~ ~ ~
Julianna woke Jody at five-thirty. The little girl had responded to the intensifying scream of the wind by tossing fitfully. By the time Julianna finally got her up, she already seemed to have become aware that the hurricane was on its way. She nodded, her eyes large and frightened, and followed Julianna into the den without comment.
Gray was there when they arrived, arranging furniture as far away from the few windows as possible. He comforted Jody but ignored Julianna.
Julianna knew his actions were for the best, but she felt the loss. In the last few days she had reluctantly begun to count on Gray. With his support gone, she was as alone as one person could be in a houseful of other people.
Paige came to help, and Dillon appeared a little later, only to disappear after a whispered conversation with Gray. By the time the three remaining adults had dragged in extra furniture, set up an emergency supply of food and drinks, and filled the corners with blankets, flashlights, radios and pillows, Paige’s den looked as if Eve had already been there and gone. They had worked quickly, hoping to make the room as cozy as they could for Jody, whose courage seemed to fail in proportion to the fury of the winds.
“She’s being as brave as a sleepy kid can be,” Julianna assured Paige, who seemed bewildered by the little girl’s tears.
“I don’t have the faintest idea what to do with one of those,” Paige admitted quietly, inclining her head toward Jody, who was sitting in a corner on Gray’s lap, her arms around his neck as they listened to the latest weather bulletin. “I can face down bank presidents and senators and IRS agents without blinking, but a kid?” She shuddered, as if that kind of courage was beyond her.
Julianna started toward the kitchen for another load of supplies, and Paige followed. “You don’t have to know anything,” Julianna said. “You were a kid once.”
“Never.” Paige lifted one corner of her mouth in a faint smile. “Neither were you. Don’t you recognize a fellow sufferer?”
Julianna realized that again, Paige was offering her the hand of friendship. “You really believe we have something in common, don’t you?”
“We do. We love the same man, even if we love him in a different way.”
“I don’t love Gray.”
“You know, for a smart woman, you’re not acting very smart.”
Julianna wondered how Paige could deliver an insult so impassively. “You must have had a lifetime of practice at telling people off to do it with so little enthusiasm,” she said dryly.
“Let’s just say I give advice freely but rarely take it.” Paige touched Julianna’s arm, and her fingers lay there in emphasis as she spoke her next words. “If you think I’m not hurting, you’re wrong, but I can see beyond it. You’re hurting, too, but the hurt is all you see. That’s one of our differences.”
“This is pointless.”
“You have to learn the hard way.” Paige smiled a little. “I recognize that. Another similarity.”
Julianna wanted to be angry at Paige, but all she could feel was reluctant admiration. Paige was trying to be fair, even generous. Despite herself, Julianna smiled, too. “I don’t know why you want to be my friend.”
“Neither do I.”
“You’re being a lot nicer than I would be.”
“I’m being a lot nicer than I am.” Paige made a face. “I can hardly believe it.”
This time Julianna laughed, and the sound surprised both of them.
They were interrupted by Dillon. Clad in an oilskin coat he had unearthed from one of his suitcases, he stomped into the kitchen from the lanai, using every bit of his strength to close the door behind him. His appearance sobered the women immediately.
“What on earth were you doing outside?” Julianna asked, moving quickly to his side to help him take off the coat. “Anybody tell you a hurricane’s coming?”
“There was nothing for it. We needed one last look around.” Dillon ran one hand through the curls plastered to his head. “I’ve seen dust so thick it could choke a roo, but I’ve never seen anything like that rain. It’s coming down sideways.”
Despite his attempt to make light of what was happening, Julianna could see he was worried. “What did you have to check on?”
“I just wanted to be certain the ground around the house was clear.”
Julianna knew he and Gray had spent time the day before doing just that. “And?”
His hazel eyes were troubled. “The big tree in the back, the one that had little rosy flowers before the storm blew them away—”
“The cannon ball tree,” Julianna told him.
“Right good name for a tree bent on destruction.”
“You’re afraid it’s going to fall?” Paige asked. “It’s a big tree. It seems like it ought to survive.”
“It’s a big tree,” Dillon agreed. “It’s also an old tree.” He took a towel Julianna had gotten for him and mopped his face. “Let’s just hope it has a chance to get a bit older.”
“Where would it land if it fell?”
“At the moment the wind’s blowing away from the house. If it falls now, it’ll fall toward your neighbor’s back lot.”
“Do you think the wind will change?”
“After the eye passes, it’s a dead cert.”
“And if it falls then?”
“If we’ve got a bit of luck, it’ll fall across the workshop and just miss the roof of the house. This part of the house should be off limits, though. In case the tree pays a call.”
“But you think the den’s safe?”
“As near as I can tell, if the tree aims itself right at the den, it’ll still miss.”
“Julianna?”
Julianna looked up and say Gray in the kitchen doorway. “Where’s Jody?” she asked.
“I’ve got her cuddled up in a nest of pillows writing down background for her novel. It’ll keep her busy for a few minutes.”
Paige looked back and forth from Julianna to Gray, then shrugged. “I’ll go stay with her. But don’t be too long. I’m not sure which frightens me more, Jody or the storm.”
Dillon picked up his oilskin and slung it over one arm. “I’m going to go change. Might as well stay as dry as possible.”
Julianna watched Paige and Dillon go. “Did you want me for something?” she asked when she and Gray were alone.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I thought you were avoiding me.”
One corner of his mouth lifted, but he didn’t comment. “Jody’s going to need us both. I don’t want her upset by any strange vibrations between us.”
“Of course.”
“She’s a smart little girl. Somehow she’s picked up the fact that we’re married.”
“I suppose that was inevitable.”
“She asked me if married people are always mad at each other.”
Julianna felt her heart turn over at the pathetic piece of wisdom. “What did you tell her?”
“Not the truth, that’s for damn sure.”
“I’ve seen good marriages.” Julianna lifted her eyes to his. “Some very good ones.”
Gray wondered if she really believed her own words. “My parents? Your parents? Our own?” he added after a pause.
“Ours just wasn’t meant to be.”
“You know,” he said gently, “if you blame everything on fate, it absolves you of a lot of responsibility.”
“Why should what I think matter to you?”
“I can’t hide the truth from myself anymore. I’ve talked about forgiveness and moving on since I saw you on the plane, but I’m standing in this kitchen with a hurricane about ready to blow us to kingdom come, and I’ve finally realized I came to Hawaii for one reason. You still matter to me,” he said softly.
Julianna had seen Gray’s eyes darken and change from the purest gray, to silver. His struggle had been clear, his reason less so, but only because she had refused to let herself see it. She stepped away before he could touch her. “I’m going to check
on Jody.”
“You’re running.”
“Maybe I am.”
“You feel what’s still between us, don’t you?”
“I’ve got nothing to offer you.”
His eyes claimed and held hers. He said nothing.
She tried to make him understand. “I can’t offer love, because I don’t even know what it is anymore. I can’t offer happily-ever-after, because I don’t believe one exists for me. I can’t offer children, because I’ll never take that chance again.” She swallowed hard to keep from breaking into tears. “Can’t you understand and leave me in peace?”
“Is that what you want to settle for?”
“It’s more than I’ve had until now.”
“And you think you’ll find peace when this is over?”
“I hope so.”
He stepped aside, watching as she moved past. “Will you find peace knowing that, thousands of miles away, I’m looking for it, too?” he asked when she reached the door.
“Please, Gray, don’t.” She left him standing in the kitchen, his tarnished silver eyes gazing at the spot where she had been.