~ ~ ~
“Gray Sheridan’s coming home for the weekend.”
Julie Ann finished scrubbing her face and dried it before she looked up at her sister. “How do you know?”
Mary Jane’s pretty Kewpie-doll lips were spoiled by a satisfied smirk. “You didn’t know, did you?”
Julie Ann hadn’t known. The night at the beach house had been the last time she had seen Gray. He hadn’t written, nor had she expected him to. He was back in college; she was back in high school. Their relationship was over. If her life suddenly seemed a poor imitation of what it had been, that was too bad. She had always known she was nothing more than a summer diversion.
“I didn’t know,” she admitted. She had learned long ago that Mary Jane had a sixth sense about other people’s pain. It was better to tell the truth and save her the trouble of going straight to your Achilles’ heel.
“Do you suppose he’ll come by and see you?”
“Probably not.”
“Why? Did he get what he was after already?”
Julie Ann nodded, and Mary Jane’s eyes lit up. “He got my friendship,” Julie Ann told her. “That’s what he was after.”
“I guess you’re right, honey. What else could he have wanted?” Mary Jane’s eyes drifted over her sister. Julie Ann was wearing a slip as she washed with water she had gotten from the hose in their backyard, and her boyish figure was plainly visible.
“Don’t you have somewhere else you need to be?” Julie Ann asked pointedly.
“Nowhere a’tall.” Mary Jane shook back her hair, hair that could have benefited from some of the soap and water Julie Ann was using.
“Well, I do.” Julie Ann took a clean skirt and top off the back of a chair and slipped them over her head. “I hate to miss the rest of this conversation, but I’ll be late for school if I don’t hurry.”
Julie Ann mulled over Mary Jane’s words as she went from class to class that day. She missed Gray. He was the first real friend she had ever had. But she wasn’t so innocent that she believed his friendship was all she missed.
She might tell herself that what she felt was puppy love, but she hadn’t yet found the theory convincing or reassuring. She loved Gray. Maybe it was because he was one of the few people in her life who had ever shown her any kindness. Maybe it was because he was the first man who had ever shown any interest in her. Whatever the reason, her feelings were real and rock-bottom deep.
She wondered what he would say if she called him tomorrow. She had never called him before. She had no phone at home, but that wasn’t the reason. She had never wanted to hear the frozen, stilted politeness in his mother’s or father’s voice if one of them answered. She didn’t have to be told what they thought of her. The truth was as simple as her last name.
If she called him now, what would he say? Would he be in a hurry to get off the phone so he could make his plans for the weekend? Six weeks had passed since she had seen him. He could have changed in those six weeks. He could have a girlfriend. Maybe she had come home with him to meet his parents.
Normally, nothing interfered with Julie Ann’s concentration at school. Her grade point average was valedictorian-high. She had no reason to believe she would actually make valedictorian; there were others with similar averages and better family backgrounds. But compared to her real goal, becoming valedictorian was unimportant. She was trying to get a scholarship, and, ironically, for once, being poor was probably going to help her. She was determined to be one of those success stories some ladies auxiliary wanted to support.
Today, however, nothing she told herself helped. By the time the final bell rang, she was more than ready to leave.
A small part of her had believed Gray might be waiting when she stepped out into the October sunshine. When he wasn’t, she chastised herself for believing in miracles and walked to Dory’s to wash a Saint Bernard no one else would touch. Gray wasn’t there after she finished for the day, nor did he come by her house that evening. By noon the next day, as she started toward the TG&Y for her shift, she was sure she wasn’t going to see him.
The hours dragged as Julie Ann cut fabric to other people’s specifications and inventoried patterns for reorder. There was no familiar Plymouth in the parking lot when she left for the evening. There was only the moon shining brightly in the cool night air and a long, tiring walk home.
She was halfway there when she heard a car coming down the dirt road behind her. Without having to think about it, she sidestepped into the bushes. Sometimes Black Creek Road was used for Saturday night drag races, and she didn’t want to be some drunken teenager’s victim.
“Julie Ann.”
For a moment she couldn’t believe it was Gray. She had wanted to see him so badly, and she had so rarely gotten anything she wanted.
He leaned over and opened the door on the passenger’s side. “Get in.”
She did, surprised and hurt by his curt tone. “Yes, Your Majesty.” She settled herself in the seat beside him, buckling her seat belt. “To what do I owe this honor?”
“Your infinite charms.”
Julie Ann knew immediately that Gray had been drinking. She hadn’t lived with her father all those years and not learned to know the signs and be wary of them. She had never seen Gray drink too much. Occasionally he had a beer when they were together, but he always stopped after one, and he never showed signs of not tolerating it well.
His speech wasn’t slurred, but even in the dim light of the moon she could see his eyes were too bright and his face lightly flushed. “Are you sure you should be driving?” she asked, trying not to sound overly concerned.
“Why not?”
“Let me know if I’m wrong, but I think you’ve had a few drinks too many.”
“You know too much for a girl your age.”
She put a restraining hand on his arm as he pulled back into the center of the road. “At least go slow, please.”
“Like a snail,” he assured her.
This snail would have won any race hands down. Julie Ann watched her house flash by as Gray continued along Black Creek Road. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other,” she said, fighting to sound casual. “But I haven’t moved.”
“You should.”
“I don’t think there’re any places to move to down this way. Nothing except farms. Maybe you ought to turn around.”
Gray turned onto another dirt road that zigzagged through the county. He picked up speed, but Julie Ann wasn’t too worried. The road was deserted. They were on the border of the National Forest.
“There’s no turning around now,” Gray said, swerving expertly to miss a series of ruts.
“Are we on a sight-seeing tour?”
“We’re on our way to the beach house. The back way.”
“How do poor boys manage without a great out-of-the-way place to take their dates?”
“I’ve never taken anyone there but you.”
“You expect me to believe that?”
He ignored her, sweeping his hand toward the woods surrounding him. “I used to hunt back here with my dad when I was a kid. Just me and him. I hated it, but I wanted to be with him. That’s when I started to find out what kind of man he was. He’d laugh when he shot a deer. Killing things put him in a good mood.”
Gray had never talked much about his family. Julie Ann hadn’t suspected that his relationship with his father was strained. “I had a teacher in elementary school who was a hunter, but he was still a good man.”
He acted as if he hadn’t heard her. “You know what else puts him in a good mood? Sending people to jail. You ought to hear his stories. Old Hanging Judge Sheridan.”
“Isn’t sending people to jail his job?”
“Justice is his job.”
“Does he know how you feel?”
“Hell, I don’t even know how I feel.”
They turned again, and the road narrowed, coming out on the highway after another mile. As she pieced together what he h
ad said Julie Ann settled back and let him drive the rest of the way in silence. It was apparent that he and his father had had a fight that night, and Gray was still angry. She could guess who the fight had been about.
At the beach house Gray came around to open Julie Ann’s door, but she was out before he got there.
“I wanted to be somewhere quiet. I haven’t heard myself think since I got home,” he said.
Julie Ann could tell that whatever thoughts he had managed to hear, he hadn’t liked. “But you didn’t want to be alone. You came to get me.”
“Yeah.” With masculine grace Gray swung himself up to sit on the hood of his car, and Julie Ann joined him.
“I’ve missed you,” she said when they were settled.
“I hoped you wouldn’t.”
“Did you miss me? “
“Yeah.” He didn’t touch her, but they were both suddenly tense.
“Suppose you’re telling the truth,” she said finally. “Why didn’t you write me or something?”
“I’m beginning to think my father’s not right about much, but he is right about one thing. I need to forget you, and you need to forget me.”
“Your father’s been talking about me.” It wasn’t a question.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Julie Ann could just imagine what Judge Sheridan had said. “Why’d you come to see me then?”
“I wanted to see how you were.”
She slipped down from the hood and stood in front of him with her hands on her hips. “You don’t have to worry about me. Go ahead and forget me. See if I care.”
“How do I do it?” He leaned forward and caught her arms, pulling her closer. “Ole Miss’s got women everywhere I look. I think I’ve gone out with half of them since school started. I can’t talk to any of them.”
“Don’t tell me you go out with women just to talk!” Julie Ann was numb with jealousy. She pictured his arms filled with perfect little blondes with centerfold bodies. She wondered what he had done to them that he had never done to her.
“What’s the matter, Julie Ann? Jealous?”
She guessed he was angry with himself for seeking her out and angry that he cared about her. He was trying to pick a fight, and she was just in the mood to give him one. “Jealous?” she asked with a snort. “Come on, Gray. You keep telling me I’m just a funny kid. What’s a funny kid got to be jealous of? I get what I want from you, don’t I? We have great conversations.” She said the last word like a curse.
Holding her arms, he slid down the hood to stand in front of her. “This one’s not so great.”
“It’s enlightening.”
He tugged her closer. “I wrote you once, but I tore it up.”
“Easy to say.”
He just stared into her eyes, and she felt small for doubting him.
“What did you say in the letter?” she asked at last.
“I told you I missed you, that I was thinking about you.”
“And you tore it up?”
“It didn’t say enough.”
Her heart beat faster. “What didn’t it say?”
“It couldn’t say this.” His arms surrounded her, and she felt his lips on hers.
Julie Ann knew where the kiss might lead. She sensed a desperation in Gray, a recklessness she hadn’t seen before. She tasted beer as he kissed her, and she wondered how much of his desire was real and how much was the result of the alcohol he’d consumed.
Strangely enough, she didn’t care. She had spent six weeks without him, and she hadn’t believed they would ever be together again. Now they were, and whatever the reason, she didn’t want to leave.
She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. She shivered once, then again.
Gray pulled away. “Are you cold?”
She was, but she’d been warming up nicely in his arms. “I’m okay.”
“Let’s go up to the house.”
“When was the last time anybody was here?” Julie Ann asked as they climbed the stairs, arms around each other’s waists.
“I don’t know. My parents don’t use it much after the summer ends.”
Julie Ann watched him unlock the door. She shivered again and hugged herself nervously.
Gray saw the shiver and the hug, and they kindled a slow grin. “I’ll make a fire inside.”
“I’m okay.”
“Yeah, that’s what you said before.” He unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Stay outside while I check the place.”
Julie Ann stood on the porch and watched him disappear into the house. The night-fogged windows did a poor job of diffusing the moonlight, and she lost sight of him immediately. It wasn’t until the interior was lit by the golden glow of a kerosene lantern that she ventured inside.
“After the summer my father turns off the main electrical switch outside. Do you mind the lantern?”
She shook her head.
“I’ll make that fire.” Gray knelt by the hearth and began to pile small sticks in a teepee. “Make yourself comfortable.”
“Are we going to be here long enough to need a fire?”
“Let’s just see.”
Julie Ann perched on the edge of a rocker. She kept her eyes on the small blaze as Gray went outside to get bigger wood to feed it. She wondered what biological miracle was causing her hands to sweat when they were icy cold.
“This should do it.” Gray came back and positioned two split logs on the fire and watched as the flames licked around them. “Come here and warm up.”
Obediently she went to stand beside him, extending her hands toward the flames.
“Why are you so scared?”
“I’m not!” Julie Ann turned so she could see Gray’s face. He was right, but she wasn’t going to tell him so. “What am I supposed to be scared of?”
“Me. If you’re not scared, you should be.”
She searched his face, and what she saw there reassured her. “Why? You’d never hurt me.”
For a moment she saw something very close to fear in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you, Julie Ann. God knows, you’ve been hurt enough in your life.”
“But it’s made me strong.”
He touched her cheek, and her eyes closed as he stroked it. “Sometimes at night I shut my eyes, and I see your face.” He leaned toward her and brushed his lips where his fingers had been. “I thought we were just friends. That’s what I wanted us to be.”
“We are friends.” She sought his lips with hers.
Their kiss was gentler than the last one had been. When it ended, he held her close. “We should have met in the future.”
Her head lay against his shoulder. “When we were ready for this?”
He didn’t answer, but she could feel his slight nod. “Being here tonight is a bad idea,” he said finally. “I’d better take you home.”
She had survived the misery of her childhood because she had learned to follow her best instincts. Now her best instincts told her he was right. She didn’t care. When had this decision been made? In the lonely nights since she had last seen him? She wasn’t sure, but she was sure of one thing. Just once, just this once, Julie Ann Mason was going to take something for herself. “I don’t want to go.”
His arms tightened around her. “You know what’s going to happen if we stay, don’t you?”
“Just tell me it’s because you want me and not because you had too much beer.”
“I want you, and I shouldn’t.” He found her mouth again, and this time the kiss was not gentle. It was everything she had ever dared dream a kiss could be. She felt it grow inside her until she thought she couldn’t contain it. She felt Gray’s reaction, too.
He took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom closest to the bay. The light from the lantern he carried crept along the wall behind her. As she waited for Gray to set the lantern down, she noted the double bed, the chest of drawers. She shut her eyes and hoped she was doing the right thing.
“Did you think you’d lo
se your virginity here?” he asked, walking up behind her and dropping his hands over her shoulders so that she could lean back against him.
“I didn’t think I’d ever lose my virginity, period.”
He laughed softly. “You underestimate your charms.”
“What do you see in me? I’m skinny, I have funny hair, and I can’t see without my glasses.”
He turned her slowly. “You have nice eyes, nice hair. I’d like to see you when you’re a woman.”
“I am a woman.”
“Are you?” He smiled. “I’m glad. Then maybe I’ll feel like less of a heel tomorrow.” He dropped his hands.
She waited for him to initiate their lovemaking, but Gray stood quietly in front of her. “If you’re expecting me to know what to do,” she said, her voice wobbling just a little, “forget it.”
“I’m waiting for you to make a run for it,” he said without a smile.
She felt warm all over at the expression in his eyes. There had been no protestations of undying love, no promises of a future, but in that moment she knew that whatever happened after this night, what was between them was right and good.
She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. He took over then, kissing her hungrily until she could almost believe he wanted her as much as she suddenly wanted him. She held back as he undressed her, worried that he would be disappointed, but he was patient, coaxing her out of each article of clothing until she wore nothing but flickering lantern light.
He took only moments to remove his own clothing, but those moments seemed to last forever. He was perfect, just as she had known he would be. He had a broad, muscular chest sprinkled with a minimum of soft brown hair. His waist and hips were narrow, and his legs were long and roped with muscle. And the rest of him? Her eyes flicked quickly up to his, and she could feel color rising in her cheeks.
“I’m not sure this is going to work!” she blurted out.
He laughed, moving closer to her. “It’s been working for centuries,” he reminded her.
“Not with me.” She backed up a little until she felt the mattress against the backs of her knees.
He laughed again and pushed her onto the bed, sprawling beside her to hold her in place before she could move away. “This is no time to act like a funny kid, Julie Ann.”
She sighed. “Do you remember when you asked me if I was scared?”
“That was a hundred years ago.”
“Well, I’m scared now.”
“You’re not going to be for long.” He stroked her hair as he bent to kiss her, but he didn’t touch her anywhere else. “You’re going to be lots of other things, but scared isn’t one of them, sweetheart.”
Miraculously, he was right. She wondered at the newness of being naked with him, of being kissed while she was naked. There were so many things to discover; she wanted to savor each one and hold it to her until it was no longer new. When his hand left her hair and caressed her neck and shoulder, she sighed. When his tongue began its own gentle conquest, she opened her mouth to him. When his hand wandered farther afield, settling on one breast, she heard herself gasp.
Slowly—but never slowly enough for her to completely savor it all—he taught her the things she had always wondered about. With tender patience he took her resistance and turned it into desire.
Finally he kissed her nose, her ear, her eyelids, and moved against her. He told her how much he had wanted her, how much he had thought of her when he’d been at school. She knew he meant it, and she knew something more. He didn’t want to love her, but he was falling in love with her anyway.
For the first time in her life, someone was going to love her.