Pontus, for whom Duck obviously has something special even if he is a banker told me he was going on holiday to Norway and Minorca. Apparently Duck overheard us discussing it which proves he DOES eavesdrop. A short while after Pontus and I discussed his upcoming holiday on the phone, there was suddenly an enormous quacking in the pool, followed by a great flapping.
Duck flew in through the open office doors, missed the lamp by a micro-feather, showered water everywhere and came to a screeching landing (seemed like the duck version of a short desk landing technique, with reversed wing beats) shook himself (showering even more water everywhere including over the computer screens and my glasses) stuck his beak at me so it was touching my nose (which, in the duck world is known as “going beak to beak” and is done when one is very determined about something) and demanded I take dictation and send what he dictated by email to “Chief Financial Duck Pontus in the (bank name deleted) Financial Swimming Pool.”
Not daring to refuse (the odor of flying barbecued duck was still in my nostrils), I waited expectantly, water dripping off my eyebrows and ears (and nose) and took down the following when Duck began to ductate:
“Esteemed Lord Hi Financial Duck Pontus, Quack
Excuse interrupt. Quack.
Reduckfully agree yr flapiday with Mrs. Duck and Ducklings. Quack.
Be back to yr working pool on time. Quack.
Any lateness in returning from holiday pools to working pool will go to the Duckagon with request for immediate reflapiation. Quack Quack Spla (the sound made by Duck when he stamped his left foot on the saucer of my full coffee cup, which sent the coffee flying all over my nice white shorts (clean this morning) which turned mostly brown. (The WGB (aka WIFE KGB) will be around shortly to cross-torture me on this anti-state event, and point out to me in lurid and heart-rending detail that it will require several days hard labor from the entire labor force of Siberia to rectify the results of my totally habitual, completely incredible, crass, unthinking, selfish carelessness, et duckcetera).
Duck, unruffled by having his foot half in the saucer and half in the half-tipped-over coffee cup, continued in a harsh quack, “So you have no excuse for being late, U can request a Guidance Duck when flying to or returning from Minrocka. Guidance Duck will fly ahead of your metal wing and show its Duck where to land. Quack
If you get hungry while away, notify me and I will send a Fish Finder Duck.
Best to Ducklings.
Remember, don’t be late. Tie a knot in one of your wing feathers so you don’t forget.
Yours quackerously, Duck”
As soon as he finished, Duck turned to me with a steely look, grabbed my little finger in his beak, applied 90 tons per square inch of pressure (now I know how a fish feels and it is not nice) and glared at me while tapping his thermometer on the desk and hooking a menacing claw over the edge of the coffee cup which still had enough coffee in it to decorate my (so far untouched) white shirt with what the Wife GB would interpret as a confirmatory High Crime and total and final confirmation of brazen unrepentant antirevolutionary intent.
From these gestures, I think Duck is insisting I send this now.
I have to go.
.
Afterwards
The next Duckmail I was ordered to send read as follows:
“Awaiting yr confirmation that U, Mrs. Duck and Ducklings enjoying your Flapiday and have adequate supply of fish.
24th DFW (Duck Fighter Wing) based on Norslo and the 7th DFU based on Minrocka are on 24-hr alert and 5 minute scramble readiness armed with 10 Mk9 SFMs (Stinking Fish Missiles) each.
These DFWs have been assigned to Pontus Defense with orders to intervene if anybody interferes with your Flapiday or threatens your Ducklings.
Red Wing is on standby to enforce the 100 mile noduckfly zone around your metal wing when you are wingborn