Page 40
Author: Molly McAdams
“Dad got us a flight that’s leaving in a few hours,” he said quietly as he turned onto another street. “You okay, Cassi?”
“I’m fine, I feel—” I cut myself off, not wanting him to know what I’d been thinking since he told me about the fire, but then his hand curled around mine and I couldn’t hold it back. “I feel guilty. Because I should be upset, right? But I’m not, and I don’t know why, but, Ty, I’m . . . I’m . . . I feel—like it’s justice. I feel like I’m getting some sort of sick revenge, and that house, God, that house is gone, Ty. There are so many bad memories there. ”
“I know. ” His hand squeezed mine as he drove us toward the airport. “Don’t feel guilty, Cassi, I know she’s your mother, but she’s not your mom. She hasn’t done anything in over a dozen years to deserve your love or your sympathy. ”
“I just feel like I should be upset by this somehow, but I can’t find it in me. Not right now anyway. ”
Tyler nodded like he understood, and his voice dropped lower. “How’s your eye?”
“It’s fine. Really, it didn’t hurt much at all, it was just the shock of it happening, and seeing Gage like that was ju—” I stopped quickly.
“And why didn’t you want him to wake up? You didn’t want to tell him you’re leaving?” When I didn’t respond he nodded again and stayed quiet for a few easy minutes before adding quietly, “I know I’ve fucked up bad, sweetheart, but I have never closed that window. Since we were seven, that window has been open, and it will always be open. No matter what. ”
My heart clenched. “Not now, but sometime during this trip we need to talk about what went wrong with us. But I’ll always love you, Ty. ”
“And I’ll always love you. ”
Chapter Fourteen
GAGE
I DIDN’T HAVE to open my eyes to know Cassidy wasn’t in the bed with me when I woke up. Not only was my arm not touching anything but cool sheets, but everything Cassidy was just missing. Rolling out of bed, I hit the restroom, then stalked quickly out to the living room. Did she not feel comfortable sleeping next to me after what happened last night? I’d been kicking myself all the way home and after we’d finally gotten here. I couldn’t believe she’d agreed to come back with me, but even with that, she still looked at me with so much fear I felt sick, even now.
I paused only momentarily when I found the living room and kitchen empty, and went straight to the spare bedroom. After a quick look to see the bed made and no Cassidy, I shut the door and went back to my room for my phone. It was only then I saw the note underneath it.
Gage—
Please understand, I have to do this. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll call you when I can. I’m sorry for leaving while you were sleeping, but I knew you’d try to stop me. Forgive me.
I love you. Always.
Cassidy
She left. Cass left me.
I grabbed the lamp that was sitting on the nightstand and launched it across the room, listening to it shatter when it hit the wall. Stop her?! Of course I’d have stopped her! I couldn’t live without her, I wouldn’t have let her go. Glancing at my phone, I realized she must have turned my alarm off too, because it was already a little past five in the morning. I was supposed to have taken her to work already. Screw this, I wouldn’t have let her go if I was awake, and I’m not letting her go this way either. I know I scared her last night, but it was an accident and even with her past I know we can get through this.
Pulling on the first clothes I found, I started to head out when I had another thought. I walked into our bathroom and had to pull in a few deep breaths through my nose when I noticed her stuff missing. Turning, I walked to the spare room and had to grip the frame of the closet door when I realized she’d cleared out most of her clothes.
“Damn it!” I roared as I raced out of the house and to my truck.
I was at Starbucks in no time and rushed in without even turning my truck off.
“Jesse!”
He turned, his face clearly confused. “Gage, man, what’s going on?”
“Is Cassidy here?” I asked breathlessly even as I rounded the corner to go into the back.
“No, that’s why I’m asking you what’s going on. She called about forty-five minutes ago, said she was leaving for California with some guy named Tyler. Do you know who he is and why the hell she’d just up and go to California?”
That stopped me dead. Cass hadn’t just left me. She’d left me for Tyler and she’d gone back to California. To what? His parents’? Why wouldn’t she have just stayed with him? None of that mattered right now; I felt like I was going to be sick again at the thought of losing Cassidy for good this time, and once again to my cousin. “You’re sure?”
“What?”
“Jesse, are you sure that’s what she said?”
“Yeah, now what the hell’s going on?”
I couldn’t answer at first, I just sat there staring at nothing. “It’s just what she told you; Cassidy—Cassi’s gone. ” God, she was really gone. I wanted to fly to California and beg her to come back here with me, but she’d made her choice, and honestly, I’d had Cassidy leave me too many times for me to believe she’d come back to me again. A part of me hoped she wouldn’t, because I knew in the end she’d just end up leaving again. Just like Tyler said she would, and I’d be in the same fuckin’ heartbroken spot I was always in.
“Well, why did she go?” Jesse no longer looked confused; he was glaring accusingly.
“I don’t know,” I called over my shoulder as I turned to leave, “she told you more than me. ”
Before I got all the way out the door my phone started ringing, and I almost threw it across the parking lot when I saw Tyler’s name.
“What?! Christ, Ty, I swear if you called me to throw all this in my face, we are done. Forever, you got that?”
“I’m not, and I don’t have a lot of time, man, Cassi’s gonna come back from the bathroom and getting food and she’s gonna be pissed if she knows I called you. ” He let out a hard, fast breath and started mumbling to himself, “I can’t believe I’m about to do this for you. I can’t fuckin’ believe it . . . ” Then with a deep breath in he said quickly and quietly, “Look, Gage, by the way you answered the phone, you’ve already figured out she’s gone. So I don’t have to tell you that part, but I don’t want you to think she just left you. My dad called me early this morning to tell me Cassi’s house burned to the ground, and as far as everyone can tell, her mom and Jeff were in the house still. ”
“Shit,” I hissed under my breath. But if that happened, why didn’t she wake me? Yeah, there were still a couple weeks of school left before graduation, but I would’ve dropped everything to have been there for her.
“Yeah, look, Cassi isn’t torn up about it, but she needs to be in California right now. I didn’t know until I was on my way that she wasn’t going to wake you, and I’ve tried to talk to her about it but every time I do she starts to slip away. You know what I’m talking about when I say that, right?”
I did. Her mask. My least favorite thing in the world. “Yeah, I know. ”
“Bro, as much as I hate it . . . swear to God I hate you two together more than almost anything, but I hate seeing Cassi like this more. It was worse when we got back from the ranch last year, like a hundred times worse, but right now she’s so focused on numbing herself because of what happened last night that she’s able to hide a lot of what she’s feeling right now. ” He paused for an intense few heartbeats before continuing more slowly. “Even with that, she’s miserable. She’s wearing one of your shirts, Gage, and every five minutes like clockwork she smells the collar; I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it. I’m sure her leaving without saying a word killed you, that’s why I called—”
“She left a note,” I interrupted, and pulled the small piece of paper out of my back pocket to read it to Tyle
r.
“God, Cassi, that made it so much worse than it had to be,” Tyler mumbled, more to himself than anything. “Listen, I was already thinking this, and after hearing what she wrote, that’s classic Cassi. I know what she’s doing, Gage. She’s scared; this is what she does when she runs away. She’s not running from your relationship, and I don’t know if she would have even left period if I hadn’t called about her mom’s house. So just focus on that; she’s not running from you, she’s running from her past and fears, ’kay?”
“I don’t know, that’s not what it feels like. ” I climbed into my truck and rested my head against the hand that was gripping the steering wheel. “You called it, Ty, you said I would do something like this to her. ”
“Gage, I was just trying to scare you off. I know you wouldn’t touch her. I was pissed that you had her and . . . I don’t know, I wanted you to think you would lose her. ”
“And now I have. ”
“You haven’t. Look, last night, I was all for making you feel like shit even though I know you had no idea that was Cassi standing behind you. I know you wouldn’t hurt her; you’re probably the only guy I would ever trust with her,” he admitted reluctantly. “So believe me when I say I’m not trying to make you feel bad about this next part. You know what happened to her; you don’t know the extent, but you know. Imagine having her past, then seeing your past come out of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. ”
My breath came out in a huff and I clenched the steering wheel harder.
“Cassi knows you’d never intentionally hurt her; I can see her struggling with what she knows and what she saw for that split second. I think she’s running away just while she tries to work through that, Gage. I saw the way you were beating yourself up before she asked me to leave the room, which means she saw it too. I know Cassi better than anyone. I have no doubt that what’s going through her mind is that her struggle to get through this is hurting you more. She probably thinks running away is what you want her to do. ”