of mind.
While I continue to pound the pavement under the sunshine.
Hundreds resumes, stores and rejections.
Many tears, towns and imperfections.
My soul continues to grow cold as I continue to be rejected by you.
- Kennie Kayoz -
(Inspired By Prozak's song "Good Enough")
Rain
For the last 2 days it's been raining.
Trying to wash away the old, the dead.
Wanting to bring new life to the world.
To make people smile seeing bright colors.
To see the colors of summer early in March.
Giving them hope of good things to happen later this year.
The rain shall wash all that is dead away.
To reveal more dead.
Dead and dirt.
To try to clean things up is a false hope.
In hope of things making people happy.
The rain.
The wetness that falls from the sky.
The cold drops from above.
To rinse the dirty off.
To make the clean come through.
Rain
- Kennie Kayoz -
Deserve Someone Better
I feel as if everyone around me deserves someone better.
Something I can't do, someone I can't be.
Everything I do I fail at.
I don't know why the hell they would give me the time of day.
Why they would bother to help me in anyway.
I don't know why I would be given a chance from people.
Society doesn't give me a chance.
I can't help but feel that nobody should have me around.
Everyone deserves someone better.
I can't do nothing right
It's a never ending fight.
I should have died long ago.
Or locked away key thrown away as well.
Never to see the light of day again.
Never should have had anyone love me the way she does.
I still feel that she deserves someone better
- Kennie Kayoz -
GirlCrazy
Unlike many of you, I haven't had the same upbringing.
While ya were drawn to girls cause they're infectious voice's like they were singing.
I was forced to look down.
Keepin my eyes lookin at the ground.
Once my brother got a girl pregnant the shit got dumped on me.
However many girls don't seem to understand me.
Thinkin that I was gonna do the same, anytime I talked with a girl.
Constantly got told "hope you ain't up to no good".
Growing up was tough, missed many things that people take for granted.
Made my life rather slanted.
Now I don't seem to know how to talk to them.
Always being the one in school that girls scream "it's him"
They seem to run in fear from me.
Blocking me online, while I try to be myself.
Couldn't conjure up a conversation with my mouth.
Feel like I'm being left behind.
Missing out on what many would consider an important thing in life.
Me not knowing how to handle myself.
Feelin like everythin is broadcasted.
While some have the ability, I feel I've been surpassed.
Always put to the back of the line.
Always being pushed behind.
Stay in the dark.
Don't touch or talk.
How can be one like this if a female is apart of life.
Perhaps my life is to be left alone so nobody will have to remember me.
- Kennie Kayoz -
In A Bad Place
I always feel as if I'm in a bad place.
In my mind doing wrong, feeling like I should just hide.
Nobody gets hurt.
Nothing illegal happens.
I just feel as if I'm in a bad place.
When I'm off alone I feel as if my mind races, I panic.
To the point of it make me feel sick.
I wish I knew how to shake this feeling.
I feel as if I have a very low ceiling.
I guess I'm forever in a bad place.
You maybe able to tell if you look at my face.
I look lost and disoriented.
I feel confused and all alone.
People are out to get me.
I keep seeing things out of the corners of my eyes.
I feel always jittery, that the littlest thing makes me jump.
- Kennie Kayoz -
Parania
I feel as if I'm constantly lookin over my shoulder.
As the room gets dark and I grow colder.
Not sure what to make of any situation.
Feel as if people are out to get me for reasons of the unknown.
I fear that I'm no longer safe anywhere I may go.
I don't know what to do.
I feel as if things will turn out badly.
I feel as if I got people watching me with everything that I do.
I can't help but feel as if the walls inside my mind are closing.
Leaving me little room to think.
Lesser room to breathe.
I can't help but feel squished by them.
I see things in the darkness as if people are watching me.
I can't get away from things.
Even in the day time I feel as if people are following me and watching everything I do.
I'm nobody important but I feel as if I have people tryin to follow me see everything I do.
I wish I could get away from this but part of me says it won't stop.
I get woke up at night and feel if someone is in my bedroom starring at me.
In the evenings while watching TV I feel that things are lurking in the shadows.
- Kennie Kayoz -
Restless Night
Last night was a restless night.
I couldn't get things out of my mind, it was like a fight.
Between myself and my thoughts.
I wish I knew what all I was fighting about.
Good thing I don't scream and shout.
Prob would have woken up the entire house.
Instead I bounce around like an elephant, my mouth quiet as a mouse.
Still feeling exhausted from the night before.
My eyes wanting to close.
Last night at times my body so cold it felt as if it was froze.
Then things got so hot.
I felt I was in hell or a similar spot.
My brain was going crazy
This body of mine was feeling lazy.
- Kennie Kayoz -
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