“Do whatever you want,” I said.
“I intend to,” she said, using her left hand to fluff my hair. “I’m so happy that you changed your mind, Alexis.”
I had no choice but to look almost straight up at her. “Me too.”
“I meant what I said at the meeting, you know. Aralt gives us so much,” she said, “and asks for so little.”
I was sure that was true for her and the rest of them. But so far, all I’d gotten out of the Sunshine Club was a healthy dose of paranoia.
Her hands—and the shears—were outside of my peripheral vision.
And I realized how very, very exposed my throat was. I could feel the delicate curve of it, stretched out like an apple on a cutting board.
I snapped my head down.
Lydia laughed. “Oh, Alexis. What are you thinking?”
“Nothing,” I said, trying not to be obvious as I tucked my chin down protectively over my neck.
“I’m sure that’s true,” she said, and her smile was like a poem in a different language.
She went to work, combing and parting and cutting. Big chunks fell to the floor. After the cut, she attacked me with a blow-dryer, cans of hairspray, tweezers, and a whole palette of makeup.
“Ready?” she asked.
I wasn’t sure.
“Too bad! Turn around!” Lydia said, like an inventor unveiling a miraculous machine.
Then I saw myself, and I understood why.
“Who is that?” I asked. Because it wasn’t me staring out of the mirror.
I didn’t have hair that hung in smooth waves of chocolate-colored silk. And I didn’t have eyebrows that arched like a 1940s movie star’s. Or eyelashes so thick and long that they made little picture frames for my blue eyes. Which, by the way, were not usually that blue.
And my lips didn’t look like that.
So it couldn’t be me.
I took a deep breath. But it was me. This was the new Alexis, like it or not.
Like it, came a little voice from inside me.
And something, some sensation, came bubbling through my body, starting at my feet and ending in a shiver at the crown of my head. It wasn’t like I was happy. It was like that feeling you get watching someone open a gift you gave them, when you know they’re going to love it.
This is what he deserves.
I felt my chest tighten. Because the “he” that popped into my head wasn’t Carter.
It was Aralt.
Lydia leaned in close to my ear. “Can you feel it?” she whispered. “He’s pleased.”
I watched the reflection of the dazzling stranger shake her head. “But Lydia, you don’t understand. I’m not the same as the rest of you. There’s something I…”
“What, your left-handed stunt?”
I waited for a blast of anger. But she gave my hair an affectionate ruffle.
“It doesn’t mean anything, Alexis. The hand on the book—Adrienne made that up because she thinks it looks cool.”
Inside my head, my thoughts reeled. I had taken the oath. I was connected to Aralt. And everything I was feeling was tied to the Sunshine Club.
“You poor thing,” Lydia said, her voice as sweet as honey. “All this time, you’ve been feeling so alone. But you were one of us all along.”
One of us all along.
I should have been scared, right? Or worried? Angry?
But I just couldn’t make myself feel those things.
“All he wants,” Lydia whispered, “is for you to be the best you can be.”
The thought came to me again: This is what he deserves.
And then a sparkling happiness burst and made my whole body feel radiant and beautiful, brilliant and clean. After a week of being filthy and hideous, it was enough to make me go limp with relief.
Lydia rested her chin on my shoulder. In the mirror, I could see her delighted smile. “Aralt thinks you’re lovely.”
Mom started to turn toward us. “Did you offer Lydia anything to drink?”
Her mouth formed into an O, and she set her wooden spoon down on the counter.
“Hi,” I said.
“Well, honey,” she said. Her eyes went wide and then narrow, like she couldn’t focus.
True, it was more dramatic than Kasey’s gradual transformation had been, but I wouldn’t have thought it was enough to strike a person dumb.
Apparently I was wrong.
“Thank you, Mrs. Warren, but I can’t stay,” Lydia said, daintily popping a single grape into her mouth. “And I know Alexis has dinner plans.”
Mom nodded, still staring at me.
“I’m going to go say good-bye to Kasey,” Lydia said, walking away. I listened to her shoes click click click on the tile floor.
Still, Mom didn’t say a word.
I was sort of afraid she was having a neurological episode or something. “Do you like it?”
“Alexis, I…You look beautiful, but…”
But? There was a but? Throughout my entire high school career, Mom’s fondest wish was that I would somehow find my way back to the social norm—to mall-bought clothes, shiny hair, tasteful makeup.
I’d expected…I don’t know. Squealing. Clapping. Hugs.
Not a but.
“I do. I like it. You’re stunning, but…”
But again. I took the offensive. “I thought it was time for a change. You know, I’m going to start thinking about college soon and all that. And the photography contest.”
“It’s just so…different,” Mom said. “How long is it going to take you to do that to your hair every day?”
I shrugged. “It’s just a blow-dry.”
She gave me a long appraisal. “You certainly look grown up.”
The glow inside me faded. “I thought you’d be excited.”
“Oh, honey.” Mom came closer and hugged me. “I really am. It’s a bit of a shock, that’s all. And you know there was nothing wrong with you before.”
I pulled away stiffly. “But why not improve? If you can?”
She didn’t have an answer for that. She sighed, then tried to cover it by raising her hands in surrender. “Maybe I just don’t like the idea of my two little girls growing up.”
The polite thing to do was to smile as though she’d made me feel better, so that was what I did—even though she hadn’t. I walked away, feeling self-conscious. It was a relief to turn the corner into the hallway, where I found Lydia and Kasey standing outside the bathroom, talking.
Kasey didn’t look surprised to see me.
“Isn’t she miraculous?” Lydia asked.
“She was fine before,” Kasey said. “But…you do look nice, Lexi.”
I trailed Lydia to the front door, where I could see she’d parked her dad’s red car right in the street, in front of the sidewalk.
“I hope you didn’t get a ticket,” I said.
“A ticket?” She gave me a bemused smile, like she’d never even heard of the word. “You have a lot to learn, Alexis.”
A lot to learn? About Aralt? I fought the urge to ask her what it was that I didn’t know about him. Because now that I knew I was stuck, I found myself intensely curious. It wasn’t, I told myself, that I wasn’t aware of how dangerous it was to get involved with ghosts. Or that I wasn’t committed to ending this whole thing as soon as possible. It was just…
That feeling—that bursting-with-brilliance feeling—I wanted more of it.
“Stay sunny!” Lydia said, hopping into her car.
Inside, Mom was on the phone. “Oh, here she is,” she said, handing me the receiver. “It’s Carter.”
“Hello?” I glanced at the clock. It was three minutes to seven.
“Hey, Lex.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Listen, I’m really sorry, but I have to cancel tonight. I started making some adjustments to my speech and it kind of unraveled. I can’t stop working now or I’ll be up all night.”
“Oh,” I said, going into my bedroom and closing the
door behind me. The shoes Lydia had helped me pick out were sitting on the bed. I swiped them off and sat down. “Do you want another set of ears? I could come over. I can bring dinner.”
“That’s sweet,” he said. “But Mom made me a sandwich. And I don’t want to bore you.”
“You wouldn’t bore me,” I said. “It sounds like you need help.”
“No, listen, I’ll be fine,” he said. “I’m working some of the new ideas in, and I think they’re going to really, ah…really make an impression.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” I said.
“Okay, good,” he said. “So I’m pretty busy. I can try to call you later, if you want.”
“If you have time.” What the perfect girlfriend would say. “Otherwise, no worries.”
“All right,” he said.
“So, yeah,” I said. “Bye.”
As I went to hang up the phone, a voice in the background asked, “What did she say?”
It was like the bottom fell out, except it was the sides, the top, and everything else, too. Everything inside me shattered into a thousand pieces.
Because I knew that voice.
It was Zoe’s.
I sat on the bed and let stunned tears spill from my eyes. Then I got up, kicked off my shoes, and went across the hall to the bathroom to take off my makeup.
Streaking down my cheeks like ink spilling from a bottle were the lines of coal-colored tears.
After staring at myself and watching fresh, inky-black teardrops bubble out of my eyes, I grabbed a handful of tissues and daubed at them before they could drip onto my shirt. When I pulled the tissues away, they were covered in gray splotches like the ones on Megan’s shirt and my jeans. The occasional thicker patches of color were the same endless black as the goo that had covered the Ouija board.
Instead of leaving the tissues in the trash bin where Kasey might find them, I flushed them down the toilet, then scrubbed at my cheeks until they were clean. When I was done, the washcloth was basically ruined.
If I’d needed a reminder that I was different now, that something else was at work inside of me—inside of all of us—here it was.
Stay sunny, we said to each other.
Because if you don’t, the whole world will know you’re a monster.
I COULD HARDLY SLEEP THAT NIGHT. When my alarm went off thirty minutes earlier than usual, I practically rolled off the side of the bed and trudged to the bathroom. I needed the extra time to do my hair and iron my clothes—but considering how tired I was, it seemed likely that I’d run late anyway.
Surprisingly, the process of getting myself all prettied up was as invigorating as a strong cup of coffee. I finished dressing with plenty of time to spare and slipped on a pair of black flats. Then I thought of what Lydia had said about trust, and put on Mrs. Wiley’s pumps, even though they were two inches higher than the dress code allowed.
Megan pulled up out front at 7:40. She gave me an up-and-down glance. “Alexis! Look at you!”
“I know,” I said.
“Carter’s going to lose his mind,” she said.
“We’ll see.”
When we got to school, Megan looked at me. “Ready to show Surrey High the new and improved Alexis?”
I wasn’t sure what she meant. I’d changed my hair and plucked my eyebrows, and I was wearing my interview outfit from the other night, all the way down to Mom’s earrings. But under it all, I still felt like me.
There was the Aralt factor, but I wondered if I’d misunderstood what Lydia had been trying to say.
Having Aralt in my life (in my body, I guess) hadn’t helped me sleep. It hadn’t prevented my boyfriend from hanging out with ninth-grade nature-baby tarts.
I guess I could see Carter being sort of surprised, but “new and improved” seemed to be overstating the case.
But as Kasey, Megan, and I sailed down the hallway, it was like all conversation, everywhere, stopped.
“Holy…” I heard one girl say as we passed by. “Alexis?”
As we walked, I felt my stride smooth out beneath me, my shoulders press down and back, and my chin rise. By the time we made it out the other side to the courtyard, I was kind of enjoying myself. No matter how much attention my pink hair had ever attracted, it wasn’t this kind of attention. Was it so wrong to bask a little? Considering what I’d been through?
Carter was in his usual spot, standing next to a campaign poster on an easel, talking to some kids.
As soon as I saw him, I froze. I felt like I couldn’t make myself move another step. It was like stepping out onto a stage on opening night—sure, the rehearsals were okay, but this was real. And there was no going back. What if he hated it?
Don’t be stupid, I told myself. How could he hate it? Who wouldn’t want their girlfriend to change from dumpy and rough around the edges to sleek and beautiful? Who would take an ugly duckling over a swan?
Megan squeezed my arm. “Good luck,” she said, and headed toward the picnic tables.
Carter was so absorbed in his conversation that he didn’t notice me, even when I stopped a couple of feet away.
I waited for him to finish up, and then I tapped him on the shoulder. “If I vote for you, will you put Pepsi in the water fountains?”
He turned around, blankly courteous, like he was looking at a stranger.
Then he blinked and drew back. “Oh my God,” he said.
I’d learned, from my mother’s reaction, not to expect applause and adoration. But I expected, at the very least, polite acceptance. Especially from Carter—my boyfriend, who was supposed to care about me.
“What have you done to yourself, Lex?”
“Done to myself?” I took a step away. One of my heels wedged in a crack in the sidewalk, and I caught myself just shy of twisting my ankle. “You don’t like it?”
“You look…” He put his hand to his face, over his eyes, and pushed it back through his hair. “You look like a Barbie doll. It’s like a costume.”
The air settled between us.
“Oh, okay,” I said. “So I wasn’t right before, and now I’m all wrong again.”
“There was nothing wrong with you before!” he cried.
“That’s such a lie,” I said. If there hadn’t been, why would he have Zoe come to his house at night? “Why do people keep saying that when it’s so obviously a lie?”
Suddenly he was gripping both of my arms. “Lex, does this have something to do with your sister? That club?”
“Please take your hands off me,” I said, letting each word have its own space. “That’s ridiculous. I just wanted a change.”
His expression softened, and I thought, desperately, fleetingly, that he would apologize. Tell me that he was wrong. That I looked beautiful, better than ever.
“I don’t know who this person is,” he said, gesturing from my feet to my head. “I don’t know…where Alexis went.”
My heart seemed to crumple, like it was a hollow ball of aluminum foil. For a moment, I almost gave in, let myself hurt, let myself cry.
Then I remembered the black tears.
And something hardened inside me. “Well, if anyone asks,” I said, “Alexis went to find some people who don’t make her feel like a freak or call her a Barbie doll. Or tell her to stay home while inviting Zoe over to help with their speeches.”
His eyes widened at the mention of her name. “Zoe stopped by for five minutes to drop off a book of political quotations. If you got some other idea, you should have said something.”
“No, Carter,” I said, my voice venomous. “It doesn’t work like that. I shouldn’t have to follow you all over town, asking if every girl you sneak around with is going to be the one you dump me for.”
I turned and walked to the picnic tables, where a space was quickly cleared for me. For a good ten minutes, I didn’t even try to catch a glimpse of Carter.
But when I finally did look up, he was involved in a conversation. With Zoe.
Mimi followed my ga
ze. “Who is that girl?” she asked. “Why does she keep talking to your boyfriend?”
“Her name is Zoe,” I said, smoothing my skirt over my legs. “And she has problems with boundaries.”
“She’s trying to steal Carter from you?” Emily asked.
“She doesn’t know who she’s messing with,” Mimi said. “That’s all.”
But I knew. As I looked around, I saw nothing but suspicious faces and pitiless eyes.
All aimed at Zoe.
And it almost made me feel bad for her, to be honest.
Almost.
The elections assembly was held sixth period. I sat in the front row, feeling everyone watching me as Carter delivered his speech. I could tell they all admired my new look. And if the rest of the school felt that way, Carter would come around soon. He had to.
When the final bell rang, he disappeared backstage, so I went to my locker, then out to the parking lot, and headed for Megan’s car.
“Lex!” Carter’s voice.
I turned around to see him rushing toward me like he had on so many other days. I reached out as he approached.
“Alexis,” he said, ignoring my outstretched hands. “How could you?”
“Pardon me?” I asked.
He grabbed me by the elbow and came closer. There was fire in his eyes. “Zoe’s just a stupid kid. She was so upset, she had to go to the clinic!”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I said. “But if she’s so stupid, why do you spend so much time together?”
His nostrils flared angrily. “You know there’s nothing going on between me and her!”
I raised my eyebrow and angled my body away from him. “Do I, Carter?”
“Of course you do,” he growled. “I’m not the one telling half-truths lately, Lex.”
I blushed. “I don’t know what you’re so mad about.”
“Zoe found this in her locker,” he said, handing me a piece of folded paper.
only disgusting bottom-feeders eat leftover carcasses.
leave carter blume alone.
A bitter taste came into my mouth. I handed it back gingerly, as if it might bite me. “I didn’t write that.”
“I know that,” he said. “But one of your friends—and I use that term loosely—did.”