The prison was winding down from another long day. Maintenance euals swept and disinfected the halls, while security euals were just coming online for their nightly patrol. Isaac had retreated to his lair of cameras, leaving no soumans in sight, other than those behind bars. Elaine stopped as she neared her suite, to glance back at her unfortunate home.
Sometimes it feels like a zoo, and the euals are the keepers. They are the only ones with true freedom. Their blue eyes, when regarded from afar, appeared as a long, undulating, ghostly snake, circling the soumans, ready to constrict around their necks. On the surface they seemed docile and even awkward with their ovoid bodies, but Elaine knew the specs of the automatons, and they were heavy, quick, and persistent. Ah well, nothing I can do. She turned, set a hand on her door handle, and though she tried to move, tried to turn the handle, she found her arm and hand were petrified in place.
At first, she knew she had been in this situation before, and had an extreme case of déjà-vu. Her arm shook as she tried to turn the handle, but something inside her, another presence, wouldn’t let her. I can’t fight this – I’ve got to understand it. So she eased on the pressure, and took a moment to catalogue the scene in front of her. It’s late, I’m outside my suite, no other souman is around. I have to go in there, as there is nowhere else to go. I just left my office, and Ronald, and Philip by now has taken his post outside the main entrance to the cell blocks. She thought for a moment longer, putting the pieces together. If someone wanted to surprise me, wanted to corner me, this would be the best place. No one could hear me scream, and if they had any authority, they could even command the euals to lock me in. It was then that she regained control of her hand. Suddenly, small details were revealed to her. The handle was turned down, just slightly, signaling someone had been through, as she always snapped the handle back up to make sure it was locked. She examined the handle even closer, and found it was slightly greasy, as if someone with perspiration on his hand had touched it. She then noticed an odor in the air, and while she couldn’t pinpoint it as it was too faint, she knew it could only be coming from whomever passed inside, as it wasn’t her odor, and the euals had recently disinfected the corridor.
So, someone is waiting for me inside, and means to do me harm. She nodded to herself, now prepared against the fear and surprise, and opened the door.
“Hello, Lainey.”
The room was dark, with only the light of the hallway drifting in. But she didn’t need the light to know who it was. She flipped the switch, flooding her suite with light, and threw her briefcase down.
“Why are you here, Todd?!”
Todd smiled wryly. “I’m tired of playing games, Lainey.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, with one foot still inside the door.
“Oh Elaine, why don’t you come in already! After all, if I wanted, the euals could close that door and snap off your leg.”
She closed it with a snap, and sat opposite him. “Fine. What do you want?”
“You can’t be that naïve. You certainly aren’t that dim.”
She could feel in her bones what he was about. There was a bulge in his pants, his brow was covered in sweat, his hands were fidgety, and he couldn’t keep his eyes on her face. “Why would you do this, Todd? You, of all people? You just don’t seem the type.”
“What, the type to run around with the prisoners, like Colin?” He paced back and forth, showing her only chair, picking up this or that object just to slam it back down again. “The type to get satisfaction from another, like Isaac? Or the type to lie with a smile, like you.”
She cringed in her seat, as she knew her secret was exposed.
“Damn you, damn you!” he screamed, his blubber quivering like a mass of gelatin in an earthquake. “Fucking around with that shit Ronald, when you could’ve had someone of refinement, of intelligence, like myself.”
Her mind raced, trying to find a way out, but the only avenue of escape involved killing Todd, and there were too many unknowns for her to take that option seriously.
“So what do you intend to do – rape me?”
Todd threw up his hands. “What else would you have me do? I could have you executed right now. You have crossed a line, and as such, your life is in my hands. I could ruin you, professionally, financially, make it so that you’ll never do anything in your life but pick up dead bodies and clean sewer lines. And all your little friends, all the little shits you pal around with, like Luke and John, well, I just might have to let Isaac have his way with them permanently. Or, you could lie down, pretend I’m Ronald, and let me have my way.”
A part of her screamed for vengeance, screamed to be let loose, to exterminate the foul waste of flesh before her, but Elaine maintained firm control over her body and psyche, and just listened, hoping a way out would make itself known. Serendipity can be a powerful adversary, said something inside her. One just has to know what to look for.
“Now, I’m sure you could choose that option of leaving, Lainey. Or, you could even choose to fight, and who knows, you might even make it to a knife, and end my great life. But I think I see something else in you. You’re on a mission, and though I haven’t figured out what it is, I know you’re on one just the same. You can’t leave, can’t kill me, because it would mean failure for you. And if there’s one thing I know about you, is that you despise failure.”
“Which is why I despise you,” she said through clenched teeth. “Someone who has failed to keep themselves in any semblance of shape. Someone who can’t control their impulses, who can’t even restrain themselves!”
Todd grinned a toothy grin, one with small bits of food pressed back against yellow enamel. “Good try, Lainey, but my mind’s made up. Now, are you going to get undressed, and lie there like a good girl, so I can get this over with?”
When it was done, and Todd left, Elaine curled in a ball and cried.
Why did you take it?! screamed a voice inside her. Why didn’t you kill him, wring his fat neck, cut open his jugular with your nails, twist off that little prick of his – anything?!
She got into the shower, avoiding the mirror, avoiding even looking at her body. She just stood under the hot water, shaking a little as she stared off into nothingness.
Why didn’t you let me rise! Why didn’t you let me in control?!
“I don’t even know who you are. And more importantly, Todd was right. I have something to do, here, and while I might need to know who I am, who you are, there are also many who count on me, who need me, who might fail without me. For them I accepted that sacrifice.”
Sacrifice! I never sacrifice! I come first, my life, above all others!
“Maybe you, but not me.” Elaine nodded to herself, as the voice inside faded away with the water, down the drain.
The next day, she worked out with the prisoners again. She had built up a great deal of muscle mass, and was even able to rival some of the larger men in lifting. But today, she wasn’t focused, and ended up not only dropping a lot of weight, but slamming the weights around. Twice she almost called Blake, who was circling around the perimeter, to have him beat down someone who wouldn’t get out of her way fast enough. When she was nearing the end of her workout, and was walking around to cool down, Matthew came up and spoke with her.
“What’s wrong?”
“What are you, my boyfriend?” she snapped. “I only hope I have better taste in men than you.”
Matthew’s expression barely flinched, and he asked again. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, nothing.”
Matthew nodded, and continued to walk with her around the weight room.
“Todd . . .” she began, struggling to keep her composure. “Todd came by, last night.”
Matthew raised an eyebrow, but kept the same expression. “Why did you let him live?”
“If I killed him, all the work we have done, all that we have left to do, would be lost.”
“You did this . . . for us?”
She shrugged tiredly. “I suppose.”
“Elaine,” he said, as he came to a stop, forcing her to stop as well. “I can’t say anything to make this pain go away. I can’t hold you, or give you the comfort you deserve as a souman being, because I am a prisoner. But you must know that many soldiers make sacrifices for the good of their unit, for the good of their country. For we are at war, my love, with those who seek to break us, seek to keep us in stasis. We have all taken punishment and pain, whether it be Luke with his sexuality, or John with the excessive beatdowns he’s suffered. You cannot wage war without setbacks, and it is how you deal with those setbacks, with those defeats, that tell if you are deserving of victory.”
“But we lost, didn’t we?” she asked weakly. “That’s why we are here, contained with all this filth.”
“Who knows what battles we fought, and who knows what battles we shall fight again? All I can say, is that John proved himself to be the greatest of warriors when, through all the torture, all the abuse, he persevered! Luke earned my undying respect with his ability to accept what was done to him, what was thought of him, and move on! And you Elaine, while you earned my respect long ago, I now know you must be someone truly remarkable, to sacrifice what you did for us. You are magnificent!”
She smiled awkwardly, as a great feeling of joy and warmth ran through her. She began to well up, and wanted to embrace him tightly. But Matthew held up a hand to stop her.
“Stop, dear Elaine. This is more of the sacrifice that we must make. We cannot hold each other, cry into each other’s arms for comfort. We must remain alone, and endure. Above all else, we must endure.”
They stood as two great trees, separated by a wide field, whose branches have bent in sympathy to one another, but can never touch. Only words like fallen leaves carried by the winds of thought could bridge the gulf.
“Yes, Matthew, we shall. I shall.”
That night, she knelt beside her bed. She didn’t sleep in it the night before, after Todd had left. It sat, still disheveled, the imprint of his bulk still obvious in the mattress. It was late, well past midnight, and yet she still knelt beside her bed, waiting, wondering.
Am I doing the right thing? Should I do as this thing inside me wants, and go the way of blood and death, or should I keep true to these people, to their future, and make who knows what other sacrifice will be asked of me later on? I feel so impotent, so out of control, sitting here, locked in this room. There is no one in my bed for me to talk to, no friend to call to debate with, who would play the advocate to test my decisions. It all is in my mind, in this room, with these four walls. And I can’t even get up the courage to sleep in my own bed. She curled up on the cold ground with only her bathrobe to comfort her, and drifted off into a fitful sleep.