeches—he’d left the leg wraps off and was wearing purple Crocs instead of his leather shoes.
For that she thought he should be horsewhipped, but she wasn’t going to bring it up and criticize his fashion sense. That might give him a very valid opening to point out to her how childish she was currently acting.
Which she was perfectly aware of.
Not just childish, but petty.
They rode in silence, Ron having enough sense to not try to get her to talk that early. It was about forty minutes later, and she had no clue where they were. She wore her dark sunglasses, even though it wasn’t that bright yet, and snapped a selfie of herself forcing a cheery smile with Ron driving in the background to post on Facebook.
Going to watch little bro beat the snot out of other Vikings. #itssooooooearly
Maybe Elvin would see it. He could go out and do things on his own?
Fine, so could she.
Didn’t matter that he would never object to her doing stuff with Ron.
Didn’t matter that she could be snuggled in Elvin’s arms right now, in his perfectly comfortable bed, instead of riding with her brother to Nowhere, Florida, at shitty-fuck-thirty in the morning.
No, seriously, they were like in the middle of no-fucking-where.
“They have bathrooms at this park, right?”
He tossed a smirk her way. “Second thoughts?”
“I just don’t want to wipe my ass with poison ivy after squatting behind a tree.”
They actually stopped at a McDonald’s and went in, both to use the bathroom and order breakfast to go. The state park was only a few minutes away.
To her great relief, yes, there were real bathrooms on-site.
A group of about forty people, mostly adult men and women, a few teenagers, and a couple of younger girls and boys, had gathered around one picnic shelter. Meri recognized a few of them from the socials, but most of them were strangers.
She took a couple of pictures, including a perfectly framed close-up of Ron’s sword lying on a picnic table, looking golden in the glow from the rising sun.
She made it her Facebook profile picture. She and Wynn had each other listed as being in a relationship together on their profiles, and that info was set to public, not to friends-only.
Let the bitch figure out who I am and see that shit there.
For shits and giggles, she changed her angle and took another picture of the sword, lengthways, and set it to be her Facebook header picture.
Maybe I should try being a Viking, too.
Smacking the hell out of something sure sounded like a damn good idea right now.
Maybe she could pretend it was Keisha’s head.
Chapter Nineteen
Elvin slept like shit Friday night without Meri by his side. He was tempted to call Momma, make his apologies, and ask if he could get together with her on a different night, bring Meri over to meet her.
And be honest about why he had to cancel.
That Keisha had pulled bullshit, and had badly wounded Meri’s psyche in the process.
Although he’d rather not do that over the phone. He knew Momma would believe him—she’d said enough about her daughter’s treatment of him over the years he damn well knew Momma was on his side, not Keisha’s—but it was the principle of the matter.
Then there was the part of him who wanted to just get along, not cause waves, knowing that Momma didn’t have many years left on this earth and not wanting to contribute his own drama to the mess when Keisha always brought a metric fuckton of her own everywhere she went.
He knew Momma still held on to guilt that wasn’t hers to own about how Keisha had divorced him.
As he lay there, resentment at Keisha’s intrusion into his nearly perfect life simmered.
He’d made peace with his life.
He’d made peace with his pain—physical and emotional.
He’d met the perfect woman for him and…
Boom.
At least Ron had texted him last night after Meri arrived, because either she was ignoring him or had turned off her phone.
He’d bet on the second.
The anger and anguish on her face when she’d left last night made him doubt himself. Should he have refused to go to dinner with Keisha being there? Maybe he had done wrong by Meri.
There was no way to frame this in a BDSM context, either. This was outside their dynamic because they weren’t married and this was outside their narrowly and well-defined hard limits for now. Just like he’d sworn never to interfere with her relationship with Ron, she’d said she wouldn’t interfere with his relationship with Momma, Albert, and Sondra.