I dragged myself to my knees, sitting back on my heels. Something was wrong. I sensed it from him. I stared after him with unspoken questions, asking in silence what was wrong. His eyes darted away toward the wall. Whatever it was, he couldn’t tell me.
“Notes from stupid kids from school,” Gabriel said. “A few that Sang’s mom missed I guess.”
Mr. Blackbourne collected the notes from Gabriel’s hand. He selected one, flipping it around and read through it. He frowned. “Can’t take her anywhere.”
“What does it say?” I asked.
Mr. Blackbourne scrunched his eyebrows at me. “You don’t know?”
“She doesn’t read them,” Gabriel said. “North told her not to.”
“North is right,” Mr. Blackbourne said. He folded the note and put it in his blazer pocket. “Gabriel, Luke and Kota, go hunt the house for any more notes that she might have found. I want every last one of them. If she gets any more, take them from her and hand them to me or to North. We can’t risk her mother seeing them and setting her off in a frenzy again. Go and find them now.” He wasn’t just asking them to find notes. He was ordering them to leave the room.
Kota shot a glare to Mr. Blackbourne that made me shiver. I never saw Kota so cold before. Luke rose from the floor and put a hand on Kota’s arm, tugging him along. Kota gazed quietly at me once and stalked out after the others, closing the door behind him.
Secret Plans
I was alone with Mr. Blackbourne. I’d been alone with him before, but not in my own bedroom, and not under such strange circumstances. It felt worse than the first time I’d been alone with him. I felt naked, vulnerable. He knew so much about me now. Did he regret drawing me further into their circle?
“Would you sit down?” He stretched his hand toward the bed.
I rose from the floor, finding the dull pain in my tailbone strengthening. I’d been ignoring it before now, crawling around in the attic and playing with the boys, but it was starting to get to me. I sat delicately on the edge of bed.
Mr. Blackbourne planted himself next to me, his feet flat on the floor. He propped himself up with his elbows on his knees, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed at his tired cheeks. Was this the same strong and confident Mr. Blackbourne that I’d come to know at school? He felt so out of place here with me, younger and looking for answers like I was. “Miss Sorenson,” he said. “Did you know your mother has cancer?”
My heart dropped. My mind solidified into a blank, shapeless mass. I shook my head. Cancer? What was that? I knew what it was, but in my mind, it was like I forgot what it meant for a moment. I was dull. I was hopeless. “I knew she was really ill,” I whispered. “My dad never told us the details.”
“It’s why she’s on so many medications,” he said. “When they did the biopsy, she almost died. They’re not sure if they want to do surgery because they think it might kill her.” He sat up again, twisting his body to put his palm on the bed, leaning against it to nearly hover over me. “If they don’t, it’ll spread and it might get worse. It might become untreatable.”
My eyes dropped to his hand, noting the smooth skin, and the trace of a scar across a knuckle. My mind, however, was a million miles away. How long had my parents known and never told me? Was this what Kota didn’t want me to know about?
“I hate to ask you this now,” he said softly. “Do you know anything about your mom’s past? About her parents?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never met them. They’re still alive, I think. She mentioned them a couple of times before she got sick. She never talks to them and they never call.”
His hand moved from the bed to my face. He dropped a forefinger against the tip of my chin, catching it and tilting it up. His fingertip was smooth and warm. He lifted until I was caught up in his soft gray eyes, leaving me breathless. “Have either of your parents ever touched you in a way that wasn’t appropriate?”
My cheeks enflamed. “No,” I insisted, as loud as I could with what little voice I had. “They’ve never beat me. I mean they never...”
“I don’t mean in that way,” he said.
“Mr. Blackbourne,” I said, my eyes narrowing on his. I thought my heart was thumping so loud that he could hear it. “The most she’s ever done was to pull me by the arm to get me to sit or stand somewhere. I can’t remember the last time my father touched me at all. He’s never here.” I swallowed. “We’re not the closest family. We don’t touch.” How did he do that? All he had to do was get me to look into his eyes, and I was pouring my heart out, sharing secrets with him about things I never imagined I would tell anyone, not even to Kota.
He searched my eyes as if looking for answers to questions he hadn’t asked out loud. His hand lifted from my chin and he traced a fingertip over my cheek. My body released a shiver. Didn’t he understand? I didn’t get touching at all. Up until a couple of weeks ago, no one ever did touch me and suddenly there’s been an onslaught of boys all holding my hand, hugging me, wrapping arms around me. I’ve never in my life had anyone do that. While I was slowly not cowering at every little touch, deep inside I was craving more than ever because it was everything I thought I was missing out on. Maybe it was wrong of me to feel that way. I didn’t know what was normal any more. Everything I’d read in books or saw on TV didn’t match up to what I felt with them. All I knew was that every time one of the boys let go, I was desperate to reach back, to pull them back to me. I just didn’t know how.
And I tried to tell him this, to say with my eyes everything I wanted to tell them all but didn’t have the courage. My tongue danced behind my teeth with the words that tasted almost right, but I knew I could never say it out loud. They would think I was crazy. They wouldn’t understand.
Mr. Blackbourne released me. “Miss Sorenson,” he said softly. “I promise you. If you give me a chance, if you’ll trust me, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you make it out of this situation safely.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered, confused by his overwhelming concern. He still hardly knew me. He and the others helped me set the stage to face off with my mother when she woke up. What more could they do?
The air stilled around us. There were only his steel eyes that seemed to swallow me up like a wave of water.
I forced my lips to part. “Mr. Blackbourne...”
He sighed, pulled back. “Until we get a better system together, one of the boys will stay with you here in your house.”
My eyes widened. “How? They’ll get caught.”
“Your mother needs to be monitored,” he said. “I’ll need you to talk to Dr. Green and have him tell you what you need to do. If she wakes up within the next 24 hours, she can stay at home but if she doesn’t wake up, she needs to be taken to the hospital. We’ve set up an IV for her. Whoever stays with you will be able to replace it as needed but I want them to show you how to do it, too. If she keeps it in while she’s awake, you should replace it.”
My mind was still whirling about what he said a moment ago. I swallowed back questions. “I’ll do my best.”
“I know you will,” he said. He stood up. “North and Silas should be about done. Victor will get you a new phone. The rest of us still have work to do before Monday.”
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. My eyes closed to force back the warmth of tears. I felt so badly about everything. Somehow I felt responsible for dragging them into this. I was a distraction when they were all so busy with trying to save the school and with whatever other Academy work they had to do. It seemed more important than my problems. They didn’t ask to be in the middle. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused.”
I was going to say more but his fingers sought out my mouth, closing my lips. “You were unexpected,” he said softly. “But you’re far from a burden. North was right. What kind of group would we be if we couldn’t look after one little girl?” His eyes told me more than he was saying. This wasn’t something I could take back. They made a plan. This was what was going to
happen. I didn’t have a choice in the matter. They were determined to intervene. He swallowed and stepped back, releasing my lips from his touch. “Let’s call everyone in. We need to make final plans.”
He turned away from me and toward the door, his incapacitating command returning as he squared off his shoulders.
I pushed a palm to my cheek, trying to calm myself from the intensity of his words and touches.
Mr. Blackbourne twisted the handle and swung the door open. Kota was leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded over his chest. His face was grim. He wasn’t hiding that he had been trying to listen in the entire time.
“Get the others,” Mr. Blackbourne ordered. “All of them.”
Kota glanced at me, silently asking me if I was okay. I nodded to him, trying to reassure him I was fine. My mother was dying. I’d silently known that for years, only I’ve never known why. Putting a name to what was killing her didn’t change things. It only confirmed what I already knew. This wasn’t something she was going to recover from and be better. She was never going to go back to the mother that I had already mostly forgotten.
I may never again live in her house without the fear of what she might do next.
Kota reluctantly moved away from the doorframe. Mr. Blackbourne turned down the hallway to collect Silas and North. Within moments, they were all in my bedroom. Silas sat on the bed next to me. His hand sought out mine, covering my fingers with his against the bed. I wanted to pick my hand up to let him hold it but my nerves were rattling. I wanted to crawl into his lap but with everyone there, it felt like too much. I didn’t have the guts to do it anyway.
Gabriel, Luke, Nathan and the other boys collected on the floor. Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne stood and addressed us.
“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Mr. Blackbourne said in his stern voice. “Gabriel and Luke are staying here tonight.”
There was a commotion of protest. None of the boys wanted to leave.
“I’m not going to argue about this,” Mr. Blackbourne commanded. “We’ve all got things that we need to do, and they don’t all involve Miss Sorenson. We’ve got to prepare for school on Monday. Victor, get Miss Sorenson a new phone, but bring it to me first. Kota, you’ve already got a job to do. Silas, North, I need you on Academy business. Nathan, you’re going with Dr. Green to the hospital for information.” He pointed to Gabriel and Luke. “You two will wait here until Kota comes for her tomorrow. I don’t care if you have to sleep in the attic, but don’t leave this room unless Miss Sorenson thinks it’s okay and don’t leave this place at all until Kota comes back. Call if anything happens. Call if nothing happens. I want updates.”
I pulled my knees up until they were pressing to my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees. When I did it, everyone stopped to watch me. I had no idea why and I felt my cheeks starting to heat up, unsure of if I was looking stupid or what. I slid a glance to Silas next to me, questioning with my eyes what they were looking at. He gave me a soft smirk, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Somehow I sensed that it was just that I moved at all and they were super sensitive to what I was doing in the moment. I could only guess that they expected me to say something about all this. I couldn’t think of anything to add.
Mr. Blackbourne cleared his throat and continued. “We’ll have to tighten the schedule. I’ll work one out and will send it to everyone’s phones. Luke, I still want that map of this house so make one tonight. Someone will bring you a laptop.” He pointed at me. “Miss Sorenson, I want you to stay out of the attic tonight and rest your voice. We’ve got school ahead and we can’t have you squeaking like a mouse. If anything else happens, you call me directly.”
I nodded to him, clamping my lips shut. His eyes left unspoken orders; stay out of trouble.
“Let’s go,” he said.
With that, everyone moved at once. I stood up with Silas. Mr. Blackbourne left the room. His footsteps echoed in the hallway as he marched down the stairs.
When he was gone, Silas turned to me, wrapping his arms loosely around my shoulders for a quick hug. “Call me when you get the new phone,” he said.
I hugged him back, smiling. I loved his hugs.
He let me go and turned away. Victor materialized in his place and gave me a hug. His fingertips traced my back, smoothing over a couple of ribs. “I’ll be back soon,” he whispered in my ear.
I hugged him, too. When he pulled back, Nathan replaced him, and gave me a tight hug without saying anything at all.
When Nathan left, North came forward. He reached around, holding me tight and nearly lifting me off of the ground, hugging. His fingers threaded through my hair. “I don’t care that your mother is sick,” he said. “If she touches you again, I’m coming back for you.”
“North,” I whispered. I wanted to say more but I was stunned and breathless.
He placed me carefully on the ground and stormed out.
Kota stumbled toward me. His arms encircled my waist and his face buried into my shoulder. I hugged him in return.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” he whispered in my ear. “Listen to Gabe and Luke. Stay out of trouble. Call me when you want.” He pulled back and put his forehead against mine. “You’re with us now.”
I felt my heart breaking. As much as I loved that Gabriel and Luke would be staying with me, Kota looked so determined and yet so lost at the same time. I wasn’t sure how to answer him. I wanted to tell him I’d be okay. He’d be back tomorrow. Right now it seemed like forever. I wanted them all to come back. I changed my mind. I didn’t want to stay. I wanted to run away with them, even if it meant hiding with the Academy. Despite what we’d been through, and how they’d come to save me, I didn’t feel like one of them at all. I desperately needed to be. I wanted that confidence, knowing I belonged. Would I ever feel as strongly as he did, so assured of my place among them?
“Miss Sang,” Dr. Green said behind Kota. Kota moved away from me. Dr. Green held out a hand to me. “Let me show you how to take care of that mother of yours,” he said. “Then we should go. I don’t want to have to give her something else to make her sleep and I don’t want all of us here if she comes out of this quickly.”
I glanced back once at Kota as Dr. Green took my hand and pulled me out of the room and down the stairs. Kota looked not entirely happy about the situation, but reserved to the idea that this is what had to be done. I could only hope they were right.
In my mother’s room again, Dr. Green guided me to the bed. An IV stand was in place, IV bag and needle set. It actually made me feel better to see it. At least she was getting fluids.
Dr. Green pointed to the three prescription bottles on her nightstand. “These are the only ones she should be taking,” he warned. “It’s what she’s currently prescribed. I think she’s been getting confused because she talks to so many doctors and she hangs on to old medicine. I’m going with Nathan to the hospital to dig up some information and we’ll talk to some doctors about some better treatment options. Stressing herself out so much that she comes after you is not an option.”
I swallowed, nodding.
“If she wakes up, make her some soup and make sure she eats. Don’t let her stress out. If she starts to, do whatever she says as long as it isn’t dangerous. Lie if you have to. Luke and Gabriel will be right here, so no matter what happens, they’ll pull you out if and when needed. Get her to rest as much as possible. When does your father get back?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. And I don’t know how to reach him. He didn’t mention when he’d be back.”
He pointed to the IV stand. “If your mother asks you about that, say you called a doctor to check her out while she slept. She may not like that but don’t worry if she pulls out the IV. I’m more worried about her waking up and if she gets that far, we can take it from there. Gabriel’s on watch to make sure she wakes up and if she doesn’t, you should use the house phone to call for an ambulance. We can’t get any closer.”
I sucked in
a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I understood what he meant. It was too close now. I knew he meant they didn’t want to expose themselves to my family, and possibly they weren’t prepared, as they’d said, to do much more. I wondered at what point they would call in the Academy. I wondered what difference it would make.
With his green eyes on mine, he closed the space between us, wrapping his arms around me in a loose hug than the others. The movement surprised me at first. He was my teacher. A doctor. I often forgot, like with Mr. Blackbourne, that he was younger, maybe only a few years older than I was. He was also friends with Kota and the others. Nine guys in all when I sometimes just counted the seven. I weakly wrapped my arms around his chest to make this friendly gesture mean something.
“Cheer up, buttercup,” he said.
I had no idea how to respond, but my heart warmed at his words. If my mother could see us now, she’d claim he was raping me. I blushed at both his touch and the idea of my mother waking at any moment along with the guilt that weighed me down like bricks regarding how she would look at me.
He let go, moving away from the bed. I followed. There was nothing for us to do now but wait.
Apples
Gabriel, Luke and I stood in the garage as we watched the others collect in various cars and move on to do what they needed to do. The bathroom was done. The house was back to what it was before. North took the fractured wood of the stool with him. No one talked about replacing it, but I worried that my mother would assume I hid it or got rid of it and would punish me more when she was ready to do that again.
When we were alone, I relaxed. Having fewer people there meant I’d have less chances of my mother waking and catching us. Also, everyone else was so somber and tense. Maybe Mr. Blackbourne was right to keep them busy and away from here. Everyone needed a break to calm down a little and try to get back to the almost-normal that we were.