~ ~ ~
Christmas lights blinked a steady welcome along Granger Junction’s main thoroughfare as Gray made the drive from Ole Miss to the colonial mansion that was home. The back seat of his car was covered with suitcases, gaily wrapped presents and a duffel bag of dirty laundry. The seat next to him was taken up by the shapely body of another Ole Miss student, Paige Duvall, who was coming to town to spend the holidays with an aunt while her parents sailed their yacht in the Mediterranean.
“I just don’t want to fly all the way to Greece,” she had told him with a touch of cynicism. “Be a gentleman and give me a ride home with you, Gray.”
Paige intrigued Gray. She was all the things his parents held dear. Beautiful. From an impeccable Old South background. And, despite the lazy sensuality in her slow, easy drawl and big, dark eyes, a lady. She was also intelligent, although she never made a point of it, just as she never made a point of anything. She was studying French, just to study something, and Gray figured that if anything or anyone ever really got her attention, she would be a force to reckon with.
Gray suspected that Paige was at least temporarily interested in him. They had known each other since childhood, because Paige had sometimes stayed with her Aunt Mattie in Granger Junction while her parents traveled. They had dated casually for the past year, although he hadn’t thought of her as anything more than a friend. But he had always liked to watch the way she languidly made her way through the world. She was nineteen years old, and she already seemed faintly bored by life.
“I wonder if Aunt Mattie’s gone all out for Christmas this year,” she said now. “She’s always been worried that my parents don’t do it properly. I spent the holiday with her the year I was sixteen, and she made me decorate Christmas cookies until I thought my arm was going to fall off.”
Gray laughed. “And you had to trim the tree and hang the mistletoe and drink wassail until you were practically staggering around the living room. I remember that Christmas.”
“Do you?” She lifted a delicately arched eyebrow. “That surprises me.”
He doubted it did. Paige was a girl who took any attention a man paid to her as her due. She wasn’t spoiled, just sure of her charms—as she had a right to be. Gray had watched more than one of his fraternity brothers bang his head against the wall of her self-confidence.
Paige had the creamiest olive skin and the blackest hair of any woman he had ever known. The skin was perfectly stretched across high cheekbones, and the hair fell ruler-straight to her shoulders. She had a long, delicate nose, and sensuous, cupid-bow lips, with corners that turned up as if she found the world a humorous place to live in. But it was Paige’s eyes that were her best feature. Almond-shaped and enormous, they were dark reflecting pools. No one could ever tell what Paige was thinking, but no one could ever walk away from her without seeing themselves more clearly, either.
“You’ve always been hard to ignore, Paige,” he said, turning to give her a smile. “You bank on it.”
“Well, if it’s true,” she drawled, “then don’t ignore me tomorrow night, Granger. Take me to the country club Christmas ball.”
“Now why would you want a date? If you go alone, there won’t be anybody to cramp your style.”
She pouted. “Granger Junction is no place for style.”
He didn’t want to take her because he didn’t want to go. He planned to slip away to see Julie Ann. Almost two and a half months had passed since the night at the beach house. He had written her twice, but he hadn’t heard from her in return. And because of a field project he’d been involved in, he had been unable to come home any sooner. He would be required to spend tomorrow with his parents, who were having an open house, but when they went to the ball, the night would be his.
“I’ve got plans for the evening,” he told Paige.
“The Mason girl?”
“How do you know about Julie Ann?”
“Small town, Granger. Small, small town.”
He was surprised the word had spread so far. Apparently, Paige’s aunt had told her. There was no telling who had told Aunt Mattie. “Julie Ann’s someone special,” he said after a long silence. “You’d probably like her. At least she wouldn’t bore you.”
“I gather your parents don’t approve.”
“Do you know anything else?” he asked sarcastically. “Maybe I could learn something.”
“I know that your parents would be thrilled to death if you’d take me to the ball tomorrow. Why don’t you take me and then duck out after you’ve made an appearance?”
“I don’t care if my parents are thrilled to death.”
“Then do it for me.”
Gray agreed reluctantly. It would cut down very little on his time with Julie Ann. They would have the rest of the evening together.
He dropped Paige at her aunt’s and went home to his mother’s usual effusive greeting and his father’s slap on the back. That night and the next day there was no mention of Julie Ann Mason, nor did Gray initiate a discussion about her. Julie Ann was his business, even if everyone in Granger Junction thought otherwise.
Gray was kept busy by a steady stream of guests, and it wasn’t until that evening, before the ball, that he had time to wrap the gift he had bought for her. It was a small sapphire, as blue as her eyes, on a delicate gold chain. All the other presents he’d brought home had been gift-wrapped at the store, but he wrapped this one himself and slipped it into the pocket of his tux to give her that evening.
Paige wore white taffeta that shimmered when she walked, and when they arrived at the ball, Judge Sheridan congratulated his son on his choice of a date. Gray found that the combination of Christmas carols, scented pine boughs, expensive perfume and champagne punch put him in the holiday spirit. He left later than he had intended and sang “Jingle Bells” all the way to Julie Ann’s house.
There was no holiday spirit there. If anything, the house looked more dilapidated and the yard more overgrown. There were no Christmas lights, no wreath, no sign of a tree inside. There was, in fact, no sign of anything inside. Gray got out of his car and went to the door, but his knock brought no response. When he peered through the window his fears were confirmed. The house was empty.
His tires spun in the soft mud of Black Creek Road as he wheeled the car around and headed toward town. They spun again as he slammed on the brakes a quarter of a mile away at the house closest to Julie Ann’s. It seemed a long time before his knock was answered by an old woman. No, she didn’t know anything about it. She didn’t “assoshate” with the Masons, and she was glad they’d left.
Gray had never realized how alone Julie Ann had been until that moment. Who would know where she had gone? She had no friends that he knew of, no relatives except her immediate family, and they were gone, too. He got back in the car and drove past Dory’s Doggie Den, but a sign on the door said it was going to be closed until mid-January while Dory visited her sister in Oklahoma. It was too late in the evening to try the TG&Y.
Gray was sitting on the den sofa, staring into the fireplace at the electrified artificial logs, when his parents came home from the dance. He knew there was going to be a discussion when his father entered the den and shut the door behind him.
“You left that pretty gal at the dance by herself,” Judge Sheridan rebuked his son.
“Paige knew I was going to leave.”
“You go off to see that Mason gal?”
“You know I did.”
“She’s gone.”
Gray nodded, looking at his father for the first time. “Where?”
The judge shrugged. “Can’t say.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
He shrugged again.
Gray stood, and his voice was quiet. “Let’s not pretend to be polite about this, Judge. You just tell me what’s on your mind, and I’ll tell you what’s on mine.”
“I told’ya a gal like that’d be trouble, son. Told’ya not to get her pregnant.”
Gray’s respon
se lodged in his throat.
His father saw the shocked look in Gray’s eyes. “Damn!” the judge swore. “I should have known she was lying!”
Gray swallowed and forced clenched hands into his pockets. “Julie Ann doesn’t lie,” he said.
“Then I didn’t waste my money.”
Gray listened as the story was told. The Junction principal had been alerted by several teachers about Julie Ann’s mysterious bouts of nausea at school. When confronted, she confessed to her pregnancy but refused to name the father. The principal had heard rumors about Gray and Julie Ann, so he had gone to Gray’s father.
The rest had been simple. Gray’s father had pulled strings to have Julie Ann expelled from school and fired from both her jobs. Then he’d sat her down and offered her money. She had refused an abortion, but she had agreed to go away and have the child.
“She signed a document releasing you from any responsibility,” the judge finished. “It says you’re not the baby’s father and that the money is a loan. If she contacts any Sheridan again, she has to pay it back with interest.”
Gray had never felt so sick. He tried to imagine how desperate Julie Ann must have felt to make such an agreement.
“Where is she?” he asked.
Judge Sheridan examined his nails. “I don’t know. She was gone the next day.”
“What about her family?”
“Her sister’s shacked up with Ray Silver, who runs the gas station down on—”
“What about her mother?”
“I made it worth her while to disappear,” the judge said with a wink. “She left a week later. I didn’t want that little gal to come on back to Mama carrying a baby on her hip.”
Gray was taller than his father. He moved closer and drew himself up to his full height. His hands were out of his pockets and still clenched. “Can you hear me, Judge?” he asked quietly.
His father tilted his head.
“You’re going to tell me where Julie Ann is, and you’re going to tell me fast. I know she didn’t just disappear. Wherever she is, you’re watching her, making sure there’s no more trouble.”
“I did you a favor, boy. She’s gone for good.”
“Where is she?”
“What d’ya want to know for?”
“None of your damned business!”
“You made it my business when you went out and knocked her up.”
“Mama told me once that you wanted a dynasty.”
The judge forced another laugh, but his eyes narrowed. “That was back before I knew how much trouble a kid could get into.”
“You’ve only got one son, Judge, but I’m going to walk out of this room in a minute and you’re not even going to have that. Is that what you want?”
“Don’t threaten me.” The judge wasn’t laughing anymore.
“It’s not a threat.” Gray nodded as his father’s expression changed. “Yes, sir, I mean it.”
“She’s a tramp!”
“She was the best person in this godforsaken town until you forced her out!”
“And you love her so much that your father had to tell you she was pregnant.”
Gray couldn’t answer. He had written Julie Ann brief, friendly notes. He had never even worried about why she hadn’t written back, because he’d known he’d be seeing her at Christmas.
“Find her,” his father said, pressing the advantage he sensed, “and she’ll expect you to marry her. You want to be tied down for the rest of your life to someone like that?”
“She’s going to have my baby.”
“She’ll put it up for adoption. It’ll have a good home.”
Gray thought about Julie Ann, alone, unloved, afraid. She had given herself to him like the most precious of gifts. She had expected nothing from him because she had never gotten anything from anybody.
He cared about her. When he had held her in his arms, he had felt things he’d never felt before. He cared, but marriage? What would it do to them?
“Let it go,” his father said, resting one hand on Gray’s shoulder. “I’ll be sure she’s all right. I’ve got friends in Jackson who’ll make certain the baby gets the right kind of parents.”
“Jackson?”
Judge Sheridan’s eyes were suddenly veiled. “Don’t spoil Christmas for your mother. She doesn’t know anything about this.”
“Is Julie Ann in Jackson?”
The judge finally nodded.
“I’ll find her with or without the address.”
Judge Sheridan hesitated, then sighed. He walked to the rolltop desk by the fireplace and unlocked a drawer, pulling out an address book. He opened one page and held it up for Gray to see. Gray memorized the address, then turned to leave the room.
“Whatever you do now can change your whole life,” his father warned him. “And your mother’s and mine, too.”
“It’s already been changed. You’ve got a grandkid on the way.”
Gray was in his car doing sixty when he saw a white blur in front of Paige’s aunt’s house. Slamming on his brakes, he pulled over. He got out and leaned against his car as Paige said a hurried good-night to the young man who had escorted her home. Gray didn’t smile when she approached.
“How much did you know?” he asked bluntly.
Her expression didn’t change. “I knew she was gone.”
“And that’s why you got me to take you to the dance? Did you think I’d be so charmed I wouldn’t go looking for her?”
“What I thought,” she drawled, “is that you might need somebody to hold you back before you made a serious mistake.”
“Then you know she’s pregnant?”
“I guessed.” She put a restraining hand on Gray’s arm when he turned to leave. “Look, my aunt called and told me your father had talked to her in confidence. She said you’d been involved with a girl here in town who wasn’t good for you. She said the girl had disappeared, and your father was afraid you were going to look for her. She asked me to try and make the whole thing easier for you.”
He shook off her hand. “Just a little favor, huh?”
“I like you, Granger, I always have. I didn’t want to see you hurt.”
Despite his anger, he could see she was sincere. “Julie Ann’s alone in Jackson, and she’s pregnant with my child,” he said heavily. “What kind of man leaves a girl in that situation?” .
“Do you love her?”
“She’s very special.”
“Do you love her?”
“I’m too young to know what the word means!”
“Are you too young to be a husband and father, then?”
“I’ve already proved I can be a father.”
Paige shook her head. “You’ve proved you can father a child. That’s different.”
“What are you getting out of this?”
She paused, and she seemed to be wrestling with herself. “You and I are a lot alike,” she said at last. “I think we understand each other. Maybe there could be more than understanding someday.”
Gray knew Paige well enough to realize how hard that had been for her to say. He felt a flash of regret. “Would you want me, knowing I had left another woman alone to have my child?”
“I don’t know,” she said honestly.
He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Wish me luck.”
She shook her head, and her lips turned up in a sad smile. “You’re going to need more than luck. You’re going to need a miracle.”
Gray reached Jackson in the early hours of the morning. He bought a street map at a gas station and pinpointed Julie Ann’s address with a minimum of trouble. It was too late—or too early—to wake her, but he decided to drive by and see where she lived. The area was one of run-down two-story houses near a main drag lined with fast-food restaurants and used car lots. Jackson was an attractive city, lush, green and open, one of the South’s mini-jewels, but Julie Ann’s neighborhood was not one of Jackson’s reasons for pride.
Julie Ann was living in a
garage apartment beside a large, ramshackle house that was only in slightly better repair than the one she had grown up in. Gray slammed his fist against the steering wheel at the sight. He wondered how little money his father had settled on her that she had been driven to live in such a place.
As he was deciding where to spend the next hours, lights went on in the apartment. He saw a figure silhouetted against the drawn shades, and his decision was made.
He slammed his car door and sprinted across the lawn, taking the steps of her apartment two at a time. He rapped sharply on her door. “Julie Ann, it’s Gray,” he called.
There was no answer.
He tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. There was no sign of her inside the shabby apartment; then he heard the sound of a toilet flushing. He was standing in the middle of the living room when she came out of the bathroom, rubbing her face with a towel. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her cheeks were flushed. Her thin white nightgown did nothing to hide the almost skeletal lines beneath it.
“Gray!” She shut her eyes and swayed.
He was across the room in a second, pulling her to rest against him. He felt her slump, and he lifted her easily and carried her to the sofa. She weighed as little as a child. He laid her down, then knelt beside her, chafing her hands in his. “Julie Ann.”
She lay still for almost a minute, stirring at last as he called her name again. Her eyes fluttered open, and she turned her head, focusing slowly. “Gray?”
“You fainted.”
“I do that sometimes.”
“You’re not allowed to anymore.”
“Why are you here?”
“Guess.”
Her gaze locked with his. “I can’t.”
He took in the pain in her eyes, and it went through him to become his, too. She looked fragile enough to break into pieces. In that moment he knew she had never expected to see him again. “What did my father tell you?”
“He told me not to get in touch with you. I wasn’t going to, anyway.”
“I didn’t know until tonight—last night—that you were pregnant.”
“You shouldn’t have come.”
He reached up and stroked her cheek. She was deathly pale now, but her eyes were feverishly bright. He wondered if she was ill as well as pregnant. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She turned her face to the back of the sofa. “Go away, Gray. There’s nothing you can do here.”
“I can marry you.”
She didn’t answer.
“I want to marry you,” he insisted. “It’s my baby you’re carrying, Julie Ann. I have a right to be a real father to it.” He saw her swallow convulsively. “Are you all right?” he asked. “Are you going to throw up?”
Tears ran down her cheeks. “You didn’t want a baby.” Her voice cracked. “You said it would ruin our lives.”
“I didn’t think you’d really get pregnant. It was so unlikely.”
“Better one life ruined than two.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me?”
“Your father said if I told you and you married me, he’d kick you out with nothing.”
“So you took his money instead.”
She faced him. “I haven’t spent any of it. Do you think I want to touch one dirty penny? I’ve been living on the money I saved myself. He’ll get every cent back.”
“And you were going to give our child away?”
“Never!” She tried to sit up, but she fell back against the cushions. “Nobody’s going to take this baby away from me!”
“Calm down.” He tried to stroke her hair, but she pushed his hand away. “I had to know,” he explained.
“Now you know. Just get out and leave me alone.”
He stood, then scooped her up like a limp Raggedy Ann doll and carried her toward her bedroom.
She resisted with what little strength she had, but he ignored her. “You’re going to bed,” he told her calmly. “And I’m going to crawl in beside you. Tomorrow morning we’re going to drive to Alabama, get a license and find a preacher. I don’t know where we’re going to go, or what we’ll do after that, but wherever it is, we’ll be together.”
“I don’t want to marry you.”
He set her down and pinned her to the bed so she couldn’t escape. “Look me in the eye and tell me that.”
She tried, but her eyes shifted as she said the words. “I don’t want to marry you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked again. “Did you really think I wouldn’t want to know?”
Tears filled her eyes. “I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me. I didn’t want you to hate me.”
“Of course I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for me, too,” he said truthfully. “This isn’t the best thing for either of us right now, but we can make something good out of it, sweetheart, if you’ll give it a chance.”
“What about...” Her voice trailed off.
He waited, but no more was forthcoming. “Don’t worry about my parents,” he assured her.
“What about your girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend?”
“You father said you had a ‘pretty little gal over at Ole Miss,’“ she quoted, imitating Judge Sheridan perfectly.
Gray laughed. “You do my father better than he does.” He thought of Paige, then dismissed her. “There’s no one else, Julie Ann.” He stood and began to strip off his tux. He remembered her present when he was holding the jacket in his hands. He reached inside for it and held it out to her. “I was going to give you this last night. It seems like a million years ago.”
She propped herself up to unwrap it, then fingered the gold chain. “It’s beautiful.”
“Put it on.”
She shook her head.
“Why not?”
She lifted her eyes to his. “You bought me this before you knew about the baby?”
He nodded.
“Then I’ll take this instead of a wedding ring.”
Gray wasn’t sure she knew that she had just given him her answer. “How about that and a wedding ring, too?”
“No. You got me this because you wanted to, not because you had to.”
“Then I can put it on for you later today?”
Her nod was so slight that he wasn’t sure he’d seen it.
“At our wedding?” he probed.
“Yes.”
He finished undressing, then slid under the sheet to put his arms around her. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, pulling her to rest against him. “I won’t ever let anything hurt you this way again.”
She sighed, and he wondered if it was in relief or resignation. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” she said huskily, “because I might start to believe them.”
“Believe them.” He held her tight and prayed that he would be able to give her the warmth, the love, the beauty she needed in her life. At that moment there was nothing in the world he wanted more.