CHAPTER 11
Tom is in love with me? Katryn tried to deny it, but the empty, lonely, painful feeling that had enveloped her told her it was true. She realized with sickening clarity that Paul had seen it. In line behind Tom. In line behind Tom. The phrase repeated itself to mock her. In line behind Tom.
‘Oh Tom, how could I?’ she asked herself. If she was unable to handle a few weeks of being in love with Paul, knowing he could not be hers, how had Tom managed for five years? Why had she never seen it? How could she have done that to him?
Paul found her there sitting on her log looking out towards the ocean.
“It’s pretty chilly to be out here without your coat,” he mentioned, wrapping his coat around her shoulders. “Are you ok?” he asked, kneading her shoulders through the coat. She shrugged. She was spent. She had no energy to even answer him.
Paul walked around in front of her. He knelt down and slipped a pair of lined boots on her bare feet. He stood and pulled her up towards him.
“You’re freezing.” He pulled her closer and began to rub her back briskly. Katryn was only faintly aware he was even there. Her mind continued to reel with what she had done to Tom for all those years. Her best friend and she had hurt him worse than any enemy ever could.
“Katryn, Katryn put your arms around me. It’ll warm you up.” Paul was getting worried when she continued to ignore him. He took her chin in his hand and raised her face to his. “Katryn, look at me. Are you ok? What did Anne say to you?” Katryn finally saw Paul, and pulled quickly away from him. She felt much too much guilt.
“Paul, please go away. I can’t take anymore.” He saw the raw pain in her eyes. “I was wrong. This place isn’t magic. It hurts here, too. Julie’s my best friend, for God’s sake. Please don’t,” she begged. He stepped back.
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is.” She sat down again on the log, staring at the full moon that grinned mockingly, at her.
Paul had told Tom he would go see how the girls were. When he came back alone, Tom knew something was wrong. After a couple quick words with Paul, he headed out. He found Katryn were Paul said she would be.
“Katryn, where’s Anne?” he asked.
“I think she went that way,” Katryn pointed towards where Anne had gone. Tom sat down beside Katryn.
“Are you ok?” he asked tenderly. She shook her head and the tears spilled from her eyes.
“Tom, is it true? Are you in love with me?” She stared at the moon, unable to look at him. He paused before he answered.
“I was for a long time...”
“I never knew ...”
“I know you didn’t,” he told her, taking her hand in his. “At first I tried to make you notice me. Remember when I asked you out to dinner the first time?”
“You said it was a thank you for my defending you on Marge’s team.”
“It was, sort of. I hoped, though, that you would begin to notice me if you saw me off the court. Do you remember what we talked about?” She admitted she did not remember. He chuckled softly when he reminded her.
“We talked about being single and dating. I thought you might even be subtly trying to tell me you were a little bit interested in me, and I got my hopes up. That’s when you told me you had a good friend I’d like.”
“Julie.” Katryn supplied the name. “Tom I never meant to hurt you.”
“You never even suspected how I felt. I knew that. It was frustrating at first. There were times I wanted to shake you and force you to see me. There was even a time it got to be too much for me. Do you remember the season, the second season for the EVER READYs when I quit?”
“Yes,” she said, a sickening feeling washing over her. “You said it was because...”
“Because of work at the museum. It was a lie, Katryn. I really quit because I thought I’d burst if I had to keep seeing you, feeling how I did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, turning to face him.
“I wanted to, at first. I even had planned to confront you and force you to decide. Either you’d give me a chance, or I’d quit the team. Luckily reason won out before I made a complete fool of myself. I couldn’t do that to you, especially after all you’d done for me. So I just quit. I came to realize that season I was off, though, that being away from you was even worse. It meant I didn’t have to see you as often, of course, but I still felt the same about you. Only I no longer even had your friendship. I lost a love I never had, and I lost a good friend in the bargain. I decided then, that I cared enough for you that I’d take whatever you offered. And you offered me friendship.”
“So you came back and I walked all over you,” she offered lamely.
“No. Don’t ever think that. I really did value our friendship. You’ve been a great friend to me. I only hope I’ve been at least that good of a friend to you.”
“Much better than I, obviously.” When he tried to argue, she cut him off. “Tom,” she needed to know, “How did you manage? If you were in love with me and I only offered friendship back, didn’t it hurt?”
“Yes. Especially at first. But over time it got better,” he admitted. “It was worth the friendship in the long run, Katryn,” he told her, turning her to look and him. “I’m not sorry.”
“Did you hate me?”
“Never,” he assured her. “I eventually came to the realization that if we’d been lovers and it hadn’t worked, we’d have probably lost the friendship, too. This way I got a pretty good friend out of the deal.”
“Good friend? Friends don’t hurt...”
“Katryn, I knew you would never hurt me on purpose. You had no way of knowing. It wasn’t your fault.” He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“You’ve known me for a long time, Tom,” she asked, after a moment. “Do you think I can do what you did?”
“Paul?”
She broke down. With tears cascading down her face, she told Tom everything. The rules she had made for Paul. How Julie felt, how she and Paul felt, the lunches, the necklace, even the dance. He waited until she had cried herself out before he spoke.
“Katryn, if you and Paul love each other, Julie will understand. And if she doesn’t, then she wasn’t much of a friend, anyway.”
“How can you say that, Tom?” she asked incredulously. “You didn’t tell me how you felt. You decided that saving a friendship was more important than the chance we’d be lovers. Tom you chose friendship over love.”
“This isn’t quite the same, though. Since Paul loves you, Julie isn’t giving up anything. But it is your choice, Katryn, so I won’t argue with you. Just remember I’ll always be available if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.” She hugged him, and told him how much she appreciated his friendship.
“Tom do you still love me?” she finally asked. He had been waiting for that question.
“I suppose I always will, Katryn, but not like I did at first. It doesn’t hurt any more. And I’ll always consider you a good friend.”
“I’m glad,” Katryn said, her resolve kicking in. “I know it’s none of my business, but, are you in love with Anne?”
“I do like her.” He took a deep breath. “But I’m so much older...”
“Whoa. I don’t want to hear that. You make me feel ancient! It was ok to like me, but Anne’s too young?” she teased.
“I meant, she’s much younger than I.”
“But she’s only four years younger than I am!”
“I ... She ...” Tom sputtered.
“You’re four years older than I am, and my age is ok, right. Well, then, Anne is only four years younger than I am so...”
“I’m trying to be serious.”
“You’re trying to be an old fuddy duddy. I ask how you feel about Anne and you quote numbers? It’s obvious to anyone who breathes how Anne feels about you. And, unless I miss my guess, you more than just like her. As I see it, you’re attracted to her,
in spite of her age, and she’s attracted to you, in spite of your age. So, who, pray tell, are you trying to impress with this ‘age’ stuff? Now Tom, as your friend I’m giving you my best advice.” She pointed down the beach, “Head out down that way, and go find Anne.”
Before he could go, she took hold of his arm. “Tom there’s only one favor I ask.” She became very serious. “If Anne chooses to dislike me, let her. Don’t get in an argument over me. You and I know how we feel, that’s all that matters, anyway.” She stood up, gave Tom a hug, and told him, “You’re truly the best friend I’ve ever had, Tom. Now get outa’ here and go find Anne.”
He gave her another quick kiss on the cheek before he left her.
Katryn headed back to the motel, totally drained. While she was happy for Tom, wished him only the best, still her decision about Paul was like a dead weight slowly crushing her heart. She trudged clumsily in the too-big boots, and thought again about Julie. Remembering how she had hurt Tom, one of her very best friends, she swore she would never hurt a friend again. Tom had shown her that friendship really was worth the sacrifice.
Mary, Ken Ed and Bob were playing Pinochle when Katryn got back. Paul was not around, she noticed. Ed offered her his place in the game, but she had to refuse. Even though the game would be a welcome diversion for her, she was too drained to even consider playing.
After removing the boots, Katryn sat back in the comfortable recliner with her feet again wrapped in towels. She had no idea what time it was when she drifted off to sleep. She was awakened by Bob exclaiming it was after three, and someone should go looking for Tom and Anne. Forcing herself to wake up, she answered him. She noticed Paul was sitting at the table watching the game.
“I think they’re probably fine. If Tom hadn’t found her, I’m sure he’d have been back before now.” Mary agreed with Katryn, and the game continued for a few more hands before they called it a night.
Katryn had just gotten comfortable under the covers when she heard the motel door shut quietly. Anne tapped her on the shoulder.
“I’m really sorry for all the awful things I said to you. Tom and I had a long talk. Can you ever forgive me? I know I don’t deserve it ...”
“Nonsense. But could I ask one favor?”
“Anything ..”
“Let me keep Tom for a friend?”
“You bet!” Anne promised. “I’d like us all to be friends.”
“I’d like that too,” Katryn told her before they both settled for the night. Katryn awakened early. She found her log unoccupied again, and so she soaked up all she could of the ocean. She closed her eyes to imprint the roar of the waves and the screech of the gulls. Then she stared at the waves coming in, watching how they crested before they crashed to shore.
She smelled the fresh salt water scent, and walked barefoot on the cool hard packed sand. She let waves roll over her bare feet while she watched two small children run in up to their knees then scream when the cold forced them back out. Again and again they ran into and out of the waves. Katryn remembered Paul saying he could see her boys doing that same thing. She could imagine them there, too.
She got back to the motel before the others had awakened, and started breakfast.
Coffee was perking and the orange juice was poured. She had bacon warming in the oven, hash browns cooking in one pan, and scrambled eggs going in the other. She pointed out to Ed and Ken, when they joined her that she also was keeping up with the toast.
“Not bad for an old lady, eh?” she asked Ed.
“Rheumatism isn’t interfering with your work, and you’ve had years and years and years of experience, right?” He ducked when she chucked an unbuttered piece of toast at him.
“Should have caught that,” she admonished him. “It’s all you’re getting to eat. Bread and water.”
“And she probably means ocean water at that!” Ken added.
Katryn headed out right after breakfast. The women teased her about cooking so she would get out of doing the dishes, and Tom mentioned she had managed to dirty every pan in the place.
“Better hurry and start washing, then. We only have a couple hours,” she called to him before she headed out the door.
They spent about three more hours in Rockaway Beach. Katryn found t-shirts and kites for the boys, an Oregon Coast blouse for Audrey, and matching sweat shirts for Joe and Dottie. She picked up a book on whales, hoping she and the boys could go whale watching when she returned. Paul ran into her as she finished shopping.
“How about an ice cream cone?” he offered. They found a gourmet ice cream shop and Katryn tried a couple flavors she had never had before. “Katryn, I’m not sure I can continue as friends,” Paul told her when they headed back to the resort. “It wasn’t fair of me to force that on you, anyway. I’ll make no more demands of you, nor will I ever tell Julie.” Absently she fingered the necklace she was wearing. She was not sure if she was relieved or hurt, so she said nothing.
“I’ll finish the volleyball season,” he continued. “But I don’t think you’ll have to worry about seeing me at softball. I have to admit I’m giving up. I gave it my best, I want you to know, but even that wasn’t enough.” He paused a moment, the defeat showing on his face. “I guess I’d better own up to what I did,” he added. “I talked Bill into coming to meet Julie. I explained that she thought she liked me, but I wasn’t really interested in her. Don’t worry,” he assured her, “I said nothing about you, and Bill knew what I said was on the Q.T. Anyway, it backfired. Bill really liked Julie, and she didn’t care at all for him. In fact, I suspect she was using him to try to make me jealous.
“So, I invited Larry and sort of encouraged him to act interested in you.” He stopped her before she could react. “Let me finish, please. I thought maybe Julie would prefer someone more of a challenge, someone interested in you. I even got my hopes up when she asked Larry to dance. That backfired, too. Larry seems really interested in you, and I can’t tell him to lay off. I’m out of ideas, Katryn. I only know I can’t take anymore. I know you ask no more of your friends than you yourself are willing to give, but I’m afraid I’d fall well short of your mark.”
Katryn hurt too much to answer. They walked in silence the rest of the way back. Katryn took her things into the room she had shared with Mary and Anne. She packed everything so she would be ready to go when the others were. She thought of Tom, of the fact that he, too, understood what friends did for each other, meant to each other. Even that did not lessen the empty feeling she now considered her constant companion.
She went back out to her log and absorbed all she could of the ocean. She let the sounds, sight, and smells wash over her one last time. She wondered, listlessly, how the ocean could be just as it was when she first sat here; yet her life had changed drastically the last two days. While the tide had washed clean all traces of the night before, all signs of the many campfires that had dotted the beach, Katryn knew she would never be so lucky. This weekend was one she would never forget.
They left about noon, stopping at a hamburger place on the way out of town. They got back to Spokane well after supper, and Katryn felt a little sorry that Bob and Mary had not been able to ride back in the van with the rest of them. As tired as they were when they headed out, the others still managed to laugh most of the way home. Ed, Ken, even Anne kept them all entertained.
The few times Katryn actually caught Paul’s eye, she saw he, too, was merely pretending to enjoy the trip. There was no humor in his eyes. She wondered if the twinkle was gone for good. They arrived at the parking lot with everyone promising to make another trip to Oregon soon. Katryn knew she would not join them the next time.
When Katryn got home, she gave Dottie and Joe a call. They told her they had had a wonderful time, and the boys were worn out. They wondered if they could bring the boys back in the morning. Dottie would open the store, and Katryn could come in at 12:30 to relieve her for lunch, they teased.
Katryn soaked in
a nice warm bath, using the time to remind herself of all the good times she had shared with Julie. She remembered when she first opened the store, and Julie gave her a beautiful hanging shamrock for above her desk. It still hung there.
She remembered all the birthdays they had shared, always teasing each other about their ages. She remembered the soccer games they had attended together; cheering so loudly that Timmy would get embarrassed. Ryan had loved it. She tried to remember all the fun they had had, all the times they had shared, both good and bad.
All the times they had ‘been there’ for each other when it was needed most. She reminded herself, finally, of what a good friend Julie had been; that the friendship was worth saving.
While the time she spent soaking in the tub was used to remind herself how important friendship was, the time she spent asleep told her how much she would miss Paul. Her dreams were filled with Paul. Paul playing electric soccer games with her boys. Paul ladling punch at her store party. Paul flying a kite with the ocean roaring beside him.
For no reason, or for every reason, she started to cry. Tom managed, she scolded herself, and you will, too.
By the time the boys got home, she had gotten herself under control, and had, hopefully, locked away all feelings for Paul. Joe liked the sweatshirts, though he told Katryn she should not have spent that much money. Timmy and Ryan were even more excited about their t-shirts when they realized the design on their t-shirts resembled the ones on grampa Joe’s and gramma Dottie’s sweatshirts.
“Now we can all be twins!” Ryan teased.
After Joe left, assuring Katryn that the boys had been very well behaved, she spent time telling them about the ocean. She told the boys how she had flown kites with hundreds of other adults, described all the different styles of kites, even the stunt kites that were available. She tried to make them see and hear and smell and experience how wonderful the ocean was, and ended up promising they would all go to the coast in the summer.
Audrey came a little before noon to watch the boys. She liked her blouse, and told the boys she would help them with their kites. Katryn left the three of them in Oregon Coast shirts, and headed to work.
Dottie had her sweatshirt on when Katryn got to work.
“I like your sweatshirt,” Katryn kidded when she saw Dottie. “Someone must have great taste. Even the color suits you.”
“Size was right, too,” Dottie agreed before thanking Katryn. Then she asked expectantly, “How was the ocean?” Katryn knew what Dottie was asking.
“Really nice. I’m hoping that maybe one week this summer I can talk you and Joe into handling the shop so the boys can see how beautiful the ocean really is.”
“You know we’d love to,” Dottie quickly assured her. “But how was the weekend? I mean, did everyone get along, ok?” Katryn was not ready to talk about what had happened, and she knew Dottie would persist, so she decided on a little white lie.
“Everyone got on fine. It was a wonderful weekend, and I really appreciate your fixing it so I could go.” At that, Dottie became very animated.
“I’m so glad it went well. You know, I think Paul is a very nice man. When we had lunch we talked about so many things.” Katryn smiled while Dottie unknowingly twisted the knife even deeper. “Katryn, Joe and I want you to know that, just in case things work out well... what I mean is, if you and Paul ...” She tried one more time, “Well, we really love you and ... Oh heck, what I’m trying to say is, we’d be honored to have a double wedding in December.” Katryn’s smile never faltered when she answered.
“Dottie that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m not sure ...”
“We’re not trying to rush you. After all, December’s a long way off.”
Katryn was saved by customers. She was sure the fates were finally taking pity on her. The day was fairly busy, but still Dottie had time to tell her how well the weekend had gone. Saturday had been one of the store’s busiest ever, and Dottie admitted she would have been swamped without Joe’s help. Sunday, with the boys, had been an adventure, too. A much more pleasant one, luckily. They had spent the day at the Walk in the Wild Zoo. The boys had petted, fed, mimicked or stared at every animal there, Dottie was sure.
“It was great of you to take them,” Katryn told her friend.
“We’re hoping you’ll let us do it more often,” Dottie told her. “Joe can’t wait to go to soccer games, and we hoped that we can take the boys out on Joe’s boat on Sundays, sometimes?”
“The boys will love it,” Katryn assured her. “And maybe, once in a while, you could go to a soccer game and I’ll watch the store,” Katryn offered. “After all, the major thing is that they have someone to cheer them on. I’m sure you and Joe could handle that fine.”
Joe showed up before closing time to take Dottie home. He agreed with Dottie that they would be happy to take the store for a week in the summer, and checked with Katryn about when soccer started.
When she got home, the boys told her they had gotten their kites airborne and Ryan was happy he could fly a kite even with the cast on. Audrey had left when Katryn got there, but was back in time for Katryn to go to volleyball.
‘Well’, Katryn thought, heading to practice for the final time, ‘the last few weeks have given me a lot. Tom’s an even closer friend, Anne’s becoming one, Dottie and Joe are getting married and my boys have a set of grandparents who live near us. I feel like I’ve gotten to know Ken, Ed, Mary and Bob better, and I’ve not lost Julie as a friend. Maybe things aren’t perfect, but they’re not so bad, either’.
Julie was not at practice, and Katryn hoped nothing serious had come up. First she missed the trip, now practice. And Katryn had been too wrapped up in herself to think to call Julie. Great friend, she berated herself.
Otherwise, the team did well. Paul was a little quiet, and Katryn wondered if the others noticed. Nothing was ever said, though.
For her part, Katryn had to admit she was glad Julie was not there. With only three women, none of them had to sit out any games. She not only did not have to worry about sitting out, maybe having to talk to Paul, she also did not have to worry about sitting out thinking about Paul. It was enough to have to deal with the occasional touch when they came close. She told herself her heart was locked far away. She was glad she did not have to put it to the test.
The team worked together beautifully whipping Jim’s team in five straight games. Remembering the comments his team had made the last practice, Katryn was tempted to gloat a little. She chose not to. Instead she smiled at Jim and thought ‘Put that in your pipe and smoke it’. Denny’s was time for gloating, however.
“Those games felt better than the whole league,” Katryn was surprised to hear Paul admit. “‘Best team didn’t win’,” he mimicked what had been said last week. “Guess there’s no doubt now!”
“Aye, Aye,” Tom agreed. “Victory is sweet.”
They all left together, and Katryn found herself actually looking forward to Friday. It would be the last time this team would be together and she would miss that. They had become closer, after the weekend. It had even shown in their playing. It reminded Katryn of why she had always loved sports. Not only did you get exercise, get to burn off a little steam, but you also got to do something you liked with people you got along with.
And the team, the way it was right now, was what she had always known was possible. Teammates who could work together and not let their egos interfere. Players who could use each person’s strengths to minimize the team’s weaknesses. Individuals who truly liked sports, and each other.
And, in spite of what had been said about Jim’s team, Katryn knew the EVER READYs had become a group of people who found playing more important than winning. Hoping her feelings for Paul truly were tucked far away, she vowed to enjoy the team, for as long as she could.
Paul did not show for lunch Tuesday, but Katryn had not expected him. It was for the best, she reminded herself at closing, after not seeing him a
t all. Still, she missed him.
She hurried to Pasadena Park after work to pick up the boys at soccer practice. While Ryan was not allowed to play, he was able to run some of the drills. Practice ended shortly after Katryn got there. She dropped Joey off at his house, and asked him to thank his mom for picking up her boys.
“Mom said to tell you this works good for her, too. She has time to fix supper before she has to go get my brother. See you Thursday. Oh, and thanks for the ride,” he added, getting out of her car. She waited until he got inside the house before she drove away.
Katryn tried Julie’s number three or four times, but the line was busy. Wednesday after work, and again after cub scouts, she tried Julie’s number. She got only the answering machine.
Thursday soccer practice got out late. By the time Katryn had fixed supper, bathed and read to the boys, and gotten ready for bed, it was too late to call. Friday, Audrey called her at work.
“Julie left word on your answering machine that she can’t make the tournament tonight.” Katryn was beginning to worry, and she decided she would have to try harder to catch Julie at home.
The truth was, though, the team did super without Julie. Maybe some of it was because Katryn did not have to watch every move she made around Paul, but part of it was also because how close the team had become. They never lost a single game, and they left the gym with two sets of trophies, 1st place in league and 1st place in tourney.
Dancing was the best ever. Katryn knew it, too, was because the team felt closer after the weekend. Ken and Ed only deserted occasionally, dancing with Katryn, Mary and Anne for the most part. The fast dances were especially fun with the EVER READYs and their partners making human chains to dance around the floor. Sometimes they changed to doing the twist, rumba, and foxtrot to rock music.
Paul asked her to dance only once, a fast one of course, but no-one noticed since she danced nearly every dance. It was the best night they had ever had, and if anyone noticed that Larry and Bill were missing, they never mentioned it.
It was as they were getting their coats, getting ready to leave, that a small bit of unpleasantness creeped in.
“When does softball practice start, coach?” Bob asked. Though he did not play volleyball, he had asked to join their softball team this year.
“A week from Monday. 6:00 o’clock at Minnehaha Park,” she told him.
“Paul, you are going to join us this year, right?” Bob asked. “I’d hate to be the only new one.” Katryn held her breath. It stopped the pain, a little.
“I’m not sure. I think the transit team practices Monday’s, so I may not be able to.” Katryn knew it was a lie. So, this is where the friendship ends, she told herself when they walked out to their cars. Well, he had warned her. Still, even holding her breath would not help this time. Paul’s car was parked next to hers. While everyone waved and called goodnight to each other, Paul said goodnight to Katryn.
“Goodnight,” she said, thinking goodbye was perhaps more appropriate.
“It didn’t work out with Paul, did it?” Dottie asked Saturday, when she came to spell Katryn for lunch. Katryn shook her head. Dottie was near tears. “I’m so sorry. He seemed so nice, too. Joe and I both hoped ...”
“I know. I guess I did, too, a little. But there was no way it could work out.” Katryn had to get some fresh air. “Dottie, I may take a little longer at lunch today. It’s not been very busy. Do you mind?”
“No. Joe’s browsing down the hall, so if I need help he’ll be around.”
“Thanks.” Katryn got her coat and went out to her car. She was not hungry. In fact, she doubted she could eat anything. Instead she drove to the upriver dam and watched the water rush over the spillway to crash on the rocks below.
She had read once, something about positive ions being released at waterfalls. She remembered, vaguely, that white water was a sign that the ions were being released into the atmosphere. The ions were supposed to be rejuvenating, therefore, being near white water was supposed to calm you. She stood on the retaining wall near the falls and hoped the ions would help.
It was quite some time later that she realized she must have been daydreaming. She had not noticed the time go by, and she felt better. She headed back to work, and Dottie was pleased to see how relaxed she now appeared.
She and the boys went roller-skating and she was not surprised Julie did not show. Since her friend had not called to make sure they were going, Katryn had not expected her to be there. She was a little uneasy though, about not hearing from her friend.
Sunday, Katryn started reading the book about whales to her sons. They talked about going whale watching in Oregon and what fun they would have on the beach. She told herself it should not hurt to think about the coast, but in truth it did hurt.
Monday was the start of softball practice. After work, Katryn found a parking spot near the diamond at Minnehaha Park and saw that Tom and Anne were already warming up. Soon Ken, Ed, Mary and Bob showed. Most of the people from last year’s team were back, and two new women, April and Donna, joined them. While Katryn was again captain, Tom was coach and ran the practices.
It felt good to Katryn to be outdoors playing softball again. Granted, it was a bit cold, but it was fresh air she was breathing. And it was nice to see people she had not seen since July of last year. Practice went well, and Katryn refused to be upset over Paul’s absence. It would hurt more to see him, she told herself.
Since the softball games would be on Friday, the team decided they would like to practice twice a week just until the games started. Katryn was amazed that everything had worked out so well. Monday and Friday she had softball. Tuesday and Thursday the boys had soccer practice, with their games on Saturdays. Wednesday was Cub Scout night. She thanked the fates for working it out so well. Then she added a thank you that she was being kept too busy to think about a certain person she knew.
The week went well. Tuesday Paul did not show up for lunch, and Dottie never again asked about him. Timmy’s first soccer game of the season would be Saturday at 8:00 am, and Dottie agreed to watch for the first half hour, and then open the store, so that Katryn could stay the whole game.
Friday practice went well, and Katryn liked the looks of the softball team. They showed promise.
Saturday rolled around and Katryn, armed with thermoses of hot cocoa, a blanket, and two chairs, met Dottie and Joe at the soccer field. Dottie and Ryan used the chairs. Katryn ran up and down the field, Joe beside her, encouraging the team. Dottie left at half time, when Timmy’s team was ahead 3 to 1.
Katryn and Joe yelled enough encouragements to the whole team that Timmy was completely embarrassed. He was even more embarrassed by the whooping and hollering his mother did when they won 5 to 3. After the game, the coach came to talk to Katryn.
“Mrs. Delaney, you’re a joy to have here. It’s a welcome change to have a parent who always finds something nice to say to all the boys. Tell me, though, how do you know all their names?”
“Their names are on their jerseys...” Katryn answered, laughing.
“Written so small you can’t see them from the side lines,” he reminded her. “Even I sometimes have trouble remembering.”
“Because of my store, I’ve gotten pretty good at remembering names. And I’ve noticed with my own two boys that it seems really important to the kids to have an adult call them by name. It seemed just a little effort on my part made a big difference to them.”
“It means a lot to the kids to hear the praise, too” the coach added. “I wish all the parents would be as positive as you.”
“Thanks. I’ve played sports all my life, and the one thing I noticed early on is that a player usually knows when they make a mistake, and it doesn’t help them to be reminded of it. It’s amazing, though, how well someone plays when he’s feeling good about himself. Besides, I want sports to be fun, and rewarding, for my boys. It’s always been for me.”
“I hope you continue to ma
ke all the games, Mrs. Delaney. Maybe your attitude will rub off on some of the other parents.” Katryn knew exactly who he meant. Many times she had yelled especially loud trying to drown out one of the fathers who had nothing good to say about any of the kids. Katryn introduced Grampa Joe to the coach and explained that he would be at any games she missed to continue embarrassing Timmy.
“Oh, Mom,” Timmy said, overhearing her. Katryn and Joe left the field chuckling. Grampa Joe wanted to take the boys for a victory coke, so Katryn headed to work. She told Dottie all about the second half of the game, and they reminded each other of some of the funnier happenings of the first half.
After work, Katryn tried Julie a couple times before she and the boys got comfortable watching Pete’s Dragon. When they were getting into bed, Ryan remembered something.
“Mom, guess who we saw after the game? Paul was at soccer watching another team.” Her heart constricted and she took in a deep breath. Timmy joined in.
“Yeah. He went for a coke with us, and we told him all about our game. I asked if he could come watch my game next week and he said ‘maybe’!”
“Grampa Joe showed him the schedule so he could see if he could come,” Ryan added.
“That’s nice,” Katryn told them.
“Mom, if he comes next week, can we invite him here to play our soccer games and have pizza again?” Timmy asked excitedly.
“We’ll have to see,” Katryn told him. “He’s probably too busy. He’s on a softball team and they might play on Saturday’s,” she explained, fishing for excuses.
“Huh-uh. Nope. He said he’s not playing softball this year. Timmy told him to call you and he could join yours.”
“Oh? And what did he have to say to that?” she asked noncommittally. A little dejected, Timmy reported Paul had said he would have to see ‘cause he’s pretty busy at work.’ She was happy to hear he had used the same excuse she had.
“Well, maybe some Saturday you’ll see him again at soccer,” she told them before tucking them in and kissing them goodnight.
While she got herself ready for bed, Katryn wondered who Paul had been watching. She did not think he had any relatives in Spokane. It dawned on her, painfully, that he probably had a new girlfriend who had boys in soccer. She tried to remember what the boys had said about going for a coke. Had they mentioned if he had been alone? She honestly could not remember. ‘Darn’, she chastised herself, ‘that’s what you get for not paying attention.’
She slept fairly well, but she awakened with memories of dreams about Paul. Otherwise Sunday was nice. Katryn and the boys took their kites up to the park and had a lot of fun flying them. When they got home they had some hot cocoa. It was not until they started to warm up that they realized how cold they had gotten.
After dinner, Katryn tried Julie’s number and again got only an answering machine. This was not at all like her friend, and Katryn was getting more worried.
The next week went fairly well at work, and with soccer, scouts and softball. Even Saturday was good, since Paul did NOT make Timmy’s game. The only problem at all, was that Katryn still could not get a hold of Julie.
Friday she had even gotten worried enough to call her friend at work, but Julie had already left for the day. Since the secretary did not say anything about something being wrong with Julie, Katryn was at least relieved that her friend obviously had not been in an accident.
The first thing Katryn did when she got to work Monday, even before opening the store, was to call Julie at work. She knew her friend would be having her free period, so instead of leaving a message she told the secretary it was important she talk to Julie. After a few minutes, Julie got on the line.
“I’ve been worried about you. Is everything ok?” Katryn asked.
“I can’t talk now, Katryn.”
“Julie, is everything ok?”
“I’ll call you tonight. I promise. I have to go now.”
Perhaps Katryn should have been able to guess what was up, but she had no idea. Instead, she worried all day at work. It was unlike Julie to be secretive with her best friend. She knew it had to be something serious. When she got home, Katryn phoned Julie. When the answering machine started its spiel, Katryn yelled into the phone.
“Julie, if you don’t answer this phone right now I’ll be at your office tomorrow at 7:00 am. And I won’t leave until ...”
“Katryn, I’m here,” Julie finally admitted.
“Julie, what’s going on?” Katryn demanded.
“I’m not sure ... I don’t know ... Katryn, I didn’t do this on purpose...”
“Do what?” Katryn prodded.
“Katryn, I think we need to talk ...”
“I agree. That’s why I called. Julie ...”
“No, I mean, I think we need to talk, but NOT over the phone. Can you come over?” Katryn checked with Audrey and called Julie back. She would be at Julie’s in about twenty minutes.
For that entire twenty minutes, Katryn was a nervous wreck. Oh no, she thought, what if Julie had found out about Katryn and Paul. What if she were finally going to have to face losing her best friend.
An uglier thought crept in for just a moment. What if Julie and Paul were... and Paul told her about Katryn? ‘Oh fates, if you’re listening at all, I promise, this’ll never happen again. Please. I can’t lose my best friend now, not on top of losing Paul. Please ...’
Katryn was not sure how she had gotten to Julie’s. By rights, she should have probably been in an accident. After all, she had paid no attention to her driving. She pulled into Julie’s drive, turned off the car, and just sat. Now that she was here, she was not sure if she really wanted to find out what Julie had to tell her.
When Julie opened the front door and half-heartedly waved, Katryn got out of her car. They barely exchanged hi’s, and Julie led Katryn to the large living room. Even with a fire burning brightly, Katryn felt chilled. The hot cup of coffee Julie handed her did not help at all.
“Katryn, what I’m going to tell you might make you angry,” Julie started.
“Me angry?” Katryn asked, confused.
“I need to tell you everything, then if you hate me ...”
“Julie, we’re best friends. I couldn’t hate you,” Katryn reassured her, seeing that it was very difficult for Julie, whatever it was.
“Do you know why I didn’t go to Rockaway?”
“You never did tell me.”
“It was because of Larry.” The surprise must have shown on Katryn’s face, she knew, because Julie now rushed on non-stop. “Katryn, I liked Larry. I liked him a lot. But you were dating him, so I had to leave him alone. I did ok on Friday nights, I could almost handle the dancing because the other men kept me busy. But it wasn’t easy watching him with you, and I knew I’d never be able to go through a whole weekend watching you two together without you finding out.”
“But you said he was conceited, that you didn’t like ...”
“I know. I lied. I couldn’t very well tell you I liked him. We had that understanding.”
“Julie, it’s ...” she got no chance to continue when the door bell rang. The door opened, and Larry walked in.
“I know what you said; Julie, but I couldn’t leave you to do this alone.” Then he turned to Katryn. “Hi,” was all he said. He walked over and stood behind Julie’s chair resting his hands on her shoulders. With his support, Julie rushed on.
“Katryn, I decided not to go to Rockaway. I called your house so I’d get your answering machine. I couldn’t tell you the real reason I wasn’t going, and I knew I couldn’t lie to you, so I took the coward’s way out. Anyway, Larry called at about six that evening. He’d gotten held up at work, and had missed you guys. He was trying everyone’s number hoping someone had a kid, or roomy who’d know the name of the hotel you were staying at. I was home, obviously.” Larry nodded and Julie took a deep breath. “When Larry got a hold of me, he was surprised I hadn’t gone with the others. He
asked if I’d like to ride with him, and I said no. When he asked why, I started to cry.”
Katryn sat numbly while Larry and Julie, together, explained the rest. Julie finally admitted to Larry that she cared for him. Then she told him she never wanted to see him again, and hung up on him. Fifteen minutes later Larry was on her doorstep. He refused to leave until he could talk to her. Eventually he wore her down, and she let him in. He told her he cared very much for her. He said that he was only going to Rockaway because she was going. He admitted he had not asked her out, or even danced much with her because he had thought she was with Paul, and Paul was his boss. Then Julie told Larry about not being able to date him because of Katryn. Larry broke in.
“Katryn, I told Julie that if you two were really such good friends, you’d understand. I told her I wasn’t going anywhere unless she went, too.”
“And eventually,” Julie was crying now, “he told me he loved me. He’s asked me to marry him, Katryn. I can’t, if it means losing our friendship.”
Katryn was stunned. Everything she had been through with Paul, Julie had been going through with Larry. Part of her hurt knowing what Julie had been through. Julie interrupted her thoughts.
“There’s something else I have to tell you.” Looking at Larry she said, “I have to tell you everything, so you’ll know what kind of friend I really am.” Katryn heard the recrimination in Julie’s voice. “Larry spent that weekend with me. We’ve been together ever since. He’s moved in with me, Katryn. I’m so sorry ...”
The room became suffocatingly quiet, the gas fire offering very little background noise, as Katryn’s insides warred. ‘She’s your best friend, surely you can forgive her. You know how hard it was for you.’ ‘Yes, but I fought the temptation for MY friend.’ ‘Did you really? What about the kisses and the dances?’ ‘But I turned him away,’ she fairly shouted to herself. ‘My best friend meant that much to me. Why didn’t it mean as much to Julie?’
The minutes ticked by, and Larry and Julie watched Katryn closely. She stared at the flames giving no indication which part of her was winning. Julie knew her well, after all these years. She knew Katryn was trying to decide if their friendship was worth forgiving her. She wondered what she would have done if it had happened to her.
A small voice made itself heard in Katryn. ‘If this friendship was worth losing Paul, is it not worth forgiving Julie?’ Tears trickled down Katryn’s face and she turned, finally, to Julie and Larry.
“I’ve really missed you, Julie,” she admitted, with a lopsided grin. Julie was beside her immediately and hugged her best friend.
“I’m so sorry. I never meant for this ...”
“It’s ok,” Katryn told her honestly. “Friends don’t judge. I understand.”
Larry came and hugged both women, and after some stilted small talk, Julie asked Katryn if she would be her maid of honor.
“I’d have been hurt if you hadn’t asked,” Katryn admitted. It was just Katryn’s luck to hear they, too were planning a December wedding.
Katryn drove along upriver and parked at the falls. She tried to make sense of all of her conflicting feelings, but was too numb. When it was late enough she knew the boys would be asleep, she went home. She had no energy left, not even for them. Absently she wondered if the positive ions worked in the dark.
She went to bed that night debating whether Paul was right. Did she ask too much of her friends? ‘No!’ Part of her answered emphatically. ‘Tom knew how important friendship was. He understood.’
Tuesday was a slow day at work, yet Katryn was still unable to do her paperwork. She could not concentrate.
After soccer, Katryn took the boys out for pizza. Julie called when they got back home. She told Katryn, again, how sorry she was, and then she said she had to ask Katryn a favor. Would she please not tell Paul about Larry? Paul was Larry’s boss, Julie reminded her, and Larry was not sure how Paul would take the news.
Katryn told Julie that Paul was not on her softball team, and she had not seen him since volleyball. Since she probably would not see Paul, there was nothing for Julie to worry about.
‘And you probably won’t be seeing Paul!’ Katryn told herself when she went to bed that night. She knew she could not call him and tell him she was now free, she was not that brave. She could not handle an ‘I told you so.’ Besides, by now he was probably seeing someone else. She remembered that he had been to a soccer game, and decided it must be a new girlfriend’s child he had gone to watch.
Thursday was softball practice. Katryn told no-one about Julie and Larry. Only Tom would have understood how she felt and she was much too raw to even tell him. She took a little kidding about missing Monday’s practice, but offered no explanation.
The softball team was looking pretty good. April and Donna, the young unattached women she had gotten from the parks department, seemed to like Ken and Ed. Luckily, they also played softball well. She had a couple more spots to fill, but so far the team was filling out nicely. And Ed thanked her numerous times for taking his suggestion to heart. After practice Tom helped her carry the equipment to her car.
“Do you think he’ll ever come back?” Tom asked. She knew who he meant. Sometimes she wondered if he were psychic.
“I don’t know. Maybe friendship doesn’t mean very much to him.”
“I needed time away to think, too, Katryn. I came back.”
“We’ll see if he does,” she said, not too optimistically. She just could not talk about Paul right now. Katryn went straight home after practice. She told Tom she had a headache and could not go for a coke. She could see he did not believe her, but being the friend he was, he merely told her he hoped she would feel better soon.
“Don’t forget, I have broad shoulders you can use whenever,” he added before she drove away.
When she got home, Katryn told the boys she did not feel well, so they watched TV quietly while she rested. They only argued once, running into her room to have her decide which movie they would watch. Trying to remember which tapes they had, she chose An American Tail.
After the movie, the boys kissed her goodnight and went to bed by themselves. They told her they were too old to be tucked in anyway, so she could just stay in bed tonight. She appreciated how good they had been, but did not believe for a minute that they were too old to be tucked in. She would wait till tomorrow to tell them, though.
Saturday work was fairly busy. Dottie and Joe took the boys to their soccer game at 11:00, so Dottie did not make it back until nearly one. After Katryn’s lunch, Dottie told her all about how well Timmy had done, assuring her boss that she and Joe had encouraged the entire team throughout the game. A game in which Timmy had scored the winning goal, Dottie told her.
Saturday night Katryn and the boys went skating. She was surprised when Julie showed up.
“I wouldn’t miss our skating night for anyone,” she explained. Katryn smiled, remembering when Julie had asked if she could skip skating if Paul called to ask her out.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Katryn admitted. “After all, I was getting worn out on all the double’s skating with both the boys.”
While there was still a little tension between them, they both enjoyed the evening. When Julie finally got around to asking how Katryn had felt about Larry, Katryn admitted she had not been the least attracted to him. Relieved, Julie then went on about the plans she and Larry had made for the future. Katryn found it did not bother her at all to talk about Julie and Larry.
“I know how you must have felt about me after I went back on our promise,” Julie said when they were walking out to their cars after skating. “I’m really glad you forgave me.” She quickly hugged Katryn before hurriedly walking off towards her own car.
Sunday Katryn was finally able to make peace with herself about Julie. It took realizing she was just as disappointed in herself for not being honest with Julie, as she was with Julie. She forgave both of them, finding it was just a little ha
rder to forgive herself.
She played nerf soccer with the boys out in the fresh air, and started to feel a little more like the old Katryn.
Monday practice rolled around and Katryn pulled Tom aside. “Larry and Julie are getting married,” she told him quietly. He knew exactly what that meant.
“That’s why she quit volleyball?” Katryn nodded at him. “Behind your back?” Katryn gave him a wry smile.
“Completely,” she admitted.
“Hurts when a friend lets you down,” he said. She nodded her agreement. “I’ll bet you found out some time before Thursday’s practice?” Surprised, she nodded again. “You looked so dejected,” he explained. “You didn’t seem to want to talk about it then, but I figured it had to do with Paul. Speaking of Paul, does he know?”
“No.”
“Will you tell him?”
“No. And I want your word you won’t either. I’m not ready, yet.”
“You’ve got it, of course,” he promised.
Half-way through practice, Katryn heard a familiar voice.
“Got a position I can play?” he asked. Katryn turned to face Paul.
“What position do you play?”
“Short stop, second base, or Best Friend?” he suggested, the twinkle back in his eyes. He took his mitt and headed towards the empty spot at second. Katryn’s heart started beating wildly. ‘Wait and see’, part of her said. But another part kept crying, ‘he’s back, he’s back’.