The police detective is obviously still dressed for an evening out.. If I were a little more juvenile, I would give Max a thumbs-up because Carly Michaels is a very attractive woman, and if the form-fitting black dress she’s wearing is any indication, she looks just as good under her clothing. Who in the hell am I kidding; I’ll comment on it to him for sure the next time we’re alone.
“Miss Adams…Lia, I know this is hard, but let’s go over it one more time from the top. If you don’t have any objections, I’ll record your statement this time. I’m sorry to put you through this again, but I’ve found that sometimes things are clearer after you’ve had time to reflect on your initial memories of the event.”
When Lia’s eyes fly to me as if concerned by my presence, I say, “Honey, I can step out in the hallway if it’ll be easier for you?”
She looks conflicted for a moment before saying, “Please, don’t leave. I want you here, just…”
I know what she is trying to say. She’s afraid that what I hear will change how I feel about her. It’s likely to tear me apart and infuriate me all to Hell, but it won’t make me walk away. She doesn’t realize the hold she has over me; even I don’t understand it. I never intended to be in this kind of position again, especially with someone just as damaged as I am. Nevertheless, Lia became a part of me before I even knew what was happening. I can no more cut her from my life and survive than I can stop breathing. “It won’t change anything,” I reassure her while bracing myself for her story. Max excuses himself from the room, not wanting to make Lia more uncomfortable.
“All right, Lia, I’m ready,” Carly says as she lays a recorder on the bedside table. “Just take your time and go from the top, please.”
Lia takes a couple of breaths before beginning haltingly. “I…finished my last class at school early and had some time to kill before Sam was to pick me up. I had been staying with Lucian and needed some clothing from my apartment, which was just down the block from school. I thought I could pick up my things and be back in plenty of time to catch my ride. I was checking the mail in the lobby of my apartment building when suddenly someone grabbed me from behind. I was so surprised I didn’t even try to fight until after I was pulled into the storage room. I was turned until I was facing my stepfather, Jim Dawson. When I started to struggle, he punched me in the stomach with his fist, driving the breath from me. While I was trying to recover, he took his belt off and used it to tie my hands. Then he stuffed some type of cloth into my mouth and put tape over it. The taste was so bad I started to gag, but he told me if I vomited, he would leave the tape on so I choked to death on my own puke.”
When Lia stops to take a drink of water, her eyes dart to mine and I do my best to give her an easy smile. I hate that she’s going through something so traumatic and appears to be more worried about me than herself. I vow, as I look into her apprehensive eyes, that I’ll keep it together. All of my feelings of anger, despair, and helplessness are solely because I let the bastard get to her. In her vulnerable state, though, I realize it would be entirely too easy for her to assume I don’t want her anymore, which is fucking far from the truth. Uncaring of our audience, I lean over and press a kiss to her lips. “Doesn’t change a thing, baby.” She blinks back tears before turning back to Detective Michaels. The other woman looks intrigued by the interaction between us but quickly drops her professional mask back into place.
“Do you need to rest for a bit before continuing, Lia?” she asks, seeming to understand how difficult this is for her. I wonder if Lia would be afforded this courtesy if not for Max’s relationship with the police detective.
“I’m okay,” Lia says quietly before continuing. “He was so angry, almost hyper with it. I thought that maybe he might be taking something because he seemed almost manic. I remember he kept laughing, as if the whole thing was hysterical. Then, in the blink of an eye, he would be raging. The first thing I remember him saying after he had me subdued was, ‘You thought you had me, didn’t you? You stupid little whore, who do you think you are?’ Then he bent over, laughing as if he had said something so funny. He chanted, ‘I’ll show you…I’ll show you,’ repeatedly as he…started trying to remove my clothes. He got mad when he couldn’t get my shirt over my hands since he had them tied together. He started yanking them as if somehow it would help. Finally, he pulled a knife from his pocket and cut them, both my bra and shirt. When I tried to turn away so he couldn’t look at me…he slapped me before throwing me to the floor. My head hit the corner of one of the lockers, and I was disoriented for a few minutes. Just enough time for him to take off my pants and underwear.” Instead of looking at Detective Michaels, she turns to me, almost pleading as she continues. “I tried to fight—I really did, but he was so much stronger than me. He straddled my legs and…started touching me.”
When she pauses, Detective Michaels asks, “Where did he touch you, Lia?”
Lia closes her eyes for a moment as if gathering strength before opening them again. I know she is watching me to gauge my reaction, which lets me know that what she has to say next is going to be painful for both of us. I hold her gaze without looking away, trying to convey without words that no matter what she says, I will still be right here next to her. “First, he grabbed my breasts,” she begins quietly but resolutely. “He pinched them until I cried out and then squeezed them repeatedly. Then he…lowered his hand between my legs and stuck several fingers into my…vagina. He seemed to want me to cry, and he continued doing it until I did.”
“Fucking bastard,” I snap, unable to hold the words at bay. Even though I had guessed at what happened to her, hearing the words from her lips is sheer torture. Knowing he had his hands on her—in her—was enough to wreck me. When Lia stops talking, I squeeze her leg, nodding for her to continue despite my outburst.
In a husky voice, she picks up where she left off. “He then lowered his pants enough to release his penis. I…I bucked and twisted, trying to throw him off.” Pointing to her nose, she adds, “That’s when he hit me with his fist. Before I knew what was happening, he was trying to push inside me, and even as I cried, waiting for it to happen, it never did. He…he couldn’t get it to go in. He wasn’t hard enough. That’s when he really lost it and started hitting, kicking, and biting me.” She wipes at the tears trailing down her face as she says, “It hurt, but I didn’t care because it was better than the alternative. He kept calling me a filthy whore and saying it was my fault he couldn’t perform because I was too disgusting to him. I began getting really dizzy and fading in and out. When he picked up his knife and said he was going to show Lucian and the rest of the world what I really was, and this time there would be no mistaking his mark on me, I went crazy. He was going to carve the word ‘whore’ into my stomach with his knife. He punched me again when I kept fighting, and that’s the last thing I remember. I must have passed out.”
Detective Michaels stops her recorder before walking over to look down at Lia. “I know this may sound trite, but you are lucky to have survived something like that intact. I’ve seen so many who didn’t make it out. I realize you have a long road ahead of you, but please remember in the end that he wasn’t able to take what he wanted from you. You won because you’re here.”
“I know,” Lia agrees softly. “I had already accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to leave that room alive. So when I woke up here in the hospital, I thought I was still there…with him. I just…wanted to die rather than let him have me. I don’t know if I would have wanted to live if he had been able to do what he wanted to.”
“You’d be surprised at what you can overcome, Lia,” the other woman says before changing the subject. “I think that’s all I need for now. We’re doing everything we can to locate him, and I’ll keep you updated if anything new develops.” After she leaves, Lia studies her hands, as if afraid to look at me.
I get to my feet and ask if she needs to go to the restroom before we settle in for the evening. “No, your aunt helped me earlier before Ms.
Michaels arrived. I think I’m good for a while.” I nod before removing my shoes and lowering the rail on her bed before climbing in. I pull her gently into my arms and attempt to relax.
“I’m so sorry, baby, about everything you went through. I’d give anything if I could go back and keep that from happening to you.”
The sound of big, gulping sobs fills the room as she cries against my chest. “Do you think I’m ugly now?” she asks between racking sobs. My heart breaks at her question, and I wonder how to convince her that she’ll never be anything but beautiful to me, both inside and outside. No matter how much ugliness has tried to touch her.
“No, baby; God no. I will never see anything but beauty when I look at you. I am in awe of your strength. Few people could survive what you have and worry only about the feelings of others. You make me and everyone around you want to be a better version of ourselves just to be worthy of you. There is nothing in the world that your stepfather could have done to make you ugly. I hurt when I look at you because I know you are suffering. But when you are healed and ready, I’ll worship you, every inch of you, and I will only ever see you, Lia…only you.”
She relaxes into my arms and raises her head to kiss my neck. As I lay holding her, lost in my own thoughts, I hear her say the words that almost stop my heart. “I love you, Luc.” Her rhythmic breathing lets me know she’s asleep or close, and I wonder if she’s even aware of what she just said. I cycle between wanting to pull her closer and wanting to run away. Even though I know that deep feelings exist between us, I’m nowhere near ready to put a name to them. I don’t know if I’m even capable of entertaining it. Her emotions are all over the place right now, and it’s understandable that she would say things she might normally not. I swore I’d never give that kind of power to a woman again, and no matter how strongly I feel for Lia, I can’t break that oath, at least not right now when my world seems to be on the brink once again of descending into chaos. I decide not to mention it and hope it won’t become an issue between us. I can’t bear the thought of losing her, but right now, I feel we both have enough to deal with in our lives without adding the extra complications that love could bring with it.
Chapter Five
Lia
I’m being released from the hospital today, five days after my attack. Detective Michaels, as well as the nurses, have told me how lucky I am to have survived. When I look at myself, seeing my once-clear skin now riddled with black and blue marks along with the teeth impressions of a monster, I don’t feel lucky. I’m tainted with the type of dirty no amount of bathing can remove. My body, which was so familiar to me only days before now, seems foreign. The cuts and bruises will heal, I’m told; soon, there will be nothing but possibly a few scars left. I can put it all behind me and get on with my life as if it never happened. I hear some version of that almost every day. Do they really believe it to be that easy, or are they that fucking delusional? Would they be speaking these same patronizing words if they had been brutally attacked by someone who should have only protected them? Can anyone other than another victim truly understand the sense of betrayal and shame which comes from being sexually assaulted by a parent or stepparent? I have learned to live my life despite the fact that those feelings rise at times to suffocate me, the burn on my back a constant reminder of the atrocities that someone can commit against another.
The fact that my mother knows, has always known, is an even greater cross to bear. In my lifetime, I’ve never known what it was like to be loved unconditionally until I met Debra. She is a loud, brash, business owner, but she’s a fierce protector of those she loves. The day I walked into her restaurant, desperately needing a job, was one of the best days ever for me. Debra and her boyfriend, Martin, took me under their wing, and I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have without them. She visited me yesterday, and thankfully, she was one of the few people not to tell me how lucky I am to have made it. I don’t think I could have handled her sugarcoating things for me, because that’s just not who she is. Instead, she called my stepfather a ‘fucking, evil prick’ who needed to be taught a lesson. She was very detailed in what that lesson should entail, too. I loved her for understanding that I can’t sit around and just be thankful that my lot in life wasn’t as bad as it could be. She understood that I needed to vent even if I could only do it with insults.
And Lucian…I’ve alternated between wanting to hide myself away from him so he can’t see all the ugliness, which now seems such a dominant part of me and wanting to stay wrapped in his arms so he can protect me from the world as he’s promised to do. When he makes that vow, I know he genuinely believes he can keep me from harm’s way. He is loyal to those he cares about and gives more than he ever realizes to protect them. I don’t know the details, but I feel certain that he almost gave his life to save his friend, and possibly lover, Cassie. What I wouldn’t give to know what transpired between them. Is her story similar to mine? Is he drawn to me because I represent someone he couldn’t save in his past? I’ve spent a lot of time the last few days obsessing on what I don’t know about him. Maybe it’s easier to focus on his problems and avoid my own, or maybe I just need to understand the man who hasn’t left the hospital since I was admitted.
I’ve allowed myself to fall in love with Lucian Quinn, and at a particularly weak point during my hospital stay, I admitted as much to him. I pretended to be asleep afterwards, not wanting to face what was sure to be an awkward moment between us. I know he cares about me; no one would do all he has for me unless they felt something. Sexually, we catch fire when we’re together, never seeming to be able to get enough of each other. Even now, as broken as I am in both body and spirit, I long for his possession. He makes me feel beautiful and desired when we are together, something I’ve never had before. He is a brilliant, intense man and everything he touches flourishes under his hand, just as I do.
He has held me, comforted me, teased me, and took great care of me while I’ve lain in the hospital bed, with what has seemed like an endless stream of tears. I’ve wallowed in self-pity, something I’ve never given into before, no matter how bad my life was. His aunt talked to me yesterday about possibly taking some medication in the short-term until I have a better handle on my emotions. When I mentioned it to Lucian, he seemed upset. It was almost as if he took it as a personal challenge to help me take back control without medicating. He asked that I try to hold off and give myself time before taking any medications. It made me curious as to what his aversion to antidepressants was. Had he used them in the past and had a bad experience? From the way he had been fidgeting and pacing at times during the last five days, I had to wonder if maybe he wouldn’t benefit from something for anxiety himself. I was sure that he had been smoking, as well, though he had yet to admit it when I’d asked him about the smell. At first, I thought it was secondhand from Aidan, or even Max, but inevitably, when he walked outside, he came back smelling like tobacco. For all I knew, it was something he had randomly done for years. I’d never noticed the smell before, though, nor seen any hints of it in his apartment. Lucian was a man with many layers, and just when I thought I knew most of them, he showed me another.
He walks back into the hospital room, holding the door open for his aunt who pushes a wheelchair in. I cringe, knowing there is no way I can get out of riding in it out to the car. She has already told me not to even bother to try; hospital policy is gospel. I put up a token argument, but I am still so sore and weak from lying in a bed for a week, that I’m more than happy to accept a ride to the parking lot.
“Ready to roll, Lia?” She smiles when she brings the chair to a stop in front of me. She and I have bonded during my stay here, and I will miss seeing her each day. She has assured me that she will visit soon. She made me feel very much like a part of their small family for which I am touched and grateful.
“God, yes,” I sigh, mostly meaning it. I’m tired of staring at the small walls of the room but am a little nervous about leaving somewhere that has felt safe
to me. The hospital is so busy, but there was always someone in and out of my room. I know Lucian has to return to work. He might own the company, but eventually he’ll need to get back to his life. I am amazed that, true to his word, he never left the hospital during my stay. Other than what I suspect was his smoking time, he stayed in the room with me. Sam dropped off food for us so we weren’t completely dependent upon hospital food. I found I had very little appetite yet, so mine was mostly wasted.
“Come on, baby, let’s go home,” Lucian says as he holds my arm to help me into the wheelchair. I know he would rather just carry me to the car, but he’s playing by the rules to make his aunt happy. He drops a kiss on my forehead. “Sam’s waiting on us at the curb so we don’t have far to go.”
His aunt wheels me through the hallways, and I wave shyly to a few of my regular nurses who I have come to know. I suspect I received more visits from the nursing staff than most patients do for two reasons. One, because of Fae, and two, because of the ‘wow factor’ that is Lucian. They literally melted at his feet when he showed them any attention. I just rolled my eyes as they swooned. I secretly wondered, though, if I act in a similar fashion. He is so effortlessly sexy and charismatic that it’s almost impossible to be immune to him. I would have thought their behavior around me would have been awkward, due to the nature and cause of my injuries, but instead, after the initial shock had worn off, I was more like a visiting celebrity. I knew this was solely due to Luc’s presence and his gentle care of me.
Sam is standing on the sidewalk beaming when we come through the doorway. He walks forward, dropping on a knee to take my hands in his. “Miss Lia, I’m thrilled to be taking you home today. We’ve been so worried about you.”