Of course, it had been a long time since she’d thought that. Recently she’d really begun to like the way he looked and now…now he was so different.
“I wish my skin was the same color as yours,” he said, holding his arm alongside hers to compare. “But I’m glad you find me easier to look at now.”
“I never found you hard to look at,” Lauren protested. “In fact…Here, lean down a little.”
Obediently, he crouched down so she could reach around behind his neck. Lauren felt for the leather thong that kept his hair tied in the tight club at the back of his neck. Carefully, she unknotted it and pulled it free.
The effect was dramatic. A thick, glossy curtain of blue-black hair fell down around Xairn’s muscular shoulders. It framed his face, softening his stern features, and making him look more than ever like a model on the front of a romance novel.
“Wow,” Lauren breathed, stepping back to look at him. “See, now I’ve been wanting to do that almost from the first moment I saw you. And that was long before you turned into Mr. GQ.”
He frowned and ran a hand over his hair. “Why should you want to let my hair down?”
“Because I wanted to do this.” Reaching up, she ran her fingers through his silky black mane. Truly, he looked magnificent, but what really made him attractive were the traces of the old Xairn she could see peeking out through his gorgeous new exterior.
Xairn shivered under her touch like a nervous animal but didn’t draw away. Instead he held perfectly still as she caressed him. “Why?” he whispered. “Why would you want to…to touch me so?”
“Because I like you.” Lauren pulled him closer and he came to her willingly, his gorgeous, sea-colored eyes wide and uncertain. “Xairn, I think…I think I might be starting to love you,” she confessed. “And not because of this…because of how you look. Because of all we’ve been through together. Everything you’ve done for me… risked for me… given up for me. You’re the sweetest, kindest, most noble man I know.”
“You’re wrong,” he whispered hoarsely as she drew him closer. “I am not any of those things.”
“You’re all that and more,” Lauren insisted. She put her arms around his neck and stood on her tiptoes. “I wanted to do this too, you know,” she murmured. Gently, she brushed his lips with hers.
Xairn’s reaction was immediate and intense. Arms like warm, flexible steel suddenly crushed her against him and his mouth covered hers, insistent and demanding.
At first Lauren was a little frightened but then she relaxed into his grip. She could feel the need in him—need that had been buried for years and years, desire he’d been too afraid of to ever let see the light of day. Can’t let him think I’m afraid of him. Can’t feed the image he has of himself as some kind of sexual monster.
Moaning softly, she opened her mouth to him, inviting him in, trusting him. Xairn hesitated at first but then she felt his tongue enter her slowly. She caressed it gently with her own, inviting him to do more, to explore. Xairn took her invitation eagerly, threading his fingers through her hair and growling softly deep in his chest as he pulled her even closer.
Lauren was still wearing the fuzzy purple robe she’d put on the night before and she was bare underneath. As Xairn pulled her to him, the robe opened up and she moaned breathlessly to feel her naked breasts rub against his broad, bare chest.
There was a hard bulge in the black boxer briefs he was wearing and it pressed insistently against her thigh, dangerously close to her unprotected pussy. Lauren had a brief thought about how he’d claimed to have double the usual equipment down there but from what she could feel, it was perfectly normal. Well, maybe not completely normal—it did feel awfully large. Maybe she’d get a chance to explore and find out exactly what…
“Stop!” Xairn broke the kiss abruptly.
“What? Why?” Lauren looked up dazedly, trying to find the reason in his eyes. “Do you want to go to bed? Because I agree this isn’t the best place for this.” She gestured around the bathroom with its deep blue fixtures and the bathtub still filled with congealed pink oatmeal stuff from her abandoned bath of the night before.
“No, I do not wish to take you on the bed.” Xairn’s voice was hoarse and the hot, hard ridge Lauren could still feel against her thigh throbbed as though in denial of his words.
“Where then?” she asked, frowning.
“Nowhere. I…I do not wish to take you at all.”
“You’re lying,” Lauren said softly. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek and looked into those new, beautiful sea-colored eyes. “You want me, Xairn—I can feel it.” She nudged him with her thigh and had the satisfaction of seeing him jump. “And I want you.” She nodded down at herself to where her tight nipples were still rubbing against the broad, tan planes of his chest. “We want each other,” she clarified. “We need each other. And I don’t see one good reason we shouldn’t give in to that need.”
“Because I feel for you as well.” Gently but firmly he took her hands and put them down by her sides. Then he stepped back, breaking all physical contact between them. “I don’t know what to call it but I want…I want to shelter you from pain, to keep you safe from harm. To comfort you when you’re sad. To put my body between you and any danger that might befall you.” He shook his head. “It’s a very strange and confusing emotion.”
“It sounds like love to me,” she said quietly. “If you love me, why are you pulling away?”
“Because of everything I told you last night. Because of what I am.” He shook his head and looked away from her naked body, framed in the fuzzy purple robe. “And it’s because I care for you that I must leave you. I’ll see you safely home to your planet but then…then I must go.”
“Go where?” Lauren reached for him but he ducked away from her touch. “Will you come back and see me?”
“No.” He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Never.”
“What?” Stung and surprised, Lauren began to cry. Hot tears welled up in her eyes and ran down her cheeks before she could stop them.
“What did you expect?” he asked roughly. “For me to stay on Earth with you? Live as a human? Just because I look like one now doesn’t mean I am one inside, you know.”
“I…I know.” Lauren sniffed and tried to stop crying. “I don’t know what I expected but I hoped you might stay…at least awhile.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I must go.”
“Why? Because of what your people do?” Lauren sniffed again and glared at him fiercely. “I don’t accept that. I don’t care how the men in your race treat women or what you’ve seen your father do—you’re not them, Xairn. You’re you. And I know you wouldn’t treat me that way. I know you would never hurt me.”
“You’re wrong,” he said in a low voice. “More wrong than you know.”
“Maybe I am at that.” The tears wanted to come back but Lauren wouldn’t let them. “Because you have hurt me—worse than I’ve ever been hurt in my life.”
“What?” He looked startled. “I haven’t laid a hand on you. Not in the way of my people, anyway.”
“No, but you’re leaving me as soon as we get back to Earth. Leaving without even trying to explore these feelings we have for each other.” Lifting her chin, Lauren looked him in the eye. “And that hurts worse than any rough, kinky BDSM-type fantasy ever could. You haven’t just wounded my body, Xairn—you’ve wounded my heart.”
He opened his mouth to reply but Lauren didn’t want to hear it—didn’t want to hear more excuses. Straightening her shoulders, she drew the robe close around herself and stalked out of the bathroom. If that was the way he wanted it, then so be it. It was clear he was serious about dropping her off on Earth and leaving her without a backwards glance. Fine then, she wasn’t going to beg.
But it hurt. Oh God, it hurt much worse than she ever could have believed possible. And she couldn’t stop hearing his deep voice in her head saying those sweet words, I want to shelter you from pain, to keep you safe from harm. To co
mfort you when you’re sad. To put my body between you and any danger that might befall you.
It was love all right, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t care for her enough to stay. To take a chance. Oh Xairn, she thought sorrowfully. If only you were as willing to risk your heart for me as you are to risk your body.
If only…
Chapter Fifteen
Xairn watched her go with a fierce ache in his heart he couldn’t explain. Why couldn’t she understand that he was doing this for her own good? He no more wanted to leave her on Earth and never see her again than Lauren wanted him to go. But he couldn’t help himself—if he allowed himself to get close to her, his true nature would come out.
Briefly, he allowed himself to relive the sweet moment when she’d pressed her lips to his. That…kiss, yes, that was what she had called it. That kiss which had started out so soft and tender and then turned into something else—something more. Xairn had wanted her then, especially when she parted her lips and offered him the freedom to explore her, to know her completely. He’d had dark visions of dropping to his knees and parting her other lips—her sweet, soft pussy lips with his tongue as well. He wanted desperately to taste her, to lap open her willing little cunt and explore her hidden treasures while she moaned and gripped his hair, begging him to do more, to go farther….
But I can’t. I mustn’t. For if he allowed himself to taste and explore her body, other things were certain to follow. Things his body yearned for but which were considered perversions by others.
Sighing, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. There were no tears in him anymore—they had gone after his pet urlich, Sanja, had died. But for some reason his eyes were burning now and he felt a lump in his throat that wouldn’t go down no matter how hard he swallowed.
He breathed deeply, trying to push the unwanted emotions away, and caught a faint fragrance from somewhere. Her scent, it must be Lauren’s scent. He’d been stroking her hair as he kissed her—it was all over his hands.
His first impulse was to wash his hands but he couldn’t bear to do that. Instead he cupped his palms to his face and inhaled, trying to breathe her in, trying to memorize her forever. Then he frowned—it was different somehow, her scent. Essentially the same but slightly changed. She smelled like…
“She smells like me,” he whispered in a rough voice. It was true—it was as though he’d scent marked her in the way of the Kindred. But how…? Suddenly he understood. The DNA exchange. Lauren had wondered what she had gotten from him—this was it. It wasn’t much—nothing she would ever notice herself. But it would keep any other male of the Kindred or Scourge race away from her forever. Her new scent branded her as belonging to another male—to him—as surely as if he’d laid all the marks of possession on her.
Forgive me, Lauren, he thought, breathing in her altered but still lovely scent once more. Forgive me for branding you as mine when I am not fit to claim you.
Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. He would have to go on with his plan. They had to see Slk once more to be certain the DNA alteration was stable and then he would take her back through the wormhole to her own solar system and Earth.
And after he dropped her off? Xairn didn’t know. He only knew that he had to leave her and never see her again. The knowledge was like a stone tied in his chest but there was nothing he could do about it. If he truly loved Lauren—if his twisted heart was capable of such emotion—he would leave her and never look back.
No matter how much it hurt.
* * * * *
“Ah, hmmm. Yes, satisfactory. Most satisfactory.” Slk paced—or slithered might be a better word since he had tentacles for legs—around the two of them, nodding in obvious approval. “The alteration was a complete success.”
Lauren thought he sounded awfully pleased with himself. “Are you sure?” she asked. “I mean, it’s clear that it worked on him.” She gestured to her left where the new and improved eye-candy-Xairn stood. “I mean, he looks completely different. But what about me? I can’t find a single thing that’s changed.” Well, except for her pinky finger but she was certain that was nothing—just that stupid nightmare she’d had still lingering in the back of her subconscious.
“Never fear, my dear Lauren—you are changed. Subtly but substantially. You should now be able to travel safely back to your own world with no one the wiser.” He squinted at them with all three eyes. “But neither of your faces reveal the standard signs of joy. In fact you seem somewhat depressed. Are you not pleased at the successful alteration and the prospect of returning home?”
“We’re pleased,” Xairn said gruffly. “We thank you, Slk, for a job well done. And now we’ll take our leave.”
“Ah, hmmm, not so hasty, my friend.” Slk slithered over to peer into Xairn’s face. “Before I let you go, I must warn you of something.”
“Make it fast,” Xairn growled. “We need to go.”
“It is only this—any time you alter DNA there is always the possibility of it returning to its original state. This should not be a problem for Lauren—the change in her was extremely subtle and slight. But for you, Xairn, your Scourge DNA is very strong and persistent. It resists being altered in any way. You should beware of any sudden, dramatic emotional upheaval. It could undo the work I have done on you and allow your Scourge DNA to dominate once again.”
Xairn frowned. “I’ll keep it in mind but I don’t believe it will be a problem. Not after—” He stopped abruptly but Lauren knew what he had been about to say. Not after he gets rid of me. Because I’m the one who causes him to have too many emotions, who makes him feel things he’d rather burry and remember things he’d rather forget. She tried not to be bitter about it but it still stung, the idea that he would leave her rather than even give what might have grown between them a try.
“I feel I have to give you warning because any reversal of the process would be permanent.” Slk gestured with all eight hands. “I would not be able to alter your DNA again. So have a care, my friend.”
“I will.” Xairn nodded shortly and then they all stood there, not saying anything.
“Well, I see you need to be going,” Slk said at last, filling the awkward silence. “I wish you safe journey to your destination’s end.”
“Thank you, Slk,” Lauren said politely. “And, uh, I’m sorry if I left the bathroom in kind of a mess. I’m afraid the bathtub is filled with some weird pink oatmeal stuff.”
Slk waved all eight of his hands dismissively. “Not to worry, my dear. I’ll have one of my servants clean it up. And now, I have work to do.”
“Good bye.” Xairn nodded at the alien geneticist and jerked his head at Lauren. “Come.” Then he was off, striding down the long hallway they’d come in by the night before, his boot heels clicking on the purple-brown stone floor. Lauren had to almost run to keep up with him.
Come. Just as if I was his dog, she thought, fuming. “I’m coming,” she said in her coldest voice as she caught up to him. “I know you can’t wait to get rid of me.”
“You know that isn’t how I feel.” They reached the blank stone wall and he pressed his hand to it, muttering something in an alien language under his breath. The crack opened and they stepped through into the parking area filled with large stalls.
“How do you feel then?” Lauren demanded.
“I have told you how I feel. There is no need to repeat it.” He was staring straight ahead as he walked purposefully down the broad corridor between stalls. Lauren wanted to make him stop and look at her, make him answer her question truthfully.
“If you really feel for me then stop running from me,” she said.
“I am not running,” he said, walking faster than ever.
“Bullshit!” she exclaimed, loosing her patience. They were passing a stall with no ship in it and her voice echoed in the empty space. “At least look at me! At least—”
Someone slapped a hand over her mouth and pulled her backward into the dark, empty stall.
Lauren began struggling at once but arms like iron bands were wrapped around her and the hand over her mouth was gripping her jaw so tightly she couldn’t even open her lips to scream or bite. She was concealed in the shadows, just around the corner, and she could see Xairn walking away from her, getting further and further down the row of parking stalls, but she knew he wouldn’t be able to see her.
“At least what?” he asked, still walking. When there was no answer, he turned, frowning to look where she had been. “Lauren?” His eyes widened. “Where are you?”
Here, she thought frantically, struggling against her unseen assailant to make some kind of noise. Even a moan or a gasp would do but there was another hand now, locked around her throat. It was all she could do to breath in a trickle of air, let alone make any sounds.
“Lauren?” Xairn was looking around, obviously beginning to panic. “Where are you?”
He’ll find me in a minute. He won’t leave without me—I know he won’t. No matter how much he dislikes having feelings for me, he would never leave without—
“Here I am, Master Xairn.”
To Lauren’s horror, a girl who looked just like her suddenly emerged from the stall directly in front of them and walked toward Xairn. She was even wearing the exact same silvery-blue, too-big muumuu Lauren had on.
Xairn frowned at her. “Since when am I your ‘master?’”
“As you wish, Master Xairn.” The Lauren clone nodded and smiled at him. “Shall we go?”
His eyes narrowed. “And where exactly are we going?”
“Where ever you wish, of course, Master Xairn.” She nodded and smiled vacantly. “Shall we go?”
“I’m not going anywhere until I find Lauren.”
“I am Lauren.” The Lauren clone tried to put her arms around his neck but he pushed her away.
“No, you’re not. Where is she?”
Thank God! Lauren felt weak with relief but it was short-lived.