Chapter Thirty - Departures
He was in the docking bay, two interstellar craft looming over him. They were about to leave. They were splitting up. Pandemonium was to be destroyed. The administration had written off their investment but they were not prepared to abandon Dezlin's ship, Julia was flying it back, Paize was taking his own craft. Alizen was travelling with her Team-Leader, Fenton was going with Julia. She was taking him back to his lonely flat in Karnos. He was sorry not to be leaving with Alizen but he was glad of the chance to get to know Julia a little better. He'd liked her from the start.
Paize and Julia were already inside their respective ships, making preparations, loading up Graeme's algorithms, computing the precarious flight path that would lead them safely out of the fury of Hell and back into normal space. He was alone again, standing by an observation panel, a window overlooking the universe, staring into space. He'd forgotten how beautiful it was.
'Hi.'
He turned to see Alizen. Her face was still darkened with sorrow. She had a bag flung over her shoulder. Under her arm were two of Graeme's precious books. He was relieved to see neither of them were Milton. He looked at them in surprise. She'd never struck him as being sentimental.
'I know,' she said, registering his expression, 'it goes against my better nature but I just had a feeling I'd be sorry later if I didn't take something to remember him by.' She'd got the heavy books out from under her arm and was now holding one awkwardly in each hand. 'I think this was one of his favourites,' she waved a copy of Marlowe at him. 'I thought you might like one,' hesitantly she passed him the other book. Cautiously he took it with both hands, confused, touched by the gesture but not sure he really wanted it, not sure he wanted to remember. He glanced at the title in bemusement, Astrophil and Stella. 'I think it's poetry,' she said apologetically, 'it was one of the lighter ones.'
She slipped her book back under her arm. There was another embarrassed pause. He broke it.
'I'm sorry about Graeme.'
'I'm sorry too. You know it wasn't your fault. You saved us. Thank you.'
He was slipping away, losing himself over her, again.
'You saved me. I thought you were dead. I thought it had killed you. I was so angry. There didn't seem to be any point to anything without you. You know how I feel, how I feel about you.' He shouldn't be doing this, Graeme was barely cold and he was pressing her again. It was wrong, but he couldn't help himself. He had a new sense of urgency about how important life was.
'Hang on, Mark, not so fast. Give me some time. Let's be friends again first.'
The wheel had turned full circle. They were back to where they had begun. It was so hard to just be her friend but then he remembered the last three years. They had been empty without her. The pain was worth it.
'Yes,' he smiled, 'friends would be good. I've missed you.'
Instinctively she smiled back, her face lightening, eyes glittering. 'I've missed you too, Mark.' There was an awkward pause. 'What will you do now?'
'I've been thinking about that. I thought my life was over. Time's been given back to me. I want to use it. I've been running away for too long. It's time I re-engaged with life. Time I got out of my box. I thought I might go back to Gadder, meet some new people, enjoy myself a bit. You never know I may take the exams this time. Maybe I'll stay on, I always meant to. I've got a book I was writing. I could turn it into a thesis. After that who knows, there are lots of possibilities.' He was surprising himself. He'd always felt trapped before, cornered. Suddenly there seemed more options, more chances for his life then he could ever have imagined. It was exciting. 'What about you, will you be alright? Will he forgive your little act of rebellion, your foot stomping?'
She was still smiling. Rapture. She patted the butt of her gun, poking out of its holster. 'He's given me this back so I think I'm forgiven. I'll probably get a lecture during the journey back though. Good job we'll be asleep for most of it. Anyway, there are more important things in life than careers, things like friendship. And there're always jobs for doctors. As you said there are lots of possibilities.'
There was another difficult silence.
'You'll call me?' she asked.
'How do I do that, Dr Retta, you're a super-secret agent now. How do I track you down?'
'The same way you could have done in the last three years, look me up on the index. I'm there. I haven't ceased to exist. Call me, unless you're scared.'
'I'm not scared of anything, remember? I'm Mark Fenton and I'm fearless. I'll track you down.'
'You don't have to.' She reached inside her jacket and produced a Stickit! note. He was still cradling the heavy book in both hands. She slapped the note on the window. 'It's my number. I've found yours. I'm SSD, remember? You can't hide from me, unless you go running back to the outsiders again.'
'No more running, Alizen. I'll call you.'
'Good. Time to go. They'll be waiting for us. I'll hear from you soon. Don't leave it too long. Calling is a lot simpler and safer than waiting for something like this to happen again.'
She was turning to leave. He still had something to say.
'Just one last thing. I'm not convinced about what Paize said, about why it didn't kill you when it had the chance. I've thought of another possibility. I think Graeme was still hanging in there somewhere, still fighting it. He wouldn't let it kill you.'
She had turned back. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips.
'Thank you. Goodbye, Mark.'
She was walking away, back to Paize, back to the SSD.
'Alizen!'
She turned round again. 'Yes?'
'Look after yourself.'
She smiled back. 'You too, Mark.' She walked up the ramp and stepped through the open doorway. It closed behind her.
He turned back to the window and the Stickit! note. He slipped the book under his arm. He was about to reach for it but then he hesitated. What was he letting himself in for? More grief? More pain? It didn't matter. Leaving it was impossible. He reached for it again and then the symbolism struck him. It was a window overlooking the universe and her name and number were at the centre of it. Typical. He smiled as he peeled the note off the glass.
It was time to go. He took one last look at the vista. It wasn't just a window overlooking the universe, it was a window overlooking the future. What would it hold? Some things felt very different. But some things felt the same. Would he always feel the same about her? Would he get over her? Would he have to? There were always possibilities, there was always hope. What ever happened though he would never forget her, never forget how she had made him feel. That would always be important to him. He had loved her for so long. There had been times when he'd thought it a handicap, that his love for her had destroyed his life, paralysing him like a fractured limb that would never set. But it had saved him. The love and the anger had saved him. He couldn't forget her. He didn't want to forget her. The memories of her and his love would always be with him. It was part of him. It would nourish him, sustain him, remind him who he was. Some things would never change. Some things were too important to forget.
He turned to the other ship. Looking up to the cockpit he could see Julia through the window. She grinned, giving him a jaunty salute. He returned it with a smile. How long had she been watching? She must have been waiting for him. The future was waiting for him. The future! For so long it had been a frightening formless grey blur that oppressed him. Now it glittered and shined before him, its myriad possibilities liberating. He wasn't afraid of it anymore. He had thought his life was over, his future measured in seconds but it had been given back to him. It was still there, shimmering brightly. There for him to take.
There for him to make.
THE END
Afterward
Aidan Grave is terribly serious, and a bit morbid.
Fracture: A Window Overlooking the Universe is my first novel. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did then do leave me a positive review but please don't give
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