~ ~ ~
Julianna washed away all traces of her tears. There was little else she could wash away, not the feel of Gray’s arms around her, not the sight of his face when he’d bent to kiss her, not the knowledge that for ten years she had believed so many things that weren’t true.
She was so raw emotionally that even the shower pulsing over her naked body was an assault. Then, little by little, as the warmth of the water soothed her, she began to recover her equilibrium.
It would take a long time to absorb everything that had occurred in the last hour, but Julianna knew she would absorb it. She needed to change. She had lived with bitterness, with trust so shattered it had almost shattered her. Right now she couldn’t bear to examine the woman she’d become, but even without a full examination, she knew she wanted to find some part of the girl she’d once been.
She would never be Julie Ann again, but there were things Julie Ann had known that Julianna had forgotten.
The feel of Gray’s arms around her was one of them.
She stepped out of the shower and dried herself, rubbing harder than she needed to. She and Gray had shared a memory so haunting it had brought forth their deepest emotions. That couldn’t happen again. They understood each other now, and they had shared the beginnings of peace. But ten years stood between them. Ten years and thousands of miles. Ten years and an impending divorce.
On the way to the bedroom she reminded herself that she had been given more this morning than she had ever expected to receive. She couldn’t ask for anything else. She had learned life’s bitterest lesson well.
When you asked for anything from the Fates, they made sure that if they granted your wish, it almost destroyed you.
When she reached the bedroom door, she saw that her roommate was already up. She watched the little girl’s brown hair bounce from side to side as she craned her neck to stare out the unprotected corner of one window.
Julianna closed the door behind her, and Jody turned at the sound. “Good morning,” Julianna said, trying hard to sound normal. “I checked on you a little while ago, but you were so sound asleep I thought we’d have to shake you by your toes to wake you up.’’
Jody giggled. “Is the hurricane over?”
Julianna wished she could say everything was going to be fine, but the child was too perceptive to believe it. “No one’s sure what’s going to happen, but at least the wind’s not blowing so hard, and the rain’s stopped for a while.”
“Maybe my mommy can come get me.”
Julianna doubted that planes were going to be flying yet, not until the hurricane was no longer a threat, but she knew Jody wouldn’t rest until she found out for sure. “Let’s see if the phones are working. If they are, we can call the airport and see what’s happening.”
Using the extension in the bedroom, they were able to get through, but, as Julianna had suspected, no flights were expected until Eve made up her mind.
“Cheer up, honey,” Julianna told the little girl, who looked as if she was going to break into tears. She pushed Jody’s bangs out of her eyes. “You’re safe. Your mommy’s safe. And as soon as Eve goes away for good, your mommy can come and get you. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow.”
“Are you gonna leave today?”
Julianna had been considering what to do. With the phones working, she could probably find at least one friend who would take her in. But now as she gazed into Jody’s brown eyes, she realized she couldn’t desert the little girl. Jody needed her to stay. Julianna wondered when anyone had needed her quite this way.
She held out her arms and pulled Jody close for a quick hug. “I’m going to stay right here until your mommy comes.” She forced herself to ignore how awkward that was going to be.
“Can I braid your hair?”
Julianna put her troubling thoughts aside. “You braid mine, I’ll braid yours.”
Later, with Jody’s hair in a precise French braid and Julianna’s in braided pigtails that were already slipping free of their rubber bands, they walked through the silent house to the kitchen to make breakfast.
Julianna knew she was going to have to face Gray, but she was relieved she was going to have some more time to recover first. Since she didn’t see Paige, either, she imagined they were together, a thought she didn’t want to examine closely.
“Cereal? Toast?” she asked Jody.
“Pancakes,” the little girl said. “I know how to make them. Do you want to help?”
Julianna tried not to smile. “Let me see if we have everything we need.” She searched and found that in addition to the groceries Paige had bought, the cupboards were filled with staples. “Looks like you’re on.”
“If I help, do I get to sample some?” asked a masculine voice.
Julianna looked around to see Gray standing in the doorway. Any awkwardness she had expected to feel disappeared. His expression was visible proof that their confrontation had taken as much out of him as it had out of her.
“How much help will you be?” she asked, looking away. “Do you cook?”
“You’ve forgotten the breakfasts I used to make?”
She had forgotten almost nothing. Despite the years that had passed she could probably name menus and dates. Everything about Gray was vividly imprinted in her mind. She wondered if that would change now that they had relived the past together.
Julianna realized Gray was waiting for an answer. “I remember you could fry a mean strip of bacon. Why don’t you start on that?”
“Is there coffee?”
“Strong and black. Right?”
“Some things don’t change.”
She looked up, surprised by his poignant tone. “More does than doesn’t. Take this coffee, for instance. I’ll bet it’s Kona coffee, grown on the big island. Not what you’re used to at all.”
Gray got the bacon out of the refrigerator and set it on the counter. “And the bacon?”
“Hawaii has no shortage of pork.”
“But I’ll still drink the coffee black and fry the bacon until it’s crisp. Some things don’t change.”
She smiled at his persistence. “You didn’t, obviously. You’re still as stubborn as you used to be. I’ll bet you’re dynamite in a courtroom.” She set a bowl in front of Jody and instructed her to break two eggs into it.
Gray watched Julianna work with the little girl. She knew just how to put Jody at ease. “I’m not a lawyer,” he told her while Jody was busy cracking eggshells.
“You’re kidding.”
“I never had any desire to practice law until...” His voice trailed off, and he glanced at Jody.
She knew what his next words would have been. Until I had to marry and begin saving money to support a baby. “Until your life changed,” she finished out loud for him.
He nodded. “Then law seemed like the best solution. My future was a sure thing that way.”
She had never realized what he’d been willing to sacrifice for her. “So what do you do?”
“I’m an architect. I specialize in the restoration of historic buildings. It’s not the most lucrative field, but I like what I do.”
She couldn’t help her next question. “What did your father say when he found out?”
“I wasn’t there, so I don’t know.”
She was puzzled, but after he paused to put the bacon in the skillet, he explained. “I left Granger Junction right after you did. After a few years I put myself through graduate school, but I didn’t see my father again until right before he died.”
“What’s next?” Jody asked, banging a spoon against the side of her bowl. Despite her faith in her own abilities, it was obvious Jody had no idea what to do.
Julianna was glad to have a moment to think about what Gray had told her. She showed the little girl how to add the milk and sugar and beat the mixture while she thought about the fact that Gray had been estranged from his father because of the things that had happened.
“Is your mother still alive?” she aske
d Gray when Jody was busy again.
“She works full-time at the Junction hospital raising money. Right now they’re trying to build a new pediatric wing.”
“She enjoys working?”
“This project is near to her heart.” Gray looked up and held Julianna’s gaze. “She sold the beach house and all the land around Granger Inlet several years ago and donated the money to the hospital. The wing will be named for Ellie.”
Julianna didn’t look away. She tried to imagine condominiums clustered along the beach at the inlet. She tried to imagine her daughter’s name gracing a hospital wing. “Will you tell her I said thank you?” she asked at last.
“She’ll be very glad to hear it.”
She nodded, looking down at her hands. “Will you let me know when they dedicate it?”
“You’ll be invited to participate.”
Yesterday she would have said no. Today the same word would be a lie. She would go back, and she would watch her daughter honored. For the first time she would put flowers on Ellie’s grave. And perhaps, finally, she would put all her hatred for the little Mississippi town behind her.
“This doesn’t look right,” Jody said, frowning.
Julianna peeked over the little girl’s shoulder and realized they had forgotten to add the dry ingredients. She got out a measuring cup and spoons and showed Jody how to use them. When she looked up, she realized Gray was still staring at her.
“You look like you’re about ten, with your hair like that.”
Her heart did a funny little dance step. “I’m offended. Older than Jody?”
Gray reached for one braid and slipped the rubber band off the end. Starting at the bottom, he slowly combed through her hair with his fingers until it had been unraveled. Then he began on the second braid. Julianna stood in mute surprise while he finished.
“When I first saw you on the plane, I thought you were Hawaiian,” he said, his fingers tangled in the long strands. “All I saw was this glorious hair. Then I saw your clothes and the shell necklaces you wore. And finally I saw your face.”
“You’d expected me to look the same after ten years?”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “I don’t know why. I don’t.”
She examined his face. There was a clarity, a strength to Gray’s features, that hadn’t been there when he was twenty-one. Everything about him was more defined, like a steel blade honed to perfection. The last decade had left its mark.
“You’ve changed, but I like the changes,” she told him, still too aware how close he was standing. “You’re a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.”
He thought she was right, to a certain extent, but he was becoming more aware that in at least one area, he wasn’t sure what he wanted at all. He finished setting her hair free, then stepped back a little to admire his handiwork and gain some perspective. “What happened to the glasses?”
“Contacts. Can’t see a thing without them.”
His eyes dropped to the rest of her. “I won’t ask about anything else.”
She laughed, and the sound was surprisingly warm and husky. “I guess I was a late bloomer.”
“It was worth waiting for.”
“It’s ready.” Holding the bowl, Jody came over to show Julianna and Gray the batter. “Can we cook ‘em now?”
“What sort of breakfast is that?” Dillon leaned against the door frame, his intelligent green eyes watching and assessing.
“Pancakes,” Jody told him, tipping the bowl so he could see.
He grimaced. “Yank tucker.”
Julianna was glad for the interruption. “No steak and eggs here, me boy. Only the best the fiftieth state has to offer.”
“How about a cuppa for a homesick man?”
She motioned to the teakettle. “Go ahead. I saw tea bags in the cupboard. But I warn you, this might be your last chance to get a real cup of coffee before you head back to the land of opal mines.”
“Have you been to Australia?” Dillon asked, stepping neatly between Julianna and Gray.
Julianna was relieved to chat with him, and, somehow, she suspected Dillon knew as much. “Sydney and the Queensland coast. I’ve been scouting more markets for my clothing there.”
“You sell your clothes in Australia?”
“Not in a big way. Not yet, anyhow. But things have been opening up lately.”
Gray set the bacon on a paper towel as Dillon and Julianna talked about her chances of breaking into the Australian fashion world. He knew she was a successful designer, but as he listened to her casually discuss that success with Dillon, he realized just how much he wanted to know. He was hungry for the details of her life. How had she become the woman he saw now? He was as fascinated by Julianna now as he had been the day he had walked into Dory’s and seen Julie Ann talking to a frightened Chihuahua.
He drained the grease and set the pan back on the burner to heat for the pancakes. Jody came to stand beside him, and when the pan was ready, he lifted her so she could pour the batter into expert circles. For just a moment he found himself pretending that the little girl in his arms was his. All he needed to make the fantasy complete was the woman leaning against the counter talking to Dillon.
Paige joined them, and they filled up on Jody’s pancakes until no one could eat another. They finished their meal with coffee and tea in the living room, where streaks of light flashed through the cracks in the boarded windows.
Julianna held up her hand to let one errant sunbeam bathe it in a wash of gold. “I know the National Weather Service says not to be optimistic, but it’s so quiet out there, and the sun’s actually shining a little.”
“I doubt we should be thinking about taking the boards off the windows yet,” Dillon said. “In fact, while we’ve got a bit of a lull here, I reckon we should trim the broken branches on that jacaranda in the front. If we get another good wind, they might come right through a window.”
Gray nodded, setting his coffee cup down as he rose to stretch. “We probably ought to pick up anything loose in the yard again, too. Want to help, shrimp?”
Jody had been draping a scarf around the neck of a stone frog doorstop, but at Gray’s words she dropped it and stood. Julianna watched them go; then she stood, too, glancing at Paige.
“I’ll wash the dishes. It’ll give me something to do.”
Paige rose. “I’ll help.”
After gathering cups and saucers, the two women deposited them in the kitchen, and Julianna ran hot water in the sink. She tried to think of a neutral topic. “Gray says you manage property all over the world. This is a lovely house. It must not be difficult to lease.”
“It’s not, but right now it’s the only property we own in Hawaii. Either we’ve got to buy more or sell this. Otherwise the time I spend checking on it isn’t economical.”
“Are you actively looking for more?”
“I might be if the weather were better.”
“Eve’s turned everyone’s life upside down.”
“Yours most of all.”
Julianna acknowledged Paige’s statement with a nod.
Paige went on. “I know you and Granger had a chance to talk this morning.”
Julianna wondered what Paige wanted her to say. Paige herself had said they needed to. “I guess it was time,” she said carefully. “Now we can stop looking back.”
“I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.” Paige picked up a towel and began to dry the dishes Julianna had set in the drainer. “In some ways, maybe it will be harder not to look back now.”
“What do you mean?”
“There are good feelings there, too. Neither of you has been able to think about them for ten years.”
Julianna realized that Paige had seen Gray kiss her. Yet she couldn’t draw attention to the kiss by trying to explain it. She couldn’t explain it, anyway.
“Gray’s going to marry you,” she said instead. “With this behind us, he won’t be thinking about good or bad or any kind of f
eelings for me. He’ll be thinking about you.”
“Do you know what’s crazy?” Paige forced a laugh. “You sound just like Granger. The two of you have the same blind spots. And I don’t think it’s the only thing you share.”
“This is an extraordinary conversation.”
“These are extraordinary circumstances.” Paige leaned against the counter, staring at Julianna’s profile as she continued drying dishes. “Look, I’m going to quit beating around the bush. This is really very simple. I want Granger, but not if he doesn’t want me.”
“That’s between you and Gray.”
“I wish it were. But the truth is you’re involved, too. I’ve already told Granger I’m backing off. Now I’m telling you, because he’s too much of a gentleman to believe it.”
“I don’t want Gray or any man, Paige. I’m happy by myself.”
“Whether you do or not, I want to be absolutely sure he doesn’t want you.”
“You mean it, don’t you?” Julianna realized she had finished, and she let the water out of the sink.
“Once I was married to a man who didn’t really want me. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Julianna tried to imagine any man not wanting Paige Duvall. “A long time ago I lived every miserable day wishing I could be you. You were born to the easy life. And now you’re telling me it hasn’t been perfect?”
Paige laughed and reached out to touch Julianna’s arm. “Do you know what’s really funny?” she asked. “A long time ago, Granger told me that if you and I ever met, we’d probably be friends. I wish I could hate you, but I’m afraid it isn’t going to be possible.”
“You give up awfully easily.”
“I make it a point not to bang my head against stone walls.”
“I always seem to seek them out.”
“So does Granger.”
“A long time ago I was one of his,” Julianna reminded her. “And look what happened.”
“Neither of you is a kid anymore.” Paige’s expression was impossible to read. “And neither am I. I’m ready to settle down, but I’m not ready to settle for a man who kisses another woman like he’s starving to death.”
Julianna could feel color rise in her cheeks. “It wasn’t what it seemed.”
“It was everything it seemed and more.” Paige handed the dish towel to Julianna to dry her hands. “You want to know something? I feel lonely when I think about Granger with you, but I don’t feel angry. Maybe that says more about what Granger and I have shared than anything else could.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Eve’s taught me something.”
“Eve?”
Paige sighed, and Julianna realized that was the most emotion she had shown during the entire conversation. “Some people say there’s a message in everything.”
“And?”
Paige’s eyes held Julianna’s without a flicker. “Don’t hover off the coast of Granger’s life trying to decide what you’re going to do,” Paige told her. “If you want him, make it quick and clean. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is the waiting.”
“I don’t want him.”
Paige ignored her words. “The waiting, or the watching, or the hoping. I’ve never been good at any of those things. On the other hand, I’ve survived enough storms to know I’ll survive this one, too.”
“I don’t want him,” Julianna repeated.
Paige nodded. “Just be sure. Because I think Granger wants you, and when he realizes it, you’ll have to live with your decision. And so will I.”