My anxieties weren’t helped by the fact that Britt and Sara grilled me for details the morning after each date and read into everything that Spence either said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do. For Sara and Britt, boys were like some sort of military secret they were constantly trying to decode. Still, of the three of us, only Britt had ever been French kissed, and from the way she’d described it, it sounded awful. I wanted Spence to kiss me with more passion than the light pecks he’d been giving me, but I didn’t want him to shove his tongue down my throat. What if he was a terrible kisser and I had to pretend that I liked it?
“That touchdown pass you threw in the final seconds was amazing. The whole team played so well,” I said, trying to hide how nervous I was about the next few minutes alone with him in the car. Would we make out? Was he interested in that? And if he was, and he did kiss me, would I know what to do? I was still a little unclear about how to move my own tongue, and I was terrified I’d get it wrong and that he’d know that I was inexperienced.
“Yeah, we did,” Spence agreed. “Except for Walker’s fumble in the fourth,” he added. “He almost cost us the game.”
I’d heard about Brent Walker’s fumble all night. An endless discussion about what a terrible player he was. How Coach Danvers played favorites because Brent was his cousin’s son or something. Why Walker should’ve been kept on the bench, etc., etc.
Of course, the rest of us girls knew that the discussion was driven by spite—Brent Walker was the only sophomore besides Spence playing varsity, and while I could understand their point, because Brent really wasn’t that good, it seemed to be the only thing the boys could talk about.
While I mentally fished around for another topic, because I didn’t want to hear any more about Brent Walker, Spence tapped his index fingers in time with the music coming from the radio. Yes’s “Owner of a Lonely Heart” was playing again, and I thought of the week before when there’d been that terrible fight at his house. We hadn’t talked about it. I thought Spence might’ve wanted to, but he acted like nothing at all had happened, and I just figured he was embarrassed about it and wanted to pretend like everything was fine.
“So…” I said, too nervous to come up with anything interesting to talk about.
Spence chuckled.
“What?” I asked, smiling, too.
He laid his head back against the headrest and looked up at the roof of his car. It took him a long time to answer me, and I got the feeling he was trying to work out what to say.
“Amber, tonight I wanted to kiss you, like really kiss you, but…”
“What?” I said suddenly afraid. Was he turned off? Had I done something? What was the rest of that sentence?
He inhaled deeply and let out a sigh. Turning to look at me he said, “I wanted to kiss you, but I…I haven’t kissed a lot of girls, and no one I like as much as you.” Spence paused for a minute, obviously embarrassed by the admission. “Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t know if I’m any good at the whole making-out thing, and I’m worried that if I kiss you the way I want to, you won’t want to go out anymore.”
I sat there stunned for a minute, but then it was my turn to laugh. And once I started I couldn’t stop. He eyed me curiously and that made me laugh even more. Finally, still giggling, I leaned toward him and gripped him by his leather jacket. Pulling him close, I shook my head a little before I said, “Oh…the irony.”
And then I boldly kissed him.
And it was amazing. My lips met his, softly, gently, and his then pressed a little against mine until his mouth parted, and mine with it. His hand came up to cup my cheek and sweep back through my hair, and then our tongues met and his caressed mine so sweetly, so gently, that it ignited a fire within me. I felt a sudden and swift desire for him that was both longing and satisfying, and then he moaned and I was lost to everything but an overwhelming awareness of him. His breath. His heat. His physique. His caress. It all seemed to go on and on as though he filled a universe of unexplored stars, and I was swept up into his night sky and drifted across his constellation, until we both became aware of a strobe of light flashing on and off against the interior of his car. I pulled away first, breathing heavily and confused by the bouncing light, but then I realized the source and turned to look over my shoulder. The porch light was flickering. On and off. On and off.
My parents obviously knew that Spence and I were parked out front. “Oh, God,” I said, glaring at the house. “Why? Just, why?”
Spence cleared his throat, and I turned back to him. He had beads of sweat across his forehead and his face was flushed, but his lips were also beautifully swollen.
“I’d better walk you to the door,” he said.
“Sorry,” I told him, ready to get out of the car, but he caught my arm and leaned in toward me to kiss me sweetly and ignite those embers all over again.
At last his face lifted from mine, and as he stroked my cheek tenderly, he said, “I can’t believe I waited so long to do that.”
I grinned. “You didn’t.”
He chuckled. “Right. How about, ‘I can’t believe I waited so long to let you do that’?”
We both laughed, and Spence took my hand. “Come on, before your parents open the front door and ask why all my windows are fogged.”
We got out of the car and headed up the walk, holding hands. I thought about how perfect a first kiss that was, and how I couldn’t wait to set the record straight with Britt and Sara.
As we got to my door, the light flickered again, and I groaned. My parents were still at it. Turning hopefully to Spence, I said, “See you later?”
He leaned in one last time and kissed me lightly. “Definitely,” he said before turning to head back down the porch stairs. On the way down, however, I heard him say again, “Definitely.”
I WAS DEFINITELY LOSING MY MIND. I had to be. An hour before, I’d walked into my sixth period class, only to discover it wasn’t my sixth period. It wasn’t anyone’s sixth period. It was an unused classroom filled with old desks, chairs, and other storage items.
And then I’d had a very disorienting few minutes of trying to find my actual sixth period class, which had been on the other side of the school. I’d barely snuck in before the bell.
To make a bad day even worse, Sophie had texted me again.
I saw your new look. You’re soooo beautiful! I miss you, Lil. I really do. Just wanted you to tell you that.
Knowing that she’d had a glimpse of my new hairstyle hadn’t felt like I thought it would. I thought I’d feel…I don’t know…vindicated in a way? But all I really felt was sad. It was just like her to tell me I was beautiful. Back when we were friends, she always made me feel like I was the smartest, prettiest, most special person she knew. And maybe that’s why it hurt so much—all that validation had just been ripped away from me when she started seeing Tanner. It was like everything nice she’d ever said to me had been a lie. Like I’d been played.
Except…maybe I hadn’t. Maybe Sophie really did miss me. Maybe she really was sorry. It was impossible to know the truth. At least, at the moment it was. I was way too exhausted to have any hope of figuring out how I felt about my ex–best friend.
A little shaky and out of it, I leaned against my locker while the other kids hurried to grab their stuff and leave for the day. I wondered if I could even make it home. Mom had left me the keys to the car, which was nice of her. She said in a note that she’d had to stay at the hospital an extra six hours so she was headed to bed, but she’d found another resident to carpool with. I’d been happy about getting the car, but I’d wanted to talk to her before school because I’d had the dream about the boy in the field again, only this time it’d been even more intense.
For as long as I could remember, the dream had always begun with me walking through a field. Last night had been different: the dream had opened with me running through the corridors of Chamberlain High, caught like a rat in a maze and frantic for a way out. Finally, I’d fo
und the exit and I’d walked right out to the field, which was already fully engulfed in flames. The rest was like always, and I woke again at two A.M., covered in sweat and sobbing.
I got back to sleep around three, and slept fitfully for the next two and a half hours, then woke feeling like I hadn’t rested at all.
To add to the misery, at school, no one had tried to talk to me or be friendly, and I felt too shy and vulnerable to make any attempts myself. What’s more, I’d been unable to catch a glimpse of Cole, and I didn’t even know if he’d been in school today. It would’ve meant a lot to see a friendly face.
With a sigh, I pushed myself away from my locker and worked the combination to open the door. The bustling of students around me had noticeably thinned. Nobody drags their feet to leave school. Tugging open the locker door, I began to gather books and my laptop.
“Hey, Cole,” I heard someone say from just around the corner.
I stiffened. “Hey, Coop,” he replied. “Are you in Rennick’s first period?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you seen the new girl?” Cole asked.
“You mean that hot new piece of ass from Richmond? Yeah, I’ve seen her. Why? You lookin’ to tap that, bro?”
My face bloomed with heat. Ohmigod. They were talking about me!
“Naw,” Cole said. “It ain’t like that.”
“Really?” Coop pressed.
Cole said, “Nope. Hey, do you remember if she was here today?”
And just like that, my pride and my ego took a one-two punch. The first from Coop, who’d just described me as a piece of ass, and the second from Cole, who clearly wasn’t at all interested in me. I was left hurt and rejected even though Cole should’ve meant nothing to me. I mean, I’d talked to him for, what, two minutes the day before? I wasn’t just losing my mind; I’d now become pathetic as well. Pulling the last book out of the locker, I shoved it into my backpack and slammed the door.
The voices, which had been approaching, abruptly stopped, and out of the corner of my eye I saw them turn the corner almost right next to me. I made eye contact with Cole and a boy I vaguely remembered sitting an aisle over in Rennick’s class. I thought his full name was John Cooper. I glared at both of them to let them know I’d heard everything they’d said.
Cooper nudged Cole with his elbow. “There she is.”
“Whoa,” Cole said, his jaw dropping and his eyes widening as he stared at me.
I pivoted on my heel and walked angrily away. A furious dialogue started in my head. Boys! Stupid, dumb, asshole boys! “It ain’t like that.” You bet it ain’t like that, you asshat!
“Hey!” Cole called after me.
Ignoring him, I quickened my pace.
“Lily!”
I kept walking.
“Hey!” he said again, trotting forward to come up next to me.
I lifted my chin a little higher and refused to look at him. “What?” My tone was sharp enough to cut glass.
He chuckled. “Seriously,” he said, “you walk crazy-fast.”
I halted and glared hard at him. “What do you want, Spence?” And then I covered my mouth. Oh, shit, I’d done it again. I’d called him Spence.
Cole didn’t seem to mind the slip. “Uh, it’s Cole, remember? The guy who saved you from being marked late yesterday?”
I tossed my hair and rolled my eyes. Angry as I was, I had to admit that I was a tiny bit pleased he’d come after me.
“What can I do for you?” I said, throwing my backpack over one shoulder so I could cross my arms. No way was I letting him off the hook.
He cocked his head at me the way a puppy does when he’s unsure why you’re mad at him. “First of all, I’m sorry about Cooper,” he said, waving his hand back down the hallway. “He’s a douche.”
I continued to glare at him, refusing to let it go. Lack of sleep and the terrible day I’d had could’ve been a factor in how mad I was.
“Second of all…” He looked me up and down slowly. “Wow.”
I blinked. “What’s ‘wow’?”
Cole shook his head as if he were amazed or a little chagrinned. “For real, Lily, I’ve been looking for you all day, and the whole time I was searching for a blonde, and now I find you and you’re…this…” He waved his hand at me again, his gaze darting all over me as if he couldn’t quite believe it.
I tensed and my brow lowered to the danger zone. “What’s. This?” I demanded, mimicking his hand motion.
Cole’s gaze stopped roving. Looking me dead in the eyes, he said, “Hot. Like…yesterday, you were…you know…whoa, but today…I mean, damn, woman. Damn!”
I burst out laughing. I totally hadn’t been expecting anything like that. He started to laugh, too, and then all that tension and anger I’d been feeling just melted away.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and said, “Were you really looking for me today?”
He nodded. “Yep.”
“Why?”
It was Cole’s turn to become a little shy. “I…uh…”
“Yeah?”
He shrugged. “I wanted to know if you were up for hanging out sometime.”
I blinked again and my pulse quickened. “Sometime?”
He made a funny face and tried again. “Today. I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out today.”
A rush of fluttery adrenaline pulsed through my veins. I was flattered and excited and nervous and still trying to remind myself that I’d basically just had my heart broken.
“Or, you know, tomorrow,” Cole added, and I realized I hadn’t answered him.
“What’d you have in mind?” I asked, aware that I seemed to be far more interested in Cole than I should’ve been.
“Uh…” he said, and his face turned red. Clearly, he hadn’t thought his plan all the way through. “We could get a couple of slices at Sam’s Pizza.”
I hitched my backpack up a little farther on my shoulder. “That could work,” I said.
He broke into a broad grin. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool,” he said. I stepped forward, and he tucked in next to me. We emerged from the school to find all the busses gone and most of the parking lot empty. Cole pointed to the back of the lot. “I’m at the end of the last row.”
“Get here late this morning?” I asked as we began to walk. Mom’s car was in the middle of the lot.
“Nah, I just like that spot.” Cole then changed the subject. “How’s it going at school?”
“Oh, you know,” I said, trying to make light of the fact that I hadn’t made a single friend yet and I’d spent my lunch hour hunkered down in Mom’s car.
He eyed me sideways like he knew I might be having a tough time. “The girls here can be kinda cliquey.”
“Yeah, so I noticed.”
He frowned. “I’ll introduce you to some people.”
Some of the tension I’d carried the past two days eased from my shoulders. “That would be very cool of you.”
I heard someone call his name from behind us and we both stopped to see a kid maybe a year or two younger run across the parking lot toward us. “Cole!” the kid called again.
“Hey, Rory,” Cole said when the young man caught up. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t do Mrs. Kingsley’s tonight,” Rory said, his face twisted into an anxious knot. “My mom has to work late, and she needs me to watch my sister.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Cole told him. “I’ll cover for you. Did you get my text about the new lawn on Mercer this Saturday?”
Rory bit his lip. “I lost my phone,” he admitted. At the mention of his lost phone Rory looked so sad.
Cole reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, which was fat with cash. He tugged out several twenties, handed them to Rory, and said, “Take it.”
Rory shook his head, but Cole pushed the money into his chest. “You’ve been doing a great job, bro. Take the cash and get yourself a phone, okay? Text me when you get it, and I’
ll send you the address for the new lawn.”
Rory reluctantly took the money. “It’s a loan,” he said, clearly uncomfortable with the offering.
But Cole merely squared his shoulders and said, “No, bro. It’s a bonus. Don’t fight me on this or I’ll fire you.”
Clearly, he was joking because Rory broke out into a relieved grin. “Thanks, man. Sorry about tonight.”
“It’s cool,” Cole said, as though it was nothing. Rory then bolted away and I was left to put the puzzle pieces of their conversation together.
“He works for you?”
“Yeah,” Cole said as we started walking again. “I mow a bunch of lawns in the area. Been doing it since I was, like, twelve. It started to take off when I was a sophomore, and I had to hire a few friends to help me. Rory’s a good guy. I hired him last year. His dad walked out on the family, and money is always tight, so I give him some extra lawns and pay him a little more than some of the other guys on my crew.”
“And hand him a bonus when he loses his phone,” I said. Cole’s generosity had moved me. Tanner, my ex, used to caddy during the summer. He was always complaining about having to split his tips with other caddies, especially the younger ones, and I knew for a fact that he would often skim a little off the side of his daily tip total.
But Cole shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “He’s worth it. Like I said, he’s a good guy.”
We got to his car, which was impressive. The vintage black Mustang with a raised cowl hood, waxed to a glossy sheen. No doubt his lawn business was fairly successful.
Cole paused next to the car to dig into the pocket of his backpack, presumably fishing for his keys. I waited as he ran his hand around the inside, but there was no telltale jingle to indicate that he’d found them.
He shifted to another pocket, and I leaned against his car. That’s when I noticed a something glinting in the sunlight. “Uh, Cole?”
“Yeah?” he said, still searching through his backpack.
“Are you looking for those?” I pointed into the car, and he leaned forward to look at the keys dangling in the ignition.