With a speed that surprised even me, I was out of the bed and through the doorway. I tackled Justin to the floor in front of Rose’s room. The kid might be sneaky, smart and growing, but I still held the superior strength. Thank God.
Near his ear I whispered, “You better tell me exactly what you know, or I’m going to sprain your hand and you won’t be able to hold your controller for weeks.”
“You wouldn’t. Dad’s in the kitchen,” Justin whined quietly.
“I don’t care where he is. I’ll do it and then I’ll lie to him about what really happened…you know I will.”
The extra pressure on his wrist did the trick. Justin puffed out, “All right, ease up.” He lowered his voice and said, “Rose is pregnant.”
The volume wasn’t low enough, though. Rose was standing in the doorway. I caught only a glimpse of her pale, shocked face before she stepped back into her room and slammed the door.
Rolling off of Justin, I sighed loudly, “Now you’ve gone and done it, you idiot.”
5
Noah
Elijah’s cold, hard look sent a shiver through me, but I didn’t turn away. The man’s anger was thick in the air even though he’d remained silent during the announcement of the wedding’s cancellation. I can’t say that for the rest of the community, though. The gasps and fervent whispering had to be quieted by Aaron. He quickly jumped into reciting the rest of the morning’s news, obviously trying to calm the situation.
Father sat staring straight ahead. He didn’t meet the hostile looks coming from the Schwartz men. Father was a formidable and respected man in the community, yet I knew that he was worried about the situation. His fear about the future had settled over me like a heavy blanket in wintertime. If he was afraid, then we all should be.
The ball of tightness in my stomach became too much for me as we left the Schrocks’ church building. I had to get away now. Moving past Marcus Bontrager and several others stalled in the aisle, I pushed the sliding door open and stepped into the cool morning brightness. The warm-up we’d had in April had been tempered by colder air in May. Ruth’s line of pink peonies was still blooming, but their petals were drawn up tight, as if they were attempting to shield themselves from the harsh wind that pricked my own skin.
I didn’t button up my vest, thankful for the cold, stiff breeze. It cleared my head.
The hand on my shoulder didn’t surprise me, and the voice close to my ear was expected.
“What’s going on? Have you lost your mind?” Timothy whispered.
I glanced back, and seeing that Matthew was close behind him, I signaled both of them to follow me toward the stable.
Once through the doorway I turned and faced my friends, knowing they were completely loyal to me. The Troyers would side with Father if it came to an open contest between us and the Schwartzes in church, but I wasn’t so sure about the Weaver family. Mervin Weaver, Matthew’s father, always had his own agenda.
“It’s about Rose.”
Timothy rolled his eyes and leaned against the stall door with a groan. Matthew’s jaw dropped, and he stared at me with wide eyes.
Before either of them could speak, I plowed on. “Her brother wrote the letter saying she’d quit me—not her. She didn’t know anything about it.”
“How did you find this out?” Timothy asked. His voice was calmer and his face serious.
“It’s a long story. Basically, Sam had a moment of clarity. He must have felt guilty about his father’s lies. At first when he told me, I didn’t believe. But after a torturous night of running it through my head, I realized he must be telling the truth. Rose would never have left me like that. She’d have talked to me at least, explained things in person.”
I sat down on a bale of hay. Timothy and Matthew followed suit, taking the bales across from me.
“I was angry with myself that I so readily believed Doctor Cameron’s story, and abandoned my girl.” I looked up and met their steady stares. “I had Mr. Denton take me to the city. He found out her address on the computer when I told him the names of her aunt and uncle—the people she was staying with. We went there that next day, and Mr. Denton left me.”
Matthew continued to watch me, hanging on my every word, but Timothy closed his eyes and thudded his head against the barn wall. Timmy was a whole lot sharper than goofy Matthew.
“You didn’t,” Timmy said.
After a pause, I met his gaze. “I did. It was incredible to have her in my arms again. All the feelings came rushing back. I’d never stopped loving her. I never will.”
“Your father let you dump Constance to be with Rose? How is that ever going to work?” Matthew exclaimed. “Is she going to become Amish?”
“Shhh, someone might be listening.” I leaped up and went to the door to look out. When I turned back, I said, “No one knows the particulars yet, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
The soft voice from inside the darkened stall to my left made my heart stop dead away.
“Sorry, but you’re a little late for that.”
Suzanna’s blond head peeked over the divider. She smiled sheepishly. Miranda’s face soon joined hers.
“Aren’t you girls ever where you’re supposed to be?” I groaned and shot a warning look at Timothy and Matthew, whose faces told me instantly that they were as shocked as I was.
The cold, damp air in the barn seemed to warm a bit as the girls left the stall to join us in the hallway.
Timmy stood up and went to Suzanna. “What are you doing, Suzanna, spying on us like that?”
Suzanna placed her hands on her hips and frowned at her boyfriend. The look made him take a step back.
“What kind of fools go into the barn to have a secret meeting and don’t even check the stalls to make sure they’re alone? Huh, tell me that,” Suzanna hissed and I knew it was useless to argue with these girls about anything.
Matthew wasn’t so smart. He looked at Miranda, his own girlfriend, and asked, “I thought we didn’t keep stuff from each other, Mirn—what’s going on?”
His voice had a whinelike quality, and I wasn’t surprised when the usually quiet girl blurted out, “I’m not doing a thing wrong, or worth telling you about. We came in here to talk for a few minutes in private before we went to help with the lunch sandwiches.”
When Miranda paused, Suzanna jumped in, saying, “It’s not our fault that you ran your mouth before checking if the stable was occupied. I’d have thought you would’ve known better.”
I nodded. “Yes, you’re right. I’ve been torn up all morning because of Elijah. He isn’t going to let this thing go.”
Suzanna came closer. She whispered, “How’s Rose? Is she all right? Are you two really getting back together? Is she coming back to live among us?”
I put up my hands to stop her bombardment. The motion silenced her, but her light blue eyes sparked with more questions. I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t be able to escape the barn without sharing some information with her. Suzanna and Miranda were Rose’s friends, after all. It was understandable that they’d want to know what was going on.
“All right, slow down. Rose is fine. Yes, we’re back together, but it isn’t common knowledge yet, so don’t go gossiping.”
“You know we wouldn’t. Anything you tell us will never leak out. I thought we’ve proven ourselves to you,” Suzanna huffed.
Looking into her eyes and seeing her determination, I knew she meant what she said. I relaxed further and continued, “Rose is coming back to Meadowview today, but she’s not going to be Amish straightaway. I guess the only reason her father is all right with her coming back to the area is that she’s convinced him that she’s over me. She’s finishing out the few weeks of school to prove to him her intentions.”
“Not more lies. Haven’t you two learned your lesson well e
nough? After the incident with that letter you were talking about and all, I’d think you’d want to be in the open with your love,” Suzanna said.
I shook my head. “You’re not thinking it through. We can’t be together just yet. She’s still only seventeen. Her father wouldn’t allow her to come back if he knew about us. And, my father has asked that we stay away from each other for some months to let the trouble with the Schwartzes die down. When Rose turns eighteen in late November, enough time will have passed for the community to again accept our union, and her father won’t be able to stop us, either. We’ll marry soon after and begin our life together in the Amish world.”
Timmy scratched his chin and nodded his head slowly. “That sounds like a good plan to me. If you and Rose got back together immediately after you canceled the wedding with Constance, you’d be frowned on by the entire community.”
“And, Elijah would be after you all the more,” Matthew added.
Suzanna picked up Miranda’s hand and pulled her toward the doorway. She stopped before she stepped out and said, “You’re just plain dumb, Noah, to think that it will work out that smoothly. Something unexpected always comes up to ruin well-laid plans—especially if you’re going to be dishonest once again.”
A second after she disappeared, she poked her head back in and said, “I’m happy that Rose is coming back, though. You tell her I expect her to contact me straightaway. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
The gust of air hit me for a couple of seconds before the girls had the door pulled shut.
Suzanna was right. But what could I do, except try to make it work out properly? As much as I loved Rose, I still didn’t want to hurt Constance’s feelings any more than necessary. She was a good girl, and the only thing she’d done wrong was fall in love with me. Mother had given me sound advice when she’d suggested that Rose and I wait awhile before we went public. Maybe over the summer, Constance would begin courting another, and her heart would be healed. His daughter’s happiness could soften Elijah once again, and all would be right in the community.
I tried to convince myself, but when I looked at Timothy and Matthew and saw the doubt and worry etched on their faces, I knew I was fooling myself. Nothing had gone right ever since I’d first laid eyes on Rose, and I reckoned this would be no different. But I’d try not to worry until something came up. After all, I’d get to be with her tomorrow, and that’s all that I wanted to think about.
6
Rose
“Hold up, Summer,” I said as I stopped and squatted beneath the pine trees.
My stomach rolled, and I tried to swallow down the nausea. It didn’t work. Hot juices rose in my throat, and I threw up. My body heaved, and I clutched my stomach when the spasms didn’t stop.
“Here, let me get your hair out of the way,” Summer said, kneeling beside me. She rubbed my back and murmured soft words that didn’t mean much to me. I just wanted the bubbling feeling in my gut to quit.
The week after I’d discovered I was pregnant, I’d felt perfectly fine and decided that the pregnancy thing wasn’t so bad. I had even been able to pretend in my mind I wasn’t pregnant, that maybe all the tests had been wrong. When I’d said as much to Summer, she’d laughed and told me to wait awhile, I’d be feeling it soon enough. She’d assured me that she’d seen it happen to her stepsister and another girlfriend firsthand. Then, bam, yesterday morning the sickness had hit with the force of a raging hurricane. It didn’t just happen in the morning, either. The rocking in my belly and throat had been almost constant since it began.
Finally, after another minute of gagging and spitting up yellow liquid that must have come from the pit of my empty stomach, I sat back against the tree trunk.
Summer handed me a tissue from her pocket and said, “Somehow, you’re going to have to pull yourself together or Noah will know for sure.”
“How? I can’t go an hour without being sick. He’ll see right through me.”
Summer placed her hand under my chin and forced it up. I looked into her bright green eyes and calmed instantly.
“Now, you listen to me, Rose. You’re a strong girl. You can do this. I have faith in you.”
“No, I can’t. He’ll figure it out…and then what’ll I do?” I sniffed back the tears that were almost falling again.
Summer’s strawberry-blond hair bobbed on her shoulders as she shook her head. “You and your baby’s entire future depend on this. Noah can’t find out about the pregnancy until you’ve made up your mind for certain what your future is going to be—Amish or English.”
“I want to be with Noah. I don’t care where we live.”
Summer’s voice was harsher than usual, and I gazed at her, wishing that I wasn’t pregnant at all.
“A week ago you told me and Sam that you didn’t know what you wanted. You told us that you had reservations about raising your baby Amish. Don’t go changing your tune now. If Noah isn’t willing to go English to be with you, then why should you give up everything to be with him?”
The shadows under the trees were growing, and I shivered as the cooler air settled beneath the green canopy. Summer had a very good point, and my head agreed with her…but not my heart. Now that I was having his baby, I wanted to be with Noah even more. I needed him to help me through this. He’d probably be fine with the pregnancy. But then why was there still a tickling of doubt deep down inside me? What had changed?
“All right, you might be happy enough marrying Noah and being Amish, but what about your child? Will he or she? Maybe there will come a day when that little person growing inside of you will be mighty upset at the choice you made.”
The fixed line on Summer’s mouth proved how serious she was, and maybe she’d hit the matter on the head. Could I really make such a decision for my child? Was it even fair?
“You might be right— Here, help me up.”
Once I was standing, the queasiness settled for a minute. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them again the forest came into sharper view. The sun was low in the sky, and I realized that we didn’t have a lot of time.
“Do you have any gum left?”
“Sure do.” Summer pulled the pack from her back pocket and handed me a piece.
I turned and started up the barely recognizable path. Summer came up beside me and bumped my shoulder with hers.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.
I continued walking and didn’t look her way. “Yeah, I’ll survive, but I’m not making any promises. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell Noah about the baby.”
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Summer nod wearily in acceptance.
When we reached the boulders, Summer climbed onto the nearest one and sat down.
“What are you doing?” A shimmering of panic spread through me as she gazed down at me.
“You’re on your own with this one. It’s your life.”
“That’s it—you’re going to abandon me now?”
“I’m doing no such thing. I’ll be sitting right here when you’re finished.” She paused and glanced away, then back again with more compassion. “I don’t want to make you do something…or not do something that you’ll regret later. It’s your life and you have to decide. Neither Sam nor I can tell you what’s best for you in this mess you’ve gotten into.”
“There probably isn’t a best thing to do.”
I sighed.
“Probably not.”
Without glancing back, I moved past the giant rocks and picked up speed as I pushed through the last of the branches and brush. My belly was calm, and with a sudden longing to be in Noah’s arms, I hurried across the clearing and up the rickety old porch steps.
When I opened the door, the darkness inside was complete. There wasn’t even a cheery fire to greet me.
“Noah, are you in here?” I whispered into the blackness.
The silence chilled my insides, and I zipped up my jacket. After a few seconds of hesitation and looking over my shoulder as twilight descended on to the forest, I walked in, using my hands to feel the way to where I thought the chairs would be.
I sat down on the first one I bumped into and folded my arms tightly around me. Goose bumps spread along my skin, and I shivered again, sucking in a breath. Could Noah have forgotten me?
My insides tightened at the thought as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Several of the chairs and buckets were turned over and lying haphazardly around the floor. The fireplace had a few old ashes in it and no fresh logs beside it. It dawned on me that no one had been in the ramshackle cabin since the time I’d been here with the girls many months before.
Thinking back to that night, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d whacked Timmy in the head with a two-by-four when he’d snuck in on us. Noah had been so surprised to see me. He’d hugged me until it almost hurt. But, oh, how wonderful it had felt. That was when things were easier. I’d just joined up with the Amish and had been learning their ways. What a gift it had been that the others had arranged for me and Noah to be together.
I’d still been a virgin then—and that’s just the way Noah had wanted to keep me, until our wedding night. Now it was gone forever. One night of passion after we’d been kept apart for so long by our families, we’d let ourselves go, and here I was pregnant.
My head began pounding, and I clenched the sides with my hands. Do I tell Noah?
“Rose?”
His whisper pierced the cold, dark night air. I sniffed back the tears and stood up.
“I’m here.”
A second later he had me in his arms, right where I wanted to be. The warmth of his body pressed against mine, and the scent of horses and leather on his skin made me melt against him. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. For the first time in a month I felt safe again.
I couldn’t lie to Noah. I loved him too much.
“I thought you said Summer was coming with you,” he said in a sharp voice that brought me from the fog.