Jules appears less amused, rubbing his lips together with uncertainty. “You’re not human.”
“I’m starting to realize that,” I say. “Quit stalling.”
He sighs, staring down at my hand as he sketches circles along my knuckles. “I know for a fact that it was werewolves who attacked our pack that day because I saw brief flashes of what happened to your parents through your eyes right before you disappeared.”
“You saw what happened through my eyes?” I ask in shock. “How can that be possible when I can’t even remember what happened?”
He shrugs then sighs, elevating his gaze to mine. “You and I were kind of close when we were younger, and sometimes when werewolves are close, they develop an alterum dimidium animae, which allows them to occasionally see thoughts and dreams through each other’s eyes.”
My cheeks flush as I recall the dream I had of kissing him. “How long has it been since that happened to you? Since you last saw my dreams, I mean.”
He sucks on the metal in his lips. “Well, up until tonight, I thought it was over a decade ago. But now that I realize you’re alive, I think it may have happened two nights ago. I just didn’t realize it at the time.” His gaze drops to my lips.
I work to appear indifferent. “Well, just for the record, I have that dream a lot.”
The corners of his lips quirk. “Of kissing me?”
“What? No! That’s not what I meant.” So much for playing it cool. “I meant that I dream of kissing guys all the time. Every night, in fact.”
His mouth curves downward. “Do you spend a lot of time kissing guys?”
I shrug. I’m such a fucking liar. The only guy, besides Jules, who’s ever kissed me was a werewolf who stole my first and only kiss. A one-sided, disgusting, horrible kiss. But I don’t want to admit this to Jules. Don’t want him to think that the only guy I’ve ever dreamt of kissing is him. Don’t want him to discover that he’s the only guy I’ve ever really shared a kiss with. Or maybe I just don’t want to admit any of this to myself.
Jules looks away from me, raking his fingers through his hair.
“You’re killing the poor wolf,” Philip muses with a grin.
Jules clears his throat, staring down at his hands. “Anyway, I saw what happened to your parents in a dream you had right before you died. You must have been unconscious.” His fingers fold inward, the rings pressing against his palm and causing the skin to blister. “I tried to find you, begged you in the dream to let me know where you were, but then you faded away and …” He pushes the rings deeper into his skin. “We tried to look for you. For years, we searched for you. But the longer our alterum dimidium animae remained silent, the more everyone became convinced you were dead.”
Unable to stand his self-inflicting pain any longer, I reach over and unfold his fingers. “Stop doing that. No one here needs to know to respect you.” Although, I’m starting to question if there’s more to wearing the silver rings than just earning respect.
He stares at the blisters engraved into his palm, the skin already healing. “It’s a habit.”
“Well, it’s a bad habit.” I run my finger along his palm, noting the bumpiness of his flesh. Old scars. His palm is covered with them.
I start to pull my hand away when he twines his fingers through mine.
“Do you remember anything about what happened that day?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I already told you the farthest back my memory goes is to when I was found on the side of the road in the Common Realm.”
“The Common Realm?” Philip’s face contorts with disgust. “That’s where you’ve been for all these years?”
“It’s not that awful,” I tell him. “No worse than here.”
Instead of getting irked, he laughs. “Yeah, we’ll see if you’re singing the same tune after you’ve become reacquainted with our world.”
“Maybe I don’t plan on staying here,” I quip. “Besides, my traveler’s pass expires in twenty-four hours.”
“You want to go back?” Jules appears hurt.
I feel like an asshole. I’m not sure why. I don’t know him. Or, well, I don’t remember him, so why should I feel bad for saying I’m going to leave this realm?
Because you don’t really want to leave.
I shake my head at the thought. “I don’t know what I want. All I know is that, besides Legend, I’ve tried to keep my distance from paranormals.”
“Well, I’m guessing you didn’t do a very good job, since you are one,” Philip says with a sneer.
I flip him the middle finger, and he laughs.
Jules traces his fingertips along my knuckles. “Do you …? Do you have things that tie you there? To the Common Realm, I mean.”
I shrug. “I have a job that I’ll get fired from if I don’t show up on Monday, and an apartment full of stuff.” Sadly, that’s about it. The only other thing I had of importance in the Common Realm was Legend and now he’s here.
“What about people?”
“What about them?”
“Do you have anyone who …?” He huffs in frustration. “Do you have anyone who ties you to the realm?”
I scratch my forehead with my free hand. “What do you mean by tie? Like, friends?”
Philip lets out a dramatic groan. “Oh, my God, little wolf, will you please put your poor prince out of his misery and tell him if you have a lover back in the Common Realm?”
Jules blushes. Actually freakin’ blushes. It’s seriously the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.
That thought lasts only a whopping two seconds before I realize what Philip said.
“Why would it matter if I had a lover?” I ask, blushing myself.
Philip starts to smile. “Because—”
“It doesn’t,” Jules cuts him off. “I’m just trying to figure out why you would want to go back.” He extends his hand toward my temple and grazes his finger along my birthmark. “I know you don’t remember this place, but the Midnight Realm is your home, Elo—Lake.” He molds his palm around my cheek. “And the Violet Mountain pack is your family.”
I resist the urge to lean into his touch, no matter how much my body desperately wants to. “If that’s the case, then how did I end up in the Common Realm?”
“I don’t know.” The pad of his thumb skims my cheekbone. “But we’ll find out. I promise we will. Just like I promise we’ll figure out who really killed your parents.”
I want to believe him. I really do. But … “If you haven’t found who killed them already, why do you think you can now?”
He offers me the most genuine smile. “Because we have you now.”
“But I can’t remember anything.”
“You can’t now, but there are a lot of creatures here in this realm who are excellent at retrieving lost memories.”
I momentarily forget how to breathe. “So, you’re saying I might be able to remember … everything?”
He nods. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
It seems like I should be excited, yet a heavy sense of dread crushes down on my chest. I can’t understand where the feeling is stemming from since I’ve wanted to remember from the moment I forgot. But an uneasiness is stirring inside me, a restless warning that what’s hidden in the darkest parts of my mind might be better left hidden.
Chapter 10
After Jules declares that we’re going to find a way to retrieve my lost memories, he strikes a deal with Philip: let me go and leave me alone, and in exchange, he’ll get to the bottom of what happened the day my parents were killed.
“Once we get Lake to remember, we should have enough proof to get your family released,” he tells Philip. “And hopefully, we’ll be able to bring some justice for Elle and Breeze.”
“Who’s Breeze?” I ask, my brain already aching with information overload.
Jules and Philip look at me in pity.
Great. Glad to see that also happens in this realm.
“Breeze was your fath
er’s shortened name,” Jules explains, giving my hand a squeeze.
I’ve moved my hand away from his several times, but his fingers always seem to gravitate right back. Eventually, I just stopped trying. I’m not sure why he’s so determined to hold my hand, other than perhaps it’s a werewolf thing.
“Oh.” I try to drag out a recollection from my mind, but the effort is useless. Whatever is making me forget is definitely working. “Why do you think I can’t remember anything?”
Jules wavers. “That’s really hard to say. It could be anything from a spell to a curse. Or, it could just be from trauma.”
I frown. “You think I forgot intentionally?”
“Not intentionally.” His treads with caution. “But I’ve heard of instances where, when a creature witnesses something so traumatically painful, their brain copes with the pain by blocking out the memories.”
“Yeah, stuff like that happens in the Common Realm, too.” In fact, I remember wishing my brain would react that way to the werewolf attack. Unfortunately, the memories only seemed to heighten with each passing day. “A couple of my foster parents took me to these doctors to see if they could figure out why my brain was broken. I think Social Service actually recommended it and paid for it and everything, but it was a waste of time and money because I’m still just as broken as when I was found.”
“You aren’t broken. And I don’t want you thinking you are,” Jules states, scooting closer to me.
Tell that to all my foster parents.
“I didn’t mean me, per se. I meant my head.”
He searches my eyes, and I swear to all the realms he can read the self-doubt in my mind. “You aren’t broken,” he states again. “And as for your brain, us Midnight creatures are more powerful and knowledgeable than the Common Realm doctors who simply study their methods in books.”
“How do you know that’s what doctors do?” I ask. “Earlier, you seemed like you didn’t know very much about the Common Realm.”
“I don’t,” he admits. “But I did cross paths with a doctor visiting here on a traveler’s pass. I was at a bar, actually, and he was drunk and chatted my ear off for hours.”
I giggle. “I don’t know why, but for some reason, I can’t picture that.”
A smile graces his lips. “And why’s that?”
“You just don’t seem like a people person. Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know … Like I’m amusing.”
“Because you are amusing. And you’re adorable when you giggle.” He brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes. “And, as for being a people person, I’m actually pretty good at socializing, especially when I’m drunk.”
I’m still surprised he’d just sit at a bar and chat with a human.
“You didn’t seem that way when I first saw you,” I point out. “And you were pissed off at me because Shade pointed out you were smiling. You acted like it was a bad thing, and that it was all my fault.”
“I wasn’t drunk at the club.” His hand falls to his lap. “And that wasn’t about you. Well, not really. I was just irritated because you made me smile.”
I press my hand to my chest, mocking shock. “I made you smile? Oh, my wolves, whatever is wrong with me? I’m the worse person in the world!”
A beat skips by, then Philip bust up laughing.
“She’s an interesting one. I’ll give her that,” he remarks as he laughs his ass off. Then he suddenly grows serious. “You better be careful with her, Jules. She smarts off to the wrong creature like that and she won’t last long in this realm. And she’s currently my collateral, so that better not happen.”
“Nothing’s going to happen to her. I won’t let it.” Violet glints in his eyes again. This time I pretend not to notice.
“Just as long as I don’t make you smile, right?” I tease, attempting to lighten the intensity pouring off him.
He leans in, lowering his voice. “I wasn’t upset because you made me smile. I was irritated with myself because I thought you were a strange, yet very amusing girl who made me smile, something I haven’t done in a long time. And I felt guilty about it.”
“Why would you feel guilty about smiling?” I wonder. “And why haven’t you smiled in a long time?”
He sighs. “You’re so full of questions.”
“Sorry.” Not really.
“I don’t mean that in a bad way. What I said in the club about humans asking questions … I was just thrown off by you and acting like an asshole.” He pauses. “And while I’d love to answer all your questions, I’m not sure if you’re ready to hear some of them yet.”
“Because the answers are bad?”
“No, because they’re intense and a lot to take in, and you just learned that you’re a werewolf and ran off, so I think we should take it easy for now and not pile everything onto you at once.”
I rub my forehead, a headache approaching. “You’re making me nervous, like there’s a lot of bad stuff you’re not telling me.”
“It’s not bad, I promise.” He strokes my jawline with his fingertips.
I swear the damn guy can’t stop touching me. I wonder if that has to do with our little connection.
“There’s just a lot of responsibilities that come with what you are,” he continues, his fingers wandering across my neck, gently massaging. “And I don’t want to dump all of it on you at once.”
“Do these responsibilities have anything to do with me being a princess?” I ask. “I don’t have to run a kingdom, do I?”
It takes him a moment to answer. “That all really depends on how the crowning selection goes.” He thrums the fingers of his free hand against the top of his knee. “Every werewolf pack has at least a dozen princesses and princes for every generation, but only one is chosen for king and one for queen, which is chosen by the crown.”
“You’ve already been chosen for king, right?” I ask, and he nods. “So, then a queen has already been chosen, too, right?”
He shakes his head. “The crown didn’t choose a queen during the last selection, probably because not all the princesses were there. We didn’t know that at the time. We actually thought there was something wrong with the crown. My father even sent out a small team of royal wolves to track down the witch who enchanted the crown to see if she could figure out why it wasn’t working. She said the magic in it is fine, so no one knew what to think. Now it makes sense. It was waiting for you.”
“But that doesn’t mean it’s going to choose me, right?” I ask with hope. “That would be disastrous.”
He sketches a delicate path along my star marking. “Why do you say that?”
“Um, because I don’t know anything about the Midnight Realm or wolves or ruling.” My eyelashes uncontrollably flutter as his finger grazes the corner of my eye. “I don’t even have a scent.”
“Yeah, what’s up with her scent?” Philip interrupts. “It’s very faint.”
“I don’t know why it’s so faint.” Jules trails his fingertips down my cheek to my jawline, coming to a rest at my collarbone.
“But in the club, you said you couldn’t smell it at all,” I remind him, unsure whether to move back from his touch or not. I’m so conflicted and confused. “Why is it faint now?”
He splays his fingers along the base of my neck. “When you jumped across the table to run away, a tiny bit of it blew into the air.” He lowers his head and inhales against my neck. “I don’t know for sure, but I’m wondering if your scent and powers have been dormant for over a decade because you’ve been trapped in the Common Realm, away from the powers of the moonlight that current through our realm.” He burrows his face into my neck. “At least, I’m assuming your powers have been dormant since you didn’t know what you are and you looked shocked as hell when you effortlessly jumped over the table.”
“I was shocked … I’ve never been able to move that fast or gracefully. Well, at least for the last decade.” I slant away from him. ??
?Look, I don’t know what it is with everyone smelling me, if it’s like a paranormal’s way of shaking hands, but it’s making me very uncomfortable.”
Jules raises his head, inhaling deeply. “I’m sorry I keep doing it, but you smell so fucking good.”
“I’m sure I smell just like the rest of you.” Though Jules’ scent is a tad bit different than other wolves. I’m noticing that now that my werewolf senses are tuning in. Like moonlight mixed with the tiniest dash of violets.
“You smell way lovelier than any other wolf.” He drags his teeth along his lip rings. “Like stars and moon dust and violets. No other wolf smells like violets.”
“You do a little bit. Smell like violets, I mean.”
“I know.”
“Does that have anything to do with that little connection thing you were talking about …? I can’t remember the name of it.”
“The alterum dimidium animae,” he says, and I nod. “Yeah, it does a little bit.”
I eye him over suspiciously. “What exactly is a alterum dimidium animae, anyway?”
“I already explained part of it to you. As for the rest, I don’t think you’re ready to hear that right now.”
I want to say that I am, but he’s probably right. Only hours ago, I freaked out and ran out of the club because he tried to kiss me and told me I was a werewolf.
“We should probably get going,” Jules announces as he stands. “We need to get back home so I can talk to a few wolves, and then see if we can figure out what’s blocking your memories.”
I note the time. “Holy crap, how long was I out?”
“For quite a while,” Jules says, shooting Philip a glare.
I throw a nasty look in Philip’s direction, as well. “Thanks for wasting my time, kitty cat.”
He merely grins. “Waste your time? Come on now; you had a little bit of fun. I mean, it’s not every day you’re used as a bargaining tool between an awesome cat shapeshifter and a moody werewolf.”
Shaking my head, I focus back on Jules. “My pass expires in just a few hours.”
He stares down at me with hesitancy written all over his face. “Lake, I’m pretty sure that, despite having a pass, you might not be able to get back into the Common Realm. Even if the portal allowed you to pass through, the guards on the other side would be able to detect your scent now.”