Read Forgiveness and Permission Page 17

“But ... I mean this isn’t the same as not being jealous over Erica or a car,” I said. “Is it?”

  Nathan was quiet for a long moment, as if considering this. “If we don’t get along, Sang, we can’t stay together,” he said. “Family is a choice, and we’ve chosen this, us. Mr. Blackbourne has already reminded us. And the truth is, I’m not. If you sit in Kota’s lap, or Victor’s, it doesn’t bug me for some reason. Maybe it should ...” Nathan sighed. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m not jealous of the guys. As long as you’ll stay with us. That’s what I want.”

  My lips parted and I’d meant to reply, but I lost the words when his blue eyes locked on mine.

  A sharp knock at the window rattled us both. Nathan pulled away from me, turning to blink back toward the window.

  “What the hell are you doing?” North said, glaring in after us.

  Nathan groaned, pushing me away and shifted so he could open the door. “We were staying warm. It’s cold.”

  North shoved the door open further. “Get out. I’m driving.”

  “No,” Silas said. “I’m driving.”

  “Fine. Sang, move into the back.”

  “No, Sang sits where she is,” Silas said. “You get in the back.”

  “God damn,” North said, grumbling and filing into the back after Nathan.

  It surprised me that Silas was giving North orders. It seemed unnatural until I realized this was his car, and Silas could tell the others where he wanted them to sit.

  Silas slid into the driver’s side seat, wearing jeans and a baseball jersey. His black hair was wet, combed back. He was smelling fresh from a shower. “Hi, aggele mou.”

  “Hi, Silas.”

  He held up his arm, showing me the blue band with the pink stripe. I held up my arm that still had my sports band. He bumped fists with me so the bands touched and flashed a grin.

  “Seems like it worked,” he said. He fished his keys out and started the engine.

  “I was wondering why you were wearing pink,” North said. “You didn’t say it was for her.”

  “She’s my luck charm,” Silas said, pulling out of the lot.

  North grunted, folding his arms over his chest and looking out the window. “Do we really want to go to this party? I’d really rather not deal with a bunch of drunk teenagers tonight.”

  “Let’s go for a couple of hours,” Silas said. “We’ll slap around a few high fives. We’ll show off Sang and we’ll go.”

  “We’re not showing her off.”

  “I mean we’ll show Sang a good time,” Silas said. He gazed over at me. “You want to go, right?”

  I nodded absentmindedly, mostly because he seemed to want to go, or at least wanted me to go with him.

  “Where is this place, anyway?” Nathan asked. “Where are we going?”

  Silas shrugged, tugging his phone out of his pocket and pushing a few buttons. “It’s in the country someplace outside of town. Someone whose parents aren’t home I guess.” He tossed his phone to me. “Tell me where to go.”

  “Me?” I choked out, glancing at the screen. A GPS map was already moving, showing where the car was in location on the street.

  “You’re the navigator,” Silas said.

  “She doesn’t know what she’s doing,” North said. He pushed his hand out, holding it palm open over the console between Silas and I. “She’s barely gotten out of the house even since her parents left. She doesn’t know her way around. Give me that thing.”

  “Let her try,” Silas said, smacking at North’s hand. “Let her get some practice in.”

  North grumbled, pulling his hand back and stared off out the window. I slid a glance back at Nathan, my eyes wide. I’d never seen those two at each other like that. And why was North so grumpy?

  Nathan gave the slightest shake of his head. Don’t say anything.

  It turned out I didn’t have to do much. There was a single road out of town that led straight to where we were supposed to go. It took half an hour to get there. North more than once questioned the address and suspected the other players gave them the wrong one to lead us on a wild goose chase.

  The navigation unit directed Silas to the end of a street that had many ranch style homes. Cars were piled up in the yard to tell us which one was the right house. Silas parked a good distance away from the other cars. “I don’t want to get blocked in,” he said. “If we need to leave, I want to leave.”

  I handed Silas back his phone. North hopped out and opened my door. I hesitated only a moment because I was terrified he was still mad at everything Silas kept telling him to do. I forced myself to suck in some courage and take a step out.

  He shut the door for me, but didn’t move out of the way. He pointed a finger at my nose and then at his eyes. He wanted my attention.

  “Listen to me,” he said. His dark eyes weren’t angry, but full of concern. “You’re to stay close to any of us. I don’t care who, but you should stay within arm’s reach. Don’t wander off alone, not even to the bathroom. Especially not the bathroom. No drinking. You can have water. Don’t drink or eat anything anyone gives you. Keep your phone on you.” He glanced up at Nathan. “If anything happens, you’re to drag her back here and take her home. You can come back for us later but get her out of here.”

  “No shit,” Nathan said.

  “It’s not going to be that bad,” Silas said. He walked around the car and took my hand. He led the way toward the house and the chaos of people and music spilling from it. “Come on, Sang, before mother grounds us or something.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” North barked at him, but he trailed after us.

  Silas weaved around the sea of cars. I glanced back at Nathan and North following but Silas tugged me along. He seemed in a hurry to get inside.

  “Si!” Someone shouted to us from around the side of the house. A group of guys stood together in a circle under a tree.

  Silas lifted my hand with his to return a greeting wave toward the guys calling out to him. “Hey.”

  “Where the fuck have you been, man?” One of them said, stepping forward and putting a hand out.

  Silas let go so he could shake hands. He did the same with the other guys standing together. The porch light was on, but the guys around us were in the shadow under the tree. I caught the outlines of faces but didn’t recognize any of them.

  “What’s going on?” Silas asked.

  “We were just talking about that kick ass catch North did.”

  I glanced behind me. North nodded in our direction, gave a short wave but headed toward the house. Nathan glanced at me but followed North. I thought they were trying to stick together, but that was more difficult to do with North splitting up. From the way North was marching, though, I had a feeling he was going to inspect the house for trouble before we went inside. I internally groaned, hoping he didn’t see something that would set him off. Would he yell at the other kids if they were drinking?

  Silas hooked an arm around my shoulder and drew my attention back to his new buddies. “You guys, this is Sang.” He nodded his head in my direction, squeezing my shoulder gently and beaming.

  “Yeah, I’ve seen her around school,” one of the shadows said. “She’s pretty hot.”

  My heart fluttered. The faces were starting to become easier to see, but I still didn’t recognize any of them. It was probably because I didn’t spend time with anyone outside of Kota and the others.

  “Are you two a thing? Because if not, I’m gonna ...”

  “She’s here with me,” Silas said, taking on a possessive tone. His arm tightened around my shoulder and his hand gripped until I was almost pressed up against his side.

  “Let me know when he fucks up,” the guy said, nodding in my direction. I think he winked but in the dim light, it was hard to be certain.

  I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to respond, so I didn’t. They started talking about the game again. I was turned slightly away from the group, looking out toward the house. It was a brick
, ranch-style home. I barely made out a back porch, and it was clustered with people sitting in the dark. The low murmur of other people talking drifted to us just under the music flowing from the house. The air smelled like wet farm fields. Since there weren’t neighbors too close to this house, I thought that was probably why they decided to have this party here.

  My insides rattled at being around people I didn’t know. My mouth froze. Silas occasionally massaged my shoulder with his hand. I wasn’t sure if it was an effort to let me know he was right there or if he was showing the guys in front of him I was with him. I didn’t mind being associated as his date, but I was shy and feeling awkward standing there.

  Something nudged my arm. I turned as North held out a red plastic cup to me. He had a similar cup in his hand. Nathan was behind him, and two cups in his hands, too. He handed one off to Silas.

  I took the cup North gave me, peeking in and sniffing.

  “It’s not poison,” North said.

  “Not this time, huh?” I quipped.

  North smirked and appeared to relax a little.

  I took a sip. Water washed over my tongue. I wasn’t thirsty but I was grateful to have something so I could fit in.

  I turned toward North and Nathan standing off to the side. “What’s it like inside?”

  “There’s a soccer table,” Nathan said. “Maybe we’ll get to play. There’s a few in there playing now.”

  “It’s loud and crowded,” North said. “It’s better out here.”

  “Whose house is it?” It felt strange to be at someone’s house I didn’t know. I was glad North told me to stick with them. I would have done it anyway. I wouldn’t want to wander around and have people wondering who I was or why I was there.

  They both shrugged. Silas was talking with the other guys behind me and didn’t hear.

  A wind picked up. The warmth I had absorbed while in the car was subsiding, even with Silas hanging off of my neck. I held my cup out to Nathan to hold for a second. I zipped up the hoodie, stuffing one hand into the pocket and took my cup back.

  “Want to go inside?” North asked.

  I nodded, shivering. “I should have worn jeans.”

  “Skirts look better on you.”

  I rolled my eyes, blushing. “Thank you,” I said quietly. I liked this North. He seemed less grumpy now than before.

  “Let’s go play table soccer,” Nathan said.

  I nudged Silas. He tilted his head toward me while his eyes remained on the guys in front of him as if he was still trying to pay attention to them.

  “I’m cold,” I said. “I ...”

  “You’re cold?” he asked, loud enough to halt the conversation around us. He pulled me in closer, wrapping his arm tighter and brought me close to his body. “You should have said something.” His hand wandered from my shoulder to my side, squeezing slightly at my hip.

  The guys around us chuckled.

  What was he doing? This didn’t seem like Silas, now. Did parties throw the guys off? “Is it okay if I go inside for a little bit?” I thought it would be better to almost ask permission, since he was the one who invited me.

  He smiled, leaned in. His lips met my ear and he whispered. “Yes, go in. Don’t leave North. After I make rounds, I’ll come get you. We’ll find a quiet spot and we’ll be able to hang out.” He breathed in next to my ear and pulled back. “I’ll come find you in a minute.”

  I understood that they were trying to get along with the team so they could fit in like Mr. Blackbourne wanted. Did it mean I had to pretend to be with Silas? Was I part of this plan? Silas had told me earlier that he didn’t care what anyone else thought of him. Maybe he didn’t care, but it felt like he cared what they thought now.

  I turned away from Silas to head toward the house. North and Nathan walked nearly arm to arm with me. I wanted to reach for someone’s hand but felt awkward since Silas had claimed me for the night.

  “Hey, they’re stealing your girl, Si,” one of the guys said, chuckling. The others around him started giggling, too.

  “If I didn’t trust her, I wouldn’t be out with her. Besides, they wouldn’t dare try anything.” He tilted his cup to his mouth, taking a swallow.

  North tilted his head to whisper in my ear. “Remind me to kick him later.”

  I shared a conspiratorial glance with him.

  THE RAVEN-HAIRED GIRL

  Inside the house, the main overhead lights were off. The occasional illuminated lamp shimmered in corners of each room, shedding enough light for people to see where they were walking. The kitchen in the back was lit up, and there were people standing inside it, leaning against or sitting on top of the counters and talking. A round dining room table was topped with more red cups, ice buckets, cans of beer and bottles of soda. I wondered where the beer came from, but everyone around had red cups so I couldn’t tell who was drinking what.

  There was a front living room with a wide window, and a couple of couches occupied by people. A stereo played rock music loud enough that I wanted to block my ears from the onslaught of guitars and drums. People were trailing back and forth from different rooms. Out of nervousness, I slipped a hand around North’s forearm since he was the closest. I didn’t want to lose him.

  North shifted, grasping my hand and squeezing it in his. Still, I fell behind him, partially using his tall figure as a shield as if trying to hide myself from everyone. I didn’t recognize anyone. I wondered if it was because of the poor lighting and being so out of place.

  Nathan led the way to a back den. The room had two levels. The upper level had a collection of couches surrounding an entertainment center, also streaming rock music but at a lower volume so people could talk. The lower level of the room had a built in bar and fridge to one side. There was a soccer table on the lower level in front of a stone fireplace. Most people hung around the bar and the collection of couches. A handful of others stood around the fireplace. Two guys I didn’t know were playing at the soccer table.

  North eased over to the table, stopping short enough to give the guys playing room but still hovering to watch. Nathan planted himself next to him. I peeked from around their shoulders.

  The guys playing the game slammed the handles into the table, trying to hit the tiny ball into a goal. The guys were big, with bulky shoulders and I imagined they were on the football team. One of them looked up, catching my eye with a curious glance.

  The other guy used this distraction to knock the ball into the opposite goal. The distracted one squinted back at the game, groaned, and lifted his hands in the air. “I’m done,” he said, picking up a cup from the corner of the table, taking a drink and walking off.

  His friend followed him and the table was abandoned.

  “I guess it’s our turn,” Nathan said.

  I followed Nathan to one side, feeling awkward about using someone’s game table without asking permission. I felt even more nervous wondering if whoever owned the game table could be watching now.

  North took up the other side, collected the tiny soccer ball and dropped it into the middle.

  “Grab those, Peanut.” Nathan pointed to the table’s side.

  I put my cup down on the corner of the table and gingerly put my hands on a couple of the black plastic handles to control a row of soccer men.

  “What did you just call her?” North asked, his face scrunching in confusion.

  “Peanut,” Nathan said louder.

  “Oh,” North said. “That’s not what I heard over here.” He checked with me, a dark eyebrow lifting. “You let him call you that?”

  “Yup,” Nathan replied for me. “She calls me Honey.”

  North blinked at this, looking back at me. “You don’t call me that.”

  “That’s my nickname. She gave it to me,” Nathan said.

  My face radiated. Did they have to talk about this right now? Still, it didn’t seem like anyone was paying attention. Most of the others were engrossed by their own conversations. Was this what a high schoo
l party was like? I wasn’t sure what I had imagined, but it just seemed like people clustered and talking like they did in school, only here there was the scent of booze and music. It didn’t seem as terrible as Kota had made me think. I was uncomfortable, but I was with North and Nathan and Silas and I trusted them so it made it a lot better. I supposed I’d find it more fun if I were more outgoing and knew more of the people here. I imagined what it might be like being like Silas, able to blend in and talk to the group as if I were a part of them.

  North grunted, twisting the handle on his soccer men to start the game. I was slow to respond, trying to twist the handles but I barely knocked the ball back in the other direction. North pushed a handle and his soccer men kicked the ball into the goal.

  Nathan laughed, then leaned in to whisper. “Do that thing you do and cheat.”

  “I know you’re telling her to cheat,” North said, dropping the ball onto the table again.

  “I don’t even know what I’m doing,” I said. I had three handles on my side, and wasn’t sure where to place my hands.

  “You twist the handles,” North said, demonstrating.

  I groaned. It was obvious but as I twisted the handles right and left, the soccer men moved slow. I wasn’t a match to North and Nathan, whose soccer men moved faster and with some form of control. I felt completely at a loss. “They don’t move fast enough.”

  “Practice and get better,” North said, staring after the ball that was rolling around. He twisted handles and kicked it to my side.

  I tried twisting it back but it wasn’t moving.

  “Do this,” Nathan said. He slapped the handle on his side, sending his soccer men spinning.

  I tried it, and managed to get one of the men to kick it to his side of the field. North was faster than both of us at this, and easily knocked it back to my side. He hit another goal, a third and a fourth.

  “What do I get when I win?” North asked, his lips twisted into a taunting smile.

  I smirked back, waited until he thought he’d lined up another shot. I grabbed the silver end opposite his handle and held it so he couldn’t twist. When he let go, I reversed a spin and sent it shooting out on Nathan’s side. Nathan spun a handle and the ball sailed into the goal.