#
The sun was almost behind the horizon by the time Dasen was licking the last bits of fish from his fingers. Hunger finally sated, he took a deep, calming breath. He never would have imagined that starting a fire and cooking a meal could be so agonizingly difficult. Less than an hour before, he had been prepared to throw the whole damned fish into the trees for whatever animal wanted it, but his rumbling stomach had won out over his tooth-grinding frustration, and he was finally enjoying the reward.
When he had returned from the stream, he had taken water to Tethina but had thought to surprise her with the fish. She had given him a bag of kindling and a piece of flint when he asked, but he soon discovered that starting a fire involved far more than striking flint to steel. He had thrown sparks into the kindling for what seemed like hours before a flame finally took hold and remained. Then the fire had burned through his sticks as fast as he could gather them. When he finally had enough fuel to sustain the fire, he had to figure out how to cook the fish. He had crudely gutted it, but there had been no pan, so he had fashioned a spit, and the fish had promptly fallen off. Then the spit collapsed and collapsed and collapsed. By the time he deemed the fish cooked, his fingers were burnt; his clothes were coated in fish guts, scales, and soot; and the fish was covered in ash, burnt in some places, and raw in others. But it was food, and in his hunger, he had shoveled it in so fast he barely noticed.
He looked up at the red glow to the west behind the trees and enjoyed the tranquility of the forest for a long moment. Now that his stomach was not rumbling, he was able to enjoy the beauty around him and could almost understand why Tethina spent so much time out here.
The thought reminded him that he still had to deliver the other half of the fish. He sighed at the prospect, feeling anticipation and dread battling for control of his emotions. He thought of their kiss, longing for that closeness, that excitement. But was it worth what came after? Was it worth having to endure the emotional whiplash she put him through, the insults, the accusations? With a deep breath, he picked up the plate. Either way, he couldn’t leave her to starve. He decided he would take the fish to her, but that was all. He wouldn’t even talk to her beyond what was absolutely necessary. He was too tired, sore, and worried to be put through that wringer again.
He took another deep breath when he arrived at the shelter. You’re just delivering the fish, he told himself. Nothing more. You’re not getting drawn into one of her traps. Give her the fish and get out. That’s it. Pep-talk complete, he pulled back the flap that acted as the shelter’s door. The smell hit him first. The air was musty and stale. It smelled of sweat, damp wool, pine, and the sour metallic odor that he had come to recognize as Tethina’s. Inside was dim, but the light that filtered through revealed Tethina lying in the same spot. Her face was ruddy and smudged with dirt. Her sweat-matted hair lay in clumps across her forehead and cheek. One long, white, muscular leg stuck out from the blanket bared all the way to her thigh, small white foot bare. It was covered with red scratches and purple bruises, but Dasen could not help but feel his breath catch at the sight. Inexorably, his thoughts went in exactly the direction he was trying to avoid. Damn her, he thought, even sleeping filthy, stinking, and battered, she finds ways to draw me in.
Cursing silently, he ducked into the shelter and tried to position himself next to Tethina without touching her, but her limbs were sprawled everywhere, and his bad knee could not support a slow descent. The knee gave out, and he flopped onto something lumpy. The lump moved.
Instantly awake, Tethina snapped her hand away and clutched it to her chest. “Agh! Damn it! That really hurt. By the Order, what . . . what do you think you're doing?” She fixed him with a glare then pulled the hand away from her chest and flexed it.
The harsh words dispelled Dasen’s apology. He clenched his teeth and offered the fish. Tethina’s face softened almost instantly. Her eyes darted from the fish to him and back again. Her tongue moved over her dry lips, and her stomach growled under the blankets. A small smile crept onto her lips, lighting her eyes and revealing tiny dimples on her cheeks. She looked at him with what might have been admiration.
Dasen felt himself soaring. Damn her. A smile and a fond look is all she needs. And in a minute, she’ll probably bring me crashing down. How does she do that?
Her tongue darted over her lips again as she accepted the plate. "You probably think that just because you come with gifts you can sit anywhere you please, even if there’s already a hand there. Well, my aunt always said, ‘never trust a man bearing fish.’"
Dasen was so used to her derision that he did not catch the joke, which only added to her enjoyment. Her smile grew into a chuckle. Dasen could not help but smile himself.
Tethina sat up, snatched the plate from his hands, and began picking the meat away from the bones and skin. She pushed it into her mouth in a very unladylike way, only to have a sour expression replace her half smile. She looked as if she might spit the fish back out onto the plate. "By the Order, how did you cook this? By just throwing it on the fire? I think I got more ash than fish, and it’s barely cooked. If I weren't so hungry, I’d throw the whole thing out."
"I thought it was pretty good considering the circumstances. Besides, it’s better than nothing. A poor man shouldn’t complain because his only coin doesn’t shine." Dasen rattled off his father’s expression with an air of reprisal then cursed himself. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid.
"I’m sure it is a fine effort under the circumstances,” Tethina mocked. “Maybe when I’m feeling better, I’ll show you the proper way to cook a fish when there aren’t servants to do it for you. The trick is to use a pan.” She emphasized the final word as if he might not know what it was.
Dasen gawked at her audacity. “And where was I supposed to get a pan? Should I have gone back to the village and asked the bandits to borrow one?”
Tethina, mouth full, just pointed to a large rock standing against the back of the shelter.
“What does that mean? Was I supposed to use the rock? You know, you are . . . .”
Tethina held up a finger to silence him. She reached for the rock and, with some effort, rolled it to the side. Behind the rock was a small alcove. Inside was a sack of oiled cloth. She removed it and handed it to Dasen then took another bite of fish without saying a word. The sack held a flat-bottomed cast-iron pot that would have done nicely for the fish. He held it out to her in frustration, but she was chewing and motioned for him to open it. Inside were a generous bag of dried meat, another of dried fruits and nuts, and a final sack of roots and herbs that he did not recognize.
Dasen stammered. Thinking back to all he had been through to cook the fish, he had to restrain his desire to strangle his wife. "Do you . . . do you realize what I . . . why . . . why would you . . . why didn’t you.” He stopped and gathered his thoughts. Tethina had her hand to her mouth, trying to hide her laughter. “Why did you hide this stuff behind a rock where I'd never be able to find it? I really could have used this pan and . . . and the food. I mean, what if I hadn’t caught that fish? Were you going to let us starve while you had food a foot away?”
Tethina laughed. “Oh Dasen, if you ever got out of your city, you would know these things. I keep those things behind that rock to keep animals from getting them. How long do you think a bag of dried meat, fruit, and nuts would last in the middle of the forest if it weren't protected? And no, I would not have let us starve, but if I’d have given you that meat this morning, we wouldn’t have this.” She gestured to the fish with mock sarcasm. “Hunger is what drives the wolf to hunt. And, yes, Milne has as many sayings as Ipid, so don’t think you’re going to win that battle either.”
Dasen’s ire rose. His jaw clenched. He wanted to think of something biting to say, but nothing would come that wasn’t laughable. Tethina raised an eyebrow, daring him to try. Then she laughed. “Men!
You get a compliment but are so absorbed with feeling wronged that you can’t even see it. How was it that the Order put you in charge of everything?” She put a hand on his arm to comfort him then returned to the fish and picked the bones clean while Dasen tried to figure out where the compliment had been.
He still hadn’t found it when Tethina held the plate out for him to take. She had not left a scrap of meat. “Looks like the fish was alright after all,” Dasen said as he took the plate.
She snuffed. “It was food. What did you do to catch it? Did you wrestle it? If so, who won?” She held her fingers to her nose and waved her hand at him.
His jaw clenched again. “You know, you don’t look or smell much better. At least I made it outside the shelter.”
Tethina chuckled and looked at herself. She smiled. She was enjoying this, was baiting him on purpose and he couldn’t help but walk into the trap time and again. “And made it back again. I am amazed. I guessed you would be out there wondering where the carriage was.”
Dasen gave up. “I need to check on the fire,” he growled.
“And that,” Tethina gasped playfully. “I thought you’d be out there all day wondering how that flint conjured servants.” She laughed at the repetitive joke then stretched out across the shelter and rolled over to sleep.
Despite his comment, Dasen did not immediately leave. He sat for a long moment and watched Tethina in the sparse twilight that made its way into the shelter. For some reason, he could not make himself stand even as his worry grew. Finally, he pulled his eyes from the back of her head and looked at the door framed in red light. He gathered himself to leave, but before he did, he impulsively reached down and brushed an errant strand of hair from her eyes. He was just bringing his hand back when its progress stopped.
Tethina's sudden grip on his wrist almost sent his heart from his chest. He instinctively tried to wrest his hand away, but she was too strong, and he braced himself for a brutal scolding. Tethina rolled her head around to face him. Dasen barely dared to look at her, but when he did, he found something that surprised him almost as much as her hand on his wrist. Her eyes were soft and her expression was kind. "Thank you, Dasen,” she said softly. Her small smile had returned. It suggested something that might be affection. “If you listen, everything I said was a compliment. You have done more than I ever would have expected. You have been very caring and very brave. I am sorry I gave you a hard time yesterday. I enjoyed kissing you and had no right to blame you.”
She looked at him for a long moment as if expecting something. When Dasen failed to speak, her lower lip slipped up under her teeth and sadness crept into her eyes. Finally, he shook himself from his shock and gave her what she clearly wanted. “I’m sorry too. What I said was cruel and unfair. If you were like any other girl, we’d both be dead right now.”
Tethina smiled as genuine a smile as Dasen had yet seen. “Can we just forget all the things we said then?”
Dasen nodded.
Tethina moved her hand to his and squeezed it. “Try to get some sleep. You’ll need it in the coming days. We're safe here. No one knows about this shelter, and no one lives on this side of the river." She paused and looked into his eyes, making his stomach flip. "Goodnight."
She released his hand, but Dasen was too stunned to move. He watched dumbstruck as she drifted back to sleep. He wondered what he should say, but there was nothing to say, so he simply stood and stepped into the twilight.
Chapter 17