Alex's hands leave my shirt as she wipes the tears still falling down her cheeks furiously.
"I-I can't... You'll hate me!” she whispers. She bows her head and starts to back away. I grasp her wrist before she can go any further though.
"Hate you? I would never hate you. No matter what you've done or are going to do, I will never hate you. I promise," I tell her with so much sincerity that she has to believe me.
"You promise?" she asks, broken. I nod my head, tugging on her wrist to bring her closer again.
"I promise," I reply, never once letting go of my little mate who just looks about ready to go jump off a cliff.
It's silent for a moment. I try looking into Alex's eyes, but she's looking anywhere but me. I try to say something to get her to look at me, but her whisper stops me, "I lost it."
I furrow my eyebrows at her statement. Lost what? Did she lose a piece of jewellery? Maybe something of her mum’s?
"What did you lose, Alex?" I ask softly, pushing my hand through her hair to comfort her in some way. She mumbles something ever so quietly that not even my werewolf ears can hear.
"Alex, you're gonna have to speak louder," I push, just wanting to know what's wrong. As ridiculous as this may sound at this moment, Alex is reminding me of the first time Axel made Celina cry. It was the first time I took her into my arms and tried to make her smile and just calm down. I remember that day clearly, sitting on the floor of Axel's office. Looking at Alex now, all I can see is the same broken expression as Celina that day. It makes my heart ache...
"Alex," I whisper again when she stays quiet.
For the first time since we started talking, Alex's stormy eyes connect with mine. Her eyes... Her eyes look so...
"Comrade, I lost our pup." Her voice travels through the air and into my ears; her sentence circling round and round my head before it finally seems to snap. She what?
"What?" I question, looking at her with wide eyes. Pup? She wasn't pregnant when we locked them in the safe houses! I mean, was she?
"Please don't make me say it again,” she pleads in a whisper, but I need to hear her say it again. I need to make sure I wasn’t just imagining.
"Just tell me that isn't true," I plead, my hands framing her face as she goes to look away again. "Please tell me you're just messing with me."
"I lost our pup!” she says slower, big fat tears sliding down her face as she bites her lip. My hands drop from her face and cover my own face instead. It's real... Alex lost our pup... I didn't even...
"Please don't hate me!" Alex sobs, backing away from me in a rush. Her hand rests over her bandaged covered stomach. My eyes zero in on the motion. Once again remembering when I figured out Celina was pregnant. Only that the difference from then and now, is that instead of discovering my mate is pregnant, I've discovered she's lost the pup.
"Please, Comrade! I'm so sorry! I had no idea I would lose the pup! I didn't even know I was pregnant! We had only just mated! I'm so sorry! Just please don't hate me!" Alex continues to wail on and on, falling to the floor and crying hysterically into her hands. My own eyes fill with tears from the fact of losing our pup and because of my heartbroken mate thinking that I hate her.
Gathering up all my strength, I push back the thin sheet covering me and move my body to the side. Look at me, I’ve been awake for less than 24hrs and I'm up and at 'em. I'm probably gonna get a scolding of some sort for this, but I honestly don't care. I just want and need to get to Alex.
I slowly push myself off the bed, taking a deep breath. My knees instantly buckle from underneath me, but I tighten my lips and muster up my strength to push on. I eventually let go of the bed for support and nearly fall to the floor again, all the while Alex is still curled into herself crying and muttering sorry over and over again, that it makes my heart ache even more.
I practically stumble over to where Alex is curled up and very unmanly-like fall to the floor next to her. I hiss from the pain that it caused me, but suck it up. My mate is my first priority here, not my pain.
"Alex..." I say pained, mainly from the impact of falling to the floor, but also because of the state Alex is in. "Come on, look at me."
Upon my request, Alex lifts her head up from her hands and looks at me with so many emotions swirling in her beautiful eyes. Her bottom lip trembles as she opens her mouth to say something. I shake my head, silencing her.
I move a little closer so that we're only a breath away from each other and look into her eyes.
"I would never hate you," I say to her then crash my lips onto hers. She gasps as she wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me ever so closer.
So, that's how we stay, on the floor in each other's arms. This is gonna be something hard for both of us to get past, but we can do it together.
"I love you," I whisper in her ear. "So, so much."
"I love you, too,” she whispers back as she falls asleep in my arms.
I sigh for the umpteenth time tonight when my eyes land on Alex's stomach. I gently pull her shirt up to just below her chest to the bandage fully covering her lower torso and stomach. A single tear escapes my eye from the sight. A beautiful pup was once growing inside of my equally stunning mate and I didn't even get the chance to feel it, see it, experience it. In that moment, I make a promise to myself:
I'm never going to leave Alex alone ever again. No matter what the cost.
27
COMRADE
"Happy birthday, dear Alex! Happy birthday to you!" the very loud and very off pitch singing of entirely the whole population of 18 to 25-year-olds in the pack screams. My mate wrapped in my arms laughs with glee and merriment as she stares down at the enormous cake in front of her.
"Make a wish," I whisper in her ear, placing a soft kiss on her neck. Alex giggles a little before closing her eyes and blowing out her 18 candles.
Cheers are heard around us as Alex's laugh fills the night air. I also laugh, but more at her than with her. The fact of that just makes me laugh even more.
"What'd you wish for?" Ally and Taylor scream at once, their voices easily traveling over the loud music playing. Only members of the pack over 18 were allowed to attend this party since Alex's sole purpose is to get drunk. She doesn't really like alcohol, but tonight she is letting go and just enjoying it. So, obviously, Ally and Taylor just had to come and see their composed friend hit it off with some vodka.
Alex laughs a little before bringing a finger up to her lips and whispering loudly, "It’s a secret"
Her giggles fill the air again as Ally and Taylor grab a hand of hers each and drag her off into the middle of the makeshift dance floor that we all set up in the backyard. By 'we', I mean myself, Axel, Callum, and a few other pack members. Of course, Celina decorated the whole lot while Ally and Taylor took Alex out to a spa treatment. We set it all up in a few hours, so we're all pretty happy with the outcome.
I shake my head with a smile when I see my already drunk mate stumble onto the dance floor and start waving her hands around in the air. I chuckle at the sight. I walk over to the drinks and grab myself a beer.
"This is one hell of a party we set up, eh?" the all too familiar voice of Callum drifts through my ears. After I got out of recovery, Callum and I got close again like we used to be before everything went downhill. He still hasn't found his mate, but I don't think he's too fussed anymore. He has Celina to watch over now, since I got handed the opportunity to look after the pups instead.
Yeah, after I got out of recovery, Celina walked up to me with this massive grin on her face and pretty much said, "Comrade, I trust you with my life, so I can entrust my pups’ lives to you."
Of course, I said yes! I tell ya what though, if Alex didn't help me when we needed to babysit, I would be in a coma again.
"Yeah! I think Alex is really enjoying herself. Not that she's gonna remember any of this in the morning, but you know." I shrug in answer to Callum's question. Callum laughs and pats me on the back. Even though there's a two to three-yea
r age difference between us, we get on like brothers, including the mock fighting.
"Comrade, I can guarantee that she won't even remember her name or yours in the morning." Callum laughs. "Especially with the way she's doing it on the dance floor."
My eyes instantly snap to see Alex no longer doing that stupid dance I saw her doing before. Oh no, she's swaying her hips in the most seductive way possible while running her hands down the sides of her body. I growl loudly and stomp over to her, hearing Callum's laughter in the background the whole time.
Getting to the dance floor, I grip her hips with my hands and spin her around to face me. I growl lowly and pull her further into me. Alex looks up at me innocently and giggles. My annoyed expression drops instantly as soon as her eyes connect with mine. For the life of me, I could not look away from those stormy depths.
"Comrade! What are you doing here?" Alex shouts over the music as more and more of her giggles fill the air. I laugh at her while shaking my head. So drunk, so, so drunk.
"I'm here to stop my very sexy mate from doing any more of those very alluring moves. You may be mated to me, but there are plenty of guys here checking you out," I growl, annoyed again. Alex just giggles though like she doesn't have a care in the world.
"Comrade!" she groans, her head flopping onto my shoulder. "I'm thirsty!"
Again, just like that, my annoyance evaporates into thin air and is replaced by amusement. I lead her over to the drinks and just let her run free about what she wants. Probably not the wisest decision, but it's her 18th and this is probably gonna be the only time in my life that I see Alex get drunk. I want to savour the moment!
Alex giggles as she picks up two Jell-O shots. She bounces her way over to me and hands me the blue one.
"Come on, Comrade! All I've seen you drink is beer! Bleh! Have something exciting!" she exclaims to me, screaming to make sure I hear it over the music. I laugh and shrug. Why not?
We clink our glasses together and get ready to down the shots before Alex's hand on my wrist stops me.
"Wait! I want the blue one!" she says quickly, snatching the blue Jell-O shot out of my hand and replacing it with the red one she had. I shake my head and down the shot, the jelly-like substance sliding down my throat with ease.
"See! Wasn't that fun!" she exclaims as giggle after giggle leaves her lips. I chuckle and nod my head. She squeals before taking another two shots, giving me an evil grin. I narrow my eyes at her in suspicion before she darts away in the direction of what I believe is Celina and Axel. One of the younger pack members volunteered to babysit the triplets so they could come. A nice gesture, but also one she'll regret. Those three are little devils! I swear!
"Celina! I've been looking for you everywhere!" I hear Alex in the distance. I chuckle again, shaking my head and moving towards the food.
ALEX
"Celina! I've been looking for you everywhere!" I exclaim as I finally stumble upon Celina and Axel, Jell-O shots still in hand.
You have no idea how amazing I feel! I feel like I could fly and go to the moon! I feel like I could go surfing even though I've never tried before! I feel like a million dollars! I look like it, too! A giggle leaves my mouth at that thought.
I love Comrade so, so, so, so much for throwing me this party! It's amazing! It's like we're all on cloud nine! Maybe even ten!
"Alex! You look drunk," Celina says worriedly, taking a step closer. I shove the Jell-O shot in her face as I vigorously nod my head.
"Yep! I'm as drunk as a 70’s rock band and loving every minute of it!" I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air and giving a big whoop, followed by a bunch of other people whooping.
Celina laughs at me, before Axel steps in, "You won't be saying that in the morning."
I giggle at him and shove my other Jell-O shot into his hand, giggling again at the widening of his eyes.
"Wait one second!" I tell them, holding up one finger so that they understand.
I stumble back over to the drinks table and grab myself a yellow Jell-O shot before quickly scurrying back over to Celina and Axel.
I giggle before screaming loudly, "Cheers!"
I down my shot as Axel downs his, also downing Celina's. Oh yeah! Celina doesn't drink! I forgot about that! I giggle at my stupidity and happily skip away to where my bestest friends in the whole wide world are.
"Ally! Taylor!" I squeal with excitement. They both squeal, equally as excited before dragging me into a hug. We giggle and jump around for a while, probably looking like drunken idiots. On the other hand, we are drunken idiots!
I giggle over and over again as we continue jumping. I pull away with a gasp as I suddenly realise something. I love Comrade... I love Comrade!
"Comrade!" I scream as I run away from Ally and Taylor in search of my mate. I love him, I love him, I love him!
"Alex? Alex, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" Comrade's frantic voice fills my ears as two strong hands clamp onto my waist and spin me around to face a pair of dark eyes.
I giggle, swaying a little, before screaming again, "I love you!"
Comrade visibly relaxes and I giggle. Again! What's with all this giggling? It's even starting to annoy me and I'm drunk! I giggle at that thought.
"I know you love me, Alex!" Comrade murmurs before placing a soft kiss on my lips. I shake my head and point my finger into his chest, ignoring the eruption of sparks down my spine.
"No no no! You're supposed to say 'I love you, too, my amazing and perfect mate that I would never trade for a strawberry'!" I say in a low, manly tone, trying to impersonate Comrade. I remember way, way, way back, like way back, that Comrade and I fought about chocolate and strawberries and which one was better. Of course, chocolate is, but Comrade doesn't think so.
I giggle gleefully as I see Comrade's face turn into a scowl.
"I do not sound like that,” he grumbles. I giggle again and nod my head furiously, making myself a little dizzy.
"No, you do! You really, really do!" I say with a giggle again. Comrade rolls his eyes before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. I squeal in both excitement and outrage, thumping my fists on his back.
"Comrade! Put me down!" I tell with a laugh. Tears start falling from my eyes from the amount of laughter I'm doing. Good Goddess, I'm so drunk it's laughable.
"Thanks for coming, everyone! It's getting close to one so hightail it back to your own houses!" Comrade exclaims and in return gets a round of laughter. One o'clock! My birthday was over an hour ago! That's hilarious!
"Three cheers for the birthday girl!" the familiar voices of Ally and Taylor scream above both the music and the laughter.
"Hip hip! Hooray! Hip hip! Hooray! Hip hip! Hooray!" everyone cheers at the same time. I release a whoop that makes everyone laugh as Comrade turns around to take me inside.
I giggle the whole time as he takes me up the stairs to our room. I sigh dreamily – our room. That sounds so nice. I giggle again and I can just feel Comrade roll his eyes at me.
"You are gonna have the worst hangover tomorrow," I hear Comrade grumble. "So guess who's gonna be looking after ya? Me! You know why? I'm a good mate."
At this point, it sort of just sounds like he's talking to himself. I giggle, how funny's that? Talking to yourself! You know, they say that talking to yourself is the first sign of crazy. True fact!
All of a sudden, I leave Comrade's shoulder and land face first into a bed, our bed. I sigh again. Our bed.
I start squealing and kicking my legs as I feel Comrade start taking my shirt off. It tickles!
"C-Comrade! Stop! That t-tickles!" I squeal out between laughs. Comrade's hair falls over his eyes as he shakes his head with a chuckle. Upon my request, Comrade agreed to keep his hair long, but not surfer long, more like the long I wanted. I giggle again for the umpteenth time that night. That makes no sense...
"Well, Alex, unless you want to sleep in jeans and a shirt instead of a comfy and very sexy nightgown, I would highly recommend you stop moving." Comrade's
husky voice travels through my ears. I instantly stop moving, becoming as still as a board with my lips sucked into my mouth to keep myself from laughing.
Comrade continues to undress me and I suddenly feel all my energy start to drain.
COMRADE
As I finally get Alex's arms through the nightgown she bought a few days ago with Taylor, I see that her eyes are starting to droop. I half smile at the sight of her hair all messed up and her droopy eyes as well as the pout that's on her lips. I slowly lean in and give her a small peck on her pouting lips, making an airy giggle filter through the air.
I've honestly never heard Alex giggle so much in one night. It's both adorable and annoying, but more adorable.
"Comrade, come lay with me," Alex mumbles as she falls without any grace at all onto the bed. I chuckle and undress down to my boxers.
It's silent for a while as I just hold Alex's back to my chest. Her breathing hasn't evened out yet, so I know she's still awake. I unconsciously draw circles onto her hips until she turns around fully to face me.
I stared into her sleepy eyes, wondering what's hidden behind those stormy blue depths.
"Comrade?" Alex's quiet voice asks as it drifts through the air.
"Yes, Alex?" I ask back, equally quiet.
"You wanna know what I wished for? I wished that we could still be able to have a pup. That's what I wished for,” her sad voice trails off as she falls asleep with her head on my chest. My heart constricts as her words start to sink in.
After her miscarriage and my recovery, we went to see Aileen about having another pup. She pretty much told us that Alex's body wasn't fit to hold a pup and that the odds of us having one naturally is 17%. We haven't spoken about it since that day and having Alex bring it up, drunk or not, makes my heart shatter into a thousand pieces.
I don't deserve Alex. I don't deserve her strength or kindness or the way she makes people laugh. I deserve none of that, but I have her anyway and she has me.