He stretched a hand, taking mine from my mouth and holding it to his chest. “Too much?”
I nodded.
“It doesn’t feel like your own yet, huh?”
“I’ve never had new things before.” Not to mention that they were gifts. The admission surprised me. Was being honest getting easier?
He sighed. “Well, get under the covers.”
He scooped up the blanket between us, waiting until I shuffled my feet underneath. He released the blanket over us. I could just make out the outline of his muscled shoulders. I wondered if I would ever stop being in awe of his frame. The mere idea of his power made my insides tremble.
He shifted until he was on his side facing the closet, settling in. The scent of cypress and leather filtered to my nose. My eyes widened, focused, looking at the deeper shadows, at the dull blue glow of the light of his stereo, and the red numbers of the digital clock on the side table next to us. I wasn’t sure what I was thinking coming over to his house. What made me think I could possibly sleep here any better?
“Shit,” he breathed out, flipping over. He propped his body up on his arm as he twisted to reach for something on the side table closest to me, hovering over me. He grinned down at me as he snatched up his phone. “If I don’t tell them you’re here, they’re going to flip if they try to check in.”
I hadn’t thought of that. It rattled me more that he had to do it. This was a bad idea. They’d think I didn’t like all my new stuff. They’d think I’d gotten in trouble. It was a school night. What was I doing here? “Nathan...” I whispered, unsure how to express my fears.
He sat up cross legged on the bed, the phone in his hands. “What?”
“Let them know it wasn’t because... I mean I really do love the new things.”
He chuckled and his hand found mine in the dark. He guided me to sit up. He tucked an arm around my waist, pulling me into his lap. My butt settled between his legs, my knees hooking over his thigh and he wrapped his strong arms around me, looking down into my face. “You can say it, Sang. It isn’t wrong.”
My fingers sought my mouth. I wasn’t sure what he meant.
He snatched my hand away before I could touch my lip. “Don’t do that. I can’t stand it. You can say what you’re thinking. I’m not going to laugh.”
I still wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be admitting. In the moment, my mind was muddled with feeling his strong, warm body around me, his serious expression and my own trembling heart.
He pressed my hand to his chest, pushing my palm over his heart, his own fingers warming over mine to keep it there. “You can admit you were lonely. You don’t have to hide that. Victor told you the truth. You don’t have to wait for an invitation to come over. Call, come over, send smoke signals. If you want me, I’ll come for you.”
I bit my own lip, swallowing back my heart. “I was lonely,” I whispered.
His arms tightened around me again, pressing me close to his body. My cheek fell to the hardness of his collarbone, and I kept my hand over his heart.
He sighed heavily against me. “To be honest, I was, too.”
My eyes watered. When I thought about it, it was Nathan that had more reason to feel alone than I did. My mother was downstairs in my house. My sister was there, too. Nathan’s father could not be home right now, and might not be for days at a time as he flew helicopters back and forth for work. He saw his father less than I did mine, perhaps. There was no one here. As far as I knew, Nathan was the one who was alone most of all.
He sighed against my head, and pulled back, picking up his cell phone again. “But let me text them before they call in the squad to find you.”
I remained against his chest, burying my face into his shoulder. It was hard to admit what I’d done, and was grateful he was there to tell them for me.
He typed in a message, pushed a button to send it and waited. After a couple of minutes of sitting and cuddled together in the dark, a message returned. “There,” he said, “Kota’s nagging. So we’re good.”
“Nagging?”
“Oh you know, make sure you get back tomorrow morning without your mom finding out. Don’t be late for school. Don’t stay up all night. Don’t let you climb up to the roof alone if you need to.”
My heart warmed. Kota’s nagging was caring. It was more than my parents did.
My phone lit up in the crest of my cami bra top and started to vibrate. I’d already forgotten I’d put it there. The phone lit up our faces in the dark.
Nathan laughed. “You’ve got the best pockets.”
I laughed, too, blushing as I removed the phone. Victor was calling. Did Nathan tell everyone I was here? I couldn’t not answer him, even though in that moment I wasn’t sure I should. Every step I made around them now had me questioning how the others would react. What would Victor think of me sitting in Nathan’s lap right now? I was questioning my own loyalties and what was appropriate at every turn.
I pushed the button. “Victor?”
“Are you okay?” Victor asked, genuine concern in his tired voice.
“Yeah,” I said, my eyes moving to Nathan’s face, wondering if he could hear. “I’m fine.”
Victor paused. “Are you?”
That was a challenge. I summoned courage. “I was lonely,” I admitted, still blushing and my free hand searching for my lip again. Nathan caught it in his, squeezing it and narrowing his eyes at me. I continued, “After being around everyone all week and suddenly no one...”
“Oh,” Victor said, “And you couldn’t sleep.”
“I tried.”
Victor sighed. “Should have left someone with you,” he said, though quietly as if noting it to himself instead of saying it to me.
“I didn’t know,” I said, “I didn’t think about it. But we shouldn’t be doing that any more. Tomorrow I’ll stay in my room.” Was he not mad about me going to Nathan’s? He said someone. Would he have sent Nathan to me if I’d asked?
“Tomorrow I’ll stay the night,” he said.
“Victor...” I said, unsure of how to respond.
“Tell him to let us sleep,” Nathan complained. “He can talk to you tomorrow.”
“Tell Nathan to butt out,” Victor said. “But he’s right. Go to sleep.”
My lips tightened. “Okay.”
“‘Night,” he said, and hung up.
I dropped the phone onto the bed, exasperated and every single nerve ending electrified. “Next time, I’ll make you answer. Can we sleep now?”
Nathan laughed. He tucked his arms around me, pulling me back against the bed with him, yanking the covers over our heads. “Whatever you say.”
At first, Nathan slept with space between us. With his bed being bigger than even the new one I had, it was much easier to have some room.
I woke up around two in the morning with his back pressed up against my side. I shivered, my body chilled as his house was cold and the air conditioner was still on full blast. In my sleepy state, I pressed my back into his. It just seemed so natural. His body was warm and I’d slept closer to the others before so I didn’t think it would bother him.
He turned over, mumbled something and his arm fell over me. His hands gripped me by the waist and dragged me until my back was pressing into his stomach. His cheek pressed against my shoulder. I felt the slightest movements of his lips at the curve of my neck as he breathed and he settled down, falling back asleep.
I stared at the clock on the bedside table. Nathan was hugging me to himself. My hips and butt felt parts of his body that I was sure friends were probably not supposed to think of. My heart thundered against my chest, rattling me and I couldn’t get myself to calm down to sleep.
Only I didn’t want to move. Part of me didn’t want to wake him. Part of me loved that he had sought me out in the night, hugging me to him. Victor probably wouldn’t like this. Neither would North. Would they understand? I pushed the thoughts back. What did I know about friendships, relationships, dating or anythin
g like that? All I had was what they told me was okay.
I willed my heart to slow down. The best I could do was to doze. I did that for hours, occasionally startling awake as his hand adjusted on my waist or slid to lightly clutch at my stomach. His strong fingers spread across my belly, sending different waves of tingles and shivers through my core. It took tensing every muscle to not shake so much.
The night lasted forever.
I was halfway into finally dozing again when his hand relaxed against my stomach, slipping toward my ribs as he pulled himself up to look over my shoulder. “Sang?” he grumbled, thick with sleep.
I yawned, sitting up. I’d been up all night. Utter defeat. Why did I ever think I could sleep next to him?
“It’s about five,” he said in a whisper.
“I should go,” I said, my voice sounded small.
“Do you want me to go with you? I can help you get to your window.”
I shook my head, pushing my body to the side of his bed. His bed was high off the ground, enough that my feet were still hovering inches above the floor. I jumped off of his bed and wobbled where I stood, still half asleep and wishing I could crawl right back into his bed. I wanted to skip school and sleep all day there. “The back door should still be unlocked.” I fished my phone out from the bed, putting it back into the bra top.
“Sang?”
“Yeah?” I turned toward his voice.
He was on his knees, coming toward me. The muscles in his body shifted as he knee-walked across the bed, his arms outstretched toward me.
I opened my own arms to him. His encircled me, holding me around the waist as he hugged me to his muscular body. My arms wrapped around his neck. I liked hugs.
My fingers traced behind his ear. He stiffened against me and drew away. His eyes locked with mine.
Did I do something wrong? “Nathan?”
His mouth twisted, his lips parting to say something but closed again. I had the sense to understand there was something more he wanted to tell me or ask me, but he had changed his mind.
“I’ll be fine,” I said. “Don’t worry about me.”
He smirked, shaking his head. “Says the girl that can’t sleep in her own bed.”
I scoffed but he crossed the room to the window. He yanked the cord to open the blinds and opened the window. The air had chilled during the night. September was promising cooler days ahead.
I lifted myself through and hit the ground on the other side. I turned around and Nathan leaned out the window, his chest and stomach muscles making weird shadows against the odd glow of the moon.
“Guess you didn’t need to go through the window,” he said. “Though it’s kind of fun, I guess. I do it to you so much.” He grinned. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“In a couple of hours.”
He nodded. “Get going before you’re caught. Be careful.”
Cornered
I ran home with my bare feet sliding against the dew in the grass. A fog had rolled in sometime in the night. The hovering density in the air left my skin electrified as it had the night before. Again it was tempting to stay outside. Monday was here, though, and the guys needed me. I’d see them at school. That thought alone drove me on. I’d get dressed, grab my things and dart right back to Nathan’s. No, I should wait and give him time to get dressed. How long would it take him?
I padded across the long driveway up to the door in the garage. My father’s car wasn’t there. I wondered how much longer he would be away. I wondered if he was in Mexico again. I’d have to find some crackers to leave for my mother.
In my hurry, I twisted the handle, stepping inside.
“Who is it?” My mother called from the kitchen.
My heart froze in my chest as my hand slipped from the door handle. It swung out of reach and crashed against the wall on the other side. The slim chance I’d had of possibly tiptoeing up the backstairs and disappearing as if nothing had happened vanished.
My mother waddled into the family room from the kitchen. She was awake, and that was good, right? I wouldn’t have to call Dr. Green. She was sweating. Her eyes bugged out. “What are you doing out there?” she demanded.
“I... uh... thought I heard something,” I said. I let the lies flow from my mouth, too terrified to be concerned with what. “I heard meowing outside my window. I went to check.”
“Did you find a cat?”
Was she going to believe me? “I couldn’t see one,” I said. “I checked the bushes. Is that why you’re up? Did you hear me out there? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Her pale face twisted, her dull eyes glancing toward the wall. “Where’s your father?”
“He’s not here,” I said. Did she really not know? “He said there was another business trip.”
Her mouth tightened, the creases at her lips deepening. The hair around her face was pulled back. The pony tail was freshly done but the hair was matted together as if she didn’t bother to brush it. When was the last time she brushed it? Was it an effort so she ignored it?
“Were you hungry?” I offered in a quiet voice, unsure of her expression. “I’ve got time before I have to get ready for school. I could scramble some eggs and make some toast.”
She swayed on her feet, enough to scare me that she might fall over. “I think I want...” Her head tilted, her eyes widened, staring at my body. It confused me. Was she looking at me now? Did she finally focus on me? Maybe being nicer and trying harder was working.
I thought that until I felt the slight vibration of the phone against my chest. I glanced down, the face of the phone glowed, giving away its location against my heart. Nathan was calling.
“What is that?” My mother’s voice strained with confusion and a rumbling anger bubbling to the surface.
“Nothing,” I said, covering my chest to hide the glow. “Just a...” I couldn’t think of a lie. I couldn’t think at all. Was Nathan watching? What happened? Why would he call? “Something for school,” I said.
Her hands balled into fists. Her eyes narrowed at my chest. “Show it to me.”
My body quaked. There was no way to hide it. Nathan’s call went to voicemail. Either he’d seen what was happening or he was checking in for me to make sure I got in safe. Would he try again in a few minutes?
My fingers trembled as I couldn’t think of a reason not to show her, and even if I denied the request, it wouldn’t matter. She might punish me and then what? Dr. Green said to do whatever she said as long as it wasn’t being tied up in the shower or something equally dangerous. The phone wasn’t dangerous.
I untucked the phone from my chest, presenting it to her.
Her eyes narrowed on the iPhone in the pink case. “The school doesn’t give cell phones. Where did you get that?”
“I meant,” I said, trying something else, “I found it at school. I didn’t have time to turn it in to the front office, so I was hanging on to it until Monday when I got the chance.”
She snatched the phone from my hands. She tapped at it, illuminating the surface.
A text message caused the phone to buzz in her hands. The message popped up on the screen in front of her face. She scanned the words. “Sang,” she read, her voice bursting with anger, and something else... satisfaction? “Hurry back when you can. I’ve got some of those coffees you like.” Her head tilted toward me, her eyes. “Who is Nathan?”
My hand fluttered up to my lip, pushing to my teeth. My tongue felt glued to the top of my mouth. What do I do? What should I do? Should I run away? If I ran back to Nathan’s, could he help?
My mother pointed the end of the phone at me. “Where did you get this? Did you steal it? Or was it from the money you stole?”
I blinked at her, confused by this new information. “What money?”
“You know what money.”
My eyes flashed at her. “I don’t have money.”
She scoffed. “Are you telling me this boy bought you this phone? Is that what you’re sa
ying? What kind of things did you have to do to get him to buy you one?”
I started to shake my head, but I didn’t have an answer for the question it left open. Either someone got it for me or I stole something to get it. What answer was the best?
“I can’t believe this,” she said. “I tried. I did my best. Here you are. Sneaking into the house. Smelling like a boy. A cell phone. Lying. The tramp of the neighborhood. I knew it when we moved here that it was a mistake. I don’t know what to do with you,” she spat at me. Her fingers clutched at the phone. She swung her arm, pointing the end of it toward the kitchen. “Start walking.”
My eyes opened wide. I smelled like a boy? I couldn’t tell but perhaps I carried Nathan’s cypress scent with me. This was the worst thing she’d ever caught me at and there was nothing I could say to reverse it. What now? Rice? Should I not kneel like Kota said? Should I wait until she had me kneel and then escape? If I don’t answer the phone, they’d come for me when they discovered me on my knees.
I walked through the kitchen as she directed. Instead of looking for a stool or grabbing the rice, she continued to point toward the direction of her bedroom. I shuffled forward awkwardly, my eyes on the phone. I almost wanted to take it from her to call for help but I also wanted to avoid the worst possible outcome. If I fought her on this, she could call the police on me. I should wait and trust that if the boys did discover I was in trouble, they would know the best way to get me out.
I stood just inside her bedroom door. My mother pushed me aside. Her touch at my arm had me cowering, afraid. How different her touches were from Nathan’s or Victor’s.
She marched to the closet doors, opening the one to the left. She stopped, her head reeling back. Something caught her off-guard. She stared into the space for several minutes. The door blocked my view. Was that her closet or his? I couldn’t remember. I was pretty sure it was his. Was it messy?